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Marriage Without Intimacy

ezra

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imo i think things take place in a woman body that are hard to explain understand . i have buddy his wife is same way they sleep sepertae rooms he is 64
 

Chopper

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Hello my very good friend WIP. My heart goes out to you because yours is a very difficult counsel to get into as a rule. Marriage counseling could very well be the toughest to find a remedy for because of issues in each person will stay hidden for a long time making resolution almost impossible.

There is a way to bring back those 25 year old flames if you and your Wife are honest about your feelings. I'm assuming that both of you are Christians.

What's the problem with your marriage and everyone else? COMMUNICATION, communication, and communication!!!

The situation that you have so bravely put forth happens in way to many marriages. To some degree, every Christian marriage has a war going on in their bedroom. Our bedroom enemy is Satan, and he fights hard and furiously.

Little by little, this command of Jesus goes on night after night until anger gets built up after hearing "not tonight hon". See what Jesus say's?
1Co 7:2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.
7:3 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband.
7:4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.

7:5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."

I'm going to stop until tomorrow. Because I'm very weak from battling pneumonia as long as I did. I just wanted to start some counsel.
 

for_his_glory

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I'm going to stop until tomorrow. Because I'm very weak from battling pneumonia as long as I did. I just wanted to start some counsel.
Going off topic for a bit my dear friend Chopper and am praying the Lord give you back the strength you need to continue in His service as you are such a blessing to us and a mighty man of God. :hug
 

WIP

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Hello my very good friend WIP. My heart goes out to you because yours is a very difficult counsel to get into as a rule. Marriage counseling could very well be the toughest to find a remedy for because of issues in each person will stay hidden for a long time making resolution almost impossible.

There is a way to bring back those 25 year old flames if you and your Wife are honest about your feelings. I'm assuming that both of you are Christians.

What's the problem with your marriage and everyone else? COMMUNICATION, communication, and communication!!!

The situation that you have so bravely put forth happens in way to many marriages. To some degree, every Christian marriage has a war going on in their bedroom. Our bedroom enemy is Satan, and he fights hard and furiously.

Little by little, this command of Jesus goes on night after night until anger gets built up after hearing "not tonight hon". See what Jesus say's?
1Co 7:2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.
7:3 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband.
7:4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.

7:5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."

I'm going to stop until tomorrow. Because I'm very weak from battling pneumonia as long as I did. I just wanted to start some counsel.
Thank you my friend.
 

Razeontherock

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Hello my very good friend WIP. My heart goes out to you because yours is a very difficult counsel to get into as a rule. Marriage counseling could very well be the toughest to find a remedy for because of issues in each person will stay hidden for a long time making resolution almost impossible.

There is a way to bring back those 25 year old flames if you and your Wife are honest about your feelings. I'm assuming that both of you are Christians.

What's the problem with your marriage and everyone else? COMMUNICATION, communication, and communication!!!

The situation that you have so bravely put forth happens in way to many marriages. To some degree, every Christian marriage has a war going on in their bedroom. Our bedroom enemy is Satan, and he fights hard and furiously.

Little by little, this command of Jesus goes on night after night until anger gets built up after hearing "not tonight hon". See what Jesus say's?
1Co 7:2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.
7:3 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband.
7:4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.

7:5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."

I'm going to stop until tomorrow. Because I'm very weak from battling pneumonia as long as I did. I just wanted to start some counsel.
I firmly believe this is a primary lack of teaching in the US Church. Not what church leadership wants to build their congregation on?? Although Catholicism does well in this area.

If the Church had divorce statistics significantly different from the world, we'd be a lot closer to being perceived as the city set on a hill that we are called to be
 

Chopper

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Hello my very good friend WIP. My heart goes out to you because yours is a very difficult counsel to get into as a rule. Marriage counseling could very well be the toughest to find a remedy for because of issues in each person will stay hidden for a long time making resolution almost impossible.

There is a way to bring back those 25 year old flames if you and your Wife are honest about your feelings. I'm assuming that both of you are Christians.

What's the problem with your marriage and everyone else? COMMUNICATION, communication, and communication!!!

The situation that you have so bravely put forth happens in way to many marriages. To some degree, every Christian marriage has a war going on in their bedroom. Our bedroom enemy is Satan, and he fights hard and furiously.

Little by little, this command of Jesus goes on night after night until anger gets built up after hearing "not tonight hon". See what Jesus say's?
1Co 7:2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.
7:3 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband.
7:4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.

7:5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."

