Hitting and other things that adults are encouraged to do

[God's Child]

I was always taught and have learned from experience that hitting people is wrong. It hurts them and their feelings. Hitting people is not a kind thing to do. Hitting is an action that makes people mad at the person who hit them. It makes you get tense and want to hit the person that hit you. Hitting is not a loving thing to do and does not make you love the person that hit you. Now that that was said, how can anyone justify parents hitting their children? How is it that it’s wrong for children to hit others, but right for adults to hit others? Why do parents think that hitting will correct their children’s actions and make them love them? It won’t. The same things that I said above apply when parents hit their children. Why is it that when I am young I am told not to hit people, but when I grow older and have a family that I love, I am encouraged to hit them? It’s illogical and morally wrong. It’s the same way with other issues too. People under the age of 21 aren’t allowed to get drunk, but when you are 21, it is perfectly alright to harm your body. Why is their such a thing as “adult material?†That implies that it’s wrong for children to look at it, but perfectly fine for “adults†to look at it, even though it is morally wrong. So basically I only have to be a good person with morals for the first 21 years of my life. Then I can become a violent jerk and I would be congratulated for it.

 

[Nikki]

Oh no....not THIS again....

 

[Nikki]

And there are MANY different ways of hitting in my opinion. There is beating and there is DISCIPLINE.

If my child reaches up to touch a hot burner, yelling "Don't touch!" will NOT work all the time. But a quick slap on the hand will. And if I repeatedly tell my child to go to time out and they REFUSE to move, kicking and screaming on the floor, I will not hesitate to give them a slap or 2 on the upper part of their leg.

It all depends on the child. My oldest knows my "look" and I very rarely have to spank her. My youngest on the other hand....oh my gosh....she's a handful and the only thing I've found to work is spanking. And I don't mean beating the kid. I'll slap her leg a couple times. That's my version of spanking.

One day, if you ever have kids, you'll understand. Until then, don't question it.

 

[Quath]

I agree with you in part, God's Child. I think society would be better off if spanking were removed. It could be done in way that is not harmful to the mind and body of the child in theory. However, in practice, it is too open to abuse. There are other methods that work just as well.

Unfortunately, the Bible supports extreme measures against children such as

Proverbs 13: 24(NASB) - He who withholds his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him diligently.

Or

Leviticus 20:9 (English-NIV)--`If anyone curses his father or mother, he must be put to death. He has cursed his father or his mother, and his blood will be on his own head.

However, I would hope that people could look past these religious instructions.

Quath

 

[God's Child]

Nikki, did you read my post? Why do the rules of what is right and wrong change when you get older? They shouldn't. It is wrong to change them. We should always be good people that respect the feelings of others, not just when we are kids.

 

[willow the wip]

we have a Child on the way i have a diffrent view point to you i know you dont believe the Bible or you would not over look it.

God dose not.

Proverbs 13:24(KJV): "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes."

Proverbs 13:24(AMP): "He who spares his rod (of discipline) hates his son, but he who loves him diligently disciplines and punishes him early."

Proverbs 22:15: "Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him."

Proverbs 23:13-14: "Withold not discipline from the child, for if you strike and punish him with the (reed-like) rod, he will not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell."

Some people say that all spanking is child abuse, but this is totally wrong. The real abuse to the child is not to spank them when they need correction. Of course, some parents, who themselves are out of control, can abuse their children by beating them in angry rages. This is child abuse, however, it does not justify doing away with spanking children if it is done properly, and for the right reasons. Parents who beat their children, need help themselves. They are sinful people and they not only will abuse their children by beating them, but will hurt them in other ways as well. Many times, these same children are left to go hungry and uncared for. They have no love. These kind of homes need the love of Christ so that the whole family can be healed. We are not to spank our children with uncontrolled anger, and thus hand out unjust punishment.

Proverbs 19:18(AMP): "Discipline your son while there is hope, but do not (indulge your angry resentments by undue chastisements and) set yourself to his ruin."

Proverbs 22:6: "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it."


