Miscellaneous

[humble soul]

Sexual desire. Sex. Youth. Hormones. Testosterone. Fog. Mirage. Illusion. Superficial happiness. Sex is the answer.
And so on.
If you have the perfect sex life, I suspect you are exaggerating. We are either undersexed or oversexed.
Life would be a lot easier without sexual desire in my opinion. It causes more problems than solves. Look at our happy childhood before sex rears its ugly head.
True we couldn't procreate. I am the result of a sexual act. But luckily I am also the result of love. I feel sorry for those who aren't the latter.
If you can get the sex part of your life in balance, you might just discover happiness.
Reach grand parenthood and you finally receive the wisdom that life is worth hanging around for.

 

[daninthelionsden]

ugh. i have an upcoming family doctor appointment. -nervous- im only getting it because I'm on disability and also...my parents. this isn't me being all "oh, wow, now my parents are well to do! hahaha!," its more like...well, you know how they say soldiers and people who come out alive out of disasters can have survivor's guilt? do you think the same is true of people who are lifted out of poverty? not that I'm living large or anything, but...wow. -grateful-

i filed legal action against a former psych a long, long time ago. turned into a hot mess...parents pitied me, got a lawyer, i walked away with probation on a reduced charge. and now?

i dunno. im tempted to indulge my retro, antipsychiatry intellectual stuff (foucault, shulamith firestone, that kinda thing), and say its all bogus, or...something more nefarious than bogus. and yet...

-sigh- I don't think its a 'brain disease,' but my 'atypical' tranquilizer seems to help, as long as the dose is high enough, but not too high...the 'sweet spot,' i guess. ugh. it helps that my parents are solidly behind me, now...time to bust out the -other- F-word: 'forgiveness.'

i texted mama, said 'i love you, mama' and waited...anxiously...all of 15 minutes before I got a reply (via text). "Thank you. we love you, too" I dunno...I felt almost giddy. I just said "yay" and put some extra-happy smiley face on the reply text. lol. because...im 36...moving on...

i used to read novels, plays, anything "good" and hopefully, above my comprehension level (fun fact: 120 IQ, bright and precocious...-not- a prodigy...), and now I somehow have a '150 IQ,' or so the psych nurse practitioner says, and I read a lot of left wing news analysis (conflict theory, some straight up marxists...makes me think more critically, it seems). and...and...

-sigh- I used to love Tennessee Williams...I mean, as much as 12/13 year old can love Suddenly, last summer and such...and now? I think I will write, fiction. i've already got a page or two started. the last time I wrote was short stories, years ago...about social class. semi-autobiographical. true story.

the neighbors continue being obnoxious. im trying to do the whole forgive 70x7 and also love thy enemies, per Jesus' commands, and...

I dunno. "mental patients" out in the community often run into static, even without my shady backstory. i was crazier before the Schizophrenia, if that makes any sense. now...im not so 'crazy' (chaotic, disordered), and the medication helps, tremendously, and...

-sigh- social class, yet again. parents are -not- rich, but they're "upper class" for this area, so I guess well to do? at various points in their careers, people tried to "get those over-educated hippies fired from ()!," so...yeah. yeah.

oh, and...im still nervous about the family doctor. im chubs, only partly because of medication. if i really want to get better, I need to push harder, and out and...yeah.

ok. its been real. its been fun. id go so far as to say...its been -real fun- . ha! top that!

I found fiction to be my best hope of finding a literary home. I'm free to write about anything other than myself. Emo/psycho damage tends to force one to be self-focused. Fiction gave me a way to focus on fictional characters with only an auto-biographical sprinkling spread wide and far throughout the story like a light seasoning.
If the book fails then I'll consider a full-blown auto-biography as I will basically have nothing to lose at that point. If the book sells then I'll write fiction til the day I die. I think you made a good choice with fiction.

