How to get my wife to desire a relationship with Christ?

[jasonconaway]

My wife was saved when she was around 11 or so. Early on in our marriage we went to church and she seemed ready to live a Christian lifestyle. But I wasnt. Now about a year ago we almost seperated, and I rededicated my life to Christ, and she wasnt ready to change the way she lived. She is going to church with me and the kids. She has gone to church on Sundays that I am working. I thought she was making progress, but then she said the other day she goes to church for me and the kids. This kinda took the wind out of my sails. Since I had my talk with Christ, our marriage has turned around, but I want more now. I am trying and praying that she will desire to live her life for Christ. I know it will make our marriage stronger. We have always had a great marriage except for a year ago. I dont want to push her away, but I get down in the dumps when I dont see progress. She is a Christian, but sometimes questions her faith. I have thoughts about what if I would of married a good Christian girl, but I love her and I want to be with her. She is a good woman. Any advice would be greatly apreciated! You can lead a horse to water but you cant make it drink.

 

[Sparkey]

Greetings jasonconaway!

I'm not really the person to reply to your question, but have approved your post (as is the want of Moderators to do) and believe that you will find some answers here.
My place today, is to welcome you to your forum, encourage you to take a look at the Terms of Service, the Statement of Faith ... and to say Hi!



Cordially,
SparrowHawke

 

[farouk]

Hi jason, good to see you here; God bless His Word to you guys.

Family prayer and Bible reading is very important, too.

 

[Eugene]

It is always beneficial for both partners in a marriage to be equally yoked in their walk with Christ, for as we read in Ecclesiastes 4:12 ". . a threefold cord is not quickly broken." In your case that is you, your wife, and the Lord.

1 Corinthians 7:12 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.

1 Peter 3:1 ". . if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation (Manner of life) of the wives;

Your circumstance is to now be the example as the head of the family and lead giving love and light. Your wife's unbelief is not necessarily an indicator she doesn't believe on the Lord Jesus, but possibly more at feeling defeated in her walk. Your marriage is worth salvaging and allow God through prayer to do the work.

God bless you and your family in Jesus' name. BTW - Welcome to CF.net.

 

[dinoguy]

I think maybe you're asking too much. Couples don't necessarily have exactly the same closeness in their walk --I think that is normal.
Be the best example you can and she will see how it affects your life and happiness. I don't think you can demand a certain level of closeness from someone.

 

[thisnumbersdisconnected]

Not that I want to know the details, but the key to your question regards what happened a year ago. You have identified that as the turning point for both of you -- you toward Christ, her toward ambivalence at best, if not completely away from Him. Examine yourself and ask if she will do the same in relationship to that event a year ago. What was it about it that caused you to seek Him, and what was it about it that caused her to become apathetic toward God, at best? If you can both answer those questions honestly, and address the problems or concerns that arise from those answers, you will be on the way to resolving both your marital issues -- which still exist, gnawing away from within -- and her reticence to commit completely to Christ. My prayers are with you, and I ask His blessing upon you both.

 

[jwoods4290]

hey jason how are you, i just want to give you my input as i was in the same scenario you were maybe about a year ago and more.

I had met my current girlfriend (been together almost 4 years now, marriage is soon to be on the way) and when i first met her, i was becoming more religious, closer to god however she was not. She was never introduced to "good" previously before i met her. she didn't know about god, no one taught her anything, and all she saw in her life was basically drugs, sex, and evil (in my opinion). As much as i distanced my self from her telling my self i didn't want to be the one to change her life around, it was like a poking motion in my shoulders. i felt like i needed to save this person.. that i needed to continue to show her the way, she might deny it at first and choose not to look at all, but eventually she'll have to look at it or i'll be gone.

so years went by, and she was still the same way. i would still keep talking about this even though she didn't want to hear it, but my life stories and current circumstances that were happening time by time, there was no way to deny that god was in my life, doing the miraculous things he was doing. with simple prayer and life happenings, there was no way she could be blind to it anymore. it happened slowly, but she became more interested. she knew god was there and god was living through me. as time went on, she asked questions, i answered, and we both started reading the bible together. today, she is a loving mother (my son's mother) and she loves the lord.

She was once this wicked girl i knew, but i was in love with her, to this loving and caring mom / spouse.

Prayers and hard work will solve everything is the moral of the quick story.

 

[jasonconaway]

A year ago is when we almost spli, and I turned to God. But we havent been going to church or living like we should in a good while. So she didnt all of a sudden turn her back to God, we both had, and I went to him for help when it got really bad. Now I just wish she would turn to him also.

