N
newsboysfan
Guest
This is a humorous story I wrote with my friend about... mmhmm *looks at signature* yah... (I'm Nilanna and kateact)
PART ONE
CURIOSITY KILLED THE CAT
Phil Joel lay out on the roof of his house, in Franklin, TN. The stars above him shone lightly, and he could hear his wife below him preparing for bed.
"Phil, honey, time for bed, you have to leave tomorrow!" Heather called up. Phil reluctantly climbed back into the house, and slipped into bed, his mind still preoccupied.
Heather quickly fell asleep, leaving her awake husband to ponder a STUPID argument he had had earlier that day...
"AHHH!!!!!!" Phil screamed as 'Lil Kim leapt off the mantle piece, onto his head, and to the carpet.
"Sorry Phil, she's a little excited right now." Jeff said as he scooped the cat off the ground, and began to pet her.
"She.. she... She tried to kill me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Phil screamed madly at the animal. Kim hissed and sunk her claws into Jeff's jeans.
"Ow.. Phil she didn't try to kill you. She wanted my attention. She has strange ways of doing it, but she wanted to sit on her Jeff's lap."
"Her Jeff? Oh, so now you belong to the stupid cat! If I were you Jeff, I'd have her put to sleep!"
Jeff glared at Phil. "Put to sleep How could you be so cruel Just because you don't like cats doesn't mean one deserves to die!" Jeff stroked the cats fur angrily, and Kim hissed in annoyance.
Phil sneered. "That creature is scum! I'd let Piha eat her if she ever got close to my house!"
Jeff stood up, and put the cat on the floor. "Why don't you try to accept her! What did a cat ever do to you?"
"SHE TRIED TO KILL ME, THAT'S WHAT SHE DID!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"SHUT UP!!!!" Both men looked over to the kitchen door, where Jeni stood with her hands thrown up in the air. "Shut up both of you! Just leave, Phil, if the cat's bugging you! Jeff, I need to speak with you."
Jeff glared at Phil one last time, and followed his wife into the kitchen muttering. "Stupid person, just who does he think he is?" Phil glared as well, and walked out the door, slamming it on the way.
"I almost got him, I almost got him!" Nilanna said as she stuck her hand under the bed. "I got him, c'mon out, Lynx."
"Aww, Lynxy-poo" Boomerang cooed as the tuxedo cat emerged from under the bed. The long, thin cat was almost pure black, other than a white belly, white socks, and a white neck. A little pink stripe went down his black nose, and his green eyes stared up happily.
"Mrrow." He mewed.
Nilanna cuddled the cat to her and the two friends headed down to the basement to go to sleep, seeing as how it is called a sleep-over. (*cough cough, KATIE, cough cough*)
As they were lying down, the cat cuddled snuggly between their feet, boomerang commented, "I wonder what Lynx would say right now, if he could talk? Or if he were a person..."
as they fell asleep, one of boomerang's books fell onto the floor, and flipped over. A strange green light flashed, and then there was silence.
Phil Joel blinked open his eyes, to a very blue room. Wondering why he was in a blue room, considering his room was white, Phil looked around for Heather. All he saw was a cat, a very, very large silver striped cat.
"AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Phil screamed, "Get away from me you TIGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Wha?"
"Huh?"
Two loud voices shattered Phil's eardrums. Phil clapped his hands over his ears, and then he came to a sudden realization that he hadn't much hair covering his ears.
"Heather, did you cut my hair?"
"What's your stupid brother talking about now?" Nilanna asked sleepily.
"I don't know, but he seems close."
Reaching her hand over to where the cat sat snug against the blankets, she began to pet the silver back. "Hmm, both Tiger and Lynx are over here. I'll hand you Lynx-poo, and keep Tige for myself." Boomerang reached over and picked up Lynx and Tiger and handed Lynx to Nilanna.
Phil let out a yelp as a hand scooped him up in to the air. He fell into a large lap.
"Aww, maybe he's scared." Nilanna cooed. She began to pet the cat, running a hand down his back.
Phil began to feel a hand moving down his back, and that was, uncomfortable. "Hey, no touchy."
"Hmm, I wonder what's up with David... He doesn't usually talk. Just hit..." Boomerang said, stroking her own burden, the two looked at each other. Jokingly Boomerang looked at the cat.
