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increasingly...competent

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i guess I could put this in the Praise Report section. Thing is, this is the section only for Christians, so...yeah. yeah.

I volunteer. The last time I did my shift, my (always friendly, professional) HR supervisor came in and asked if I could pick up a weekend shift in a bit over 2 weeks. stuff going on, potential for the (non-profit) to make a bit more $$$. Always a good thing. I said sure, went for the same shift time I do weekdays, just...on a weekend. Keep it consistent, lol. :)

meanwhile, I'm keeping a surprisingly clean place. not doing drugs, being crazy, chaotic, etc...helps. More importantly...God has willed to provide for me, so now it seems (to me) that He's also willed to provide what I need to do better in this little section of the world I call home. And...

the past is still there. I deal with it more when I wake up. True story...when I wake up in the morning, "junk" from my past--and there's a lot of "junk" from my past--hits, and its not till I'm coffee-d up and medicated and vitamin-ed (may or may not help...I recommend it, just in case...) up that I find I"m able to put the brakes on it. oh well.

bullying, attempts at control and oppression...still an issue. Being reconciled and in an increasingly warm, meaningful relationship with my (loving, long suffering, wonderful) parents... softens the blow of things from "out there," so much. At first, it was just the stuff. My parents were willing to provide some for me, probably more out of obligation (pity? compassion?) than anything else. Now...

the stuff is great, the stuff is actually necessary, to a point (I've been poor...factor in all the stigma and such, it was a rough experience, not so much because of lack of stuff as lack of safety, lack of power), but the relationship with my family is...sentimental as this may sound, here it comes...priceless. seriously. I breeze in for meals, by invitation, on a regular basis. they're -both- in good spirits, usually. no...lingering anger, resentment, bitterness, psycho-babble fueled divisions, etc. family unity+restoration, brought to us by THE LORD. God is Love, after all.

The last time I saw my parents, they were giving me tips on how to handle things if i ever get a j-o-b. Will I...get a job? I dunno, honestly. Its not laziness. The volunteer job is already teaching me how to be a reliable employee, should the opportunity arise. will it? I don't know. Keep in mind; for a number of reasons (it all breaks down to the usual suspects, really: sin, satan, self, and the world), my life was --impossible-- . Had it not been for my parents, I'd have found myself on the streets or in prison, dead either way. true story. so, I'm thankful. the other thing...

I"m wary, especially of the "helping professions." the mental health industry just wants "good patients." ever noticed how now and then state hospitals will release someone and that someone commits a similar crime? or...how someone will be involved in a crime that makes the papers, and it turns out they were released from some sort of psych hospital? yeah...here's the thing...

"good patients" are often not "good people," much less solid Christians. see where I'm going with this? I take my medication, I"m actually thankful for it, now...

I dunno. Medication is just a means to an end, its really not a huge part of my identity, now that I'm a) in Christ and b) taking all this more seriously and c) -doing- things, which is really only possible because of the love and compassion and mercy THE LORD has seen fit to show me.

meanwhile, I keep hearing (when people want me to hear) that its somehow "his own fault he has Schizophrenia" and "so what if he's crazy?" and "who's paying for this?" and "he cannot live here" and "we aren't putting up with him!," etc. -sigh-

not that I"m 110% victim. I was just seen as a "loser, didn't know his place in society..." so the shrinks destroyed me. I think that's what it boils down to, honestly. compassion? yeah, would have been nice, but...big deal is: He spared me, He called me to repentance, now...

7 years into my Walk with THE LORD, I find I"m....

overcoming, by the Blood of The Lamb. washed and made clean, '...more than a conqueror in Christ Jesus...' and....

part of that seems to be a restoration of my mind. I don't mean IQ and all that...I don't even really grasp the IQ scale, it kinda seems unscientific and not helpful, anyway...

I mean I can, now, with help from my parents and thru doing my volunteer job and praying and cleaning up after myself and just...doing the life I have now, in Christ and thanks to Christ.....

