Cartierovo
Member
Is it okay if I forgive someone but want nothing to do with them? I really don’t want to be friends with this person since they betrayed me but It still feels wrong. Is Jesus against us not Reconciling?
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Forgiveness vs Reconciliation
- Thread starter Cartierovo
- Start date
Yes, and no. You need to be at peace with the fact that you may never reconcile, but at the same time you have to open your heart to the possibility of them wanting to. If they want to, you have to do the best you can to try. That's not to say you blindly trust them with everything again, because that would be foolish IMO. You need to be more guarded with whatever it is you entrusted to them with last time. But you at least want to let them know that the door is not completely slammed shut. If you do that, it would not be in keeping with what the Spirit of God would have you do, IMO.
That's my two cents. but it's admittedly a tough question to answer.
God bless, and welcome to Christian Forums.
If the offender has repented of the hurt they caused you
Our pattern, example is always that of God / Jesus.
God forgives us on our repentance a nd goes on forgiving us as we continually sin and repent.
Jesus and Stephen were both cruelly executed and both prayed to God that he would forgive there killers.
That is our example, if this person has apologised to you and made any appropriate recompense to you.
Then you must forgive and be reconciled with them.
If they have not apologised, repented then if a Christian you should go through your church leaders for them to meet with this person to obtain repentance etc.
Until they repent and pay compensation, if appropriate, you pray intelligently for their well being, their good and for their repentance.
You should also be praying for your feelings in this matter.
journeyman
Member
Hello Cartierovo.
You can forgive someone without continuing to be a doormat. Forgive, shake the dust off your feet and move on.
If someone forgave you but then had nothing to do with you how would you know they forgave you ?
Welcome to the forum Cartierovo !
journeyman
Member
Also betrayal is sin and our Father doesn't want us to give anyone the opcasion to commit sin. So stay far away from people who forsake your trust.
Hi Cartierovo and welcome to CF
Going to move this thread over to Answer &Question forum for a better fit. New Member forum is for introducing yourself.
Going to move this thread over to Answer &Question forum for a better fit. New Member forum is for introducing yourself.
I believe it's alright to forgive a person and truly mean it, but no longer want them in your life if they only want to do you wrong all the time and trying to lead you down a path you do not want to walk. Been there with who I thought was a good friend, but did me very wrong that hurt me very much, but knew I had to forgive her.
Cartierovo
Member
I told him I had nothing against him and he still betrayed meIf someone forgave you but then had nothing to do with you how would you know they forgave you ?
Welcome to the forum Cartierovo !
You told him you had forgiven him and he betrayed you yet again ?
The heart of forgiving someone is never to rehearse again their sin/offense against you. This is what God does with our sin when he forgives it. "As far as the east is from the west, God has removed our transgressions from us" (Psalms 103:12). He "remembers no more" the sin He forgives (Isaiah 43:25; Jeremiah 31:34), keeping them in His back pocket for a later time when we really irritate, or offend, Him and He can pull them out and use them to justify His anger toward us. No, God will always "abundantly pardon" the truly repentant person (Isaiah 55:7; 1 John 1:9).
Because God forgives in this way, we can always begin afresh with Him; our sin doesn't utterly devastate our relationship to Him, though it does entirely halt our fellowship with Him (Luke 15:11-32). Having repented, then, and been forgiven, we can always begin to walk with God anew, which is, really, the whole point of His forgiving us. We are to follow His example, of course, remaining open even to those who've offended/sinned against us.
Matthew 18:21-35 (NASB)
21 Then Peter came and said to Him, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?"
22 Jesus *said to him, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.
23 "For this reason the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his slaves.
24 "When he had begun to settle them, one who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him.
25 "But since he did not have the means to repay, his lord commanded him to be sold, along with his wife and children and all that he had, and repayment to be made.
26 "So the slave fell to the ground and prostrated himself before him, saying, 'Have patience with me and I will repay you everything.'
27 "And the lord of that slave felt compassion and released him and forgave him the debt.
28 "But that slave went out and found one of his fellow slaves who owed him a hundred denarii; and he seized him and began to choke him, saying, 'Pay back what you owe.'
29 "So his fellow slave fell to the ground and began to plead with him, saying, 'Have patience with me and I will repay you.'
30 "But he was unwilling and went and threw him in prison until he should pay back what was owed.
31 "So when his fellow slaves saw what had happened, they were deeply grieved and came and reported to their lord all that had happened.
32 "Then summoning him, his lord *said to him, 'You wicked slave, I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me.
33 'Should you not also have had mercy on your fellow slave, in the same way that I had mercy on you?'
34 "And his lord, moved with anger, handed him over to the torturers until he should repay all that was owed him.