I'm going to stop until tomorrow. Because I'm very weak from battling pneumonia as long as I did. I just wanted to start some counsel.
Hello again WIP, sorry it's taking longer than I anticipated. At 78 years old and lungs that have been assaulted by aspiration pneumonia two times, I'm not as "able" as I used to be.

When a marriage hits between 20 and 25 years, on an average, marriages enter what I call a "mid marriage life crisis". For some strange reason WIP, valuable communication between couples stops.

This is for many men....You are not bringing your Wife to a meaningful orgasm and "after glow". There are many reasons why the sex process looses it's joy in the bedroom. Lets face it folks, The sex procedure takes a lot of energy & sweat to be of any value for either husband or wife.

Another aspect to the sex act is the clean up afterward. Women have more to clean up than men because of the time it takes for the fluid to drain out of her "love channel". If the husband treats sex with his wife with the old "wam bam thank you ma'am", she gets no enjoyment and soon will stop all together.

The only positive results that I've been able to see in the many counseling sessions that I've held is this....COMMUNICATION!! WIP, you and others who are having similar bedroom issues is for you and your wife to sit down together and discuss all the "trouble spots".

There have been times when I've recommended to a couple before we got together for counseling, is that each one take a piece of paper and describe, in detail what has stopped the intimacy. Why no kissing, no hugging, etc.

With both papers in hand for me to study, we set a date for the first session and go from there.

Hey guys, in the majority of times, I have found that the husband is at fault because he is not bringing romance into the bedroom, he's to tired to extend the necessary energy into the sex act for the necessary "for play" and knowledge of how to bring his Wife to an orgasm. Every Wife deserves an orgasm, she works as hard as you do guys.

I'll be happy to answer any question any of you folk have. Just ask, I love you all.:hug
 

ezra

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this may not be the case woman have things that affect them that not even the medical world understands .the marriage needs lots prayers and council
 

ezra

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Women can have things that affect them that even women don't understand
that is exactly what i mean the in depth detail of sex is not necessary the cause for second i thought i was at r movie .
 

WIP

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Just thought I’d drop in this thread and provide a progress report.

For the past few years I have prayed countless times for help and relief from these sins but I never seemed to be able to stay away and get freed from it.

I don’t know if it was because I finally broke silence and confessed my depravities or if it was the additional prayers that have been made on my behalf or a combination of both but as of today, I have remained completely “clean” and at this point I have no desire and no thoughts cross my mind. To be honest, I feel relieved and free. I know it has only been two weeks but it is a major milestone and the change has been sudden and complete without a doubt.

The power of prayer is amazing! Thank you all and please continue to pray that the Lord will continue to work with me on this situation and bring me to total repentance.

Praise be to God and our Lord, Jesus Christ!
 

Tessa

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WIP this is wonderful news and well done. I too think it may be a combination of prayers and you breaking the silence. You definitely have my prayers.
 

medievalglo

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I would also REALLY really REALLY love to improve my marriage. There has been so little communication, and it seems like communication is not desired..... I just don't know. Beyond the daily "have to communicate" it seems our interests just don't meet much anymore unless I can find the enthusiasm to do things his way. To respond physically to meet his needs, is difficult when it seems like there is no interest in spending any time WITH me, wanting to know what I think or how I feel. I try my best to ask him how he is, what he thinks, how he is feeling. He is in pain a lot with how much he punishes his body to work, and he's going deaf due to many years of working with heavy, loud machinery. For us to be intimate, he's set aside his best time - upon waking up EARLY in the morning, however if I have a bad night of little sleep, I can barely rouse myself to have a conversation let alone more, so most time together becomes just mechanical. It is hard for me to feel desire at all anymore. I still LOVE my husband dearly, and I still find him attractive. Even in writing this, it takes time and effort, while he is engaged watching another distraction that it feels like he doesn't want to stop. I don't know how to engage him so that he finds me interesting any more. I WANT him to talk to me, but he's used to me just asking questions and learning from him, not trying to get me to engage with him. I have written to Reigning Redemption about this sort of thing before. I have also with my husband attended a couple of Marriage Seminars at church. When it has been time for us to try to open up, the first time, I had to write. I couldn't even speak. I went into the bathroom and cried. The 2nd year was a little better, but I was at least not hiding in the bathroom trying to just pull myself together. I was still just writing, and having him read it. That was a few years ago. Then we suffered the Affair - "just recreational" on his part, cause I couldn't be available due to my life change time.
I, too, fell prey to trying to feel SOMETHING, some desire with porn, but that has now grown abhorrent to me.
Pastors haven't had the time, and we've tried talking to different folk in the church body. Joe's feeling the weight of having to support the family, and he's had me primarily stay home. It has always seemed to hurt us in having to pay more taxes for me to work, and the kids need better support than us being kicked into the next higher tax bracket. That leaves me feeling like I contribute very little and I am trying to dig myself out of the chaos of housekeeping that's gotten away from me, esp when the others come home with more stuff, and things aren't thrown away right away or aren't given a "home" to be put away. It IS getting better, but it is a very long, slow process to me, that has at times been painful - learning to let go of stuff from the past - hoping not to forget things/ people/ experiences from days of old. I don't see anybody from the past or know them, really beyond basic personality impressions. I don't feel like I am KNOWN by anyone. How can others know another person if they are not free to share? I listen primarily, and I am glad I can get to know more about others. It would be nice to feel known and appreciated for me by other people. If I am not, the Lord will still keep me. :) I am also glad God hasn't given up on me, yet, and He's helping find Him and heal me a little more so I can open up in places like this better to hopefully help others grow along the way. :) To keep in the loop.... TDC Radio and Redwords lou
 