Godly discipline will keep children from being dysfunctional later in life. We are told as Christian parents to train our children in the ways of the Lord and when he grows up, he will not depart from that training. Notice it says "train" not "teach." Many parents teach their children right from wrong, but have failed to "train" them to obey. Spanking is part of the training. Many parents yell and threaten their children, but never follow through with the proper punishment and therefore their children get their own way. A disciplined child will bring great delight to parents, while the child left alone will bring shame to the home.

Proverbs 29:15 &17(AMP):

15 The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left undisciplined brings his mother to shame.
17 Correct your son, and he will give you rest; yes, he will give delight to your heart.

Ephesians 6:1-4:

1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.
2 Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise;

3 That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.
4 And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

You see there are guidelines as to a Christian perent to disipline the child.

I dont believe in over exorting my athority that would be wrong but we should apropreately disipline our child as prescribed in the Word of God.

 

[Homeskillet]

You guys totally missed the point of her thread...it wasn't about whether or not you should hit your child so much as why the rules change once you're an adult.

I grew up hearing "do as I say not as I do" more times than I can tell you...and that never cut it for me. It was ok for my parents to cuss, drink, smoke, do drugs, and hit yet they instructed me not to. This is precisely why now that I am a parent I see the importance of WALKING the walk.

Hopefully there is nothing that my children see me do or hear me say that they themselves wouldn't be permitted to...(well, except for like driving and cooking, etc....I'm talking about my behavior and my speech)

It's hard to instill morals in a child if they see none in you.

 

[Featherbop]

Children will learn morals, and how to live. Might as well be the parents that teach it.

 

[Blue-Lightning]

Children need to understand the difference in spanking and hitting (and if the parent can't see the difference, then they need to modify the way they are spanking). Even as adults, people do not receive the ability to spank. What happens is, parents and a very few other adults in some cases can spank children in order to get them to abstain from negative behaviors.

A lot like a cat that touches something "shocking" and learns not to do it again.

BL

 

[Nikki]

Nikki, did you read my post? Why do the rules of what is right and wrong change when you get older? They shouldn't. It is wrong to change them. We should always be good people that respect the feelings of others, not just when we are kids.

Adults know right from wrong. An adult should know when it's appropriate to hit. I used the example of my kid touching a hot burner because to me, that is an appropriate time to hit. I'd rather slap my kid and scare them, then to have them get 3rd degree burns.

Now that that was said, how can anyone justify parents hitting their children?
A parent should know when it's ok to hit. And they need to remember not to hit in anger.

How is it that it’s wrong for children to hit others, but right for adults to hit others?
Children usually hit out of anger. That's wrong.

Why do parents think that hitting will correct their children’s actions and make them love them?

I was spanked as a kid AND grounded and I THANK my parents for it. I could go to my parents over anything. I wasn't afraid to talk to them. But I was afraid of what would happen if I acted up. I wasn't abused though. Hitting (spanking) was just a way of them trying to teach me right from wrong. Although grounding always worked better. By time I got to be 12, spanking no longer happened. They knew that grounding me killed me.


I see how many brats there are today and most of the kids that are brought up by parents that don't believe in spanking, are the ones that have these bratty kids. I hear more and more kids telling their moms to "Shut up". I hear it ALL THE TIME anymore and it just blows me away. The parents say such stupid stuff like "That's not nice, don't say that to me". And what does the kids do? Says it right back again. I'd slap my kid in their mouth if they talked to me that way.

 

[Nikki]

Also, not everyone teaches their kids to never hit. My 6 year old was bullied last year by this kid. I went to the teacher several times and the kids parents even got involved. My daughter would still come home with bruises and marks on her from this kid constantly hitting and bullying her.

So, we eventually told her that if he touched her again, to hit him back. Self defense. IMO, it's perfectly justifiable to hit in self defense. But she was too scared to hit back, and I got so fed up with nobody doing anything to protect her, that I took her out of school and home schooled.