"Lynxy-poo, do you know where that nasty noise is coming from?"
Phil stared at the giant nonchalantly. Not understanding why she had called him 'Lynxy-poo' he decided to answer her just for the hay of it.
"Absolutely, it's coming from me."
Nilanna screamed, and dropped the cat onto the blankets.
"BOOMERANG YOUR CAT TALKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"WHAT??!!!!!!!!! Lynx, say something.†she yelled at the cat.
Phil had had enough with the Lynx business. "My name is not 'Lynx'. It's Phil. Phil Joel."
Boomerang blinked, obviously surprised. "Dude, you have been spending waaaaaay too much time with me, cat, 'cause Phil is a long-haired BLONDE."
"What do you mean by 'Cat'?" Phil growled.
"Maybe Lynky needs to have a reality check." Nilanna said as she scooped the wailing Phil from the chair, and took him to the mirror.
"AAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Phil screamed as he looked into the mirror. "This is JEFF'S work, isn't it. Next time I see that kid I'm gonna kill him!"
"Dude, you reallllllllly need to a kitty-psychiatrist. Or maybe a furr-ball insane asylum. You've lost, it boy." Boomerang said.
"No!!! Jeff did this to me! I know it! Let me out of here! I need a paintball gun and lots of paintballs for when I see him!"
"Naw, Lynx, it was the evil car door." Boomerang replied again, and Nilanna giggled.
"Would you ever pet a burning dog? Don't, it's not fun." Phil said.
"What? What's that supposed to mean?"
"Why should I tell YOU?"
"'Cause you're a cat, and if I don't take you home, then you'll be a cat forever."
"Okay, okay I'll tell you..."
Meanwhile, at the Joel's house Heather was just waking up. Her husband was unsurprisingly curled up under the blankets, still fast asleep. She reached over and pulled some of his hair out of his eyes, and was surprised when he rolled over, curled up around her hand, and began to vibrate. Almost like he was purring.
"Mmrrow." He murmured sleepily. Heather didn't bother, Phil had had some odd dreams before, and he did sleep-talk once in a while.
"Honey, it's time to wake up, you have to leave in thirty minuets." Heather shook Phil awake. Phil opened his eyes lazily, and stretched. To Heather's surprise, he rolled straight off the bed and onto the floor. After playing in the blankets for a second, he crawled out, and on his hands and knees headed a strode off, out the door.
"Phil..." Heather followed him out the door. Watching her husband stick his nose into the dog's bowl, and sniff around, she decided that he needed to come back to reality. Walking over she Put a hand on his shoulder, and pulled him up straight on his feet. But, to her shock, he fell back to hands and knees, and meowed.
Then he began to wiggle. Wiggle and wriggle laying his front nearly flat on the ground. He was pulling his head backwards into his shirt.
"Phil sweetie, you need to wake up." But Phil continued to do this, 'til he had pulled himself free of the shirt. As she watched this, she heard a loud noise from the front of the house, as the tour bus pulled up to pick him up.
"Uh-oh." She murmured. Turning back around, she had just enough time to see Phil pull himself free of his pants. Grabbing a nearby blanket, she thrust it over her husband thinking, 'If Phynly sees this, uh, it'll be the end of Phil.'
After a couple more beeps, there was a loud knock on the door.
"Hey, Heather, is Phil ready?" Peter asked as he stepped into the house.
"Uh," Heather looked over her shoulder and watched Phil try to escape the blankets, and get hopelessly, stuck. "Maybe you shouldn't come in."
"Why?" Peter asked.
"Uh, Phil, isn't uh, wearing much... And I think he believes he's an animal... A cat, perhaps..."
"Okay, Phil is acting like an animal, like a cat, and running around the house without a lot clothes on."
"Yup. He's wearing just enough... But I threw a blanket over him."
"Where is he?"
"In the kitchen..."
"Hey guys!" Peter yelled over, and motioned to the driver to stop the bus. "C'mon in!"
"MRRRROOOOWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hhhhhhhhh!" The so called 'Phil' hissed from under the blanket.
As the guys came up, they heard the noise. "Have you adopted a cat, Heather? Phil won't be happy about this..." Jeff remarked, remembering the incident at his house with 'Lil Kim.
