[__ Prayer __] mental stability, please...

[Christ_empowered]

OK. First, allow me to praise God (!) for what He's done for me. Health, a growing sense of joy, more self-control, more of the "perfect love that casteth out all fear," increasingly a "spirit not of timidity, but of a sound mind," and intelligence.

The intelligence, in particular, is a real blessing. Shrinks helped make me really, really stupid. I mean...dumb. Maybe a 95 IQ, on a good day. And I didn't have many good days, lol. Now, I'm up to above average somewhere. More importantly, I can *apply* my intelligence, which is really important, right? Right...

...and I'm increasingly stable. That said, I'm having some issues. I take my meds--2 mood stabilizers plus Abilify, sometimes a little Risperdal at night--but still...I dunno.

I've been through a lot. When you're both poor AND stupid, bad things happen. A lot. Now, God has put my people behind me, so although I don't have much of anything, they keep me safe, so I live in what I guess amounts to comfortable poverty. And I'm not stupid. Praise God!

But, the mental issues continue. Call it schizophrenia with mood issues, schizoaffective, "severe bipolar," what have you...I gotta take some meds. I also do Orthomolecular. Its from the 50s-70s, a combo of high dose vitamins and amino acids (and I added fish oil). Not for everyone, but it seems to help me.

I don't know what the deal is right now. These deep, dark lows I get have been sometimes diagnosed as "psychotic depression." That makes sense, given my current Bipolar I diagnosis. I dunno. I'm not a doc, but...wow. When the darkness descends, it brings with it paranoia, agitation, weight changes, and voices (but I know I'm hallucinating...weird, huh?). Psychotic depression is actually somewhat common, its just not talked about very much.

Anyway, I don't know what, if anything, to do. The tranquilizer(s) take the edge off, the anticonvulsants ("mood stabilizers"--they're really just epilepsy drugs that keep you calm), and yet...wow. I'm hesitant to ask for more medication.

I may well just bite the bullet and re-start an antidepressant. I don't see the doc for a while (community mental health), but I have a couple bottles of Tofranil lying around. Ugh.

In the meantime, please pray. I can deal with sadness, some pain, etc., but...wow. One reason I'm hesitant to take Tofranil again is because I want to learn to manage my emotions with as few meds as possible.

Anyway...please pray

...

 

[Eugene]

Now that's a good testimony my friend. You're dealing with the hand dealt you, and there is progress. I've visited many mental hospitals, dealt with and talked to with those that had all manner of excuses, and you're beginning to bite the bullet; hey, there's the possibility I've got a problem needing attention.

I do believe with the recognition that you are hearing voices will clear the air with your neighbors with the knowledge they aren't talking about you; at least to your face, or where you will hear it. Now I'm not saying it is impossible, but it don't seem to be a reality since your parents don't hear it.

I truly believe you suffer with that only thing that would have given you stability through this life, because you are born of God, and all things work together for your good. (Rom 8:28) Now Paul also was fought with a thorn of the flesh (Many believe it was his eyes), but when he prayed three times to have it removed, the following scripture was given as to why it wasn't.

2 Cor 12:7 And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure.
2Co 12:8 For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me.
2Co 12:9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength (God's strength) is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I (Paul) rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
2Co 12:10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.

Take this attitude Paul had to the bank. He said in 1 Cor 11:1, Be ye followers of me, even as I also am of Christ.

 

[Deborah13]

will keep praying for you, CE.

 

[Angel]

You said: " (but I know I'm hallucinating...weird, huh?)."

Nope. I recognize when I'm hallucinating. You just have more insight than others.

 

[Christ_empowered]

OK. Re-started Tofranil last night. Ideally, my doc would give this a thumbs up or down, but...its community mental health, so I don't get to see him very often :-(

 

[Eugene]

OK. Re-started Tofranil last night. Ideally, my doc would give this a thumbs up or down, but...its community mental health, so I don't get to see him very often :-(

Dear brother, is Tofranil something you just decided to quit taking, or did your doctor recommend it? Be very careful; self diagnosis can be very dangerous not only to you, but to those around you. Prayerfully you get to see your doctor soon. At least let your parents know so they can be aware of changes in you that you're not even aware of. Blessings.

 

[Christ_empowered]

Tofranil is an old school, tricyclic antidepressant. I was on it briefly, and then dropped it. My doc approved of that, because it has side effects and he said I could "work through" my problems without it. Now, I'm starting to wonder...

...I don't wanna self-diagnose, but I get depression with agitation and sometimes paranoia and such. Its better with an antipsychotic (in my case, Abilify) on board, because that reduces the paranoia and agitation, but...still...

Its community mental health, so I'm not scheduled to see him again until October, early in the month. They have very limited resources, so once you're considered "stable," they let you go 2-3 months without seeing anybody. Not ideal. A lot of states are worse than mine, though; I've heard of places where community mental health centers do 6 month check ups, for instance. I can't imagine that :-(