 

[willow the wip]

there is a big diffrence between smaking and hitting a child.

a school teacher is not a perent and a perent is not a school teacher there are diffrence in degrees of disipline.

for a perent we are instructed by God to displine our children by smaking them when it is apporpreate we need to know when to draw the line and when to apropreately apply disipline.

 

[God's Child]

Nikki, actions can hurt just as much as words. In fact me getting hit would affect me in a more negative way than telling me to shut up. How can you hit in a way that isn't out of anger? I have not been "abused," but I have been hit. I have no communication with my parents. For once I have been able to open up and actually talk to an adult about things in my life recently though. My soccer coach is an English teacher, so we talk to her through journals. She knows more about me and my problems and life than my parents will ever know. I can't talk to them. I can't talk to a man about my life that I have no respect for. It feels good to let stuff out and to get some stuff out in the open. It feels good just having someone there to listen. My parents can never be that person. I could never talk to them about anything personal. I do not look forward to becoming a parent because I don't want my relationship with my kids to be like this. I dont' want to them to feel this way about me. I can't do that to them. I understand that being a parent isn't easy. Parents tend to forget to put themselves in their kids position. They fail to see the big picture and end up losing all communication. They don't know their kids well enough to know how to reach them.

You said that it's perfectly justifiable to hit someone back in defense. Therefore in most situations, it would be okay for me to hit my parents back in defense, right? If they have no right to hit me, then it's defense. I don't respond well to hitting. I am a smart person and words accomplish much much more. I am not a very touchy person. I don't hug people or like to be touched by anyone. I think that this is because of the "hitting." if my parents try to touch me in any way, I pull away. If they really cared about me and my feelings and thought that I had any intelligence, then they wouldn't hit me. It's simple, you don't hit the people that you love. It's not a loving thing to do. You can't hit someone out of love. You can't love after someone hits you. There is NO love involved. Have you ever thought of telling your child that something is right or wrong, rather than hitting them to prove your point? I guarantee you that I am not a brat. I am God's Child. I have morals. When I do something wrong, I realize it and take care of it myself. I don't need someone to hit me. What can that do for me, besides make me hate them? Being hit causes me to hate the person that hit me. Those are not Godly feelings to have toward someone. Therefore hitting is actually hurting my relationship with God. I hate it when things happen that bring hatred towards other into my life. It comes between me and God. I've been trying to get over this for so long, but I just can't seem to love my dad the way I should. I hate that I can't change things, but it needs to go both ways.

 

[Guest]

:smt035 We cannot blame our parents for everything all of our
lives! Thats a cop out because so far we are in a free country still,
though I question how much longer it will be.
I don't want God to see me bad mouth my parents just because they
didn't do everything perfectly. My Parents didn't go to church but they
allowed me to go. I am grateful to them for that. I treasure the fact
that my parents didn't try to keep me away from God even though they
weren't living for him,and I am glad I got all the spankings I got. They
were not abuse when the only place I was hit was on the butt.
I haven't heard of one death that ever resulted from a Butt whiping.
Abuse is punching, black eyes, bloody noses,name calling,breaking
limbs,ect.... not a spanking.
We also have to look at each persons agenda.
I sure don't want God to see me blame my parents no matter how bad
they were.The blame game just doesn't work in the long run.
Now everyone wants a reward for doing nothing,but I believe my Grand
parents,a reward should be earned,amen.
Yes, It's right that we should tell our children we love them,even daily if
we can and hug them often,but we also don't want them to be sissy's and
cry babies,and ungrateful for all their blessings.
Parents shouldn't just jump at spanking their child for everything,but I have seen the children of those who don't use any method of discipline
and let me tell you,those are some bratts I pray I don't ever have to go
near again.
If a christian cannot tell the difference between a spanking and abuse,
they really have some major issues.

 

[Guest]

Therefore hitting is actually hurting my relationship with God. I hate it when things happen that bring hatred towards other into my life. It comes between me and God. I've been trying to get over this for so long, but I just can't seem to love my dad the way I should. I hate that I can't change things, but it needs to go both ways.

