Teenage Girls - What's a Dad to Do?

[Mike]

Well, I'm in the throws of it now. Our 16 YO son has never messed with my head like our 13 YO daughter.

Julie gets her, but even she can't explain her to me. A boy had a crush on her about 6 months ago, and she wasn't interested. Now he has a crush on her friend, and she's out of her mind over it. I can't say anything to her about either of them without her going into a tailspin. Parenting girls is SO MUCH more complicated than boys, from a dad's perspective anyway. What is a dad to do?

 

[reba]

You have no idea how much i am laughing and yet so sorry for you...It has begun

You know praying is the number one thing to dobeyond that you just love her. Love her the most when she appears to be unlovable.

We cant explain so just love...There will be a time when you say something like , you are so beautiful and she will burst into tears and run to her room..

How many girls do you have?

 

[Mike]

Reba, I'm sure I've already mentioned this to you. I don't know why you can't keep my family straight!

Our son is 16, daughters 13 & 10. The headliner of this thread earns an Oscar every day. She truly has "Jan Brady Syndrome" around the house, and her friendships are so complicated. It's like she's playing a big game of chess, and every move she makes has to be thought of to an excruciating point. Our son will go to a football game at school with a friend or alone and meet up with a group, and he'll make these plans 5 minutes before he leaves. She will be in high school next year, and little things like that will be her biggest decision of the week - who she will go with, what she'll wear, how it will be viewed, what she'll wear, what another friend will think, what she'll wear... :

 

[reba]

13 and 10 at the very least that is 8 years.... you are now high on the prayer list! You will be impressed by the decision of what to ware the first day of high school ....

 

[jasoncran]

2:toofunny lovely i had to look to this in 12 years? unless the dad of jaci mans up. i will have to use the baseball bat and or mma.

 

[handy]

I sympathize Mike, I really do. Mine's one year ahead of yours and I'll let you know you forgot one thing:

She will be in high school next year, and little things like that will be her biggest decision of the week - does he like me, who she will go with, does he like me, what she'll wear, does he like me, how it will be viewed, does he like me, what she'll wear, does he like me, what another friend will think, does he like me, what she'll wear, does he like me...

I had thought, given my daughter's still strong desire for her "grocery boy" that we would be spared that particular drama...but nooooooo....she isn't going to give up that most fun part of high school, no way...not when she has all these cute boys falling all over themselves to date her. So, each week we have to keep up with the boy du jour, who might ask her out, who has asked her out who she really doesn't like, who she would like to ask her out but hasn't done so and what to do about that, and also which boys are dating her friends and which boys are dating the girls that she really doesn't like and if she doesn't like that particular boy it's like, HA, and if she does it's like "What can he possibly see in her"....GAH!!!!!:eeeekkk

And yet in the midst of all this drama, I asked her the other day if she's been giving any thought to plans after high school and she said in all seriousness that if the grocery boy is still single, she'd like to take a year off of school, work at a restaurant to gain some experience and save up money (her words) and see if how things might work out with him once she turns 18. If they do get together, then she'll have to take his plans into consideration. But, if he's married by then, then she'll look into going to a culinary arts school to finish off her education.

THAT'S the hardest thing about these years...they go from being silly, goofy, irritating and driving you up a wall in one moment, to giving a well articulated and even mature thinking plan the next.

But, yes...having one of each I agree...boys are far easier than girls.

 

[handy]

Oh, and don't forget, with each and every one of these boys, it's the part of a good dad to have a man-to-man talk with him and set up the ground rules.

Steve has a tough time sorting out the names. Not too long ago I had to remind him he was going to drop by the school and have a talk with Zach before football practice...not Joey, but Zach...Joey was the preacher's son who took her to the dance and Austin was just the "guy friend" no real need to talk with him at all and Garcia is Zach's friend. Poor Steve...just can't keep up sometimes.

How good are you at chaperoning?

 

[Mike]

Dora, I will LOVE chaperoning! And I will revel in the opportunities to have "nice talks" with her suitors! Besides the main benefit of putting the boys straight, I get the side benefit of watching her squirm.

She is a very shy girl publicly. Her teachers confirm this for us. But at home she releases all her pent-up emotions. She gets all "cool" around me, and I threaten to share her home persona with her friends. She keeps up the attitude until were on the verge of meeting up with them, and then she goes to tears, begging me to stop. Too funny! She went to D.C. with her 8th grade class last week, and Julie chaperoned that trip. Of all boys, this same boy in the OP left his cell phone in Julie's car. Mistake! I planted my mug as his wallpaper with "Hands off my daughter!" at the bottom. He'll laugh, cause we have a fun relationship. I've known him since kindergarten. But she was 10 shades of red!

