troubledwife
Member
Hello,
I am 30 yrs old and I am very depressed today after a conversation I had with my dad yesterday. You see, I have been married for 4 years, my husband and i live about 4 hours away from my parents. Once a month or so we try to see each other, they come up to visit and we go down to visit for the weekend. We were at my parents about a month ago. My husbands siblings also live around, so we get to spend time with both families at the same time (we are Latino). But we sleep at my parents house. While there, my husband developed an allergic reaction to the cat that my parents just picked up. They had always had a cat and my husband was always ok with that one, but this new one, my husband did not do well with, his eyes got watery, swollen, he couldn't breath, we had to rush to pharmacy to get him some benadril and he was sleepy and drowsy throughout the whole weekend. I talked to my parents about this. I realize the pet keeps them company but at the same time I cant expose my husband to being sick while he is at my parents. Toward the end of the weekend we made plans to meet up again for eastern. Since my husband works on Sundays, it made sense to have the family (his siblings and my parents) come up and stay with us. As the week progressed, my husband was granted eastern Sunday so he figured that it would be best to make the trip to my parents again since his brother is also going to be moving from his apt. Otherwise only my parents would be able to come up to visit, since his siblings would be busy with the move in and not in the position to come up. He figured that by us going there, i would be able to spend time with family and he would be able to help his siblings with the move and we would all spend time together. The only thing pending was my parents' cat. My husband suggested we stay in a hotel since he doesn't want to be drugged the whole weekend on benadril. I called home to tell my dad we were going there for eastern instead, and up until that point everything was fine. When I brought up the cat issue, he said the room we sleep in has been closed off for the cat and they would clean, and vacuum etc as to minimize the cat's hair etc. I basically had to tell my dad, that if the cat was around, my husband and I could not stay there the night. He then said, well we'll go overthere (my place); but I had to tell him, NO, because my husbands siblings won't be able to come up, and he exploded telling me, he and my mom can't live their lives around my husbands siblings schedule, that he had already made plans to visit me and now I was changing them around. I told him, that this was a family plan and so the best thing is to try to accomodate the situation so that all parts can be met and that by us going there, we would be able to spend time with them and my husband with his siblings and all together. He said that he doesn't need to accomodate anybody or anyone; that they are not his family, that they don't care for him and so why he would care for them. He also brought up the fact that last christmas I left to another country to spend it with part of my husbands family (not his siblings) while he and mom stayed home by themselves; that I had not cared about them, and that my husbands siblings had not cared for them either, because they had not stopped by to visit during that time. He brought up things that happened about 10 years ago, and was fault mouth with me and yelled at me, etc. He said to let him and mom live, and do their thing and for me to do my things with my husband and for his brother/siblings to their thing without interfering in my life. I had to tell him that ever since I got married I can't just make plans that include them, now I also have a husband and he's got a family too and since we are only there for weekends we have to try to share time together. He said, it was my decision to go or not to go, or where I would stay and that the cat is staying no matter what. So now I have to brake it to my husband that they are not getting rid of the cat; which I know my husband will resent because he will feel like the cat is more important than his health and will want to stay in a hotel; plus I don't know what kind of attitude my dad is going have while we are there and my husband already has some resentments that have built up over the past toward my dad....help oh lord...my dad is christian and so are we, but he loses it badly. He is 55 yrs old. My husband is 38.
I am 30 yrs old and I am very depressed today after a conversation I had with my dad yesterday. You see, I have been married for 4 years, my husband and i live about 4 hours away from my parents. Once a month or so we try to see each other, they come up to visit and we go down to visit for the weekend. We were at my parents about a month ago. My husbands siblings also live around, so we get to spend time with both families at the same time (we are Latino). But we sleep at my parents house. While there, my husband developed an allergic reaction to the cat that my parents just picked up. They had always had a cat and my husband was always ok with that one, but this new one, my husband did not do well with, his eyes got watery, swollen, he couldn't breath, we had to rush to pharmacy to get him some benadril and he was sleepy and drowsy throughout the whole weekend. I talked to my parents about this. I realize the pet keeps them company but at the same time I cant expose my husband to being sick while he is at my parents. Toward the end of the weekend we made plans to meet up again for eastern. Since my husband works on Sundays, it made sense to have the family (his siblings and my parents) come up and stay with us. As the week progressed, my husband was granted eastern Sunday so he figured that it would be best to make the trip to my parents again since his brother is also going to be moving from his apt. Otherwise only my parents would be able to come up to visit, since his siblings would be busy with the move in and not in the position to come up. He figured that by us going there, i would be able to spend time with family and he would be able to help his siblings with the move and we would all spend time together. The only thing pending was my parents' cat. My husband suggested we stay in a hotel since he doesn't want to be drugged the whole weekend on benadril. I called home to tell my dad we were going there for eastern instead, and up until that point everything was fine. When I brought up the cat issue, he said the room we sleep in has been closed off for the cat and they would clean, and vacuum etc as to minimize the cat's hair etc. I basically had to tell my dad, that if the cat was around, my husband and I could not stay there the night. He then said, well we'll go overthere (my place); but I had to tell him, NO, because my husbands siblings won't be able to come up, and he exploded telling me, he and my mom can't live their lives around my husbands siblings schedule, that he had already made plans to visit me and now I was changing them around. I told him, that this was a family plan and so the best thing is to try to accomodate the situation so that all parts can be met and that by us going there, we would be able to spend time with them and my husband with his siblings and all together. He said that he doesn't need to accomodate anybody or anyone; that they are not his family, that they don't care for him and so why he would care for them. He also brought up the fact that last christmas I left to another country to spend it with part of my husbands family (not his siblings) while he and mom stayed home by themselves; that I had not cared about them, and that my husbands siblings had not cared for them either, because they had not stopped by to visit during that time. He brought up things that happened about 10 years ago, and was fault mouth with me and yelled at me, etc. He said to let him and mom live, and do their thing and for me to do my things with my husband and for his brother/siblings to their thing without interfering in my life. I had to tell him that ever since I got married I can't just make plans that include them, now I also have a husband and he's got a family too and since we are only there for weekends we have to try to share time together. He said, it was my decision to go or not to go, or where I would stay and that the cat is staying no matter what. So now I have to brake it to my husband that they are not getting rid of the cat; which I know my husband will resent because he will feel like the cat is more important than his health and will want to stay in a hotel; plus I don't know what kind of attitude my dad is going have while we are there and my husband already has some resentments that have built up over the past toward my dad....help oh lord...my dad is christian and so are we, but he loses it badly. He is 55 yrs old. My husband is 38.