"Nope, I found one sleeping next to me this morning." Heather replied.
"Awwwww, I wanna see 'im!" Duncan cooed.
"Hmm, did Phil know?" Jody asked.
"MMMRRROOOWWW!!!"
"Phynly must be hurting it." Duncan commented.
"Ohhh, I'll go in and get it away from the child." Jeff said, stepping towards the door.
"Wait, umm, why don't you stay out on the porch, I'll go make some, uh, coffee!" Heather said quickly.
"Oooh, sounds great to me!" Jody piped up. Everyone else in the band looked at Jody hard, more interested in rescuing the 'cat' from the kid.
"MMMRRROOOWWW!!!"
"Look, Heather, the cat's in dis..." Jeff then saw Phil's hand come out from under a mound of blankets. "What's Phil doing?"
"Uh-oh." Quickly slamming the door she hurried over to where her husband had freed himself, for the most part, of the blankets. Grabbing some more blankets she wrapped Phil up, nice and hard, and hit him hard upside the head, and he fell unconscious.
Peter opened the door, and said, "It's okay, we understand the situation. We'll handle this." And they shooed her out of the room.
"OK, this is what we have to do. We need to put Phil in a cage, and take a bus to Nashville, and try to return Phil to his rightful place." Nilanna said.
"How are we going to get past mom?" Boomerang asked skeptically.
"Uh, we can tell her we saw the injured bird again and are going with the cat cage..."
"With the cat to find the bird?"
"Okay, okay, I'll keep thinking."
"I know!" Boomerang snapped her fingers. "We can say we're taking him for a walk, to get some fresh air!"
"What Your mom doesn't even let him outside!"
Boomerang gave Nilanna a hard look. "In a CAGE, birdbrain!"
"Oooh, yeah. Sorry, I forgot. But then, how are we going to get the bus tickets"
"Uh, we pay for them? They can't cost too much more than $50 each..." Nilanna gave Boomerang a look that said, "No WAY!"
"Don't worry, girls, I'll pay. I have money in my bank account, all you have to do is get it." Phil said.
"Okay, But how do we get the to the bank? And to the bus station? And we're going to need a meal!" Nilanna wailed.
"You are just going to have to buy something from the McDonalds dollar menu! At least it would feed you, you can't eat THAT much. And, we can drive, you know." Phil replied.
"Uh, people would be very suspicious of seeing a cat drive, 'cause we don't know how."
"I'll give you a crash course." Phil said, anxiously.
"Sorry, I think we'll walk to the bank. It's not that far, and then we can get on the local bus, explain why we have a cat, and go to the international bus station."
"EXPLAIN?" Nilanna yelled.
"Uh, what else can do?" Boomerang asked.
"Oh, okay. Let's pack, we're taking you to Franklin, right?"
"Yeah. I'll tell him the address."
"NO! Your a cat, remember?"
"Oh, yeah, I forgot. I mean, after 30 years of being a human man, sometimes you forget when you become a CAT! It's all Jeff's fault. I'll tell you about the argument in the car..."
"NO!!!!"
"So what are we going to do with him?" Peter said as he held Phil up by the collar of his shirt. "I mean, this is a serious dent in our program."
"Yeah, Phil sings 'Entertaining Kitties.'" Jody said jokingly.
Lynx who was wailing in pain, lifted a hand to scratch Peter with his non-existent claws.
"Oh, let him go down on his knees, again, he won't be able to get out of those clothes... With that rope tied around his waist, he'll be lucky to breathe." Dunny said.
Dropping Lynx to the ground, Lynx scampered under the table.
"I mean, seriously, what do we do? The bass replacement is outa town, and with Phil like this, it could be a bad situation." Peter took a sip of his tea.
"That's the UNDERSTANTEMENT of the year!" Jeff laughed.
"I know, why don't we tell them that we fired Phil!" Jody roared.
"That he's go amnesia!" Dunny suggested.
Peter looked at the band hard, who were being entertained by the 'cat' trying to bathe his face.
"Well, this is certainly a pickle."