 

[reba]

Mike the 10 year old will learn how to 'work' you watching this! :toofunny

 

[handy]

:biglol Probably unbeknownst to Mike...girls "work" their daddies so much easier than boys do.

I am so glad I only have one daughter....if we ever needed to raise another child, I would hope it would be a boy...girls are just that much more difficult. However, the older she gets, the more I enjoy her company and doing things with her, just because she's actually a pretty cool person in her own right. As of now, I still need to be firmly in the "mom" role, but once she's 18, I think we'll be good friends.

 

[jasoncran]

lovely, well then nah i wont care with ..nevermind.

i will say i dont look forward to this with jaci. the only thing that might help me is that i am emotional( i just dont let that be well known)

 

[Mike]

:biglol Probably unbeknownst to Mike...girls "work" their daddies so much easier than boys do.

I am so glad I only have one daughter....if we ever needed to raise another child, I would hope it would be a boy...girls are just that much more difficult. However, the older she gets, the more I enjoy her company and doing things with her, just because she's actually a pretty cool person in her own right. As of now, I still need to be firmly in the "mom" role, but once she's 18, I think we'll be good friends.

You know, Dora, I'm very well aware that Claire can have me completely fettered. She probably does play me big time. Since I know that, I take my little jabs as I'm falling to the mat. This is why have fun with her when I can. It gives me the illusion that I have some control!

Here's something only a devious parent could appreciate. I have this song I made up in about 10 seconds one day when Claire was 3. (We had just taken them in as foster parents.) Now mind you, I know how ridiculous this song is. It doesn't even make sense, but it serves my purpose now more than ever.

(Sung to the tune of "Casper the Friendly Ghost")
Claire-Bear, with pretty hair
The prettiest hair I know
She loves to wiggle her little feet
And wiggle her little toes!

Silly and pointless, right? Funny when she was 3. Enough to make her blood boil now that she's 13. No exaggeration, I have sung this song to her at least every day for the past 10 years. I'm sure I haven't sung it some days, but I've more than made up for it on days that I have. 365 x 10 = a whole lot of songs sung.

Crazy? Of course! But I need something in my hip pocket! She has me completely confused otherwise!

 

[handy]

Gotta love it, Mike...my personal "weapon of choice" ;) is to break out in song, too. But, I usually sing the "Sound of Music"...because there is NO. POSSIBLE. WAY. I could ever sing that song and make it sound remotely good. It's not that I'm a terrible singer...but I have an extremely limited range and the Sound of Music ain't in it!


:bigfrown Going back to your OP...I hope your daughter is handling things a bit differently than a former "friend" of Viola's. The latest boy du jour, Zach, is firming things up with Viola. His conversation with Steve after school went well...then Viola and I just happened to run into him and his family when the two of us were in town last weekend. So, last night he came to my daughter's Halloween party down in town. He's a really nice kid, cementing Steve's and my good impression of him by, when coming to the party, sitting and talking with Steve for quite a while at the kitchen table before joining the fray out on the back patio. And, I was pleased that Viola didn't have the least bit of problem with that either.

However, apparently Zach "dated" someone who, sadly, was once Viola's best friend. He cut things off after one date because, as he told Viola, she was "too clingy". Well, since Zach and Viola are getting closer, this former friend is really doing everything she can to break them up. Viola didn't go to school today, but Thomas did and Thomas got an earful of some pretty malicious gossip the girl was broadcasting on the bus about how pathetic Viola is if she thinks Zach would ever look twice at her (since she wasn't at the party last night, she didn't know Zach was there nor see the big hug Zach gave Viola as he left) and that she was going to "put Viola in her place".

I don't know what it is about girls and how malicious they can get when things like this happen. One would have thought that Zach just dated the girl last week...when it was actually around a year ago and not only that, she has had several boyfriends since then and is dating someone else now as well.

I asked Viola what she planned to do and apparently the girl has been telling lies and being pretty mean to several other girls as well, so she talked with the other girls who have been targeted and they are going to go to the school counselor tomorrow. I thought that was a pretty good idea.

Gah...girls!!!! 2