Does the Bible allow married men to have relationships with unmarried women?

[C1215]

Long story short, I have committed adultery in the past, but my husband refuses to get a divorce for the children’s sake. As much as I want what’s best for the children, if we’re going to stick it through, I would like to actually work on recovering the marriage. However, my husband does not want to. He simply just want to coparent. he also has had a recent change in his perception on whether or not he is able to move on biblically speaking. He claims that when God forbid a man to steal another man’s wife, it’s explicitly that. That he cannot steal another man’s wife. But if the woman is single , then it’s free game. Is this true, and is it wrong for us to stay together and not work things through? Just an FYI, I work with my husband and this other woman, and so I have to witness their relationship on a daily basis. And I know that I am the person who is that wrong in this relationship, but I truly have repented and would like to restore the marriage. And watching them is sickening and I just don’t know what to do right now because I feel that I have no ground to do or say anything about it. Any advice?

 

[follower]

"SUGGESTED RESULT​

Psalm 46:10
He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”"
"ISV
In a similar way, you wives must submit yourselves to your husbands so that, even if some of them refuse to obey the word, they may be won over without a word through your conduct as wives
PHILLIPS
In the same spirit you married women should adapt yourselves to your husbands, so that even if they do not obey the Word of God they may be won to God without any word being spoken, simply by seeing the pure and reverent behaviour of you, their wives. Your beauty should not be dependent on an elaborate coiffure, or on the wearing of jewellery or fine clothes, but on the inner personality—the unfading loveliness of a calm and gentle spirit, a thing very precious in the eyes of God. This was the secret of the beauty of the holy women of ancient times who trusted in God and were submissive to their husbands. Sara, you will remember, obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. And you have become, as it were, her true descendants today as long as you too live good lives and do not give way to hysterical fears."

 

[LovethroughDove]

He's married to you. He is committing adultery. It is that simple. Guys aren't supposed to even look at a woman lustfully. Matthew 5:28 "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."

You both can be restored, but it takes repentance and actually matching words and actions. It sounds like you want to make things right and he is off in la la land not really wanting to do the right thing. You cannot do the halfway right thing and call it good. Is he really a believer? If he is, he will want actual restoration.

 

[C1215]

He's married to you. He is committing adultery. It is that simple. Guys aren't supposed to even look at a woman lustfully. Matthew 5:28 "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."

You both can be restored, but it takes repentance and actually matching words and actions. It sounds like you want to make things right and he is off in la la land not really wanting to do the right thing. You cannot do the halfway right thing and call it good. Is he really a believer? If he is, he will want actual restoration.

He claims to be a believer but refuses to come to church with me and the kids and talk to a pastor or Christian marriage counselor. And believes he understands the Bible well enough. I just don’t know how to handle this. Do I look the other way with this woman? Do I let him fight this battle on his own and just pray for him? It’s torture, constant in my face torture. This is why I told him I rather divorce. But I honestly don’t want to. But I don’t want to be dragged this way.

 

[LovethroughDove]

He claims to be a believer but refuses to come to church with me and the kids and talk to a pastor or Christian marriage counselor. And believes he understands the Bible well enough. I just don’t know how to handle this. Do I look the other way with this woman? Do I let him fight this battle on his own and just pray for him? It’s torture, constant in my face torture. This is why I told him I rather divorce. But I honestly don’t want to. But I don’t want to be dragged this way.

Well, believer doesn't mean going to church.......but his actions are actually the thing telling on where he is standing with Jesus. Christ does not want us to harm others. You cannot continue to harm others and call yourself Christian. You would be setting Jesus up for mockery and you do not want that. You need to ask him if he is truly staying for the kids? Cause if he is, he is hurting their mother and in-turn......hurting them. There is no way around that, he is! So your questions about looking the other way with this woman? No, the (family) needs attention. You, your husband and children all together.

I had a slightly similar experience. (slightly) Speaking from kinda experience, a husband's ego can be shattered when something like that happens. He can start to seek validation from others and maybe almost punish you. (Kinda sounds like this is what he is doing) Thankfully my husband was mature enough to not use that tactic, but I have heard countless instances where this happens. I guess what I'm trying to convey is that his actions are sounding like he's being vindictive, not that he's falling in love with someone else.

