iamthankful
Member
I need prayer because for the last few months I've been having trust issues in the relationship. I know my wife loves me and we spend most of our time together outside of work. However, an incident happened that should be a small thing and I've let it grow into something that it shouldn't be and it's blossoming mistrust in me. I've been praying and in the last few months have been getting closer and closer to God. He has taken so many of bad ways away from me but this one of mistrust continues to linger and it hurts.
I'll say the incident: ( I know this is long and I hope someone here has the time to read most of it and give me advice )
Earlier this year my wife got a new job where she become close with many of her male co-workers. I've never had a problem with her telling me all the fun things they did on the job or talking to them and I still trusted her 100% in our relationship at this point. I have a second phone that I use for my side business and I let her use it often to use social media. I never thought anything about it and I've never opened any of her applications she installed on my work phone. But one day I saw one of her co workers and eventually he was an ex-co worker because she only was there 3 months, say to her how much he missed seeing her. This same type of message popped up quite a bit and I swiped it away ignoring it. But one day I message popped up that I couldn't swipe away it said, "Don't tell your husband but lets go to lunch together soon" she replied "at 12". Now, I wouldn't have cared if it wasn't for the "DONT TELL YOUR HUSBAND" part and she then told him what time she goes for lunch.
I asked her about it and told her that I saw that message and I was curious what it was about and why he said it that way. She assured me it was nothing and that she didn't remember telling him a lunch time. she said He was a bit flirtatious at work and she always told him she was married and nothing was ever going to happen because she loved me. But she said he was a good friend while she was there and she would have told me if she was planning to go to lunch with him if it did ever happen. She then became was rather upset with me and she said that I don't trust her anymore then went to her room. I told her I only brought it up because I was uncomfortable with what he said about "Not telling your husband" She then told me later she blocked him. I told her okay and that I apologize but it just made me uncomfortable with that wording.
I tried at that point to remove any apps that would be on my work phone that she was logged into so I wouldn't have to see notifications that are meant for her. I found out later that I didn't remove all the apps but she confirmed that she did block him from Facebook. Well I missed removing one app that I didn't see and I saw him reach out to her again on the notifications from the lock screen and she talked to him but it was short responses. I told myself I'm going to trust her so I deleted that app and I didn't bring the topic back up. But it kept bothering me. So I asked her if she blocked him like she had said. She said "oh yeah I blocked him and I chose you over him" Again, the word choice made me super uneasy. I messed up at this point by not confronting her about that I saw him reach back out before I deleted that last app. I kept it in and to myself for awhile but I let it grow mistrust in me.
I eventually let it build up and I prayed about it. I felt God pushing me to tell her because the mistrust building up in me was not healthy for our relationship. So a week ago I told her that I thought she lied to be about talking to him after she told me she blocked him. She said that I only asked if I blocked him from Facebook and she did block him from there. She then said if he did reach out to me I don't remember him doing saying a lot and I probably didn't respond much. She then said that if I had seen some of the messages before deleting the app then I would realize that she gave him short responses and wasn't engaging in much conversation. This did align with what I saw from the notification before deleting the last app. But the she assured me he was getting annoying with his messages to the point she made sure to block him on that app as well. However, this week I found this was a lie because their accounts are still following each other. So, my mistrust has spiked again because why would she say she blocked him and give me that story about how annoying he was but she hasn't really blocked him. It's not even about this guy. Honestly, I don't think she'd ever cheat on me but I don't understand the deception.
Things to know:
We spend most of our time together outside of work.
We are very close to family together.
We just moved into a new house together
We've discussed future kids together.
She still tells me she loves me and sometimes even gives me surprise gifts
She tells me her ideas about future plans holidays and birthdays.
From this perspective alone I should know that my mind is playing tricks on me and I should just move on from all of this.
Truthfully, I know this is on me. I need to pray about my insecurities and trust issues. I just need some advice and I don't know what to do. I'm wondering if this all stems from losing both my sister 34 , brother 38, and mom 58 all within 3 years of being with my wife.
Thank you
I'll say the incident: ( I know this is long and I hope someone here has the time to read most of it and give me advice )
Earlier this year my wife got a new job where she become close with many of her male co-workers. I've never had a problem with her telling me all the fun things they did on the job or talking to them and I still trusted her 100% in our relationship at this point. I have a second phone that I use for my side business and I let her use it often to use social media. I never thought anything about it and I've never opened any of her applications she installed on my work phone. But one day I saw one of her co workers and eventually he was an ex-co worker because she only was there 3 months, say to her how much he missed seeing her. This same type of message popped up quite a bit and I swiped it away ignoring it. But one day I message popped up that I couldn't swipe away it said, "Don't tell your husband but lets go to lunch together soon" she replied "at 12". Now, I wouldn't have cared if it wasn't for the "DONT TELL YOUR HUSBAND" part and she then told him what time she goes for lunch.
I asked her about it and told her that I saw that message and I was curious what it was about and why he said it that way. She assured me it was nothing and that she didn't remember telling him a lunch time. she said He was a bit flirtatious at work and she always told him she was married and nothing was ever going to happen because she loved me. But she said he was a good friend while she was there and she would have told me if she was planning to go to lunch with him if it did ever happen. She then became was rather upset with me and she said that I don't trust her anymore then went to her room. I told her I only brought it up because I was uncomfortable with what he said about "Not telling your husband" She then told me later she blocked him. I told her okay and that I apologize but it just made me uncomfortable with that wording.
I tried at that point to remove any apps that would be on my work phone that she was logged into so I wouldn't have to see notifications that are meant for her. I found out later that I didn't remove all the apps but she confirmed that she did block him from Facebook. Well I missed removing one app that I didn't see and I saw him reach out to her again on the notifications from the lock screen and she talked to him but it was short responses. I told myself I'm going to trust her so I deleted that app and I didn't bring the topic back up. But it kept bothering me. So I asked her if she blocked him like she had said. She said "oh yeah I blocked him and I chose you over him" Again, the word choice made me super uneasy. I messed up at this point by not confronting her about that I saw him reach back out before I deleted that last app. I kept it in and to myself for awhile but I let it grow mistrust in me.
I eventually let it build up and I prayed about it. I felt God pushing me to tell her because the mistrust building up in me was not healthy for our relationship. So a week ago I told her that I thought she lied to be about talking to him after she told me she blocked him. She said that I only asked if I blocked him from Facebook and she did block him from there. She then said if he did reach out to me I don't remember him doing saying a lot and I probably didn't respond much. She then said that if I had seen some of the messages before deleting the app then I would realize that she gave him short responses and wasn't engaging in much conversation. This did align with what I saw from the notification before deleting the last app. But the she assured me he was getting annoying with his messages to the point she made sure to block him on that app as well. However, this week I found this was a lie because their accounts are still following each other. So, my mistrust has spiked again because why would she say she blocked him and give me that story about how annoying he was but she hasn't really blocked him. It's not even about this guy. Honestly, I don't think she'd ever cheat on me but I don't understand the deception.
Things to know:
We spend most of our time together outside of work.
We are very close to family together.
We just moved into a new house together
We've discussed future kids together.
She still tells me she loves me and sometimes even gives me surprise gifts
She tells me her ideas about future plans holidays and birthdays.
From this perspective alone I should know that my mind is playing tricks on me and I should just move on from all of this.
Truthfully, I know this is on me. I need to pray about my insecurities and trust issues. I just need some advice and I don't know what to do. I'm wondering if this all stems from losing both my sister 34 , brother 38, and mom 58 all within 3 years of being with my wife.
Thank you
