Christ_empowered
Member
I keep thinking that the hatred people express for me around here (especially around my neighborhood) is something new. I keep wondering, why God, am I being openly taunted and tormented when I'm law abiding and minding my own business? Then, I realized...
...people around here have always had serious problems with me. Society in general doesn't go for flamers with mental problems. That creates a sort of darned if you, darned if you don't situation. Stay flaming and crazy, you'll be hated. Get saved and changed ("Know Jesus, Know Change"), you'll be even more hated, at least more openly hated.
Truth is, I do need to know how people feel about me. I wish they wouldn't scream it at me when I'm in my parents' back yard, minding my own business, but...hey...
...I just didn't matter to anybody, that's all. My parents have only now begun to really care, a little less than 2 years after I got saved. I wouldn't say they were straight up abusive so much as they didn't know how to deal with children and they tended to neglect me, so I was victimized from an early age. Happens.
Now...its like...I have the beginnings of a relationship with my father. We're not super close or whatever, but something is certainly better than the icy gap that used to exist between us.
I post here all the time about the neighbors and people in general taunting me--screaming about my past (real, imagine, exaggerated), "federal warrants" (I already have an attorney, thanks to my dad), all sorts of stuff. The latest is that they make fun of my weight and call me "nothing special" and a "pizza delivery boy." Yeah, I wish. If I delivered pizzas around here, people would make my life H-e-l-l.
So, yeah...this has been, and is, the great reveal. You were: geeky, neglected, unkempt, sickly, too short, socially inept, and a flamer. Not only were your people "rinky dink middle class" (yes, that's a direct quote), they obviously didn't much care for you. BOOM!
Christ's work in my life makes a lot of people angry. Ugly people are supposed to stay ugly. Stupid people are supposed to stay stupid. Mental patients have to know our place in society.
But...Christ has *always* made people angry, so that's nothing new. Honestly, even now, when I read The Bible, I have to sometimes think: OK...just accept it...because I have worldly notions of how God *should* be, you know? So I kind of get where these people are coming from.
blah blah blah...I can't complain too much, not anymore. I do wish people would stop talking so loudly about me when they're close by, but, hey...I'm the pariah! LOL.
In the weirdest way, this is something of a praise report. I know more about my life, past and present, than I did before, despite 2 rounds of heavy, involuntary ECT (yeah, I know....my brain cells are working over time, lol).
The mystery is gone, I guess. I'm growing up, at 30 years old (better late than never, right?). I've been thoroughly disillusioned. I've learned to cling to Christ and Born Again Christians. I've learned that people in and of the world really aren't any better than me...and they're generally mostly the same. Some have more money, some less; some are black, some are white. Whatever. Sinners are sinners, and I used to be one, until Christ called me out of that mess.
So...yeah...thanks, everybody, for listening to me and giving me insight and advice, even when I sounded like a broken record. Thanks to Eugene, in particular, for pointing out that "trials and tribulations" and unpleasant times are a part of the Christian experience, and I'm no exception.
I think I'm done now, lol.
...people around here have always had serious problems with me. Society in general doesn't go for flamers with mental problems. That creates a sort of darned if you, darned if you don't situation. Stay flaming and crazy, you'll be hated. Get saved and changed ("Know Jesus, Know Change"), you'll be even more hated, at least more openly hated.
Truth is, I do need to know how people feel about me. I wish they wouldn't scream it at me when I'm in my parents' back yard, minding my own business, but...hey...
...I just didn't matter to anybody, that's all. My parents have only now begun to really care, a little less than 2 years after I got saved. I wouldn't say they were straight up abusive so much as they didn't know how to deal with children and they tended to neglect me, so I was victimized from an early age. Happens.
Now...its like...I have the beginnings of a relationship with my father. We're not super close or whatever, but something is certainly better than the icy gap that used to exist between us.
I post here all the time about the neighbors and people in general taunting me--screaming about my past (real, imagine, exaggerated), "federal warrants" (I already have an attorney, thanks to my dad), all sorts of stuff. The latest is that they make fun of my weight and call me "nothing special" and a "pizza delivery boy." Yeah, I wish. If I delivered pizzas around here, people would make my life H-e-l-l.
So, yeah...this has been, and is, the great reveal. You were: geeky, neglected, unkempt, sickly, too short, socially inept, and a flamer. Not only were your people "rinky dink middle class" (yes, that's a direct quote), they obviously didn't much care for you. BOOM!
Christ's work in my life makes a lot of people angry. Ugly people are supposed to stay ugly. Stupid people are supposed to stay stupid. Mental patients have to know our place in society.
But...Christ has *always* made people angry, so that's nothing new. Honestly, even now, when I read The Bible, I have to sometimes think: OK...just accept it...because I have worldly notions of how God *should* be, you know? So I kind of get where these people are coming from.
blah blah blah...I can't complain too much, not anymore. I do wish people would stop talking so loudly about me when they're close by, but, hey...I'm the pariah! LOL.
In the weirdest way, this is something of a praise report. I know more about my life, past and present, than I did before, despite 2 rounds of heavy, involuntary ECT (yeah, I know....my brain cells are working over time, lol).
The mystery is gone, I guess. I'm growing up, at 30 years old (better late than never, right?). I've been thoroughly disillusioned. I've learned to cling to Christ and Born Again Christians. I've learned that people in and of the world really aren't any better than me...and they're generally mostly the same. Some have more money, some less; some are black, some are white. Whatever. Sinners are sinners, and I used to be one, until Christ called me out of that mess.
So...yeah...thanks, everybody, for listening to me and giving me insight and advice, even when I sounded like a broken record. Thanks to Eugene, in particular, for pointing out that "trials and tribulations" and unpleasant times are a part of the Christian experience, and I'm no exception.
I think I'm done now, lol.