35 "My heavenly Father will also do the same to you, if each of you does not forgive his brother from your heart."
Is it following God's example for you to spurn the one who has betrayed you? Is this what He's done with you, who betrays Him each time you sin? No.
God calls you not just to forgive this betrayer-person but to love him (or her), which is to desire their best, their well-being, even at expense to yourself.
1 John 4:7-11
7 Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God.
8 The one who does not love does not know God, for God is love.
9 By this the love of God was manifested in us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world so that we might live through Him.
10 In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.
11 Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.
How do you love someone you've turned your back and on and with whom you will have nothing to do?
In the passage above, John isn't talking about "love" in a soppy, emotional, warm-fuzzies sense, but is talking about a commitment of the mind and will to seek the best for the next person - even if it costs greatly to do so. This seeking the best for the other person, this agape love, isn't predicated on their good treatment of us but is extended by God through you and me regardless of their conduct. Loving this way takes divine power; we don't have this kind of love in-and-of ourselves. But it is held up in the Bible as a signature feature of the true Christian. So, how will you not only forgive, but love with God's love the person who has betrayed you? Rejecting them is nowhere in God's "playbook" for your life, the Bible.
Matthew 5:43-48
43 "You have heard that it was said, 'YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR and hate your enemy.'
44 "But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,
45 so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.
46 "For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same?
47 "If you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same?
48 "Therefore you are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.
Forgiving and loving others doesn't entail being an idiot, or having no boundaries whatever, however. If a mother has a crack-head son who begs her for forgiveness for stealing money from her purse to feed his drug habit, forgiveness and love don't require that, in the future, she leave her purse about, loaded with cash, where her son can easily get at it. No, obviously, though she has forgiven his theft and desires to see God's best in his life, doing what she can to help that end come to pass (love), she'll never leave her purse where he can get at again.
The husband whose wife has cheated on him with a coworker must forgive her and remain willing to work toward God's best for her, though she has hurt him deeply. But if she has repented of her terrible sin and has pleaded for his forgiveness and he's given it, he'd be an utter fool not to insist on marriage counseling, and upon a job change for her, and that she never have any communication of any kind with her adulterous lover again. He'd be wise to require certain work boundaries for his wife, and a concrete process whereby she can rebuild his trust in her. Most of all, he'd want to know she is working things through with God such that a future adulterous liaison will be impossible.
So, what about the one you've forgiven who's betrayed you? Shunning the person isn't God's way. In fact, it would be sin. But being stupid about trusting them isn't God's way, either. Seek God's best for them as you're able, encouraging them toward Him, loving the person materially if the need to do so arises, but you don't have to trust them without cause, pretending that they haven't shown themselves untrustworthy. You certainly shouldn't step into another circumstance with them that might permit the same sort of betrayal a second time. Neither love nor forgiveness require this. Again, though, shunning the person isn't an option - not for the person claiming to be a Christ-follower, a Christian. See above.
Jesus was angry many times with people like when he cleared the Temple of the moneychangers and animal sellers as they disregarded God's holiness and worship, Matthew 21:12,13, Mark 11:15-18; John 2:13-22.
Mark 3:1-5 Jesus was angry at the Pharisees for their stubborn hearts in the synagogue of Capernaum where he healed a man on the Sabbath.
Ephesians 4:26 Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:
We are instructed to not avoid anger, but to deal with our anger in a timely manner so that we do not sin against God. Anytime Jesus was angry he always gave explanation why in showing others the way of God.
Our anger towards others has to have proper motivation at not being angry at the person as we keep control of ourself, but at the sinful behavior and true injustice they cause. Anger has to have proper supplement, Mark 3:5, as by grief over those who lack faith as we need to show love by praying for them and forgiving their actions for they know not what they do.
Mark 3:1-5 Jesus was angry at the Pharisees for their stubborn hearts in the synagogue of Capernaum where he healed a man on the Sabbath.
Ephesians 4:26 Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:
We are instructed to not avoid anger, but to deal with our anger in a timely manner so that we do not sin against God. Anytime Jesus was angry he always gave explanation why in showing others the way of God.
Our anger towards others has to have proper motivation at not being angry at the person as we keep control of ourself, but at the sinful behavior and true injustice they cause. Anger has to have proper supplement, Mark 3:5, as by grief over those who lack faith as we need to show love by praying for them and forgiving their actions for they know not what they do.
Hi C,
Welcome to the forum.
I agree with most members here and it would be fine to forgive someone for what they did to you, but still want them out of your life because the situation might be on-going and would never end.
This would be true for someone that has hurt you more than one time.
God does not teach that we are to be fools and fall into the same hole more than once.
Jesus said to be gentle as doves, but wise as serpents.
Sometimes it's wise to keep away from someone.