What to Do (Girlfriend)

[Navigator]

I hate to add to these sort of threads, but I'm in need of advice. Two Sundays ago (so a week before yesterday), my girlfriend broke up with me (again). I made a thread a while ago on here, saying she did it once, but that was early in the relationship. We've gone 8+ months (which is still early!) since then, and her reasons were similar to the first time.

She said that she doesn't want to "miss out" on being 21, and she feels tied down or whatever because of my nature. I am naturally a shy guy. I'll go out occassionally, but I would prefer not to. She gets upset when I don't go out with her and her friends to bars and such. She says that I don't have to drink and that she won't drink a lot, but even so...I feel awkward in that social setting. I'm "that guy" who's not drinking. So if I show any opposition, she gets mad. That was another reason she broke up with me.

Well like last time, she has kept talking with me, and insists she doesn't want to date, but wants to hang out. This so far, has meant dating without the title. I've hung out with her close to every day since the break up, and when I've said no, she insists I'm trying to push her away. I'm sooo annoyed and hurt right now, that I don't know what to do. I never want to abandon anyone, especially since she is trying to hang out.

But that's it...I don't want to. The first time it happened, she promised she wouldn't do something like that ever again, and....she did. It's not that I'm unforgiving, but I just lost all trust and want to be around her. We've texted and she gets mad because I'm "pushing away" and insists she wants to be with me, but I DON'T want to go through another one of these. I told her I don't want to date, and what she's doing seems like dating..and she basically said that she'll leave me alone. Like I said, I don't want to completely forget her, because we've been friends since high school. Am I wrong in refusing "kindness" basically?

Advice please

 

[DarkHorseRising]

She's made it clear what she wants, and you've identified it. She wants a friend. She does not want a relationship with you. It sucks, I've been there and so has pretty much every other guy in the world sooner or later. Yes, it's a bitter pill to swallow when a relationship ends. It doesn't help that (from what you've written) you are allowing her to hold all the cards in this friendship.

Unfortunately, what the two of you are doing now (continuing on in a pseudo-relationship) is probably unhealthy at this point... you both need time away from each other.

But this doesn't need to be an all or nothing deal. You can (and probably should) be a casual friend of hers if things work out that way. But in the meantime, find new places to be and new people to hang out with. Join a sports team, learn to play an instrument, volunteer somewhere... do things that put you in new places and with new people, and you'll have a perfect excuse why you can't go on "dates" with her anymore. If she pushes the issue, invite her to come watch, or join you and your new friends for coffee etc.

 

[Blazin Bones]

The only thing I would add is be strong in what you want, and say it clear. Be the Leader God calls us men to be.

 

[Navigator]

Well it seems I should have listened to the advice on here before I even made this thread (and also to those who commented here). Thank you so much.

But this weekend was the "final thread" the just snapped when looking at my girlfriend and mine relationship. Her want to "just hang out and be single" outweighed her feelings for me and I'll admit I'm shaken. I feel like I would've felt better if she just stopped liking me; that I couldn't fix and that's just her personal feelings about me. But she's admitted she loves me and wants to be with me, but also said she wants to be single, and the want to be single has won again. It's heartbreaking because I don't feel like I was good enough, but I would've taken a bullet for that girl...

It's so sad because I know she's kind and loving...I've seen it, but when I have needed her to step up most and show me she loves me in a moment of struggle...she's caved and has chosen singleness both times. My heart hurts...I feel slightly depressed. Any words of encouragement or verses would be very much appreciated.

 

[-JaY-]

Dear Friend,
I can't even imagine what you're going through... even to the point of me feeling stupid for even trying to post some sort of encouragement for you. The only thing I can suggest is to maybe see this girl as not what the Good Lord has in mind for you. In these kinds of situations I'm reminded of Job who said how the Lord gives and the Lord takes away (may the name of the Lord be praised always). The Lord will give you what you need and He may very well take away what you do not. When I first came to Him I found a lot of things in my life being taken away and eventually being replaced. It could very well be that He's very active and at work in your life right now. Peace be with you and please find joy in the hope that our beloved Lord loves us the same yesterday, today and forever.

 

[God's_gift]

but I would've taken a bullet for that girl...

sweet and heroic

But she's admitted she loves me and wants to be with me, but also said she wants to be single, and the want to be single has won again.

i'm slightly confused to where she's leading you . But you are the man so you are the leader.
Ahmm, it may not be easy but right now give her the time to grow. Apparently she still do have some reservations in her life.

 

[Classik]

But in the meantime, find new places to be and new people to hang out with. Join a sports team, learn to play an instrument, volunteer somewhere... do things that put you in new places and with new people, and you'll have a perfect excuse why you can't go on "dates" with her anymore. If she pushes the issue, invite her to come watch, or join you and your new friends for coffee etc.

INTELLIGENT!
You are FANTASTIC!!!

 

[Navigator]

She's made it clear what she wants, and you've identified it. She wants a friend. She does not want a relationship with you. It sucks, I've been there and so has pretty much every other guy in the world sooner or later. Yes, it's a bitter pill to swallow when a relationship ends. It doesn't help that (from what you've written) you are allowing her to hold all the cards in this friendship.

Unfortunately, what the two of you are doing now (continuing on in a pseudo-relationship) is probably unhealthy at this point... you both need time away from each other.

But this doesn't need to be an all or nothing deal. You can (and probably should) be a casual friend of hers if things work out that way. But in the meantime, find new places to be and new people to hang out with. Join a sports team, learn to play an instrument, volunteer somewhere... do things that put you in new places and with new people, and you'll have a perfect excuse why you can't go on "dates" with her anymore. If she pushes the issue, invite her to come watch, or join you and your new friends for coffee etc.

INTELLIGENT!
You are FANTASTIC!!!

Yeah I might, though it probably won't be soccer...... :o

...haha anyway..it is a little difficult to "join a sports team" being in college, as pretty much all athletics are "varsity" and I am nowhere near good enough to be on any of them.

 

[Navigator]

sweet and heroic



i'm slightly confused to where she's leading you . But you are the man so you are the leader.
Ahmm, it may not be easy but right now give her the time to grow. Apparently she still do have some reservations in her life.

If I could sum it up...it is basically this.

She loves me, I love her; she has said that I am the kind of man that she would no doubt want to marry, but right now she wants to be single. She doesn't want to "lose me" intimate relationship-wise...so she still would like to hang out. It leaves me in an awkward situation. I wouldn't mind hanging out...I still want to be friends, but my desire to date her has left me after this.