I_love_Springtime
Member
I've been in the church for a long, long time. I always knew that if Jesus was who he said he was, I wanted to believe he was exactly like he was described in the Bible. If that makes sense. My problem is that I had DEEP wounds and it affected my ability to trust. So I was believing in "somebody" somewhere who had the same love as Jesus did.. and I mistakenly believed this was saving faith... but I was far from Jesus Himself. Knowing the scriptures is great, and all, but it isn't the scriptures that we have a relationship with. We have a relationship with the Person those scriptures point to - Jesus Himself. I had a relationship with scripture. That didn't save me.
I couldn't see the holiness and love of Christ crucified for me. I was perishing in unbelief. This has been going on up to about a few weeks ago. I don't know the how, when or much of anything else at all about how my conversion is happening. But it is. I believe that when Jesus told people to believe in Him, and that the work God requires of us is to believe in the One He sent, that it is in fact work to overcome unbelief. Look at the father who cried, I believe - help my unbelief. Later Jesus told his disciples that this kind comes out only by prayer and fasting. And that's mostly what I had to do, is to pray hard. I mean really hard. I had the deepest prayer time attempting to connect with Jesus in the last few nights. He let His presence be known to me as glimpses, and each time I pray hard like that, the glimpses turn into more of a permanent thing.
He also revealed some false theology I had been holding on to. I had been reading a lot in the books of Isaiah and Jeremiah, because in the middle of each of those books, God comforts his people and promises restoration. He uses lovingkindness and tenderness to speak to His remnant. That's what I was needing to feel, and to believe God was that way. It was like balm for my hurting heart. But it also spoke about why they were broken people.. God himself struck His people with the blow like an enemy would. He was angry at them, and He struck them, and then turned and had compassion on them. I started to believe this was what had happened to me. I was wounded by God for my sins, and now I had to find His grace in HIs Son. But now I think I was wrong. He did this to Israel and Judah, the Jews - not to the Gentiles. When I found myself dead in sin, it wasn't God who had punished me or kept on punishing me - it was Satan and the effects of sin in my life. God had an open arm of salvation towards me, but I had been blinded and wounded by THE betrayer and enemy, Satan. Somehow, and I don't know why, but after correctly interpreting the Word of God in this theology I was able to see the innocence and holiness of Jesus on the cross.
So this is most of my story so far. I have found a peace with Jesus Christ and God.
I couldn't see the holiness and love of Christ crucified for me. I was perishing in unbelief. This has been going on up to about a few weeks ago. I don't know the how, when or much of anything else at all about how my conversion is happening. But it is. I believe that when Jesus told people to believe in Him, and that the work God requires of us is to believe in the One He sent, that it is in fact work to overcome unbelief. Look at the father who cried, I believe - help my unbelief. Later Jesus told his disciples that this kind comes out only by prayer and fasting. And that's mostly what I had to do, is to pray hard. I mean really hard. I had the deepest prayer time attempting to connect with Jesus in the last few nights. He let His presence be known to me as glimpses, and each time I pray hard like that, the glimpses turn into more of a permanent thing.
He also revealed some false theology I had been holding on to. I had been reading a lot in the books of Isaiah and Jeremiah, because in the middle of each of those books, God comforts his people and promises restoration. He uses lovingkindness and tenderness to speak to His remnant. That's what I was needing to feel, and to believe God was that way. It was like balm for my hurting heart. But it also spoke about why they were broken people.. God himself struck His people with the blow like an enemy would. He was angry at them, and He struck them, and then turned and had compassion on them. I started to believe this was what had happened to me. I was wounded by God for my sins, and now I had to find His grace in HIs Son. But now I think I was wrong. He did this to Israel and Judah, the Jews - not to the Gentiles. When I found myself dead in sin, it wasn't God who had punished me or kept on punishing me - it was Satan and the effects of sin in my life. God had an open arm of salvation towards me, but I had been blinded and wounded by THE betrayer and enemy, Satan. Somehow, and I don't know why, but after correctly interpreting the Word of God in this theology I was able to see the innocence and holiness of Jesus on the cross.
So this is most of my story so far. I have found a peace with Jesus Christ and God.
