Pulling Punches

[Pard]

Are Christians supposed to pull their punches?

It seems to me that there is a general thought in the world that a Christian ought to use padded words. Is this really so? It seems to me that when you tone down your comments so as not to "hurt" anyone's "feelings" you are effectively lying to them and that is wrong by the Bible.

 

[WIP]

I don't think we should ever pull punches when speaking truth from scripture. That does not mean that I believe we should go looking for confrontation either. Speak the truth in love and respect.

 

[Gazelle]

It's all about your own perspective and language you use, imo.

To me, pulling punches mean you lessen up your stance and let the other guy "win". How is that Christian? (It isn't to me.) We are to study enough so that we have answers to their questions.

Do we have to say things in a harsh manner, with arrogance (I'm better than you, I already believe and you haven't, I already know this stuff you haven't a clue, you're still lost in your sin and won't get anywhere without God attitude) rather than in love as instructed by God's own Word??? No. Not in my opinion.

If you like adages, I'd like to insert the one about leading a horse to water BUT... Maybe the accent is on "leading" instead, that you can't force someone to follow you?

I don't believe that every discourse has to be made with "tough love" (to quote Dobson) to be Scripturally Spiritual. I think to have that attitude all the time prevents us from really hearing the other person. We need to be able to listen so we know where they are so we can find them and lead them to where God is.

We are the "winners" in that respect. God is (the) Truth. If we can present our own testimony to another, our own experiential knowledge, then they are less able to argue against it, and may actually engage in a profitable conversation. If we take things too personally, then it appears to be a conflict between humans and not between Good and evil. Taking this as a personal affront when they argue or attack (assuming that is the causation of your "punches") puts us in a precarious position. If we feel as though we "lose" then the discourse is all about us, not God.

 

[reba]

Pard...

Your Mom says Pard does this outfit look a ok?
Pard says mom i will not pull punches that out fit make you look ten years older and fat. she cries and changes

Pard says Mom i really like the blue one better. she says Hmm Ok and changes...

Both are true.... learn that before you get married!

Some folks benefit from the 2by4 to the head some do better with comfort. Our job as ambassadors of Christ is to notice the difference and act/behave/talk accordingly. God uses us our personalities and puts us where we need to be... Not everyone can be a cop that takes a special person.

 

[Pard]

Your Mom says Pard does this outfit look a ok?

She knows not to ask me that stuff.

 

[reba]

You rotten kid :toofunny O pard i love your youth!

 

[Christ_empowered]

I try not be a harsh. I'm a nice guy. I think there's also the issue of intimacy level. If your best friend asks you something, anything really, you owe it to them to be very honest, possibly somewhat harsh if necessary. Now, if its an acquaintance, or even a good friend who's kind of on shaky ground emotionally, soften up.

It also depends on the person receiving the information. Some people respond to a bit of toughness, or at least do in certain situations; lots of other people need a gentler touch, like in the example reba gave you.

I think a lot of times "tough love" is used to justify behavior that is anything but loving. I've been on the receiving end of some "tough love" from family members that was really just aggression and harshness disguised as "tough love" or some other pop psychobabble nonsense.

Keep in mind that, yes, we're called to tell the Truth, especially as it pertains to absolute Truth--the Word of God. So, for instance, when one of my friends says "I want to sleep with ____, what do you think?" I say "I think you should try keeping your clothes on," because as a follower of Christ, I owe everyone the Truth of God. But we're also called to be meek and humble, slow to speak and eager to listen. We're to die daily, and being harsh without good reason feeds the flesh.

 

[WIP]

I try not be a harsh. I'm a nice guy. I think there's also the issue of intimacy level. If your best friend asks you something, anything really, you owe it to them to be very honest, possibly somewhat harsh if necessary. Now, if its an acquaintance, or even a good friend who's kind of on shaky ground emotionally, soften up.

It also depends on the person receiving the information. Some people respond to a bit of toughness, or at least do in certain situations; lots of other people need a gentler touch, like in the example reba gave you.

I think a lot of times "tough love" is used to justify behavior that is anything but loving. I've been on the receiving end of some "tough love" from family members that was really just aggression and harshness disguised as "tough love" or some other pop psychobabble nonsense.

Keep in mind that, yes, we're called to tell the Truth, especially as it pertains to absolute Truth--the Word of God. So, for instance, when one of my friends says "I want to sleep with ____, what do you think?" I say "I think you should try keeping your clothes on," because as a follower of Christ, I owe everyone the Truth of God. But we're also called to be meek and humble, slow to speak and eager to listen. We're to die daily, and being harsh without good reason feeds the flesh.

Kind of relates to how we should deal with other Christians vs. non-believers. As we are instructed to judge others in the church on matters of our faith but non-believers may require a more gentle persuasion.

 

[Vic C.]

This is a good topic.

We need to not confuse politeness and kindness with being weak or politically correct. Sometimes, with some people, you do need to be insistent and persistent. But insulting and ridiculing others, whether they be Christian or not is not always a wise tactic.


Ian, this usually comes with age and maturity; not only maturity in life, but in faith especially.

 

[Danus]

Are Christians supposed to pull their punches?

It seems to me that there is a general thought in the world that a Christian ought to use padded words. Is this really so? It seems to me that when you tone down your comments so as not to "hurt" anyone's "feelings" you are effectively lying to them and that is wrong by the Bible.

To answer the question: NO As for the rest Agreed!

 

[Chris]

Pard there are times-

In leadership you lead with directness you cant fluff around..

In conversation about personal issues and pleasantries... polite.

If your wife asks you if she looks fat in the new dress lying is probably a good move if she does... it will cost you a new dress or some drama.

If your wife gives you a crappy dinner tell her it is or you'll get it again.


On matters of personal opinion with other people. Everyone will not have the same opinion as you. Everyone is entitled to their opinion and to voice it. No point getting worked up there. ( that directly answers your op). The holy spirit will reveal truth to us and it can be done gently.



If someone can get hurt or if someone is really out of line dont hold back. You have to use discretion here. Directness or firmness wont always work best.

I did that a bit in that smoking thread, I have seen the damage it does and I was as honest as I could be so anyone who read it would be turned off poisoning themselves or other people. Its the Aussie in me, say it how it is.. (I know some will hate me for being so direct and some may not smoke too because i made it sound ugly, that was my intention! ) I dont want anyone to dislike me but you gotta say whats right and smoking kills people. It is very wrong there is no middle road.

Ihere are times as an Adult Christian you will have to say some pretty Direct or unpleasant things, particularly in responsible positions. you will have to say things you know are going to make you unpopular, out of care for others. life sorta goes like that for people entrusted to care for other peoples well being sometimes.

In short you shouldn't hold back, and you should hold back. It is situation dependent. its usually the latter.

Say what you will be proud to remember you that said, in the future.