"Ugh, this is soo not luxurious!" Nilanna complained as the crowded bus to Nashville bumped nastily down the road. The bus was cheap, and the seats were hard. "Why couldn't we had gotten a better bus?"
"Because this was the first bus that came through." Phil told her. "And it's not like I like this anymore than you do, I'm in a CAGE!"
"What did you think we'd put you in, a mansion" Boomerang asked sarcastically.
"Hey Boomerang, that reminds me, can I borrow 'Message in a...'"
"Is that ALL you think of?"
"No."
"Okay then, when we get home, I'll give it to you..."
"Really?"
"To borrow, dumbbell." Boomerang said exasperatedly.
"Hey! That's not very nice!"
"Neither is this seat."
"Or this cage!"
"YOU stay out of this!"
"Hey, I should have some say in this conversation, I am still the man here!"
Everyone, by this point, was staring at the cat.
"My, boomerang, where'd you get that nice recording of Phil Joel?"
"I'm not a recording!"
"Phil! Look around!" Nilanna said through her teeth.
"Oops. Meow?"
"Just be quiet!"
"Ok."
"Ah, finally, a cushioned seat!" Nilanna moaned as she sat down in the taxi. After four hours of bumping in that non-cushioned bus, with no one to talk to other than Phil, the trip was over, well, almost.
"Oh, quit it. I don't get any relief." Phil hissed from inside of the cage.
Boomerang laughed. The expression of Lynx's, er, Phil's face was one-of-a-million.
"What a face! What emotion! What art!" Nilanna said grandly gesturing at the cat.
The driver turned around.
"Who are you talking to?"
"The cat." Boomerang replied.
"Then why do I hear another voice?"
"You're hearing things." Nilanna said nonchalantly.
As they turned the corner, they could see 'Phil Joel' laying on the porch, stretching and snoozing, and bathing, like a cat. Peter Furler was standing over him, holding a cup o' tea.
"PETER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PETER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE HAVE PHIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Boomerang and Nilanna screamed as they approached the house.
"AHH!!! I have sensitive ears, you know!" Phil cried, then he hoped out of Boomerang's arms and ran to Peter, hugging him around the leg. "peter, peter, peter, peter, peter, PETER!!!"
Peter looked down. At this point, Lynx got up and crawled to his owner.
'What are we going to do for the concert?" Peter asked, lifting Phil into the air, and handing him to a surprised Heather, who had just walked out the door.
"HEATHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Heather, heather, heather, heather!"
Heather screamed and dropped Phil, racing into the house.
"Seems to be a common reaction." He said turning to Nilanna, who blushed.
"Well, I guess we should just go, and maybe you could try to explain..."
The band arrived at the concert, very nervous. As Peter went up on stage, both Phil and Lynx around back, he prepped himself for the speech on why Phil wasn't there.
Just as Peter stepped onto the stage, Boomerang pulled a book out of her bag, and looked at it.
"What's that?"
"I don't know, it was on the ground this morning, so I'm gonna read it and find out..." Boomerang replied.
Just as she attempted to open the book, it slipped from her hands and fell open. A green flash of light appeared and then...
"Oww, these clothes are tight!"
Peter stopped dead in his speech. "PHIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" The whole band shot off stage to where Phil was trying to re-adjust his belt. Boomerang had caught the cat, and Heather Joel, who was present to watch her husband, was hugging him tightly.
Boomerang and Nilanna shook their heads.
"Hey, where did that come from?" Duncan asked, motioning to the book.
"Don't know, but if you want it, you can have it." Boomerang said, handing the book off.
"Okay."
After the concert, after Boomerang and Kateact had headed home, and Jeff and Phil had made up, there was a party in which Duncan, was, as usual, taking large helpings.
"Duncan, you are such a pig!" Peter laughed, watching Duncan cram food down his throat.
"I am not!"
"Yes you are, Dunny, just live with it."
"Whatever."
"Hey, Nilanna, when does the plane to Maine leave?"
"Oh, no, in a couple of hours. We have to go!" Nilanna responded, and the two of them headed to the door to the taxi waited for them.
"This is going to be soooo much fun! Visiting my Grandparents, and my Uncle Dave, he owns a farm, complete with pigs, chickens, and a cow or two."
That night on the tour bus, Duncan twisted and turned in nightmares, and knocked a book off the bedside table. With a flash of electric pink light...
