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[__ Prayer __] control, control, control

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blah. no matter what labels are applied to me, no matter the rumors, lies, exaggerations (truth about my past was/is bad enough, but...i guess this happens...), the real name of the game is: c-o-n-t-r-o-l . not a fan, here.

i dont get it. no felonies, law abiding, no drugs, no drink, shady past? sure, but...I haven't done drugs, not even by Rx, in over 10 years. true story. and yet...

c-o-n-t-r-o-l.

its dawned on me that the psych stuff occurs in a social context, in my case...also in the context of a seriously cruel community. now, the psych people don't have control (God is Good, obviously), and...and...

I have people taunting me, sometimes at 5.30 in the AM. -eek- blah.

please pray for me. '...for he whom The Son has set free is set free, indeed...'

thanks. :)
 
Hi, sorry they continue but you have a secret at work. In Acts 9: 1-6 there is this guy name of Saul. He thought he was persecuting Christians and was on his way to persecute a bunch more. Then a brilliant shone, probably the Shekinah Glory, and Saul was blinded and asked why he was persecuting not Christians but Christ Himself. We are His Body in ways we still don’t fully grasp. As His Body we died in Him, He dwells within us and what is done to you is done to the Lord. One of the reasons the Lord says it is His to repay. This does not make the persecution ant less hard but it keeps our focus on Him and that helps. One day these people will stand before the Lord and His question to them will be the same to Saul/Paul, why do you persecute the Me. Hope they have a great answer for Him.
 
i feel strange saying 'I think/believe I am being persecuted,' because...1) sometimes I'm even amazed that I'm a Christian and 2) I was a wretched, shady creature before Jesus saved me, starting 7 years ago...

and yet: what other explanation is there, really? Part of it is simply my faith, which...maybe this is true of all Christians, just more obviously true of some of us than others....I think is a work of God, Himself. I was so far gone, it took a -miracle- for me to have the humility+clarity to repent. and then...

did I mention untreated, long term HIV+? yeah, well...+ test result nearly 15 years ago. I already had 'compromised immune system' written all over me. no Rx offered, ever. no Rx received, ever. and now...

35, healthy (people say "he got a laser peel," as if that's somehow in the budget...its also worth noting that HIV+ people usually -cannot- be given laser peels or deep chemical peels...skin won't heal correctly...), even my hair grew back despite irreversible follicle damage, I have a 'high IQ' despite my own sins and being electroshocked and operated on, and....and...

blah. none of this would matter if my parents' careers hadn't taken off. $$$ talks, or so they say. that and having a good lawyer, years ago, for junk. blah.

thanks for the prayers, thanks for the support, thanks for...letting me vent a bit.

:)
 
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