Ever tried to scare someone away on purpose?

[LaMexicana]

I have a tendency to be pretty uncensored because there are a lot of things I'm passionate about and I would like people to know. I went on a date on Saturday with a stranger. I say stranger because usually end up dating people I'm already friends with.

Anyway, the conversation was good and I'm not sure how we got on the subject but I expressed my desire for babies. This isn't the first time I do it. Babies are something I talk about in general and I don't shy away from the subject at any time because I love babies and want more babies, so why not talk about babies?? So I mentioned to the fellow that I wanted more babies, preferably Mexican babies (I was kind of joking...I thought it was funny...he laughed too and he's caucasian...) So I get a text message a couple days later from him asking if I had said that to scare him away, I told him no, that I just don't censor myself very often. I asked my friends what they thought about me speaking my mind and one of my friends said that she thinks I do that on purpose to scare men away. I'm starting to think she's right. I guess in my head if they can't talk about marriage and kids then why get involved? Why are they such taboo subjects when you meet someone new? I don't get it.

Well, my plan backfired. Now he's talking marriage...I don't even know the dude and now I'M the one the one that feels like running away!

I might turn this into a social experiment...

 

[stovebolts]

ha ha Raquel, that's too funny :biglol :biglol :biglol

Take him ring shopping and pick out the biggest rock they have and insist it's just too small while asking the person behind the counter if they could order on just a wee bit larger, then tell him you want this huge wedding in Mexico City and he'll have to pay for all your relatives to stay at the finest hotel while you're there

You'll have to keep us updated as this unfolds :biglaugh

On the other hand, maybe you don't want to take my advice... it might just backfire too, but hey, you'd get a nice rock out of the deal and a pretty fancy wedding

 

[LaMexicana]

ha ha Raquel, that's too funny :biglol :biglol :biglol

Take him ring shopping and pick out the biggest rock they have and insist it's just too small while asking the person behind the counter if they could order on just a wee bit larger, then tell him you want this huge wedding in Mexico City and he'll have to pay for all your relatives to stay at the finest hotel while you're there

You'll have to keep us updated as this unfolds :biglaugh

On the other hand, maybe you don't want to take my advice... it might just backfire too, but hey, you'd get a nice rock out of the deal and a pretty fancy wedding

hahahaha! I'm actually quite frightened to even go on a second date! Men are supposed to run away when I talk about these things not be encouraged to go further!

I guess if I cared about having a big ring I might go for it, unfortunately it just doesn't matter to me BUT I totally dig the idea of a wedding in Mexico! Ooooh, you just gave me another idea...I'll say I want to move Mexico! Which is actually true...

I'm actually not completely surprised. I told my ex on our very first date that I wanted marriage and more kids and he stuck around for 2 1/2 years. But still, I'd say most men don't really dig the idea of babies...I'm going to try this on someone else...maybe this guy unique creature...

 

[NestForASparrow]

When I saw this woman I am attracted to hold this baby at Church, I must admit I was instantly scared.....babies are cute when they are someone else's.

If I were to be on a date and someone mentioned babies, I would really have to already be in love with them. Otherwise...Red Flag!!! I would not end the date right there...at least I don't think so, but the rest of the date would be on the awkward side.

You know you don't want to move to Mexico while the War is still ongoing.

 

[LaMexicana]

When I saw this woman I am attracted to hold this baby at Church, I must admit I was instantly scared.....babies are cute when they are someone else's.

If I were to be on a date and someone mentioned babies, I would really have to already be in love with them. Otherwise...Red Flag!!! I would not end the date right there...at least I don't think so, but the rest of the date would be on the awkward side.

You know you don't want to move to Mexico while the War is still ongoing.

See...but why?? Why is it such a scary subject? Babies are born every day to all kinds of people...why can't I talk about it? Especially when I'm already a mom. I feel I have a right to talk about my child and the fact that I want more because I KNOW I want more...I've been through it...it's my life.

Why do you find the subject so taboo? I honestly don't understand why society has made up all these rules about things you shouldnt' talk about and why we believe them.

So what would you feel if a women stated this to you?

PS on a side note, you should youtube Narcomexico: alfombra roja para los muertos It's all in Spanish but the images are intense so you're right, I would not move to Mexico right now but it is a strong desire I have to go back home.

 

[NestForASparrow]

We just don't want things to become complicated and babies complicate relationships. Babies to us men mean a great loss of freedom. We expect to not have to worry about even talking about having children for at least two to three years after getting married.

 

[LaMexicana]

We just don't want things to become complicated and babies complicate relationships. Babies to us men mean a great loss of freedom. We expect to not have to worry about even talking about having children for at least two to three years after getting married.

Well, I find that mentality completely silly and unattractive. We don't have to sit there and talk about names, it's more of a statement...I want babies (Mexican babies preferably)...just a fact...

I don't necessarily want them you specifically, I just want them. Do you want them? It's really a yes or no question and something you should know by now and be able to express. If the answer is no or that you're not sure (which is another thing I find silly...you know or you don't) then let's cut this short and move on to other endevours...

No?

 

[LaMexicana]

babies...babies...babies...I love babies...you wanna go on a date with me??

 

[PouringRain]

I agree that topics like that should not be taboo. It isn't like you said that you want to have his baby. But yeah, I agree that dating is the time to find out if two people are compatible, and talking about the future is one way to find out. If you want more children, and you date a guy who never wants any children, then the two of you are not likely very compatible. There is no point in dating someone who you are not compatible with.