 

[Christ_empowered]

yeah, I need to get back into fiction, i do. you make valid points. when I was younger, id read and want to be...whomever, in whatever story...

then emo damage happened -big time- (a lot of it from the psych industry...weird...), and now...

ugh. I'm so self-focused, its not even funny. I try watching TV now and then...comedy central helps, to a point, but then sometimes...what was funny isn't funny, now. not all because of the emo junk, but i mean also because...wow, i'm well past 25 now and I'm Born Again, and...yeah. yeah.

law and order is OK, kinda formulaic. cops, prosecutor generally = 'good,' defendants, defense attorneys = 'bad,' so...i get it, all 20 seasons or whatever.

 

[daninthelionsden]

Sexual desire. Sex. Youth. Hormones. Testosterone. Fog. Mirage. Illusion. Superficial happiness. Sex is the answer.
And so on.
If you have the perfect sex life, I suspect you are exaggerating. We are either undersexed or oversexed.
Life would be a lot easier without sexual desire in my opinion. It causes more problems than solves. Look at our happy childhood before sex rears its ugly head.
True we couldn't procreate. I am the result of a sexual act. But luckily I am also the result of love. I feel sorry for those who aren't the latter.
If you can get the sex part of your life in balance, you might just discover happiness.
Reach grand parenthood and you finally receive the wisdom that life is worth hanging around for.

I wasn't born of love ,but rather from an affair my mother had with church clergy(bishop I think) and I was thrust into a vicious step-family. "Dad" hated me and the shame I represented. Took out $100k life insurance on me and attempted to collect twice. When that failed he tried giving me away to his sister....to finish the job?.....dunno. When that failed, he came home less and less til divorce. I feared him greatly.

 

[humble soul]

I wasn't born of love ,but rather from an affair my mother had with church clergy(bishop I think) and I was thrust into a vicious step-family. "Dad" hated me and the shame I represented. Took out $100k life insurance on me and attempted to collect twice. When that failed he tried giving me away to his sister....to finish the job?.....dunno. When that failed, he came home less and less til divorce. I feared him greatly.

Man you've had trauma with a Capital T, Dan.
Sorry if I say things that sound naive. I've lived a sheltered life really.

 

[humble soul]

Preoccupation with the afterlife. I don't think it's a healthy thing.
The truth is we don't have a clue what will occur. I'm trusting God on this one.
Lucky it's not up to "saved Christians" to determine my future.
So yeah. I'm trusting divine intelligence for sure. I don't believe God punishes indiscriminately. He will allow me to suffer if it helps me get closer to Him. His punishment would never be vengeful or vindictive.
So much for eternal damnation. What a useless punishment. Torture someone forever to achieve what? I don't believe God is a sadist. He doesn't get pleasure in seeing someone suffer. Only Satan would.
Judgement Day. That will certainly occur imo. We are all accountable for what we do here and now. I sometimes think God might send us back reincarnation style. If we don't measure up. I might end up in North Korea. There's just one hell in earth. Maybe that's where the serial killers go. It makes sense to me. I'm just speculating of course.

 

[daninthelionsden]

Preoccupation with the afterlife. I don't think it's a healthy thing.
The truth is we don't have a clue what will occur. I'm trusting God on this one.
Lucky it's not up to "saved Christians" to determine my future.
So yeah. I'm trusting divine intelligence for sure. I don't believe God punishes indiscriminately. He will allow me to suffer if it helps me get closer to Him. His punishment would never be vengeful or vindictive.
So much for eternal damnation. What a useless punishment. Torture someone forever to achieve what? I don't believe God is a sadist. He doesn't get pleasure in seeing someone suffer. Only Satan would.
Judgement Day. That will certainly occur imo. We are all accountable for what we do here and now. I sometimes think God might send us back reincarnation style. If we don't measure up. I might end up in North Korea. There's just one hell in earth. Maybe that's where the serial killers go. It makes sense to me. I'm just speculating of course.

