[__ Prayer __] Hurting

[citrus]

I believe everyone is hurting in some way. I just feel really emo today. Sulking needing comfort from the holy spirit. I know this girl. I went to bible college with her. Everyone knew she was off in her theology. She almost ruined a pastor's career. She believes she slept with angels and thst God was going to rain emeralds and rubies and gold flakes from the ceiling in church. She was really out there. So she cheated her way through bible college. She looked up lustful things and I confronted her on it and she said, " well God hasn't convicted me on it." Now she is married, has a kid, in great shape, has a bible college professor. When we were in college together she met a man online who use to go there and lived far away. She convinced him to move all the way to college and within a week she dumped him. One day I was telling her a testimony of a woman I heard, she said, " what is in the dark stays in the dark." How can that be. It can't. The light exposes the dark and frees people because of it. She tried to kick me once for no reason. People over seas has maids too. They can afford good housing ect. I try not to be jealous about her because in my life right now I don't have a career. I'm on disability and can't work. I also don't drive because of my seizure and eye trouble. I haven't driven in 10 years. It is no fun. I am very good at what I can do. I seem timid, but I am not. I really suprised my mentor in my intern. He really thought I didn't know much or was bold enough just because I'm introverted. But unlike some I really have a calling on my life. Noone in my family is in the ministry. I come from public school. So I see a group of girls giggling and my two friends ask me, " how come those girls don't let us talk to them only if they talk to us?" I told them, " they are entitled. They have their careers already picked out for them. They live on the islands with maids and treat mistestry like a vacation. They think they are entitled. Not everyone goes to bible college for the same reason. They went to private school. There parents make a good living and they don't haveva responsibility to do anything." So my friend lived off campus and her roommate was this way. She kept trashing the place and come in 3am because she was out with her boyfriend. My friend would clean up her hoarding disasters and finally didn't. It was filthy for the whole time I hung out with my friend and she told me she had to pay her rent for her because she did not pay. I have a real calling on my life. I'm just sad and don't understand all of this. I know not to be jealous and I think, how can that girl keep her job as a profferesor. That is mind boggling to me. She is in so much leadership all the time. If I wasn't disabled then I would be great at it. It would help me adult. Noone can see my disability. I'm not in a wheelchair or anything. Even people in a wheelchair can drive. I don't understand this chapter of my life and I hope it isn't my whole life. My parents don't see me as an adult. They still see their timid daughter who doesn't know much. My uncle keeps asking me why I don't have this and that. The janitor keeps asking me about me having a boyfriend. Ect. My cousin and aunts are like, " your to fat. Your to skinny." I can never please them. When I ask my parents if i can cook or have a recipe they ask what for. Or why bother. When it is the simplest food of all to make. Then I get asked, "where is your car?" I don't have one. Mom I'd like to go to the store. " Why, I don't want to. So I am stuck in the house. I clean all day long and read. Maybe it isn't so bad because it is hard for me to work. I have great work ethic. Always have even before my chemo and then the results of it. I don't have cancer any more. That was 15 yrs ago. , but I have side effects that make life so hard fir me. Noone cared except my family when I went through that. It was graduation day and then people just loose contact. Like they don't have Facebook or messenger ect. That really hurt and if they saw my life now I would be so embarrassed for many reasons. My parents don't understand how hard on my body it is because you can't see it. I'm still a kid in their lives and I have a hard time seeing things like, someone my age sending their kid off to college, teaching their kid how to drive. Becoming a grandma in a few years or even now. My mind can not comprehend it. When I go to the store and see someone my age I think, wow they are so much older than me and then i realize they are the same age. I kinda look like a teenager. A teenager with crows feet and eye bags, but with young features. I'm just stuck. I try to adult. I don't know how to do adult stuff like taxes, bills vs scams every day parent stuff I don't understand. I didn't even know you have to by tags fir a vehicle. When my parents due I have no idea what I am going to do. I dread it. I'm so far behind. They tell me things they want to do and drag me along so much thst I feel like I am living their dreams. Onetime they talked about moving to a very very tiny town next to my family. No friends. I would feel so isolated I wouldn't be able to handle it. I would be so closed in. Having no contact with anyone except my family? What a nightmare! To boxed in. Finally they got rid of that idea. Then they thought of an rv, but it was out of their price range. They still think about it. Where would I work out. When would I have privacy or be able to walk more than 4 ft and be in the kitchen with my parents arguing please get out of the kitchen. That would be a nightmare. I don't know. I don't get it. I'm stuck and I feel like my future was robbed from me and I'm trying to be positive about everything, but I just have a hard time dealing with so much. I can't talk to my young siblings because they don't have much of a relationship with me. They think they are better educated and that I'm a looser. They are mad at me for my conservative beliefs. They just about hate me for it. When I am mature enough to look past our differences. It's no biggie to me we still have lots of things on common and lots of memories. I don't understand why I'm getting the shaft and I am about to break. I know life isn't always fair. I get it, but I could really use some friends that aren't fake friends and it is embarrassing and humiliating going to the store hoping I don't see anyone I know, (which does happen) and my mom scolding me in the store or asking me if I like lunch able. I buy my own stuff anyways. Blah. , but I gotta get out of the house sometime and my mom and I don't get along. She is very vindictive and she never let's me hug her or anything. Basically treats me like I'm a pain in the butt when I don't do anything except clean for her. I don't mind it all the time because that is part of being an adult and it passes time when I an bored, but Blah and I like to read even though my eyes bother me, but my dad always wants me to watch hours and hours of TV with him. If I don't he either thinks I don't like him or that I am weird l like there is something wrong with me because I like to read. I absolutely don't like it. I cannot go to counseling because we can't afford it and really why would I need counseling my life is perfect. I don't want to complain to much I know it could be worse, but how much is worse when I can't catch a break. God has always been good to me so I don't blame him. I would never nit be a christian. I know absolutely that he is God and my relationship with him. I know why I am not hindu or Buddhist or Muslimor mormon. I have studied them. No offense, but not even catholic I could use some prayers.

