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Ambivalence

Susannah

Susannah
CF Ambassador
Joined
Jan 11, 2020
Messages
754
Gender
Female
When it comes to dating and courtship, there are three kinds of people: those who are ready to commit, those who are not ready, and those who are ambivalent. This really has nothing to do with their faith. It is more of a psychological problem.

Most Ambivalents are frightened of intimacy and usually pursue unavailable people. Sometimes Ambivalents sabotage relationships when they start to get serious or at whatever point their fear of intimacy comes up. This can be anytime--before the first date, after the first date, after the subject of commitment comes up etc. etc. Men are more likely to do this than women, but there are no statistics on this.

Some Ambivalents run hot and cold. They come to you when they want companionship, and then all of a sudden they begin withholding companionship, affection, anything that makes them feel anxious. They may leave the relationship just once, or keep repeating the pattern of being available/unavailable in the same relationship.

It is a common pattern for Ambivalents to want committment when someone is unavailable and then become ambivalent when a healthy person comes along who is available.

Finally, Ambivalents are often people who place too much emphasis on romantic love. They was instant attraction. They want to be knocked off their feet. They confuse infatuation with love. They want romantic love to be present every moment and last forever. I call these people Romance Addicts.

In summary, Ambivalents are complicated people. They need to understand themselves and change. That is the only way to find healthy love and marriage with the right partner. To so this they must face their ambivalence, find a compatible and loving person who is ready to commit (and whom they find attractive), and then face their underlying fears. This takes time and patience but with the guidance of the Holy Spirit it can happen.

Please note that I am not suggesting you get involved with someone you don't love. I am saying that while romantic love is quick to appear, and disappear, love with the right partner needs to grow and blossom over time.
 

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