Trouble Trying to Conceive

[Briseis]

I dont know if this is the right place to post this or if I should post it in the Health forum, but I figured people here would actually have experience conceiving. If its the wrong place, just let me know.

I read somewhere online that if you dont conceive after the first year of trying, you should see a doctor. My sister-in-law just conceived within her first month of trying. We have been trying since the new year, so about 10 months now. I chart my body temperature and we have sex 2 or 3 times per cycle. I am thinking maybe that is not enough. Should we just try harder before seeing a doctor? Or is this unusual?

 

[Claudya]

At what time of your cycle do you have sex? The best timing for getting pregnant would be having sex during the week before your ovulation. Sperm can stay alive in your body for 3 or 4 days, under really good conditions even up to 7 days. An ovum stays fertile for like 12 hours, 24 hours maximum. It's easier to hit a 4 day window than a 12 hour window, and when you see your temperature has gone up in the morning it may already be too late.
So you need to have sex during the 4 days before your ovulation. The closer to your ovulation, the better. It's a bit tricky to figure out when you are *before* your ovulation since there aren't any reliable clues from your body until after the ovulation, but your temperature charts of the past months and a little bit mathematics can help you a big deal.
But with 2 or 3 times per month you may just be missing that 4 day window completely during many of the months unless you focussed you effort around the right timing. Having sex more frequently especially during the relevant week of your cycle might be a good idea.
Also, 10 months isn't extremely long. For most couples it takes a while to conceive, your sister in law was very lucky.

 

[Matthew G]

100% agreed. With our second child, it was a little more than a year before we conceived. I can't really add much to what Claudya said, except perhaps your husband should take extra special care to keep his nether region cool - i.e. switch to boxers if he's a briefs man, or perhaps "go commando" - although the second one I would only say would be maybe 24 hours or so before you will try.

I say that because sperm are extremely fragile little creatures, and a great many of them die almost immediately after ejaculation just because of the heat "in there" that sex generates. Keeping them cool beforehand will increase the odds of them surviving to do their job.

At this point, I wouldn't worry too much. More than anything just remember that every individual is different, so you can't really compare time-frames. Just keep trying. I would agree that increasing the frequency would greatly increase your chances, but personally I would give it another good 5 or 6 months before I started consulting the doctor.

 

[Briseis]

Ok, thanks. I just looked at my past charts and I think I can makes some predictions. Thanks. I will also try to work on the frequency. Although my husband has very poor health and low energy so its not easy. But I know he wants this. He was the one to first suggest I go off birth control. But I will give it a few more months before going to a doctor.

 

[By Grace]

Ok, thanks. I just looked at my past charts and I think I can makes some predictions. Thanks. I will also try to work on the frequency. Although my husband has very poor health and low energy so its not easy. But I know he wants this. He was the one to first suggest I go off birth control. But I will give it a few more months before going to a doctor.

What I made red in your reply MAY be a clue to the heart of the issue.

If the sperm are damaged, or have a low motility, that means not able to move their flagella sufficiently to navigate the distance in a "hostile internal environment" then the cause may be him, not you. (The female environment is alkaline, and the ejaculate is acidic.) Talk to your or his GP to arrange a simple test, usually done in a hospital setting--masturbating into a test tube, then observing the results.

Also his medications for low energy may be contributing to low motility. Therefore, I believe that the first step should be to examine if your husband's soldiers can endure their long, hostile environment march.

 

[farouk]

What I made red in your reply MAY be a clue to the heart of the issue.

If the sperm are damaged, or have a low motility, that means not able to move their flagella sufficiently to navigate the distance in a "hostile internal environment" then the cause may be him, not you. (The female environment is alkaline, and the ejaculate is acidic.) Talk to your or his GP to arrange a simple test, usually done in a hospital setting--masturbating into a test tube, then observing the results.

...

Oh...

 

[Briseis]

I didn't know his low energy could cause his sperm to have "low energy". Good to know. :/

 

[farouk]

I didn't know his low energy could cause his sperm to have "low energy". Good to know. :/

Well, we learn something every day...

 

[By Grace]

I didn't know his low energy could cause his sperm to have "low energy". Good to know. :/

I did not make just "low energy" in red. You cited TWO factors that may be contributing:
Although my husband has very poor health and low energy so its not easy.

Whether it is the "very poor health" that causes the "low energy" or vice versa, it is not for me to say, nor can I make any diagnosis of any sort over the Internet. But I am also wondering about the possibility of depression in your husband. First hand, I know how that contributes to having low energy (I used to be a type A over achiever), but I had to go on disability because I did not have any stamina to do any sort of full time work.

