[__ Prayer __] i want to help, but...

[Christ_empowered]

dad wants me to help with some yardwork. no big shakes, right? just do it, right? yeah...

dad's fairly easy to work with, which is awesome. id like to go over and help. problem?

the way my parents' house is situated, there's neighbors all over the place. its a decent sized yard, for the area (2-3 acres), lots of trees, gardens, etc...plenty of stuff to do. thing is...

lots of houses behind the back yard. houses up in front of the side-back yard. neighbors bordering the drive way, house in front-ish part that overlaps with their own yard. and...the actual problem...

i can't even walk into the house to visit, take the puppies out for fun and bathroom breaks, etc. without people yelling at me. "toughen up," right? yeah, ok. its...beyond frustrating, and since dad a) lives there and b) has hearing problems, and only sometimes wears the device to help him with that (I don't think they're called hearing aids these days, but...hearing aid, basically), its like...

i get verbally ripped to shreds, he almost never hears it, if i talk about it i get told to take the medication, get the meds adjusted, or stop being so self-centered because they're not talking about me because they have their own lives. and its not as if they yell things that are just little insults, either...a lot of it is sexual stuff (I was actively gay, pre-Jesus), stuff from my psych records, stuff from...blah blah blah.

ugh. id like to help. no one wants to be laughed at, insulted, etc. for hours on end when i could be doing...anything, nothing else.

the -1- time i think dad heard it -and- acknowledged it was when i was trying to help him paint, and a neighbor out back yelled out "Loser!" very loudly, in a thick southern accent. i looked at dad and saw him cringe. keep in mind; that was -before- he started going to the hearing aid people, so...yeah, loud.

i dunno. im an outcast. as The Lord has willed to change me in Christ, He has seen fit to return memories that were wiped out by involuntary shock 'treatments,' a bad head injury, the general haze of reefer and pills in my teenage years, etc., and...

whoa. whoa. I -am- thankful for The Lord and His mercy, His work in my life and my parents' lives. I am, more and more each day. deal is...

i don't know if i can deal with it, honestly. am i too soft? a big wimp? its tiring and annoying on a good day, straight up threatening ("he's going to prison," "we're going to get him committed," "someone needs to beat his ()," etc.) on most days...


and that's just when im going in and out of the house, supervising the puppies, maybe doing light gardening with mama.

ugh. ugh. ugh. i still don't know what to do. please pray, and...if you feel so inclined, respond. thanks.

 

[Tessa]

If you decide to go talk to The Lord and ask Him go go with you. He will be there to help you. It would be a shame to miss out on working with your dad, because you enjoy it.
Praying that God will guide you what to do CE

 

[humble soul]

am i too soft? a big wimp?

Probably
You know I'm joking I hope.
We don't really know the reality of your suffering. If you feel suffering, that's all that matters. Hang in there. Take the support you have on this forum, wherever you go. That will help.

 

[Truthfrees]

dad wants me to help with some yardwork. no big shakes, right? just do it, right? yeah...

dad's fairly easy to work with, which is awesome. id like to go over and help. problem?

the way my parents' house is situated, there's neighbors all over the place. its a decent sized yard, for the area (2-3 acres), lots of trees, gardens, etc...plenty of stuff to do. thing is...

lots of houses behind the back yard. houses up in front of the side-back yard. neighbors bordering the drive way, house in front-ish part that overlaps with their own yard. and...the actual problem...

i can't even walk into the house to visit, take the puppies out for fun and bathroom breaks, etc. without people yelling at me. "toughen up," right? yeah, ok. its...beyond frustrating, and since dad a) lives there and b) has hearing problems, and only sometimes wears the device to help him with that (I don't think they're called hearing aids these days, but...hearing aid, basically), its like...

i get verbally ripped to shreds, he almost never hears it, if i talk about it i get told to take the medication, get the meds adjusted, or stop being so self-centered because they're not talking about me because they have their own lives. and its not as if they yell things that are just little insults, either...a lot of it is sexual stuff (I was actively gay, pre-Jesus), stuff from my psych records, stuff from...blah blah blah.

ugh. id like to help. no one wants to be laughed at, insulted, etc. for hours on end when i could be doing...anything, nothing else.

the -1- time i think dad heard it -and- acknowledged it was when i was trying to help him paint, and a neighbor out back yelled out "Loser!" very loudly, in a thick southern accent. i looked at dad and saw him cringe. keep in mind; that was -before- he started going to the hearing aid people, so...yeah, loud.

i dunno. im an outcast. as The Lord has willed to change me in Christ, He has seen fit to return memories that were wiped out by involuntary shock 'treatments,' a bad head injury, the general haze of reefer and pills in my teenage years, etc., and...

whoa. whoa. I -am- thankful for The Lord and His mercy, His work in my life and my parents' lives. I am, more and more each day. deal is...

i don't know if i can deal with it, honestly. am i too soft? a big wimp? its tiring and annoying on a good day, straight up threatening ("he's going to prison," "we're going to get him committed," "someone needs to beat his ()," etc.) on most days...


and that's just when im going in and out of the house, supervising the puppies, maybe doing light gardening with mama.

ugh. ugh. ugh. i still don't know what to do. please pray, and...if you feel so inclined, respond. thanks.

praying - not sure what you can do about such people - they are definitely not speaking for God - with God and us you are a winner

 

[Christ_empowered]

thanks. fate (?) intervened, I guess. lol. I slept in an awkward position, so one knee --hurt-- , all sortsa stiff and...yeah, I know: cry baby. lol moving on...

no advil in the apt. ugh. rolled over to my parents' place, dad had done the yardwork he needed help with, and mama gave me a spare bottle of advil. oh, and biscuits. cheesy biscuits, no less. and dad was not at all miffed or upset or...blah blah blah, it was OK, I think.

meanwhile...

saw the folks later, for dinner (we're close knit, these days, by God's grace), and....yeah. My dad and I are getting closer. He grilled up some meat and got me a bottle of flavored creamer, as a nice extra. i drink entirely too much coffee, and I dread taking it black, so I pour loads of flavored creamer in the mix. point is...he's thinking of me, now, even in the small things. 2 way street...I think he saw that I think of him in the small things, too, 'round his b-day time...I saved my pennies and got him a quality cheese sampler. small gift, big step.

ok. thanks, y'all

 

[for_his_glory]

Haters will hate and there is nothing anyone can do about that, but maybe you could wear earplugs so you can't hear them. Never miss an opportunity to be with your mom and dad because of others ignorance towards you.

 

[Hospes]

I suggest coffee with 1/2&1/2 and Grandma's molasses to your own taste. If you like it, share some with your dad.