Bigger house/ bigger mess

[chefcc]

Ive been married for 10 months and I love my wife more than anything. We are both 28 years old. We have a great family and great life. I work about 70 hours a week and she stays home with the kid. Raising a child is no easy task We all know how much work that is. Problem is my wife barely cooks and rarely cleans. The house is a big big mess at all times. The sink (I should say the kitchen) is full with dirty dishes at all times, bathrooms always dirty, laundry piles up, etc etc. This drives me nuts ahe knows this nothing changes what do we do?

 

[antitox]

Don't know how many kids you have and how young they are, so I don't know what kind of load she has nor her personality type in this situation.

Taking care of more than one young child at home can be a juggling act.
The mom has to set up a daily schedule to manage her tasks. When a scheduled time each day is set for a certain thing to be done, that daily routine becomes the norm - a habit, and will become more consistent.

In any event, she may need your help getting some things completed. Best thing is to sit down with her and find out what she does each day, let her explain the what and why of her activities and see if you can work out a routine, because you need to know what things keep her tied up throughout the day with the kids.

If you find that she is defensive about it, you may want to see if another gentle lady who has done this before can give her some pointers on how to deal with it.

Just make sure the wife knows by your approach that you understand and aren't trying to make anything harder or be critical of her, and that you want to help work it out.

Also, make sure you get her out of the house routinely. Take her out of those four walls on a date or an outing, or something that she can appreciate getting some mental relief and time with you.

 

[Nikki]

When I was a SAHM (stay at home mom), I would get depressed and bored. It was very common for me to lay on the couch the entire day and not lift a finger when it came to housework. I was never around people my own age and I needed that. Some women love being with their kids 24/7. I don't. I know that sounds horrible to some, but it's the truth. Most women need a break and interraction with other adults and I am one of those women.

I'm still have days when I let things go, but all in all, I try to keep a clean house and I ALWAYS keep up on the laundry (I throw a load in each night and then toss it in the dryer when I get up in the morning while I'm getting ready for work).

I now work part time each day while the kids are in school and it is good for me. When I'm not working, I get lazy. The only downside is that I used to cook all the time (I hate cooking, but I did it anyways), but now that I'm working part time, I find that I cook less. :-? :

Has your wife joined any groups? She needs to see if there are any MOPS or Moms Morning Out programs in your area. They're GREAT and best of all, they're usually FREE!

 

[handy]

Boy, this one speaks to me. I have found being a SAHM to be one of the hardest jobs I've ever done.

Since you're a newly wed, you might want to just come up to her and say, "Honey, I'm giving you a day off. Call a girlfriend, go to the mall, library, coffee shop, whatever, and spend the day. I'll watch the kid, and do all the chores around the house and have a nice home-cooked meal waiting for you at about 6:00 this evening. And, after we eat, you can play with the kid or watch the telly while I wash the dishes, and get the kitchen cleaned up. I'll get Junior to bed for you, while you take a nice soak in the tub. I know that once I get the kitchen sink shining, the floors swept up and Junior bathed and in bed and asleep, I'll certainly be in the mood to just go right in and have wild monkey luv with you."

Really, I'm not joking. It will give her a much needed rest, and you an insight into just how hard her job is. And, if you think, "Why should I have to give up my day off to do her job", keep in mind, she no longer has 'days off'.

After you've walked a day in her shoes, and she's rested up by having a girl's day out, the two of you can work out some kind of schedule to help get things done. Encourage her to check out Flylady.com, a website devoted to organizing housework. The tips are really helpful.

If the house is really bad and if you're working 70 hours a week, you might have the finances to call in a maid service just to get the house back into order. If y'all come up with a good cleaning schedule, and Fly Lady will really help with this, then things will be easier to keep clean. It takes a lot of effort to get a house back under control once it spins out that way. (I sound like I know what I'm talking about, don't I! : ) If the finances don't cover a maid service for a day or weekend, keep in mind that it will take a lot longer to finally get things organzied. So, be patient. Give her plenty of loving support.

I promise, it will settle down. Just keep in mind that the house is overwhelmingly depressing to her and she feels like a rotten failure. I know I did, and still do every now and then when the house spins out of control like it did these past couple of weeks when my f-i-l was so sick. Now I'm being called in to work everyday and the house is a shambles. Only now, both my hubby and I know it will get cleaned up eventually and things will settle back down, because after a while it always does. She needs loving support and help to get things back under control and a good schedule to keep it that way. And loving support. And support that is loving.

PS, if you follow my advice about giving her a girl's day out, baby-sit with Junior and offer to cook a nutritious and delicious home-cooked meal, ready by 6:00 and served up in a clean house, you might, just might, want to keep the pizza guy's phone number handy. Just a thought.