do we really have to love them?

[beyondinfinity]

Now many will think im insane for this, but is it really required to love our parents? I don't feel that connection at all. My mom has insulted me at times and she would
emphasize my mistakes so much. I will never see the end of it. But when she makes the mistake it's perfectly normal. Of course i would be sad if they lost their life but i don't want to talk to them, they never listen to my side of the story, they treat me as my mistakes aren't acceptable but theirs are, i want to go to college far away from where i live (and im thinking about this when im only 14) they don't see im depressed. I don't think i want a relationship with them later in life. I tried talking to them repeatedly, but its the same response all the time- either yelling at me or insulting me or saying that i dont know what im talking about.

But what does god say about this? What should i do? This is certainly not the first time.

 

[Knotical]

Well, for starters there is the commandment that tells us to "Honor our father and mother." Of course this causes some issues, but there are ways to disagree with them while still adhering to this commandment. I, myself, have been at odds with my parents over the past few years on some issues that I have tried to come to a resolution on, but still have yet to find a diplomatic/respectful way to go about it. I bring it up every now and again, but all I get is silence.

As for your situation, have you consulted the advice of your pastor, or an elder?

 

[Obadiah]

Yeah, we are told to honor our parents, and I too think this would be a good subject to talk over with your pastor if you have a pastor that you respect and trust.

For my thoughts on it, well the commandment to honor our parents doesn't really say to love them. It says to honor, and the Hebrew word translated to honor doesn't mean love. Honoring is more along the line of respecting and obeying. That is obeying to a point. We don't have to obey anything telling us to sin, at least not in my opinion. Now we are told to love our neighbors too. And I don't think that only means the people living in the next house. I think it means the people around us, which includes your parents. But I don't think you are under any more obligation to love your parents any more than to love anyone else. I've always taken this kind of love to be more involving how we treat others than it is about having a sugary mushy feeling of desire for them. So to me, we should respect our parents, treat them decently, and obey them within the confines of not sinning, but I don't think you are commanded to have any obvious feeling of love for them beyond what you would for anyone else who you meet.

Besides, you can't really change your feelings. You can control how you react to the situations you find yourself in, but you really can't control your feelings. I wouldn't beat myself up over this. I think I would commit myself to "honor" them and turn it over to God to ask Him to change your feelings if He wants to.

 

[childeye]

Now many will think im insane for this, but is it really required to love our parents? I don't feel that connection at all. My mom has insulted me at times and she would
emphasize my mistakes so much. I will never see the end of it. But when she makes the mistake it's perfectly normal. Of course i would be sad if they lost their life but i don't want to talk to them, they never listen to my side of the story, they treat me as my mistakes aren't acceptable but theirs are, i want to go to college far away from where i live (and im thinking about this when im only 14) they don't see im depressed. I don't think i want a relationship with them later in life. I tried talking to them repeatedly, but its the same response all the time- either yelling at me or insulting me or saying that i dont know what im talking about.

But what does god say about this? What should i do? This is certainly not the first time.

Obviously you Love and honor your parents or they wouldn't bother you. Your fourteen? Tough age. High hormone levels, boys get mad and girls get sad. Don't take everything too seriously. In my experience everything we fear is always more worse in our imagination than the actual event. And everything we imagine to be great is always less than we imagined.

 

[Danus]

As we grow up we begin to realize that our parents are just fallible people, and yes we are to love them. That does not mean we have to accept what they always do, or say. Sometimes they are wrong, but guess what; so are we at times.

I think to honor your mother and father means to give them the grace in our hearts that Christ has given us; just as we might anyone. Again this does not mean that we accept the wrong as right, or even OK, but we should come together whenever possible and not reject them in our hearts.

Many people tend to blame their parents for this or that. They keep some score card on them as if their parents infractions define who they are, or have become. They are left with that bitterness; Always harboring it. They keep their pain close because it's special to them and it defines them. It is a way of excuse for what they lack, but it's also a lie.

We are not to honor our parents for what it does for them, but for what it does for us.

 

[Carolyn]

I have to agree with Childeye. Having once been a 14 year old girl, I can only remember some of the same things you do. I could never do anything right. They didn't want me to date, and even when I was 17 no one was good enough or suited them They finally let me date a totall jerk when I was 17 because she said he wasn't going to get serious.
After I was married I sat down and wrote them a letter, thanking them for being the solid loving home that they provided. I began to realize that I had given them a hard time, too. And I could finally see the good side of them instead of the side that was so hard to put up with.
For one thing, I was the oldest and they wanted me to be perfect. I couldn't live up to that. I shòuld have told them that.
But I also should have told them that I was trying to be respònsible and do what was right, even though I still wasn't always consistant.
But that was a long time ago. My mom died unexpectedly when I was 25. You can't imagine how much I miss her. She never got to see her grandbaby. When I was a tean I couldn't see how much she loved me and wanted what was best for me. Now the one thing I remember is the love in her eyes.

 

[providence]

Hebrews 12:9-10 remarks how a father's discipline is only what seems best to him, not perfect like God's, but even the imperfect is intended for your good and revered. There's also about bearing with others, even difficult ones (1 Peter 2:18), as God does with us (Colossians 3:13).

 

[Kaliani]

What does it even mean to honour someone?

Is it reflecting their own honour back to them, like the moon reflects the light of the sun? Or does it entail unconditionally expressing your own honour to them regardless of their behaviour, like the sun which blithely continues to shine on you whether you bless it or curse it?

Which is greater: the moon or the sun?

 

[WIP]

Now many will think im insane for this, but is it really required to love our parents? I don't feel that connection at all. My mom has insulted me at times and she would
emphasize my mistakes so much. I will never see the end of it. But when she makes the mistake it's perfectly normal. Of course i would be sad if they lost their life but i don't want to talk to them, they never listen to my side of the story, they treat me as my mistakes aren't acceptable but theirs are, i want to go to college far away from where i live (and im thinking about this when im only 14) they don't see im depressed. I don't think i want a relationship with them later in life. I tried talking to them repeatedly, but its the same response all the time- either yelling at me or insulting me or saying that i dont know what im talking about.

But what does god say about this? What should i do? This is certainly not the first time.

Matthew 5:
43Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy.
44 But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;
45 That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.
46 For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same?
47 And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so?
48 Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.


John 13:
34 A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.
35 By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.

 

[beyondinfinity]

Thank you everyone for the wisdom. It is hard, but I'll have to talk to a pastor and deal with the problem somehow.

 

[P31Woman]

You may want to talk to your school counselor or nurse about your depression.