 

[citrus]

* is a bible college professor* wanted to clarify.. I don't understand that one either.

 

[citrus]

I don't want to be jealous, it just sucks and dread to see people that knew me back when. So embarrassing. Even a guy who use to have a crush on me who has a wife and kids now looked at me weird when I was with my mom and I tried to act like i didn't see him.

 

[citrus]

Gosh my meds were messing with me. My psychiatrist said, " oh my word. Why are you on that medication? I have to take you off of it. It is ruining your health and I vow to be honest with you. You can call me by my first name and I am really concerned for your health. We are taking you off of it."

 

[citrus]

I don't want people to think God Lord Jesus isn't real because I go to a phystrist and have these problems, but that is on them. Judgment hasn't come yet.

 

[citrus]

Please tell me anything. I'm just emotional today. Can't be emotional on front of my family

 

[citrus]

Why would I my life is perfect. What is wrong with moving close to family I a town that is tiny and you will not find friends or people your age there.

 

[citrus]

No stores except a dollar store

 

[citrus]

Gosh

 

[Tenchi]

I believe everyone is hurting in some way. I just feel really emo today. Sulking needing comfort from the holy spirit. I know this girl. I went to bible college with her. Everyone knew she was off in her theology. She almost ruined a pastor's career. She believes she slept with angels and thst God was going to rain emeralds and rubies and gold flakes from the ceiling in church. She was really out there. So she cheated her way through bible college. She looked up lustful things and I confronted her on it and she said, " well God hasn't convicted me on it."

If her remark was true, her silent conscience was a testament to how seared it was.

It's...interesting how a sensual faith moves a believer away from God into sins of the flesh. Very biblical, in fact. (Jude; 2 Peter 2; Romans 8:5-8; Galatians 5:17, etc.)

Now she is married, has a kid, in great shape, has a bible college professor.

Hopefully, God has got a hold of her and changed her for the better.

When we were in college together she met a man online who use to go there and lived far away. She convinced him to move all the way to college and within a week she dumped him. One day I was telling her a testimony of a woman I heard, she said, " what is in the dark stays in the dark." How can that be. It can't. The light exposes the dark and frees people because of it. She tried to kick me once for no reason.

Maybe it's time to let this stuff go. Dwelling on it will never make you more like Jesus, right?

I try not to be jealous about her because in my life right now I don't have a career. I'm on disability and can't work. I also don't drive because of my seizure and eye trouble. I haven't driven in 10 years. It is no fun. I am very good at what I can do. I seem timid, but I am not. I really suprised my mentor in my intern. He really thought I didn't know much or was bold enough just because I'm introverted. But unlike some I really have a calling on my life.

What matters is who God is not who we are, right? When God's got a hold of us, no matter our deficiencies, He can do great things through us.

I have a real calling on my life.

Oh? Is rehearsing the ugliness of the past helping you to fulfill this calling?

Philippians 3:13-14
13 Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead,
14 I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

I'm just sad and don't understand all of this. I know not to be jealous and I think, how can that girl keep her job as a profferesor. That is mind boggling to me. She is in so much leadership all the time. If I wasn't disabled then I would be great at it.

2 Corinthians 10:12
12 ...when they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are without understanding.

My parents don't understand how hard on my body it is because you can't see it.

I, too, have an unseen disability. Outwardly, you'd never guess at the weakness and pain I endure from a damaged lower back. But, looking at my physical issue does nothing good. So, I do as God commands, instead:

Hebrews 12:2-3
2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
3 For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

I can never please them.

Forget pleasing them. Please God.

I didn't even know you have to by tags fir a vehicle. When my parents due I have no idea what I am going to do. I dread it. I'm so far behind.

How do you catch up? What do you change in order to prepare well for the future?

I'm stuck and I feel like my future was robbed from me and I'm trying to be positive about everything, but I just have a hard time dealing with so much.

And God? Where does He fit into your life? Does He have the answer to your becoming "unstuck"? I think He does.