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hi. im -not- married or in a position to give advice, just...

OK. one thing my parents have told me, that other long term married people have told me, is that being married means committing to The Marriage, as something greater than the sum of the man and woman. having seen it, having grown up with it...

I gotta say I admire you (and my parents, and other long term, married couples), because it does get rough. angry seasons, cold seasons, melancholy seasons...

and i do -not- think the 'helping professions' actually 'help,' either. out of curiosity, i looked up a former psych doc. one of the marriage therapists at his practice also proudly proclaims that she helps 'facilitate collaborative divorce' or something equally crazy insane. ugh.

so...what support is there? I'm asking, just as surely as you're asking. with my parents, im struck by how they have no -real- friends. their upward mobility is part of the issue (going from 'working class, intellectual bohemians' to 'well to do intellectuals' is no easy feat, and they shed all kinds of 'friends' and acquaintances on the way up), but it seems to be an issue with other people, too. i think...a lot of it is society. people don't really 'hang out' past the age of 25-30+/-, and...we're always at each others' throats...who has what, who lacks what, look who's fat, look who's kid is on the drugs, etc...

God knows right where you're at. That's what a beloved friend always tells me, and its...true, isn't it? You've committed yourself to The Lord, your husband, your family, and The Marriage, and...

blessings often follow obedience. im still learning that one, myself.


God bless you. :)
 

for_his_glory

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medievalglo

Many marriages become complacent after being married for a long time as the art of communication breaks down throughout the years. Just like you mentioned how hard your husband works and what it is doing to his body. I can relate to that with my own husband. They just want to get home and relax their bodies, and the pain they deal with does affect the communication and the pleasures onced known in the bedroom.

You said your interests just don't seem to meet anymore. This tells me that at one time the two of you were interested in the same thing. You have to find that common ground again in something that both of you enjoy doing as this will help the communication as the both of you will have something to talk about.

I have seen many couples have a date night that helps their relationship. This could be something the two of you can do on a day that he doesn't have to work and will get a good night sleep before your date day. Try to make it a romantic date like going to dinner and taking a walk afterwards, maybe holding hands while you walk. Tell each other everyday, I love you and appreciate all you do for each other.

You contribute to the household just as much as your husband. Maybe not monetary, but in all the things you do for your family like cooking, cleaning and being a wife and mother. You also need to engage with a good girlfriend and go do things together as this will also help your self-esteem.

Just some things to think about as you are known and appreciated by your family even though they might not show it, but I'm sure love you very much.

You have a good heart and a heart for the Lord, but you have to find yourself in all of this and do the things that make you happy. You are in my prayers sis and it will all come together eventually. :pray :hug
 

Tessa

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Hi Gloria. You are a lovely woman who is not afraid of sharing the love your heart holds, both for God and people.
Perhaps if your husband is so tired you could start with little things. Little things mean a lot - a smile, a peck on the cheek, a thank you, a tender touch etc. One couple I know we're growing apart. The husband found it hard to say I love you. So instead he wrote it down on small pieces of paper. Every morning she would open the coffee jar and read 'I Love You.'
You have a very strong faith, keep on praying for help.

You have good suggestions in the above posts. My prayers are with you for the things you are needing and wanting.
God Bless
 

Redwords lou

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I’m reading , just so you know. To react to what you posted I have to hear from God sis.
 

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