The honest conversation that needs to be had between you, does he actually want the family to stay together? That would mean, him seeing "you" as part of his family. Does he really want to keep hurting his entire family?

 

[C1215]

"SUGGESTED RESULT​

Psalm 46:10
He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”"
"ISV
In a similar way, you wives must submit yourselves to your husbands so that, even if some of them refuse to obey the word, they may be won over without a word through your conduct as wives
PHILLIPS
In the same spirit you married women should adapt yourselves to your husbands, so that even if they do not obey the Word of God they may be won to God without any word being spoken, simply by seeing the pure and reverent behaviour of you, their wives. Your beauty should not be dependent on an elaborate coiffure, or on the wearing of jewellery or fine clothes, but on the inner personality—the unfading loveliness of a calm and gentle spirit, a thing very precious in the eyes of God. This was the secret of the beauty of the holy women of ancient times who trusted in God and were submissive to their husbands. Sara, you will remember, obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. And you have become, as it were, her true descendants today as long as you too live good lives and do not give way to hysterical fears."

Thank you. I will say I am confused as to whether or not I am still his wife. He tells me the moment I committed adultery that the marriage was over. So are we married or is this all just legality? Do I continue to act like his wife or focus on myself?

 

[C1215]

Well, believer doesn't mean going to church.......but his actions are actually the thing telling on where he is standing with Jesus. Christ does not want us to harm others. You cannot continue to harm others and call yourself Christian. You would be setting Jesus up for mockery and you do not want that. You need to ask him if he is truly staying for the kids? Cause if he is, he is hurting their mother and in-turn......hurting them. There is no way around that, he is! So your questions about looking the other way with this woman? No, the (family) needs attention. You, your husband and children all together.

I had a slightly similar experience. (slightly) Speaking from kinda experience, a husband's ego can be shattered when something like that happens. He can start to seek validation from others and maybe almost punish you. (Kinda sounds like this is what he is doing) Thankfully my husband was mature enough to not use that tactic, but I have heard countless instances where this happens. I guess what I'm trying to convey is that his actions are sounding like he's being vindictive, not that he's falling in love with someone else.

The honest conversation that needs to be had between you, does he actually want the family to stay together? That would mean, him seeing "you" as part of his family. Does he really want to keep hurting his entire family?

Well his logic is that because our marriage is over, that it’s none of my business what he does. And he swears it’s not coming from a vindictive place, he simply is doing what he pleases. And I should not interfere as I did this to myself. He says he loves me as the mother of his kids and wants me to happy so I can be a good mother. But i just don’t know how long I can be “legally married” and have to put up with the current situation with only one way reconciliation. I want to restore and have connection with him. But I will say I have come to a point where this is making me want to give up trying. It’s been years of this and it’s a shocker to me that it hasn’t affected my health. Along with many other unresolved issues we have had since basically day 1. We have been together for almost 18 years (since we were 14).

 

[follower]

Psalm 46:10

He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”"

"ISV

In a similar way, you wives must submit yourselves to your husbands so that, even if some of them refuse to obey the word, they may be won over without a word through your conduct as wives

PHILLIPS

In the same spirit you married women should adapt yourselves to your husbands, so that

even if they do not obey the Word of God they may be won to God

without any word being spoken,

simply by seeing the pure and reverent behaviour of you, their wives.

This was the secret of the beauty of the holy women of ancient times

who trusted in God and were submissive to their husbands. Sara, you will remember, obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. And you have become, as it were, her true descendants today as long as you too live good lives and do not give way to hysterical fears."

Thank you. I will say I am confused as to whether or not I am still his wife. He tells me the moment I committed adultery that the marriage was over. So are we married or is this all just legality? Do I continue to act like his wife or focus on myself?

 

[Knotical]

He apparently does not actually understand the bible. He is committing adultery, at least in his heart if not physically, which means you now have biblical grounds for divorce if you choose to go that route. However, it is admirable to want to reconcile your marriage for your sakes and that of your children. At the very least your pastor and elders should be made aware of the situation so they may take appropriate action.