Dadadadum!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PART ONE
CURIOSITY KILLED THE CAT
Phil Joel lay out on the roof of his house, in Franklin, TN. The stars above him shone lightly, and he could hear his wife below him preparing for bed.
"Phil, honey, time for bed, you have to leave tomorrow!" Heather called up. Phil reluctantly climbed back into the house, and slipped into bed, his mind still preoccupied.
Heather quickly fell asleep, leaving her awake husband to ponder a STUPID argument he had had earlier that day...
"AHHH!!!!!!" Phil screamed as 'Lil Kim leapt off the mantle piece, onto his head, and to the carpet.
"Sorry Phil, she's a little excited right now." Jeff said as he scooped the cat off the ground, and began to pet her.
"She.. she... She tried to kill me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Phil screamed madly at the animal. Kim hissed and sunk her claws into Jeff's jeans.
"Ow.. Phil she didn't try to kill you. She wanted my attention. She has strange ways of doing it, but she wanted to sit on her Jeff's lap."
"Her Jeff? Oh, so now you belong to the stupid cat! If I were you Jeff, I'd have her put to sleep!"
Jeff glared at Phil. "Put to sleep How could you be so cruel Just because you don't like cats doesn't mean one deserves to die!" Jeff stroked the cats fur angrily, and Kim hissed in annoyance.
Phil sneered. "That creature is scum! I'd let Piha eat her if she ever got close to my house!"
Jeff stood up, and put the cat on the floor. "Why don't you try to accept her! What did a cat ever do to you?"
"SHE TRIED TO KILL ME, THAT'S WHAT SHE DID!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"SHUT UP!!!!" Both men looked over to the kitchen door, where Jeni stood with her hands thrown up in the air. "Shut up both of you! Just leave, Phil, if the cat's bugging you! Jeff, I need to speak with you."
Jeff glared at Phil one last time, and followed his wife into the kitchen muttering. "Stupid person, just who does he think he is?" Phil glared as well, and walked out the door, slamming it on the way.
"I almost got him, I almost got him!" Nilanna said as she stuck her hand under the bed. "I got him, c'mon out, Lynx."
"Aww, Lynxy-poo" Boomerang cooed as the tuxedo cat emerged from under the bed. The long, thin cat was almost pure black, other than a white belly, white socks, and a white neck. A little pink stripe went down his black nose, and his green eyes stared up happily.
"Mrrow." He mewed.
Nilanna cuddled the cat to her and the two friends headed down to the basement to go to sleep, seeing as how it is called a sleep-over. (*cough cough, KATIE, cough cough*)
As they were lying down, the cat cuddled snuggly between their feet, boomerang commented, "I wonder what Lynx would say right now, if he could talk? Or if he were a person..."
as they fell asleep, one of boomerang's books fell onto the floor, and flipped over. A strange green light flashed, and then there was silence.
Phil Joel blinked open his eyes, to a very blue room. Wondering why he was in a blue room, considering his room was white, Phil looked around for Heather. All he saw was a cat, a very, very large silver striped cat.
"AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Phil screamed, "Get away from me you TIGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Wha?"
"Huh?"
Two loud voices shattered Phil's eardrums. Phil clapped his hands over his ears, and then he came to a sudden realization that he hadn't much hair covering his ears.
"Heather, did you cut my hair?"
"What's your stupid brother talking about now?" Nilanna asked sleepily.
"I don't know, but he seems close."
Reaching her hand over to where the cat sat snug against the blankets, she began to pet the silver back. "Hmm, both Tiger and Lynx are over here. I'll hand you Lynx-poo, and keep Tige for myself." Boomerang reached over and picked up Lynx and Tiger and handed Lynx to Nilanna.
Phil let out a yelp as a hand scooped him up in to the air. He fell into a large lap.
"Aww, maybe he's scared." Nilanna cooed. She began to pet the cat, running a hand down his back.
Phil began to feel a hand moving down his back, and that was, uncomfortable. "Hey, no touchy."
"Hmm, I wonder what's up with David... He doesn't usually talk. Just hit..." Boomerang said, stroking her own burden, the two looked at each other. Jokingly Boomerang looked at the cat.