I don't understand why I'm getting the shaft and I am about to break.

This is where looking at what you don't have will always take you. And so, God commands His children instead to count their blessings and to thank Him often for His love, mercy, grace and power. You will never find joy and peace staring at the things that make you unhappy. And, worse, doing so is habit-forming. Look instead at your good God and Savior, Jesus Christ. In everything give thanks, knowing the Holy Spirit will never leave you nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5).

Romans 1:21
21 For even though they knew God, they did not honor Him as God or give thanks, but they became futile in their speculations, and their foolish heart was darkened.

I get it, but I could really use some friends that aren't fake friends

You have the greatest, best Friend you could ever have in Jesus. Are you living every day in submission to his Spirit, the Holy Spirit? Only as you are walking under his control, will you be changed and filled with who he is. And only when you are changed and filled by him will you understand just how incredible a Friend that Jesus is.

I could use some prayers.

Will do!

 

[Christ_empowered]

It’s hard to let go of the past isn’t it? I’m taunted about other people’s versions of my past daily. It’s…creepy and unnerving. I think it’s because of some former mental health people I dealt with…litigation etc. dangerous industry…
Jesus Christ says to take up the plow and follow Him. If you look back…not fit for the Kingdom of Heaven. And…


I’m looking back less and that’s God’s work in my life. My situation honestly is overall good and this creepy unnerving junk is not fun at all but it’s not real either. Being confined in a psych hospital is real…jail is real…etc.

My situation is not your situation I’m just trying to relate. Sometimes evil people succeed in life even in Christian ministries. Not to be dismissive but it’s part of the way our fallen world works. In my situation I’ve seen how some of the worst people low quality human beings…


Can attain advanced degrees and financial success etc. I was driven out of the dorms at age 17 and targeted for expulsion etc at college so…
Ugh frustrating yes but remember: wise as serpents innocent as doves .


Good to know the nature of the world we live in…

Because now we are in the world but not of it.

I will pray for you…

 

[citrus]

If her remark was true, her silent conscience was a testament to how seared it was.

It's...interesting how a sensual faith moves a believer away from God into sins of the flesh. Very biblical, in fact. (Jude; 2 Peter 2; Romans 8:5-8; Galatians 5:17, etc.)



Hopefully, God has got a hold of her and changed her for the better.



Maybe it's time to let this stuff go. Dwelling on it will never make you more like Jesus, right?



What matters is who God is not who we are, right? When God's got a hold of us, no matter our deficiencies, He can do great things through us.



Oh? Is rehearsing the ugliness of the past helping you to fulfill this calling?

Philippians 3:13-14
13 Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead,
14 I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.



2 Corinthians 10:12
12 ...when they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are without understanding.



I, too, have an unseen disability. Outwardly, you'd never guess at the weakness and pain I endure from a damaged lower back. But, looking at my physical issue does nothing good. So, I do as God commands, instead:

Hebrews 12:2-3
2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
3 For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.



Forget pleasing them. Please God.



How do you catch up? What do you change in order to prepare well for the future?



And God? Where does He fit into your life? Does He have the answer to your becoming "unstuck"? I think He does.



This is where looking at what you don't have will always take you. And so, God commands His children instead to count their blessings and to thank Him often for His love, mercy, grace and power. You will never find joy and peace staring at the things that make you unhappy. And, worse, doing so is habit-forming. Look instead at your good God and Savior, Jesus Christ. In everything give thanks, knowing the Holy Spirit will never leave you nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5).

Romans 1:21
21 For even though they knew God, they did not honor Him as God or give thanks, but they became futile in their speculations, and their foolish heart was darkened.



You have the greatest, best Friend you could ever have in Jesus. Are you living every day in submission to his Spirit, the Holy Spirit? Only as you are walking under his control, will you be changed and filled with who he is. And only when you are changed and filled by him will you understand just how incredible a Friend that Jesus is.



Will do!

Thank you.

 

[for_his_glory]

Hi citrus

Only you can be your own self and not that of others speculations of who you are or telling you what to do. Satan loves to plant fear and doubt in us, especially working through others, but Jesus has given you the victory over Satan. Never be jealous of what others have going on in their lives nor the material things they have.

I'm not sure of what career you want to choose or how old you are, but you might be able to find a job that you could do online, as you can research that. This would give you the freedom to obtain the finances you need and to possibly get your own place. Not sure where you live, but there might be Uber drivers or county transport to help take you where you want to go.

I too am disabled and had to learn how to reinvent myself since I can no longer do the things I use to be able to enjoy. It can be depressing at times, but it doesn't stop me from enjoying the things I can still do. You just need to dwell on the positives and ignore the negative things that bring you down like those who do not have your best interest in hand and would rather mock you. Just pray for them. Try to make the best of it living with your parents as I am sure they love you, but can become domineering at times. When the stress builds up go out and take a walk and enjoy nature as it's a great relief for stress and anxiety. Spend time with God while you take a walk as you bask in His glory.

Praying that all will work out for you as I know it's hard right now, but God has given you the victory so take it.