 

[reba]

I got no help for ya brother...Tis a battle I have dealt with for 49 years you are not alone

 

[berk60]

It must be a work of the Holy Spirit but we can play a part in that ministry if God is willing for it to happen that way. My wife wasn't really born again but she went to church and felt like she was doing what God required. Many people live this way. I remember her telling me, "you can't spend all your time into God. You must balance between God,family work ect."
I knew following God 100% in my life was right and I also knew that she didn't realize that. I prayed for her and one day God put it on my heart what to do.
She would listen to books on her CD player at work since she worked the second shift by herself. I bought her the Bible on CD's and gave them to her as a gift. She started listening to them and there was no looking back after that. God's word had changed her heart supernaturally in a way that I would never think possible.
We now both attend a Bible church together and she comes home from work and tells me of all the different sermons she has listen to that day. It brings a tear to my eye just writing this because God is so good.
Never give up. Just bring your request boldly to God and He will direct your path.

 

[Sparkey]

When we look at various scripture, what is found is hundreds of things to look closely at. While doing this study it becomes apparent that the Lord is indeed concerned not only for us but also for our family members. When we try to turn our glance to a more specific set of scriptures, and look at how family members are used in the Ministry of the Lord, one to another, the number of Scriptures decreases somewhat but still it is seen that the Lords' concern is both for us and for our families. What does it mean, "the two shall be one?" Some questions are too large for me but I do get the idea. It means, "Husbands, love your wives as Christ loves the church," but then, I think you know this and have no need for me to tell you.

Still, I might point to the hope that was set before Jesus as he offered himself. This is the hope and "joy" that He was given. It is us. Is it a struggle to follow after Him? It may be but we are also told, "my yoke is easy and the burden is light." Each are called to join into this and may trust that the yoke itself is well fitted and hand-rubbed by our Savior so as to not chafe our necks. In other words, it is oiled (by the Holy Spirit) and we are jointly fitted together by His workings in love. We are told to take up our cross daily and to walk after Him for reason. Here's a quick Scripture that points to what I'm trying to talk about when I mention that "we" are part of his joy: see Hebrews 12:2. We may also look at: Heb 1:9 and Psalms 45:7 (where we see the 'reason' and the 'therefore' showing what it (the blessing and the promise) is there for), Isa 61:1,3 where we see "an exchange of the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair."

It is my hope that each here learns what it means and has the Lord speak to them directly: "Thine eyes are like doves peeping from behind thy veil,' so that we may turn our eye upon Him together and "hasten the day of the Lord."

 

[VirginShallConceive]

She is a Christian, but sometimes questions her faith. I have thoughts about what if I would of married a good Christian girl, but I love her and I want to be with her. She is a good woman. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Hi, Jason!

I would say that since you made the commitment of marriage, you should pray to Jesus if you feel that you need help in suppressing the thoughts of "What if I married a good Christian girl?". According to Jesus, you are committed to her, barring her committal of any fornication-related marital offenses.

"The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery." -Matthew 19:3-9




As far as her questioning her faith, just don't let her questioning cause you to question yours. Rather, keep using scripture to help her solidify her faith.

"Jesus cried and said, He that believeth on me, believeth not on me, but on him that sent me. And he that seeth me seeth him that sent me. I am come a light into the world, that whosoever believeth on me should not abide in darkness. And if any man hear my words, and believe not, I judge him not: for I came not to judge the world, but to save the world. He that rejecteth me, and receiveth not my words, hath one that judgeth him: the word that I have spoken, the same shall judge him in the last day. For I have not spoken of myself; but the Father which sent me, he gave me a commandment, what I should say, and what I should speak. And I know that his commandment is life everlasting: whatsoever I speak therefore, even as the Father said unto me, so I speak." -John 12:44-50

 

[reba]

Jason you do what you know to be right before the Lord.... I know it aint easy and some times seems impossible put one foot in front of the other He is with you

 

[Comprehender]

It's hard to comment without knowing specifics, but I'll just offer a couple of thoughts & I trust you to translate them appropriately.

There are many pathways to God... God is in all.
Even when we think we or someone we love is not headed toward God, there is a light of Christ that is in them still.
The light is the desire to live, to love. Your wife is showing her devotion to God by showing her devotion to loving you and your children.
God is love.

 

[Carolyn]

There are many paths to God is not something Jesus said. He said "I AM the way the truth and the life; no one comes to the Father except through Me". John 4:16
Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. Because narrow is the gate and fifficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it." Matt 7:13-14 NKJV

Perhaps I misunderstood your statement that many pathways lead to God means the same as the totally anti christian saying: "all roads lead to God".

