Views on Engagement vs. Marriage

[notw86]

Hi everyone!!

Have not been on the site for a while and regret doing so, this morning I have been reading allot of post and they are so helpful in everyday life.

I am currently trying to cope with allot of issues at once and would like to start of with a simple question:

What are your views on Marriage vs. Engagement?

My current, very immature view on this is that Engagement is the preparation for what one day your marriage will be like and to use this as grounds to develop in ones relationship.

Caution: allot of other posts incoming.

Cheers and thanks!

 

[Nick]

Hmmm....I'm not sure that we can say Marriage Vs Engagement - they're not in competition and are different to each other.

While I agree that engagement should be some serious preparation for married life together, it is not to be treated as a married union just yet (ie no sex until actually married).

 

[handy]

Hmmm....I'm not sure that we can say Marriage Vs Engagement - they're not in competition and are different to each other.

While I agree that engagement should be some serious preparation for married life together, it is not to be treated as a married union just yet (ie no sex until actually married).

Yes, I guess I'm a bit confused about this question as well...

My current, very immature view on this is that Engagement is the preparation for what one day your marriage will be like and to use this as grounds to develop in ones relationship.

I agree, engagement is important to see how the relationship is going to work out...to really examine all the issues that come up and see how not only the other person, but how, as a couple, two people handle things like anger, hurt feelings, etc.

I think that as long as the two people have known each other for a while and have had a lot of interaction, then engagements should be pretty short...6 months to a year, max. If they haven't known each other at all, and got engaged fairly quickly...then a longer engagement might be necessary.

But, I always scratch my head when people say that they've been "engaged" to someone for two, three years or so. That's a very long time to be engaged. There is usually no good reason for that long of an engagement. The only exception I could see here would be for military guys who want to finish their commitments to the military before being married.

Marriage vs. living together is truly in competition with each other and there is no, nada, none, zip, zero, zilch, reason to ever live with someone. If you can live with the person, get married.

I cannot, cannot for the life of me, understand this: "We're living together because we can't afford to get married right now." Hun?

 

[pHghost]

I agree with Nick. Engagement is not marriage. I've met people who made an error in that distinction and that led to the breakdown of that relationship and a child conceived and born out of wedlock.

I see engagement as telling the world "we are truly serious about this relationship, expect an announcement soon," the announcement of course being a wedding date. I don't really see how being engaged is more preparation for married life compared to just going out together, so I agree with handy that there is no particular reason to be engaged for too long a time. But maybe someone will correct me on this, and explain the differences between going out and engagement beyond the "it's really official" status it brings.

 

[farouk]

I think there needs to be a distinction made between contemporary notions of engagement and the Jewish betrothal period (which relates to understanding some passages of Scripture).

Simply, though, engagement signifies an intention to 'set a date', it seems to me. Sometimes the date is changed and sometimes it never happens after all. But with Jewish betrothal, the commitment was regarded as so binding that nothing less than a bill of divorcement would suffice to end the obligation.

 

[farouk]

H:

Why do you even bother to come here and mock the Scriptures' teaching?

 

[SMOOCH]

I view engagement as the preparation phase of a blossoming marriage. Its when alot of your decisions should be concrete, such as where you will live, where youll worship, how many children, and so on. Marriage is the legal and spiritual binding of two ppl together, its the time when you finally trade those I's for an us or a we.