 

[C1215]

He apparently does not actually understand the bible. He is committing adultery, at least in his heart if not physically, which means you now have biblical grounds for divorce if you choose to go that route. However, it is admirable to want to reconcile your marriage for your sakes and that of your children. At the very least your pastor and elders should be made aware of the situation so they may take appropriate action.

Would it be a bad idea to confront her? The main reason I don’t want to is because he will probably explode with anger. But I just want this stop makes being patient for reconciliation very difficult.

 

[LovethroughDove]

Well his logic is that because our marriage is over, that it’s none of my business what he does. And he swears it’s not coming from a vindictive place, he simply is doing what he pleases. And I should not interfere as I did this to myself. He says he loves me as the mother of his kids and wants me to happy so I can be a good mother. But i just don’t know how long I can be “legally married” and have to put up with the current situation with only one way reconciliation. I want to restore and have connection with him. But I will say I have come to a point where this is making me want to give up trying. It’s been years of this and it’s a shocker to me that it hasn’t affected my health. Along with many other unresolved issues we have had since basically day 1. We have been together for almost 18 years (since we were 14).

He obviously has not forgiven you and that is also a telltale sign of not following Christ.

Matthew 6:14-15 "For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."

Colossians 3:13 Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievance you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

Hebrews 8:12 "For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more."

Your husband would remember your "sins no more" if he has forgiven you.

I'm just giving you information since he is using the (I am a believer tactic to justify his actions). The question is: Do you really want to be reconciled? Cause, you keep saying you do and then you go on to say you don't know how much more you can take. A woman does have a right as a believer to leave her husband for marriage unfaithfulness. BUT, HUGE BUT.... you cannot remarry and your children would not be sanctified if you do leave.

1 Corinthians 7:10-11 To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.

1 Corinthians 7:14 For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

What I have said is for you to understand that the excuse he is giving you for throwing your marriage in the garbage and cheating right in front of you is not valid as a Christian. Let's just say he isn't Christian, now the ball truly is in your court how you handle going forward. BUT, the two things I highlighted will be what you will be giving up if you do decide to end it with him.

 

[C1215]

He obviously has not forgiven you and that is also a telltale sign of not following Christ.

Matthew 6:14-15 "For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."

Colossians 3:13 Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievance you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

Hebrews 8:12 "For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more."

Your husband would remember your "sins no more" if he has forgiven you.

I'm just giving you information since he is using the (I am a believer tactic to justify his actions). The question is: Do you really want to be reconciled? Cause, you keep saying you do and then you go on to say you don't know how much more you can take. A woman does have a right as a believer to leave her husband for marriage unfaithfulness. BUT, HUGE BUT.... you cannot remarry and your children would not be sanctified if you do leave.

1 Corinthians 7:10-11 To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.

1 Corinthians 7:14 For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

What I have said is for you to understand that the excuse he is giving you for throwing your marriage in the garbage and cheating right in front of you is not valid as a Christian. Let's just say he isn't Christian, now the ball truly is in your court how you handle going forward. BUT, the two things I highlighted will be what you will be giving up if you do decide to end it with him.

When I say I can’t handle it, I mainly mean that it hurts a lot to see it happen in front of my face and for him to tell me that it’s justified. I’m afraid of what our marriage would be like even if we reconcile, because he keeps trying to convince me that he has the right to be with an unmarried woman(whether we are married or not). So I worry about living my life thinking he’s doing this because it’s “justified”. I do not plan on divorcing. I am fully aware I cannot remarry and I don’t want to. I just don’t know if I can take this any longer without shutting down or just completely disconnecting from him. But I will try to continue to be patient and pray for him.

 

[LovethroughDove]

When I say I can’t handle it, I mainly mean that it hurts a lot to see it happen in front of my face and for him to tell me that it’s justified. I’m afraid of what our marriage would be like even if we reconcile, because he keeps trying to convince me that he has the right to be with an unmarried woman(whether we are married or not). So I worry about living my life thinking he’s doing this because it’s “justified”. I do not plan on divorcing. I am fully aware I cannot remarry and I don’t want to. I just don’t know if I can take this any longer without shutting down or just completely disconnecting from him. But I will try to continue to be patient and pray for him.

