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[__ Prayer __] deal with life now

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put aside what is behind and press forward...

OK. so, I over-analyze. am i mentally ill? is there such a thing? if I am, why? when did it start? blah blah blah. thing is...

have no worry for the morrow, for each day brings troubles enough of its own. something like that, anyway (paraphrase, clearly).

I lead a fairly easy breezy, low stress lifestyle. to be fair to me, its a) about all I can handle and b) had God not spared me and then saved and transformed me, I'd be dead or deformed, no end in sight. :-(

I'm blessed beyond measure, that's for sure. And..."Schizophrenia" is usually a 1 way ticket to poverty and isolation, but...in my case, with other factors involved, its actually....I dunno, a way back to at least the very edges of mainstream society, with lots of support. Of course...they say "You can never go home again," and there's something to that, isn't there?

I"m 34 now. I've only been saved 6 years, kind of..."delayed," in terms of growth and social development. Anyway...so, now I'm healthy, now I"m smart, now I have a work-able personality, social skills...and (apparently) "schizophrenia." beats having cancer, most days.


the town is another little old town on a southern highway. people are people, except for Christians....maybe its my perception, as a Christian, but...Christians stand out, in my life. To them, I"m another reject who "got religion," hahaha....to me, they're mockers and scorners, trapped in darkness...maybe one day they'll repent? each passing day makes it less likely, I imagine....

the middle school and high school have new teachers, and they're churning out new winners, losers, mediocre Joes, future criminals...no big thing, its 'the way the world works,' here and in every other little southern town along the highway.

God is Good! :) I Mean that, more than usual. God saved me in the general area of my hometown...then I had to move back to my hometown...now I"m out...

and I'll never become a member of this community, ever. Ever. Tolerated? sure, ok. I'm blessed I'm not in prison or a hospital, abject poverty, etc. and...

yeah. I just need to deal with life, now, as it is now..."issues" (ugh) and all.


Thanks. :)
 

medievalglo

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What comes to mind is "but for the Grace of God, so go I"... I pray God continues to reach out to you to show you His great mercy, grace, power, love, and friendship!!! May you hear HIS voice loud, true, and strong! Know it by warmth, support, grieving at sin, greatly desiring others to come to love Him as well!! Without Him, we all have our own demons, and if we say that isn't true, pretty sure we're lying to save face!! Which is pride! We ALL need Him!! Greatest thing is that in our lostness, He NEVER holds it against us, and continues to call us out of it!!!
 

StoveBolts

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put aside what is behind and press forward...

OK. so, I over-analyze. am i mentally ill? is there such a thing? if I am, why? when did it start? blah blah blah. thing is...

have no worry for the morrow, for each day brings troubles enough of its own. something like that, anyway (paraphrase, clearly).

I lead a fairly easy breezy, low stress lifestyle. to be fair to me, its a) about all I can handle and b) had God not spared me and then saved and transformed me, I'd be dead or deformed, no end in sight. :-(

I'm blessed beyond measure, that's for sure. And..."Schizophrenia" is usually a 1 way ticket to poverty and isolation, but...in my case, with other factors involved, its actually....I dunno, a way back to at least the very edges of mainstream society, with lots of support. Of course...they say "You can never go home again," and there's something to that, isn't there?

I"m 34 now. I've only been saved 6 years, kind of..."delayed," in terms of growth and social development. Anyway...so, now I'm healthy, now I"m smart, now I have a work-able personality, social skills...and (apparently) "schizophrenia." beats having cancer, most days.


the town is another little old town on a southern highway. people are people, except for Christians....maybe its my perception, as a Christian, but...Christians stand out, in my life. To them, I"m another reject who "got religion," hahaha....to me, they're mockers and scorners, trapped in darkness...maybe one day they'll repent? each passing day makes it less likely, I imagine....

the middle school and high school have new teachers, and they're churning out new winners, losers, mediocre Joes, future criminals...no big thing, its 'the way the world works,' here and in every other little southern town along the highway.

God is Good! :) I Mean that, more than usual. God saved me in the general area of my hometown...then I had to move back to my hometown...now I"m out...

and I'll never become a member of this community, ever. Ever. Tolerated? sure, ok. I'm blessed I'm not in prison or a hospital, abject poverty, etc. and...

yeah. I just need to deal with life, now, as it is now..."issues" (ugh) and all.


Thanks. :)
Your story hasn't ended yet. God's got plans for you in that community. :)
 
Joined
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yeah...word in the community is that "his intelligence returned to him," which is...odd, considering that I've had psych treatment like a 50s state hospital patient. blah.

I am thankful, of course. Verna tells me, now and then, that I've been restored to who I really should have been...had it not been for the horrible community, my own sins, the...well, my existence, before Christ, basically. I dunno. I kinda think of it as being restored, but I look more forwards than backwards....forwards to who I really am in Christ Jesus, which is who God is changing all His children in to, over time. and...


why bother making sense of the past, anyway? Put aside what is behind. I try to make it out so its fair or like a novel or at least a coming of age story, but its...God's work in my life, yet another undeserving wretch called to faith in Christ and into a whole new life, a real life, in Him. and...

i have some growing up to do. id like to some how, some way, break free of the mental health establishment. Verna makes it sound so easy, when we talk about it. I don't think it is, actually. Even when they cannot (or will not) commit someone, they and their flying monkeys punish "trouble makers," the "non-compliant," etc. blah. and yet...

God is Good! Romans 8:28 applies. Some of my "trouble maker" maneuvers ended up helping secure if not freedom from Mental Health, Inc., then at least...more breathing room -within- my role as a "schizophrenic," etc. it is what it is...


i dunno. i dont think a j-o-b is in the works. If I didnt have my parents' support, I'd be another psych case...under control of counselors and psychiatrists and nurses and occupational people and....blah blah blah. as is, I think -some- people ("mental health professionals") are getting angry because I have so much freedom and such...

which kinda proves that, although madness is real (I do hear voices, get really low down, agitated, I have trouble in society, etc.), the Mental Health System is largely about control and labels, profit, etc....not actually "help," not the sort of help most people need and want, anyway.

blah. But...God is Good! God is Love! He's been extraordinarily merciful towrds me. I Just....I don't know...its odd, because I don't think I was ever "going to amount to anything" in the world's eyes, anyway. short, dweeb, sickly, bright, effeminate, working class then (to quote former "professionals") "rinky dink middle class," etc. And now...

decent height, not a dweeb, healthy, "extremely intelligent," not effeminate, "parents have money," etc. , and...

"Schizophrenia" is sort of an inescapable label, but...."life isn't fair sometimes," more like...the whole wide world is fallen and I'm blessed to be one of His. I guess...pray, "play the hand you're dealt," etc.
 

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