"Lynxy-poo, do you know where that nasty noise is coming from?"
Phil stared at the giant nonchalantly. Not understanding why she had called him 'Lynxy-poo' he decided to answer her just for the hay of it.
"Absolutely, it's coming from me."
Nilanna screamed, and dropped the cat onto the blankets.
"BOOMERANG YOUR CAT TALKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"WHAT??!!!!!!!!! Lynx, say something.†she yelled at the cat.
Phil had had enough with the Lynx business. "My name is not 'Lynx'. It's Phil. Phil Joel."
Boomerang blinked, obviously surprised. "Dude, you have been spending waaaaaay too much time with me, cat, 'cause Phil is a long-haired BLONDE."
"What do you mean by 'Cat'?" Phil growled.
"Maybe Lynky needs to have a reality check." Nilanna said as she scooped the wailing Phil from the chair, and took him to the mirror.
"AAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Phil screamed as he looked into the mirror. "This is JEFF'S work, isn't it. Next time I see that kid I'm gonna kill him!"
"Dude, you reallllllllly need to a kitty-psychiatrist. Or maybe a furr-ball insane asylum. You've lost, it boy." Boomerang said.
"No!!! Jeff did this to me! I know it! Let me out of here! I need a paintball gun and lots of paintballs for when I see him!"
"Naw, Lynx, it was the evil car door." Boomerang replied again, and Nilanna giggled.
"Would you ever pet a burning dog? Don't, it's not fun." Phil said.
"What? What's that supposed to mean?"
"Why should I tell YOU?"
"'Cause you're a cat, and if I don't take you home, then you'll be a cat forever."
"Okay, okay I'll tell you..."
Meanwhile, at the Joel's house Heather was just waking up. Her husband was unsurprisingly curled up under the blankets, still fast asleep. She reached over and pulled some of his hair out of his eyes, and was surprised when he rolled over, curled up around her hand, and began to vibrate. Almost like he was purring.
"Mmrrow." He murmured sleepily. Heather didn't bother, Phil had had some odd dreams before, and he did sleep-talk once in a while.
"Honey, it's time to wake up, you have to leave in thirty minuets." Heather shook Phil awake. Phil opened his eyes lazily, and stretched. To Heather's surprise, he rolled straight off the bed and onto the floor. After playing in the blankets for a second, he crawled out, and on his hands and knees headed a strode off, out the door.
"Phil..." Heather followed him out the door. Watching her husband stick his nose into the dog's bowl, and sniff around, she decided that he needed to come back to reality. Walking over she Put a hand on his shoulder, and pulled him up straight on his feet. But, to her shock, he fell back to hands and knees, and meowed.
Then he began to wiggle. Wiggle and wriggle laying his front nearly flat on the ground. He was pulling his head backwards into his shirt.
"Phil sweetie, you need to wake up." But Phil continued to do this, 'til he had pulled himself free of the shirt. As she watched this, she heard a loud noise from the front of the house, as the tour bus pulled up to pick him up.
"Uh-oh." She murmured. Turning back around, she had just enough time to see Phil pull himself free of his pants. Grabbing a nearby blanket, she thrust it over her husband thinking, 'If Phynly sees this, uh, it'll be the end of Phil.'
After a couple more beeps, there was a loud knock on the door.
"Hey, Heather, is Phil ready?" Peter asked as he stepped into the house.
"Uh," Heather looked over her shoulder and watched Phil try to escape the blankets, and get hopelessly, stuck. "Maybe you shouldn't come in."
"Why?" Peter asked.
"Uh, Phil, isn't uh, wearing much... And I think he believes he's an animal... A cat, perhaps..."
"Okay, Phil is acting like an animal, like a cat, and running around the house without a lot clothes on."
"Yup. He's wearing just enough... But I threw a blanket over him."
"Where is he?"
"In the kitchen..."
"Hey guys!" Peter yelled over, and motioned to the driver to stop the bus. "C'mon in!"
"MRRRROOOOWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hhhhhhhhh!" The so called 'Phil' hissed from under the blanket.
As the guys came up, they heard the noise. "Have you adopted a cat, Heather? Phil won't be happy about this..." Jeff remarked, remembering the incident at his house with 'Lil Kim.