I can finally -do- things, in my lil corner of the world. I hope and pray the bullying and attempts at control, etc. -stop- at some point, but...even if they don't, I need to continue, don't I? And I can, now...

because "...I can do all things thru Christ, who strengthens me..."

like any and all other Born Again Christians. God is Good. :)
 

Truthfrees

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May 24, 2017
Messages
2,807
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Male
i guess I could put this in the Praise Report section. Thing is, this is the section only for Christians, so...yeah. yeah.

I volunteer. The last time I did my shift, my (always friendly, professional) HR supervisor came in and asked if I could pick up a weekend shift in a bit over 2 weeks. stuff going on, potential for the (non-profit) to make a bit more $$$. Always a good thing. I said sure, went for the same shift time I do weekdays, just...on a weekend. Keep it consistent, lol. :)

meanwhile, I'm keeping a surprisingly clean place. not doing drugs, being crazy, chaotic, etc...helps. More importantly...God has willed to provide for me, so now it seems (to me) that He's also willed to provide what I need to do better in this little section of the world I call home. And...

the past is still there. I deal with it more when I wake up. True story...when I wake up in the morning, "junk" from my past--and there's a lot of "junk" from my past--hits, and its not till I'm coffee-d up and medicated and vitamin-ed (may or may not help...I recommend it, just in case...) up that I find I"m able to put the brakes on it. oh well.

bullying, attempts at control and oppression...still an issue. Being reconciled and in an increasingly warm, meaningful relationship with my (loving, long suffering, wonderful) parents... softens the blow of things from "out there," so much. At first, it was just the stuff. My parents were willing to provide some for me, probably more out of obligation (pity? compassion?) than anything else. Now...

the stuff is great, the stuff is actually necessary, to a point (I've been poor...factor in all the stigma and such, it was a rough experience, not so much because of lack of stuff as lack of safety, lack of power), but the relationship with my family is...sentimental as this may sound, here it comes...priceless. seriously. I breeze in for meals, by invitation, on a regular basis. they're -both- in good spirits, usually. no...lingering anger, resentment, bitterness, psycho-babble fueled divisions, etc. family unity+restoration, brought to us by THE LORD. God is Love, after all.

The last time I saw my parents, they were giving me tips on how to handle things if i ever get a j-o-b. Will I...get a job? I dunno, honestly. Its not laziness. The volunteer job is already teaching me how to be a reliable employee, should the opportunity arise. will it? I don't know. Keep in mind; for a number of reasons (it all breaks down to the usual suspects, really: sin, satan, self, and the world), my life was --impossible-- . Had it not been for my parents, I'd have found myself on the streets or in prison, dead either way. true story. so, I'm thankful. the other thing...

I"m wary, especially of the "helping professions." the mental health industry just wants "good patients." ever noticed how now and then state hospitals will release someone and that someone commits a similar crime? or...how someone will be involved in a crime that makes the papers, and it turns out they were released from some sort of psych hospital? yeah...here's the thing...

"good patients" are often not "good people," much less solid Christians. see where I'm going with this? I take my medication, I"m actually thankful for it, now...

I dunno. Medication is just a means to an end, its really not a huge part of my identity, now that I'm a) in Christ and b) taking all this more seriously and c) -doing- things, which is really only possible because of the love and compassion and mercy THE LORD has seen fit to show me.

meanwhile, I keep hearing (when people want me to hear) that its somehow "his own fault he has Schizophrenia" and "so what if he's crazy?" and "who's paying for this?" and "he cannot live here" and "we aren't putting up with him!," etc. -sigh-

not that I"m 110% victim. I was just seen as a "loser, didn't know his place in society..." so the shrinks destroyed me. I think that's what it boils down to, honestly. compassion? yeah, would have been nice, but...big deal is: He spared me, He called me to repentance, now...

7 years into my Walk with THE LORD, I find I"m....

overcoming, by the Blood of The Lamb. washed and made clean, '...more than a conqueror in Christ Jesus...' and....

part of that seems to be a restoration of my mind. I don't mean IQ and all that...I don't even really grasp the IQ scale, it kinda seems unscientific and not helpful, anyway...

I mean I can, now, with help from my parents and thru doing my volunteer job and praying and cleaning up after myself and just...doing the life I have now, in Christ and thanks to Christ.....

