Christ_empowered
Member
I"m labeled as "Schizophrenic" in my community. I don't...know what to make of it, honestly. The Lord has made and is making good it, thankfully. Because my parents are now "well-to-do," that gray area between the middle class and the upper class...basically, they're important enough for me to having breathing room, now that we've reconciled and things are going OK. They're not quite important enough for people to respect me or...anything...but, hey; this is 100x better than where I was before, trust me.
so, I was out shopping for groceries today and...it went OK. I know, this isn't a blog, but at times...grocery shopping, anything, was painful. its hard to be an outcast, its hard to be an outcast who is also prone to paranoia...its hard to be in the crowd when I feel that people know details about my life before that maybe I don't even know (involuntary electroshock...blah...wiped out tons of memories...).
But today, it was a-OK, mostly. I think people expect me to know my place, but it doesn't seem to be --everyone--. While I went to pay for gas (I always pre-pay, in cash), some dude said "there goes a hundred dollars," I guess referring to my clothes or shoes or...I don't know. I'm not dressed up or anything, just...much, much more well-dressed than when I was living in poverty or on the edge of poverty. So...God is good! My parents are kind! But people? "they ain't no good"
that stuff largely rolls off me these days...what gets me isn't that people can be bullies, its the sense of anger and resentment, its this awareness that God's work in my life...runs against "the way the world works." I'm thankful, of course, I just don't want anything to happen to me, that's all.
OK. By God's grace, life--this time around, my real life, life in Christ--goes on, day by day. I also have more energy these days, so I've taken to keeping a -remarkably- clean living area. That's one thing...the sheer exhaustion of having been very sick, then sickly, then patched up, then better but not really...has been taken from me, Praise God!
thanks for reading, y'all.
so, I was out shopping for groceries today and...it went OK. I know, this isn't a blog, but at times...grocery shopping, anything, was painful. its hard to be an outcast, its hard to be an outcast who is also prone to paranoia...its hard to be in the crowd when I feel that people know details about my life before that maybe I don't even know (involuntary electroshock...blah...wiped out tons of memories...).
But today, it was a-OK, mostly. I think people expect me to know my place, but it doesn't seem to be --everyone--. While I went to pay for gas (I always pre-pay, in cash), some dude said "there goes a hundred dollars," I guess referring to my clothes or shoes or...I don't know. I'm not dressed up or anything, just...much, much more well-dressed than when I was living in poverty or on the edge of poverty. So...God is good! My parents are kind! But people? "they ain't no good"
that stuff largely rolls off me these days...what gets me isn't that people can be bullies, its the sense of anger and resentment, its this awareness that God's work in my life...runs against "the way the world works." I'm thankful, of course, I just don't want anything to happen to me, that's all.
OK. By God's grace, life--this time around, my real life, life in Christ--goes on, day by day. I also have more energy these days, so I've taken to keeping a -remarkably- clean living area. That's one thing...the sheer exhaustion of having been very sick, then sickly, then patched up, then better but not really...has been taken from me, Praise God!
thanks for reading, y'all.