"Nope, I found one sleeping next to me this morning." Heather replied.
"Awwwww, I wanna see 'im!" Duncan cooed.
"Hmm, did Phil know?" Jody asked.
"MMMRRROOOWWW!!!"
"Phynly must be hurting it." Duncan commented.
"Ohhh, I'll go in and get it away from the child." Jeff said, stepping towards the door.
"Wait, umm, why don't you stay out on the porch, I'll go make some, uh, coffee!" Heather said quickly.
"Oooh, sounds great to me!" Jody piped up. Everyone else in the band looked at Jody hard, more interested in rescuing the 'cat' from the kid.
"MMMRRROOOWWW!!!"
"Look, Heather, the cat's in dis..." Jeff then saw Phil's hand come out from under a mound of blankets. "What's Phil doing?"
"Uh-oh." Quickly slamming the door she hurried over to where her husband had freed himself, for the most part, of the blankets. Grabbing some more blankets she wrapped Phil up, nice and hard, and hit him hard upside the head, and he fell unconscious.
Peter opened the door, and said, "It's okay, we understand the situation. We'll handle this." And they shooed her out of the room.
"OK, this is what we have to do. We need to put Phil in a cage, and take a bus to Nashville, and try to return Phil to his rightful place." Nilanna said.
"How are we going to get past mom?" Boomerang asked skeptically.
"Uh, we can tell her we saw the injured bird again and are going with the cat cage..."
"With the cat to find the bird?"
"Okay, okay, I'll keep thinking."
"I know!" Boomerang snapped her fingers. "We can say we're taking him for a walk, to get some fresh air!"
"What Your mom doesn't even let him outside!"
Boomerang gave Nilanna a hard look. "In a CAGE, birdbrain!"
"Oooh, yeah. Sorry, I forgot. But then, how are we going to get the bus tickets"
"Uh, we pay for them? They can't cost too much more than $50 each..." Nilanna gave Boomerang a look that said, "No WAY!"
"Don't worry, girls, I'll pay. I have money in my bank account, all you have to do is get it." Phil said.
"Okay, But how do we get the to the bank? And to the bus station? And we're going to need a meal!" Nilanna wailed.
"You are just going to have to buy something from the McDonalds dollar menu! At least it would feed you, you can't eat THAT much. And, we can drive, you know." Phil replied.
"Uh, people would be very suspicious of seeing a cat drive, 'cause we don't know how."
"I'll give you a crash course." Phil said, anxiously.
"Sorry, I think we'll walk to the bank. It's not that far, and then we can get on the local bus, explain why we have a cat, and go to the international bus station."
"EXPLAIN?" Nilanna yelled.
"Uh, what else can do?" Boomerang asked.
"Oh, okay. Let's pack, we're taking you to Franklin, right?"
"Yeah. I'll tell him the address."
"NO! Your a cat, remember?"
"Oh, yeah, I forgot. I mean, after 30 years of being a human man, sometimes you forget when you become a CAT! It's all Jeff's fault. I'll tell you about the argument in the car..."
"NO!!!!"
"So what are we going to do with him?" Peter said as he held Phil up by the collar of his shirt. "I mean, this is a serious dent in our program."
"Yeah, Phil sings 'Entertaining Kitties.'" Jody said jokingly.
Lynx who was wailing in pain, lifted a hand to scratch Peter with his non-existent claws.
"Oh, let him go down on his knees, again, he won't be able to get out of those clothes... With that rope tied around his waist, he'll be lucky to breathe." Dunny said.
Dropping Lynx to the ground, Lynx scampered under the table.
"I mean, seriously, what do we do? The bass replacement is outa town, and with Phil like this, it could be a bad situation." Peter took a sip of his tea.
"That's the UNDERSTANTEMENT of the year!" Jeff laughed.
"I know, why don't we tell them that we fired Phil!" Jody roared.
"That he's go amnesia!" Dunny suggested.
Peter looked at the band hard, who were being entertained by the 'cat' trying to bathe his face.
"Well, this is certainly a pickle."
"Ugh, this is soo not luxurious!" Nilanna complained as the crowded bus to Nashville bumped nastily down the road. The bus was cheap, and the seats were hard. "Why couldn't we had gotten a better bus?"
