"Nothing special"

[Christ_empowered]

That's what people in my area are saying about me now. I'm a former "mental patient," so this is actually a step up. "Nothing special." I'm unemployed because shrinks fried my brain out with ect (involuntary) at 20 and 23. I've been healed, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually by Jesus.

I don't think I can ever become a member of this community. My ex-shrinks have gone nuclear on my reputation. I have minimal work history. I'm more intelligent now than I was to start with, thanks only to Jesus, and that makes people angry.

"Nothing special." Truth is, they won't let me do anything around here, and I don't want to be "special"---I want to be good, and I'd like to be productive. They won't let hat happen. I know, sounds like paranoid nonsense. Think about it..ever wonder why "crazy" people stay crazy, despite expensive drugs and hospitalizations? The mental health system isn't designed to create good, productive citizens; the idea is to create good, docile, compliant, well-adjusted patients.

So, I'm not a mental patient anymore. I'm also unemployed and an ex-homosexual. I'm not permitted to "be a man" around here. I used to think it was because I was once a girly homosexual with an Rx pill problem. Nope...the real problem is that, until recently, my white collar family didn't care about me, so I was an easy target at an early age, so I was turned into a scapegoat.

Scapegoats don't get to be "anything special." I don't know what I'm supposed to do with my life at this point. I trust The Lord to see me through, that's all I know.

 

[fishbreath]

hi Christ-Empowered,
Sorry to hear of the junk people are ex-pulsing your way. That is nasty and people don't realize how hurtful their words can be.
I have good news for you though - God loves to use the underdog.. but the underdog must draw close to Him and seek His face first and foremost. I know it is easy for people to tell you to look past the hurtful words and focus on Jesus, but that's what you must do. People are ignorant and they speak from ignorance often.. When they are done talking about you they'll talk about someone else.

Would you think of a fresh start some place else? Sometimes that helps when one is surrounded by gossip. Would that be feasible? Do you have family or friends elsewhere you could stay with and start your new life afresh?

I'm so glad to hear Jesus has healed you!

 

[Rollo Tamasi]

Christ-empowered, I feel for you.
I won't pretend to know how you feel.
But I've gone through tough times too.
I was in a Viet Nam war that I couldn't escape and I became a disabled veteran because of agent orange.
I came home ( or what I called home) to a place where nobody cared about me.
I tried going to school, couldn't afford it, and struggled to find work.
I drove cabs, washed dishes, cleaned toilets, anything I could get to make sure I wasn't homeless.
Got my first good paying job 9 years later and it didn't last.

But at age 34 I got saved and slowly my life changed.
Hard work, desire to please God, and the blessings came.
It's never been easy for me.
I'm 63 and happy but the world looks down on me still at being poor.

How foolish they are.

Hang in there, things will change.
Praise God everyday for what you do have.

 

[Christ_empowered]

I'm not trying to complain too much. Its not that it "hurts my feelings" or whatever--I'm used to people around here not liking me--its that...its so frustrating! I have to stay here for a while, but after that...hopefully...I could move...but then I'd be even more dependent on my family. Ugh. Frustrating.

I just hate how my ex-shrinks (in particular, 1 who electroshocked me @ age 20) have taken it upon themselves to prevent me from ever, ever having a normal, peaceful productive life.

 

[ace]

Hey dude....you sound like you have issues,
If you want to come stay with me in California, I'll give you a chance.

 

[Christ_empowered]

yeah, Edward...I think you're right. The latest update on my "mental condition," based on what I've heard around town, is that I "never was Schizophrenic" to begin with. Awesome. Do I get a refund?