As far as this current guy. Maybe he isn't 100% serious about the marriage thing, but he is really just trying to feel you out on your feelings towards him. Tell him you aren't quite ready for marriage yet, since you don't know him very well, but tell him you wouldn't mind getting to know him more and who knows what may develop in the future. Unless, of course, you really do not like him at all, and then just leave it at the "I'm not ready for marriage yet" part. LOL

 

[NestForASparrow]

Yeah I would want to run away. I have had some limited experience with the type that really wants babies and there is a reason why the subject is taboo.

That being said, I had already come up with the names of my two future children (assuming I have a daughter and a son).

See I can't be with someone who wants to have a baby immediately. Babies get in the way of our lives. I know that may sound immature, but I want to be a missionary and it would be hard enough at first without worrying about starting a family. On a more selfish note, I want to climb Mt. Denali. I would not want to leave my wife to take care of our baby while I am off hiking a mountain. The desire to climb Mt. Denali may not happen because of my desire to become a missionary.

 

[PouringRain]

Yeah I would want to run away. I have had some limited experience with the type that really wants babies and there is a reason why the subject is taboo.

That being said, I had already come up with the names of my two future children (assuming I have a daughter and a son).

See I can't be with someone who wants to have a baby immediately. Babies get in the way of our lives..

Well, in her benefit, she did not say that she wants them right away.

You must admit that it is an important topic though. For example, you do admit that you do want children at some point. You even have names picked out. What if you dated someone who does not plan to ever have children, or maybe can not have children. Don't you think that bit of information would be important? Especially if you did want them one day?

It seems as though if a girl says she does want a baby one day (or loves babies) then guys freak out, but if a girl says she never wants kids then guys are okay with it, and even think in the back of their mind that one day she will change her mind whenever he is ready down the road.

 

[NestForASparrow]

So if I was dating and she said she did not want kids or could not have kids, I would not end the relationship. If I cared for her, then she would be all I need...well you know all I need other than God because I need Him more than anything.

My purpose in life is not to have kids. I don't care about my family name living on and would be fine if I let the family line end with me. So if she did not want to have kids, I would still marry her.

Plus if she wanted to have kids, but could not, we could always adopt.

 

[PouringRain]

Nest, so, you do not care if you do or do not have kids one day. That is good for you. The point is that if you did care strongly one way or another, or if anyone cared one way or another, then it is certainly something that would be important to bring up during dating.

It's no different than any other thing that is important. If it is important to someone that they have a spouse who is a believer and puts God first in all things, then their relationship with God is certainly something that would be important to bring up on a date. (I once got into a huge debate about religion with a guy on a first date, and needless to say I never dated him again...... although strangely he did pursue dating me after that. Guys are strange. )

 

[jasoncran]

the idea of having kids didnt scare me, but i choose not to have one as my wife had children nearly my age. she has had a partial hysterectomy. so i wont have kids. but i am a grandpa to her grandchildren.

 

[PouringRain]

the idea of having kids didnt scare me, but i choose not to have one as my wife had children nearly my age. she has had a partial hysterectomy. so i wont have kids. but i am a grandpa to her grandchildren.

That is interesting. So, how much older than you is she?

 

[jasoncran]

the idea of having kids didnt scare me, but i choose not to have one as my wife had children nearly my age. she has had a partial hysterectomy. so i wont have kids. but i am a grandpa to her grandchildren.

That is interesting. So, how much older than you is she?

14 yrs. i knew this when i married her. she had the partial hysterectomy when in the first yr of our marriage, her uterus has 42 fibriod tumors and was upside down. she was entering menopause as well.

 

[LaMexicana]

Nest, that is something I would want expressed immediately as far as children not being a main interest. I'm a mom, God gave me a kid for a reason and he has given a desire to mother more children and there is no way that I would ever be able to date or be with a man that doesn't consider kids important because with me, you don't have a choice. And I just don't believe this whole idea of not being sure whether you want them or not...I think that's a cop out. Even if you don't have a strong desire, you know whether you want them or not.

But I feel that this desire or lack there of should be expressed at all times. I think it would save a lot of time in the long run. I think women hold back because of this type of mentality that it's a taboo subject and I don't think it's fair to any of us. I think in general, children are something most women desire and for men to freak out at the subject? Not fair. It's part of our make up and to me it almost feels like you're denying me part of my womanhood. That might sound extreme but that is how I have felt in the past and that only led to me censoring other desires because I was afraid I might scare the guy away and that relationship lasted way longer than it should have.

I find that absolutely ridiculous. Because in general, I think men express a lot of strong opinions and we have to sit there and listen and accept it. I'm not much of a feminist but I no longer understand why society is trying to take away our voice and why we are not allowed to express desires due to fear that we might scare men. Give me a break, that is the dumbest thing ever. I think men need to man up and just say "yes, I agree, kids are cool, I want some one day" or "no thanks not for me. But thanks for gracing me with your presence tonight. I am a lucky man and I am a fool for not wanting to have kids with you....I think you just changed my mind..."

 

[piedpiper]

IKt's always been kind of Taboo to talk about that stuff on the first date!!! However a mature individual should be able to handle it because, after all, you weren't talking about getting started that night......were you?......lol

 

[Keri]

Yes I have tried to scare someone away on purpose. It didn't work. I finally had to just say that I'm not into them at all, and stop talking to them.