"Because this was the first bus that came through." Phil told her. "And it's not like I like this anymore than you do, I'm in a CAGE!"
"What did you think we'd put you in, a mansion" Boomerang asked sarcastically.
"Hey Boomerang, that reminds me, can I borrow 'Message in a...'"
"Is that ALL you think of?"
"No."
"Okay then, when we get home, I'll give it to you..."
"Really?"
"To borrow, dumbbell." Boomerang said exasperatedly.
"Hey! That's not very nice!"
"Neither is this seat."
"Or this cage!"
"YOU stay out of this!"
"Hey, I should have some say in this conversation, I am still the man here!"
Everyone, by this point, was staring at the cat.
"My, boomerang, where'd you get that nice recording of Phil Joel?"
"I'm not a recording!"
"Phil! Look around!" Nilanna said through her teeth.
"Oops. Meow?"
"Just be quiet!"
"Ok."
"Ah, finally, a cushioned seat!" Nilanna moaned as she sat down in the taxi. After four hours of bumping in that non-cushioned bus, with no one to talk to other than Phil, the trip was over, well, almost.
"Oh, quit it. I don't get any relief." Phil hissed from inside of the cage.
Boomerang laughed. The expression of Lynx's, er, Phil's face was one-of-a-million.
"What a face! What emotion! What art!" Nilanna said grandly gesturing at the cat.
The driver turned around.
"Who are you talking to?"
"The cat." Boomerang replied.
"Then why do I hear another voice?"
"You're hearing things." Nilanna said nonchalantly.
As they turned the corner, they could see 'Phil Joel' laying on the porch, stretching and snoozing, and bathing, like a cat. Peter Furler was standing over him, holding a cup o' tea.
"PETER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PETER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE HAVE PHIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Boomerang and Nilanna screamed as they approached the house.
"AHH!!! I have sensitive ears, you know!" Phil cried, then he hoped out of Boomerang's arms and ran to Peter, hugging him around the leg. "peter, peter, peter, peter, peter, PETER!!!"
Peter looked down. At this point, Lynx got up and crawled to his owner.
'What are we going to do for the concert?" Peter asked, lifting Phil into the air, and handing him to a surprised Heather, who had just walked out the door.
"HEATHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Heather, heather, heather, heather!"
Heather screamed and dropped Phil, racing into the house.
"Seems to be a common reaction." He said turning to Nilanna, who blushed.
"Well, I guess we should just go, and maybe you could try to explain..."
The band arrived at the concert, very nervous. As Peter went up on stage, both Phil and Lynx around back, he prepped himself for the speech on why Phil wasn't there.
Just as Peter stepped onto the stage, Boomerang pulled a book out of her bag, and looked at it.
"What's that?"
"I don't know, it was on the ground this morning, so I'm gonna read it and find out..." Boomerang replied.
Just as she attempted to open the book, it slipped from her hands and fell open. A green flash of light appeared and then...
"Oww, these clothes are tight!"
Peter stopped dead in his speech. "PHIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" The whole band shot off stage to where Phil was trying to re-adjust his belt. Boomerang had caught the cat, and Heather Joel, who was present to watch her husband, was hugging him tightly.
Boomerang and Nilanna shook their heads.
"Hey, where did that come from?" Duncan asked, motioning to the book.
"Don't know, but if you want it, you can have it." Boomerang said, handing the book off.
"Okay."
After the concert, after Boomerang and Kateact had headed home, and Jeff and Phil had made up, there was a party in which Duncan, was, as usual, taking large helpings.
"Duncan, you are such a pig!" Peter laughed, watching Duncan cram food down his throat.
"I am not!"
"Yes you are, Dunny, just live with it."
"Whatever."
"Hey, Nilanna, when does the plane to Maine leave?"
"Oh, no, in a couple of hours. We have to go!" Nilanna responded, and the two of them headed to the door to the taxi waited for them.
"This is going to be soooo much fun! Visiting my Grandparents, and my Uncle Dave, he owns a farm, complete with pigs, chickens, and a cow or two."
That night on the tour bus, Duncan twisted and turned in nightmares, and knocked a book off the bedside table. With a flash of electric pink light...
Dadadadum!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!