First of all let me apologise for mistakenly posting the following in the Apologetics and Theology forum last weekend. As regular readers would know humour is not always welcome within such a serious forum.
Religious towns I have visited.
Mention of Presbyterianville brought back memories of my trip thru the USA last year and some of the towns I visited. Now before I mention some of them and my experiences in them let me apologise to those readers who were expecting to find some meaty apologetics and theology hidden within the humour. There is some of that in the following but I have written it in code. Those who know their Bible numerics and are familiar with the Da Vinci Code will have no trouble seeing the true intent of my message.
Faithville was pretty interesting. Everyone I met was healthy & rich. When I asked about this they told me it was due to the residents never saying anything negative to each other and only saying positive things – something about the power of words.
One problem in the town was the constant sudden materialisation, without any warning, of gold bars in the most unexpected places! The damage caused to the resident’s Caddies was very annoying until the local panel beater suggested all of the cars be fitted with gold bumper bars. That way the scratches from the gold bars would not be noticeable! The phenomenon first started off as gold dust appearing. The gold dust had a habit of disappearing under tables and cupboards and being blown around by the strong wind which accompanied each materialisation and which made it too hard to collect all of the valuable dust. So one of the residents had a DLB moment (Divine Light Bulb) and prayed for gold bars to appear instead of the dust.
Apostleville was not a very enjoyable place at all. For one thing it was very difficult to drive down a street without hitting one of the many residents who were always walking up and down the middle of each road while blowing a big noisy horn which sounded like a goat being tortured.
When they weren’t blowing the noisy horns the residents would gather together in groups at each street corner and rebuke all sorts of evil spirits. Some of the spirits names I heard mentioned included demon of bingo (a residual demon which stubbornly hung around in the former catholic part of the town), demon of shopping and demon of hovering over churches and messing up the services. Apparently this last demon was a real pesky one as no one knew its real name!!
A resident I met chanting outside of the local liquor store, which seemed to be well patronised, immediately recognised me as a non-local and advised me it would be in my best interests to leave the town ASAP. Apparently the town was only safe for those with special knowledge about demons & spiritual warfare. I left straight away while being grateful for the residents sage advice – at least I think it was a sprig of sage he was waving around the door frame of the liquor store while chanting loudly and spraying the lintel with olive oil!
Calvin Town – I expected the members of this town to be well dressed however I ended up driving thru after pulling up to read the big Welcome to Calvin Town sign. What caught my eye was the sheer size of the welcome sign, the large amount of writing on it and the digital readout for the population which clicked over several times while I hopped out of my new car (a brand new Caddie given to me during my visit to Faithville) to read the whole sign.
The welcome sign was very informative. Apparently Calvin Town possessed one of the fastest growing populations of the Bible belt I was touring thru. The incessant growth was due to something they called Once Here Always Here or as the locals called it OHAH. The sign informed visitors to drive thru if they did not intend to live in one of the new suburbs in the town. In fine print at the bottom of the welcome sign it said that those who stayed while attempting to drive thru were predestined to. Being the wily theologian that I am I tossed a coin (given to me in Faithville) which came up tails. This confirmed my impression that I was not one of the predestined ones and after overcoming my initial nervousness I drove thru the town without feeling any overwhelming desire to stay!
Any way time is running short for my evening Christian yoga class where I will place myself in the physical position of one of the millions of Hindu Gods that yoga uses so that my Christian walk will become stronger. After an hour of yoga I will finish off with some red hot meditation where I will empty my mind so that I can encounter the true God of the universe.
Maybe tomorrow I will mention my visits to Bahaiville, Rainbowtown, Jehovahtown and Episco-something-ville. That is if I can refill my mind after my meditation session! I’m sure that there is less of my mind coming back after each meditation session.
Mr. Saltwater (nobody expects the tides in March)
Religious towns I have visited.
Mention of Presbyterianville brought back memories of my trip thru the USA last year and some of the towns I visited. Now before I mention some of them and my experiences in them let me apologise to those readers who were expecting to find some meaty apologetics and theology hidden within the humour. There is some of that in the following but I have written it in code. Those who know their Bible numerics and are familiar with the Da Vinci Code will have no trouble seeing the true intent of my message.
Faithville was pretty interesting. Everyone I met was healthy & rich. When I asked about this they told me it was due to the residents never saying anything negative to each other and only saying positive things – something about the power of words.
One problem in the town was the constant sudden materialisation, without any warning, of gold bars in the most unexpected places! The damage caused to the resident’s Caddies was very annoying until the local panel beater suggested all of the cars be fitted with gold bumper bars. That way the scratches from the gold bars would not be noticeable! The phenomenon first started off as gold dust appearing. The gold dust had a habit of disappearing under tables and cupboards and being blown around by the strong wind which accompanied each materialisation and which made it too hard to collect all of the valuable dust. So one of the residents had a DLB moment (Divine Light Bulb) and prayed for gold bars to appear instead of the dust.
Apostleville was not a very enjoyable place at all. For one thing it was very difficult to drive down a street without hitting one of the many residents who were always walking up and down the middle of each road while blowing a big noisy horn which sounded like a goat being tortured.
When they weren’t blowing the noisy horns the residents would gather together in groups at each street corner and rebuke all sorts of evil spirits. Some of the spirits names I heard mentioned included demon of bingo (a residual demon which stubbornly hung around in the former catholic part of the town), demon of shopping and demon of hovering over churches and messing up the services. Apparently this last demon was a real pesky one as no one knew its real name!!
A resident I met chanting outside of the local liquor store, which seemed to be well patronised, immediately recognised me as a non-local and advised me it would be in my best interests to leave the town ASAP. Apparently the town was only safe for those with special knowledge about demons & spiritual warfare. I left straight away while being grateful for the residents sage advice – at least I think it was a sprig of sage he was waving around the door frame of the liquor store while chanting loudly and spraying the lintel with olive oil!
Calvin Town – I expected the members of this town to be well dressed however I ended up driving thru after pulling up to read the big Welcome to Calvin Town sign. What caught my eye was the sheer size of the welcome sign, the large amount of writing on it and the digital readout for the population which clicked over several times while I hopped out of my new car (a brand new Caddie given to me during my visit to Faithville) to read the whole sign.
The welcome sign was very informative. Apparently Calvin Town possessed one of the fastest growing populations of the Bible belt I was touring thru. The incessant growth was due to something they called Once Here Always Here or as the locals called it OHAH. The sign informed visitors to drive thru if they did not intend to live in one of the new suburbs in the town. In fine print at the bottom of the welcome sign it said that those who stayed while attempting to drive thru were predestined to. Being the wily theologian that I am I tossed a coin (given to me in Faithville) which came up tails. This confirmed my impression that I was not one of the predestined ones and after overcoming my initial nervousness I drove thru the town without feeling any overwhelming desire to stay!
Any way time is running short for my evening Christian yoga class where I will place myself in the physical position of one of the millions of Hindu Gods that yoga uses so that my Christian walk will become stronger. After an hour of yoga I will finish off with some red hot meditation where I will empty my mind so that I can encounter the true God of the universe.
Maybe tomorrow I will mention my visits to Bahaiville, Rainbowtown, Jehovahtown and Episco-something-ville. That is if I can refill my mind after my meditation session! I’m sure that there is less of my mind coming back after each meditation session.
Mr. Saltwater (nobody expects the tides in March)