Christ_empowered
Member
this isn't a negative post, not really. I have been blessed well above and well beyond what I can -claim to deserve- , and its The Lord (1st) and my once estranged parents (not at all distant 2nd), bringing about...
well, OK. I read in some big, 300-400 page book on the fundamentals of Protestant doctrine (I had a lot of downtime that day...) that "God's work in this world is always met with opposition." true, that. Well worth the read for that (no, really).
so...I get, now, that I kind of had "yup, he'll end up on skid row, state hospital, or in prison" before I was even out of HS. considering that I squeaked outta that place at the tail end of 16, that's...-kinda sad- , but OK.
I just need to learn to deal with this, better. Bear up under it, and look to Christ more and more completely. Seriously...it isn't that I -deserved- the ridicule, shame, and general misery pre-conversion any more than I can claim to 'deserve' the much, much, vastly improved life I have in Christ, now...
but, ya know...broad road, weaklings get messed over. :-(
somehow, I'm no longer a 'weakling,' which...is a -huge- blessing, all by itself. I"m healthy, surprisingly smart, surprisingly normal and able to -be in society- without...confinement, heavy medication/tranquilization, etc. God is Good! My parents are (amazingly) good, too!
I just have difficulties dealing with bullying. not freaking out, nothing emo or heavy, here, just...it grates on me, you know? especially since I had the involuntary shock 'treatments,' so I don't even remember some (rather vulgar) things people keep saying, on loop. I don't really respond, its just...well, its bullying and intimidation, mental health, inc.--style. no, really; its a mix of 'this is what poor people go thru!' and 'he's a trouble maker!' moving on...
-sigh- everybody needs Jesus. Once in Christ, everyone needs support, prayer, guidance along the way....along with the encouragement to cast our cares on Him, for He cares for us. I -do- pray, and not just for me-me-me- , its just...
-sigh- blessed as I am (-not- 'rags to riches,' but...plucked out of the miry clay...), I don't have any local, real time friends. I"m heavily stigmatized and labeled. My parents -are- good people and they're good -to me- , thank God, but...
I have my place, They have theirs. They are kind enough to have me over almost every day, but I"m trying to -not- impose, be burdensome, etc. My believer friend listens, and that's helpful. My counselor chalks a lot of it up to 'paranoia...,' usually in the context of some 'mood disorder' or something...that and 'obsessive traits' (not full on ocd, i don't know how its supposed to be treated, blah blah blah). moving on...
I'm blessed and much more comfortable than I can claim to 'deserve' or anything, its just...-sigh- will this pass, ever? keep in mind; I"m regarded (on a good day...which is not today, it seems...) as an 'uppity mental patient, from a good family,' so...yeah. yeah. i have a misdemeanor (result of a plea bargain), but I'm regarded as a 'convicted FELON.' im healthy, never been given standard treatment for HIV+, even over 15 -years- after the initial +, but...
I"m openly derided as a 'dirty, old flamer...,' etc. etc. etc. 'eyes on Christ, and Him, Crucified...'
-trying- to get there, amen. thanks, y'all.