 

[Carolyn]

Praying aloud with your wife is the fastest way that I know of to bond. "The family that prays together, stays together" is a true addage, but it has to occurr daily in the home and not just in church. We pray for each other, our kids, our health, protection and safety, salvation of family and loved ones, provision for those in need, and even for the wisdom and salvation for those who govern us when we can get our attitudes right. We have even prayed for our pets and our cars, as dopy as it sounds. Hubby used to pray individually for each kid before school concerning studying well for upcoming tests, safety, staying out of trouble and all. Our sons reflect on this now saying how much it meant to them.

As several have said, drawing her closer to God is the Holy Spirit's buisiness. So do everything you are supposed to to as a husband and father and let God do the rest. If your church does not have retreats or marriage and parenting classes, go to one outside of your church. I am not saying to leave your church. Many good ones are arranged as retreats for all denominations. Perhaps someone knows good christian books on being the leadership by example in the home; and how to love your wife with understanding, respecting her as your team mate. They should explain how a woman defines love, which is a little different than how a man sees it. Ask men in church what books they recommend. Ours are all out of print since we went through this in the 70s.
If you do all you can do to get the logs out of your own eyes you will be able to watch God working to get the splinters out of hers. I do not mean that unkindly at all. I just found that this is what I had to do. I had to be the best wife the Bible taught me to be and by the work of the Holy Spirit, and to get out of God's way to allow Him do His job. Keeping my mouth shut was the hardest part.
As the man said, God will let you know if and when you are to obey Him and do something. Meanwhile, you just work on doing your part and allow God to keep on changing you from glory to glory till you look just like Jesus.

This year is our 50th anniversary. But I really worked to maintain my mrs. degree, and I am sure hubby will say the same of his mr. It is so worth it to see my hubby reflect and represent God to me, knowing what he was like before he was saved as well as what I was.. God gets all the glory for filling us and changing us.

 

[Comprehender]

There are many paths to God is not something Jesus said. He said "I AM the way the truth and the life; no one comes to the Father except through Me". John 4:16
Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. Because narrow is the gate and fifficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it." Matt 7:13-14 NKJV

Perhaps I misunderstood your statement that many pathways lead to God means the same as the totally anti christian saying: "all roads lead to God".

Don't get caught up on the letter of the law and neglect the spirit of it.
Many do get caught up in the letter and that is partially why "narrow is the gate and fifficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it."
Also, so many are too interested in pleasing others, or adhering to man-made laws, than in worshiping God, who is truth, light and LOVE.

"The kingdom (realm/experience) of God is within you."
No two people think or feel the same way.
No two people understand Jesus, the light of Christ or God the same way.
Yet, if we feel God's love, then we do!
Based on what he mentioned about his wife sacrificing and showing love for him & the kids, she is showing love for God.
"Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these, ye have done it unto me."
"God is love."
There are MANY ways to love.

 

[Sparkey]

You agree with what John (quoting Jesus) said then:

There are MANY ways to love.

"I AM the way the truth and the life; no one comes to the Father except through Me".

John 14:6

 

[Comprehender]

What does it mean to come to the Father through Jesus?
Just call his name? Focus on the letters of one of over 200 names for Christ: J E S U S?
Of course not!
Jesus taught the GREATEST of all commandments are to love God & love others as ourselves...
"...on these two commandments hang all the law & the prophets" - even greater than the man-made law to worship Jesus rather than God.
Jesus also taught that "As I have loved you, love one another, by this shall men know ye are my disciples."
Love is a verb, to God.

"God is love." 1John 4:8

Jesus showed by example that there are indeed MANY ways to love.
He also taught us that if we do not love others, it is as if we are not loving him. Matt 25:45
Each of us have the light of Christ in us - each of us are children of God... with "the kingdom of God within" each of us. -Luke 17:21

"I AM the way the truth and the life; no one comes to the Father except through Me". John 14:6

SparrowHawke, Notice in the scripture you quoted, the familiar term, "I AM."
How did God refer to himself, when communicating with Moses? "I AM THAT I AM."
When do we experience God? Yesterday? Tomorrow? Or NOW?
We always experience God in the moment, thus God is not, "I WAS" nor "I WILL BE" -but rather: I AM THAT I AM.

How do we experience God - outside in a tree, a building, a house, another person?
No - every time we experience God, it is WITHIN us, each individually.
This is why Jesus taught the axiomatic truth that "the kingdom of God cometh not with observation... the kingdom of God is within you." -Luke 17:20-21