Men are "hard wired" to be the bread winner in the family, and being disabled through depression and the sinister, chronic somatic side effects of that condition (Hubby looks "normal" to everyone, and when he looks into a mirror) cause a downward spiral that is sometimes impossible to get turned around with serious medical and psychological or Christian counseling. BUT if you do go to a Christian Counselor, go to one who understands depression. It is NOT something that you "through Bible verses at" in order to cure it. Indeed, it is a "thinking disorder" and sometimes the roots of depression grow deep from childhood experiences.

 

[farouk]

Hi By Grace; I didn't get the impression that Briseis was being unkind in anything she said.

She clearly wants to talk about a particular matter and seems grateful for advice.

Blessings.

 

[By Grace]

Hi By Grace; I didn't get the impression that Briseis was being unkind in anything she said. She clearly wants to talk about a particular matter and seems grateful for advice. Blessings.

If I am wrong, I apologize.

I did not know what she meant by that emoticon, so I assumed that she was being snarky. One good thing about the emoticons on the new board is that they can express better (and have name tags under them) what our mood is.

Gotta get ready for church

In my defense, I did go and explain things further. :

 

[Briseis]

Sorry for any confusion. I do a lot of texting so it was just a habit to make an emoticon with the keyboard instead of using one from the website. My emoticon was just supposed to be sort of anxious, since learning that there might be health problems in our way makes me nervous. But my husband it definitely not depressed. I will wait a few months still before seeing a doctor I think.

 

[By Grace]

Sorry for any confusion. I do a lot of texting so it was just a habit to make an emoticon with the keyboard instead of using one from the website. My emoticon was just supposed to be sort of anxious, since learning that there might be health problems in our way makes me nervous. But my husband it definitely not depressed. I will wait a few months still before seeing a doctor I think.

Understood.

Has your husband switched to boxers? He can always to back to "tighty whites" as a form of male birth control.

 

[farouk]

Understood.

Has your husband switched to boxers? He can always to back to "tighty whites" as a form of male birth control.

 

[By Grace]

FYI the testes are outside the male body because they have to have a temperature below the heat of the body in order to produce sperm.

In some men, the switching from "tighty whites" to boxers permits the scrotum to have better air circulation. I know of one pastor who did that per the doctor's instruction, and they were able to conceive. Really, I am not making this stuff up!

That is what is behind the "male birth control" comment, an attempt at humor.

 

[farouk]

FYI the testes are outside the male body because they have to have a temperature below the heat of the body in order to produce sperm.

In some men, the switching from "tighty whites" to boxers permits the scrotum to have better air circulation. I know of one pastor who did that per the doctor's instruction, and they were able to conceive. Really, I am not making this stuff up!

Okay, thanks.

 

[farouk]

100% agreed. With our second child, it was a little more than a year before we conceived. I can't really add much to what Claudya said, except perhaps your husband should take extra special care to keep his nether region cool - i.e. switch to boxers if he's a briefs man, or perhaps "go commando" - although the second one I would only say would be maybe 24 hours or so before you will try.

I say that because sperm are extremely fragile little creatures, and a great many of them die almost immediately after ejaculation just because of the heat "in there" that sex generates. Keeping them cool beforehand will increase the odds of them surviving to do their job.

At this point, I wouldn't worry too much. More than anything just remember that every individual is different, so you can't really compare time-frames. Just keep trying. I would agree that increasing the frequency would greatly increase your chances, but personally I would give it another good 5 or 6 months before I started consulting the doctor.

Matthew G:

God bless you guys. You seem to have figured it out, anyway.

 

[TheCurseoftheRodain]

Pave the way with the Word of the Lord, look at Psalm 127 and Isaiah 54; claim those promises (Galatians 3:29 every promise in the Word is specifically for you today!) and tell the Lord specifically WHAT you WANT. Pour out your heart, write it down, take it in faith and thank God as you go to conceive. Receive communion over it as well. God bless you and release the womb for you, giving you good health to raise your baby and have all you should have as if you were in Heaven already just like Jesus taught us how to pray.

 

[Sailingflutist-SF]

My Christian friend's wife was told by a gnyo that she would NEVER conceive becasue her whole womb was lined with scar tissue from being raped by her father from age 3 up.

They were blessed in thier 7th and 16th year of marriage with a healthy boy and girl! Nothing is impossible for God!

 

[Kathi]

You need to put your desire to have children at God's feet and in His hands.That is what faith is.