:smt060 I'm sorry if this offends you but your hate is wrong and it's
certainly not justified at all,and trust me,if you ever do have kids,you'll
see what it's all about. You cannot tell me anything about abuse that I
don't know already,I have been abused by other people who were not
my parents. Your parents are your authority while you are a child,and
if you don't love them,you will not ever be blessed by God.
You cannot be a child of God while you hate anyone.
Yes,abuse is wrong,but so is running down your parents. You are not
being hit right now,you are being allowed to express yourself.
I have raised one child the way you claim you would like things to be
with your parents,and guess what? She's the one child who went right
out into the world and caused herself to get sick.
When you rebel against your Mom and Dad,you have placed a curse on
your life. If your Mom and Dad beat you to a pulp,rape you,or in any way
endangers your life,that is different and it's not the same thing,but I have
been around abused children,and one thing they have in common is fear.
They fear telling on their parents,and they are usually not the ones who
tell,someone else usually does it. It is rare to see an abused child tell on
an abusive parent,molester,ect.... because they are normally to afraid of
the abuser because they are heavily brainwashed.
You are not a bratt? I don't know,but you are saying alot of things,yet
claim to be a child of God.
Real abuse is one thing,crying over a spanking is another.
I feel compassion on all those children in the world who can't tell or
are too afraid to tell. May God empower them,not the wicked who hate
their parents,amen.

 

[Guest]

:smt060 The Lord condemned Eli for being an indulgent parent.
1 Sam. 3:1-18
1 Sam. 3:13 I told him that I would judge his family forever because
of the sin he knew about;his sons made themselves contemptible,and
he failed to restrain them.
Prov.22:6 Train a child in the way that he should go......
PS. 127:1,2 Unless the Lord builds the house,it's builders labor in
vain.

God made the family with a great design,and there should be order
in the home. Children should not be allowed to tell the parents what
to do. A house divided against itself cannot stand.

 

[Guest]

I agree with you in part, God's Child.

However, I would hope that people could look past these religious instructions.

Quath

: Well......dah!!!! Your an atheist Quath!!!

 

[Scott]

I just had to reply to this thread topic, the first thing I thought of was a Safety or a Linebacker reminding a Wide Receiver its not always smart to run routes across the middle of the field.

 

[mh13]

I just had to reply to this thread topic, the first thing I thought of was a Safety or a Linebacker reminding a Wide Receiver its not always smart to run routes across the middle of the field.

*** BAM***:smt120

 

[Nikki]

I agree with blueyeliner. Cop outs. That's all you're using unless you've been abused.

There IS such a thing as abuse. It's a HORRIBLE thing.

There is also such a thing as discipline.

I'm not even going to get into this with you. You're young. I'm sure I felt the same way as you at one time. I remember after having my kids, I said I'd never spank them. HA!!! That quickly changed when I discovered my kids were turning into brats because time out and taking away toys wasn't working.

One day, you'll have children of your own. Maybe you'll spank them. Maybe you won't. But don't make accusations or guess others actions and chioces until you become a parent.

And the fact that you can't go to your parents when you need to....well, I can't help you there. I have always been able to talk to my parents about anything and everything. Would they always like what they were hearing? NO WAY. I'd get grounded a LOT. I didn't get many spankings. I got my butt-length hair at the time pulled a lot. Oh, and those little half moons I'd get on my arrms from my mom digging her nails into my arms when I was acting up in a store. I LAUGH over that now.

I'd always feel better just talking about it to them and getting things off my chest.

I don't know what to tell you. And I'm not trying to be mean...I've always liked you. I'm just put off when people try to make me feel like a bad parent. And yes....that's what you've done. But, I'm a good parent. My kids love me and I know this because they want me involved in everything. They want me at their school reading to their class. They want me to come sit and eat lunch with them. They talk to me about things that they know they could get into trouble about. I don't think they'd want me that involved in their business if they didn't like me.

I'm truely sorry if I'm coming off mean.