You can have a voice in this situation. Do not let darkness dictate where you stand in the relationship with "your" husband. Speak truth into your life with him, and be bold in that truth! I will pray that he sees the light also. Blessings for your future healing.

 

[Knotical]

Would it be a bad idea to confront her? The main reason I don’t want to is because he will probably explode with anger. But I just want this stop makes being patient for reconciliation very difficult.

Since this is occurring at your place of employment this could lead to, at the very least, an uncomfortable work environment (if it hasn't already). I wonder if your boss or your HR department might be able to provide some guidance in that area.

 

[C1215]

Since this is occurring at your place of employment this could lead to, at the very least, an uncomfortable work environment (if it hasn't already). I wonder if your boss or your HR department might be able to provide some guidance in that area.

Uncomfortable is an Understatement. And this has been going on now for close to two years. The situation is a bit difficult and there’s not much that can be done. And there is no getting through my husband‘s logic. He really believes it’s none of my business and he has no reason to stop or tell me anything about what has been going on. It’s a lot deeper than what it seems, but I really feel like I have no other choice but to power through it and just keep praying. I’m just very impatient and I wish for this to end.

 

[Knotical]

Uncomfortable is an Understatement. And this has been going on now for close to two years. The situation is a bit difficult and there’s not much that can be done. And there is no getting through my husband‘s logic. He really believes it’s none of my business and he has no reason to stop or tell me anything about what has been going on. It’s a lot deeper than what it seems, but I really feel like I have no other choice but to power through it and just keep praying. I’m just very impatient and I wish for this to end.

Personally, I am not a proponent of divorce, but in your situation if either party is unwilling to reconcile and it appears you both have biblical grounds you may as well file for divorce. This certainly will not be easy on anyone involved, but in the long run, it could be healthier.

If you do not want, or may not be able to afford, to file for divorce your other option is separation. Is there somewhere you could go with your kids until there is some sort of resolution?

 

[C1215]

Personally, I am not a proponent of divorce, but in your situation if either party is unwilling to reconcile and it appears you both have biblical grounds you may as well file for divorce. This certainly will not be easy on anyone involved, but in the long run, it could be healthier.

If you do not want, or may not be able to afford, to file for divorce your other option is separation. Is there somewhere you could go with your kids until there is some sort of resolution?

He is strongly refusing to divorce for the sake of the children. I have asked on multiple occasions for us to do so. So it almost feels out of the question at this moment. I don’t want to divorce but I have only brought it up because this is very emotionally unhealthy. I really don’t want to say it but it almost feels like the only option I have at the moment is to endure and pray that he has a change of heart in the future.

 

[GodsGrace]

Personally, I am not a proponent of divorce, but in your situation if either party is unwilling to reconcile and it appears you both have biblical grounds you may as well file for divorce. This certainly will not be easy on anyone involved, but in the long run, it could be healthier.

If you do not want, or may not be able to afford, to file for divorce your other option is separation. Is there somewhere you could go with your kids until there is some sort of resolution?

Knotical
Nice to see you back!

 

[Anaphora]

No one is judging you. Jesus is our Judge.

Adultery is serious sin.

Christian people must Repent. God forgives sins.
Exodus 20:14. You shall not commit adultery.

Hebrews 13;4. Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed UNDEFILIED, but fornicators and adultery God will judge.

Galatians chapter 5. Walking in the flesh ends in destruction. These individuals are going to sheol, its holding place for the spirtualty dead or wicked until judgement day.

Be led by the spirit. Don't give in to temptations or lusts.

1 Corinthians chapter 7 . Tells us about temptation and lack of self control. Christian people marry to avoid fornication.

Adultery is grounds for divorce.

Jesus will forgive the person who repent. But every one will appear on judgement day before throne of Jesus.

If the man willing to forgive the woman, and live together, let it be.

But if conflict is in the air, divorce maybe the right thing.

House must have Peace.

This is something husband and wife must work out.
Or agree if divorce is best interest of the family.

I hope this helps you.

God's election, Zadok.