I can finally -do- things, in my lil corner of the world. I hope and pray the bullying and attempts at control, etc. -stop- at some point, but...even if they don't, I need to continue, don't I? And I can, now...

because "...I can do all things thru Christ, who strengthens me..."

like any and all other Born Again Christians. God is Good. :)
what an awesome testimony - supporting you in prayer
 

humble soul

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empowered
youve got such a congenial communication style. Non aggressive too. You sound like youve got some easygoing hippie esque DNA.
Maybe you could do stand up comedy? Im not joking.
 
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im thankful. i think with all the labels...i may always be something of an outcast, in society. as a Christian, though...its maybe better, in some ways? stranger in a strange land, maybe it makes sanctification...easier, in some ways?

anyway, each of us is a different part of The Body of Christ. I don't know what my "part" is, but...-shrug- ... God has been and is Good, to me and to others, too.

its kind...Psalm 30:5 comes to mind...

it wasn't until I was brought low, after conversion, and entered the new role of "Schizophrenic" that THE LORD made me increasingly healthy, normal, wiped clean (even physically, thank God) of the sins of my youth...

and I find now that the general consensus is "so what if Jesus healed a mental patient?" LOL. I'm trying to have a sense of humor about it. :)
 
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that's what I'm saying. Kind of like...I cannot work, which meets with social disapproval, but...loads of people are alienated and hate their jobs, anyway. 'it is what it is'
 

humble soul

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Joined
Jan 11, 2020
Messages
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Male
that's what I'm saying. Kind of like...I cannot work, which meets with social disapproval, but...loads of people are alienated and hate their jobs, anyway. 'it is what it is'
Retired people come to realise that they let their job define them. The successful ones miss the status it gave them. And struggle for meaning in their old age. I respect hard workers but Ive seen enough of the marginalised members of society to know that there is more to life than work.
 
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yeah...what's I suppose (?) odd about my situation is that the mental health stuff --labels, ill effects of treatment-- made climbing up the ole ladder more or less...impossible. long story...im apparently 'not a good patient' 'non-compliant' i dunno. i think it had more to do with leverage and social class than anything else, honestly.

so, now...im bona fide disabled. dont know what to make of it. the stats are pretty gloomy, in terms of getting off and getting into normal employment. at 35, i live a lot like my retired relatives. lol.

i get no respect. people have tried to intimidate me, etc...there's less of that now, or has been lately, but...there's no telling if the anti-poor, anti-disabled, anti-'loser' junk will rev back up. might could, might could not.

for now, im increasingly content. by God's grace, I have my own place, good health, growing faith....hope, in my better moments. not hope that i'll end up with a 9 to 5 and a pension plan, but more like...

hope that my life will prove meaningful, in Him...and maybe I'll end up doing something, per His will. I dunno. :)
 

humble soul

Member
Joined
Jan 11, 2020
Messages
424
Gender
Male
yeah...what's I suppose (?) odd about my situation is that the mental health stuff --labels, ill effects of treatment-- made climbing up the ole ladder more or less...impossible. long story...im apparently 'not a good patient' 'non-compliant' i dunno. i think it had more to do with leverage and social class than anything else, honestly.

so, now...im bona fide disabled. dont know what to make of it. the stats are pretty gloomy, in terms of getting off and getting into normal employment. at 35, i live a lot like my retired relatives. lol.

i get no respect. people have tried to intimidate me, etc...there's less of that now, or has been lately, but...there's no telling if the anti-poor, anti-disabled, anti-'loser' junk will rev back up. might could, might could not.

for now, im increasingly content. by God's grace, I have my own place, good health, growing faith....hope, in my better moments. not hope that i'll end up with a 9 to 5 and a pension plan, but more like...

hope that my life will prove meaningful, in Him...and maybe I'll end up doing something, per His will. I dunno. :)
i dont know what you are like in real life empowered. But you come across as very normal to me.
I think one of your challenges is finding a hobby with a passion. Like I love guitar. I need to find some like minded amateur musicians to push me to the next level.
Have you ever considered Toastmasters empowered?
 

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