I feel like my marriage is failing. My husband hates me. Everything I do annoys him. I have an 18 month old and a six year old. I feel like I can never get the house clean enough. He hates how I cook. I just feel so depressed about everything. I’m lonely and I have no one. I want to believe in god and have someone, but i have my doubts. I don’t know what to do.
You know what, I feel like I am in the same boat (also two small children). If you ever need to talk, send me a message. Maybe we can encourage each other.
I know your depression is eating you. I feel that...lack of sleep, husband gets home from work and he just wants to rest, but mama has a harder time catching a break. The chores pile up...laundry...don't you just wash it and throw it in a basket that overflows over half of the bedroom floor? What's folding anyway? Dishes? The only motivator is the smell it causes.
The true trick is getting it done before it gets started. That's what I've been doing this past week. After one load of laundry is totally done, take 5-10 minutes and get it DONE! It makes thing so much easier, because when the clean laundry piles up, it will eventually become a few hour ordeal, which is not fun for anyone. Get the 6 year old to do something - learn to fold, fetch you hangers, put dish towels away, something. With dishes, after every meal or two or three (max), get them washed. I don't have a dishwasher so it's even harder, but if I don't let them pile up it helps. I feel a bit guilty buying paper plates to ease the burden, but it honestly does help a ton. Get parchment paper to line a pan or crockpot when appropriate to help cut down on cleanup.
Vacuum at the end of each week, or kindly ask your husband to do it if you feel he would gladly do so.
Never forget to pace yourself and rest when you need to. Sleep when the kids do...always. I know your 6 year old has probably kicked the naps, but maybe there is something she can do quietly in a safe area while you rest?
For depression like this...sunlight, plenty of water, a good diet, and sleep sleep sleep helps a ton! Have some "me" time in there somewhere if you can sit down for 5, 10, or 15 minutes and do something you enjoy. Maybe your husband would let you take a much needed break? Even escape to the bathroom for 10 minutes while he watches your kid and play some FarmVille on your phone - whatever it is. Your sanity is important for your family.
Do you know for sure if your husband hates you or why? Maybe try talking to him sometime after the kids are asleep for half an hour or so? Just you both and a cup of tea or hot chocolate or something you both enjoy. In my case, every time we sit down to talk, it ends up in arguing and he just ends up sooo defensive and bashes me...calls me a lazy mom and things like that. I end up crying, he stays mad, and it's no good for anybody. Hope we can work through things...
My husband had cooked with 4 and 5 star chefs in the past ...and little old me here learned a recipe or two from a girl's group or mom teaching me something here or there and not to mention a home ec and a cooking class. I can cook, but I mostly have the gift of not burning down the house lol. So I can make something decent. Most times my husband asks for the salt, black pepper, cayenne pepper, and hot sauce all before he takes a bite - it drives me crazy. He usually salts most dishes I make because it's "too bland"...or once in a while it's "too salty". If I think it tastes bad, I'm clearly not making anyone eat it...but it hurts when I make a meal and I get everyone at the table, hoping we all enjoy it and all he does is criticize. I knew that about him before I married him that he wasn't shy to tell people what he honestly thought about food, but it hurts at times. Because of all his criticisms, I feel it's never "good enough". He is a better cook than I am, and I learned a lot about cooking from him, but I feel a bit more kindness could be given because a lot of times I feel useless.
Just to cover the bases here, are you safe around him? If you're not safe, you need to be getting yourself and your kids somewhere away from him. If it's just one of those rough times in marriages, I suppose there's no shame in seeking help somewhere, or trying a few more attempts at a heart-to-heart talk with your husband.
I hope it all works out!