C.S. Lewis proposed the gates to hell are locked from the inside.

 

[humble soul]

My wife doesn't feel beautiful. As she gets older. I see a unique beauty in her. Beauty really is in the eye of the beholder.
See, we could never imagine that God sees beauty in us. But we don't have the eye of God. Our eyes are influenced by so many things. We lack divine eyesight.
As a parent sees the beauty in their child. The parent is biased. But so is the Creator.

 

[humble soul]

SKA
Serial Killers Anonymous
Like AA Alcoholics Anonymous.
Imagine that.
"Hi my name is Andy and I am a serial killeraholic. I haven't killed anyone for 3 months. " (Applause).
"Ever since I stopped killing people, my life has changed for the better. My friends are so glad I stopped killing. "

 

[humble soul]

I can laugh at my own jokes. That may sound egotistical, but a lot of my humour is based on how absurd life can be.
My daily effort in searching for the meanings of life. I'm such a wannabe philosopher and half hearted Christian.
The way I take small things so seriously. Like my ongoing clashes with the boss at work. The mind games are ridiculous. The most cunning person wins. Honestly who cares. You win. I lose. So what.

 

[daninthelionsden]

SKA
Serial Killers Anonymous
Like AA Alcoholics Anonymous.
Imagine that.
"Hi my name is Andy and I am a serial killeraholic. I haven't killed anyone for 3 months. " (Applause).
"Ever since I stopped killing people, my life has changed for the better. My friends are so glad I stopped killing. "

Get rid of the world's pedophiles and psychopaths and you would see a massive reduction in abortion, war, crime, suicide etc. But, instead, the world is being taken over by such and it will be the Christians they get rid of.......or so they will think.

 

[humble soul]

Get rid of the world's pedophiles and psychopaths and you would see a massive reduction in abortion, war, crime, suicide etc. But, instead, the world is being taken over by such and it will be the Christians they get rid of.......or so they will think.

So we shouldnt have compassion whatsoever for those people?
Don't worry...I have an open mind on this....I won't be arguing with you...

 

[humble soul]

I think if I had a strong urge to kill, I would kill myself first. Saves others a lot of pain. Sometimes suicide is the best option....oops Christian forum...

 

[daninthelionsden]

So we shouldnt have compassion whatsoever for those people?
Don't worry...I have an open mind on this....I won't be arguing with you...

They shouldn't be in positions of power over others to treat as their personal victims to do as they wish.

 

[humble soul]

They shouldn't be in positions of power over others to treat as their personal victims to do as they wish.

Sorry here is a very controversial question.......what does a person do if they feel attracted to children? Obviously not act on it. But would they be justified in comitting suicide?

 

[daninthelionsden]

Sorry here is a very controversial question.......what does a person do if they feel attracted to children? Obviously not act on it. But would they be justified in comitting suicide?

I knew a girl who's father molested her for years then committed suicide. She became a prostitute.....justified?

 

[humble soul]

I knew a girl who's father molested her for years then committed suicide. She became a prostitute.....justified?

He should have committed suicide earlier.

 

[humble soul]

I don't think all Christians have the spirit. They may have a skewed version. It seems to me they are slightly off kilter. Fooling themselves but not us.

 

[humble soul]

How many of us truly have a relationship with God?
And how many of us have just hypnotised themselves into believing they are actually talking to God?
I try to access the patient part of myself. The wise part. Is that God?
The non reactive part. The non judgemental part. The less analytical part. Even the child part.

 

[humble soul]

Chronic ill health and pain are bound to affect our mental health. Also affect our spiritual health. Our perspective becomes affected if we start to feel despairing of our future. Losing hope. Pessimism replaces optimism.
We can of course use such suffering to deepen our faith. But how many really do that? It's hard to be patient with others when you are standing up, sciatic pain shooting through your leg. You just wish the person you are standing with and listening to, would get to the point. Hurry up man. I'm in pain , can't you see,?