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[__ Praise __] getting better...

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#22
yeah...i think the writing will be easier. i just need writing software. and then...i dunno...get out more...easier said than done, clearly. :-(
 

Tessa

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#23
I don't use software. I just get my paper and pen and write away, then I type it out onto a CD and print it from that. I can't do it at the moment because I have wrecked my laptop and printer.
 
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#24
ok. i really am "getting better..."

by God's grace. :) my whole life I think I live in a fairy land. I don't know how it happened, but...yeah. and I went thru some nightmare-ish stuff, but...God spared me! Now...

I'm healthy! I'm bright eyed! I even have a place more or less of my own! I mean...my parents own it, which is actually ideal...they've got an investment property, I've got a home, life is good...God is good! :)

but...people ain't no good. I guess its human nature, to tear people down...then kick people while they're down. Plus, its --America--, in the 21st century, so...of course, there was that time my angry ex-shrinks tried to send me to prison. at least in the legal system, one can get a lawyer, one has certain rights that are to be protected....

cannot say that about psych hospitals, outpatient clinics, etc. :-(

rambling. its a tad after 4 AM here, i'm caffeine-ated and...i feelz like typin', lol.

i don't know...God is good, definitely. I've been spared -so- much, especially since I came to know Christ, nearly 6 years ago. And...I've been made increasingly whole and also Real, as in...this is, more and more, what Jesus looks like thru me....and who I really am, in Christ Jesus. Both are true, both are important.

so...yeah. its not quite 4.30 here, and I'm actually...chipper, happy, settling down and perking up and enjoying the place, giving thanks to God and other Christians, and...

yeah. yeah. I don't think I really want a job, though. is that lazy? 17-25 was a total waste...I started out short, sickly, weak and ended up a barely patched up burn out. "Youth is wasted on the young." maybe my life in Christ just won't involve paid employment? could be worse. it seems that a lot of people are destroyed by their jobs, their careers, their lifestyles. At least in Christ I'm spared a life of "quiet desperation" and also the --pressure-- of the working world in 21st century America. some people cannot keep up with the rat race, for whatever reasons.


time for another cup of coffee. thanks for your prayers and support, everyone. :)
 
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#25
I believe we are all meant to be at certain places at particular times. Then it is our choice what we do with the situation. God has definitely been leading you CE. Just follow what He leads you to do. Fantastic to hear you so happy.
 
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#26
hey, tessa.

:) you're so kind. i think the clinic people want to "humble" me again. people are obsessed with bringing me down a couple notches. before Jesus saved (is saving, will save...) me, I think it was because my parents were working class, then middle middle class, I was bright ad flamboyantly gay, then sick and...


yeah. oh, and i was homely. now...

im surprisingly pretty in the face, healthy, my parents are more on the upper end of things (not rich, not middle class), im not flamboyantly gay, and...

I've heard people say that I "don't know my PLACE IN SOCIETY!," etc. thing is..

the jobs person mentioned (again) janitorial stuff at a local college. I got to thinking...

they really are trying to bring me low again, aren't they? dad did janitor stuff when he took a year out of college, and he said its horrible. i don't think clinics are about helping, i think...

its not just me, its about the social order. most of the state hospital is shut down, i dont have private insurance for the expensive private hospitals, and i already got off probation. this is a sly, subtle way of bringing me down again, because...this time around...The Lord has brought me out of the miry clay...

and a lot of that mess was created by the mental health people! blah. :-(

venting. i think i want out of the clinic, for real...I just dont want any more of their "help," and I'm pretty sure I can go to a family doctor and get on a lower dose of my stuff, anyway. its been real...its been fun....it aint been real fun.

:)
 
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#27
Have you thought of going to a family doctor just to talk about it and ask him/her thoughts on it? Would you have to pay for a family doctor? And would it alter your benefits if you left the clinic?
 

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