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Michelina

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Hello everyone,
I just joined here today because I honestly don’t know where to turn. I’ve been a believer since 2000. I was following God, but always had struggles. In 2004 I started falling away and going back to some of my old ways. Eventually I stopped church altogether. I got involved with occult stuff, started going to psychics, partying, having sex and my temper became worse than ever.

A little over a year ago I stopped with the psychics and turned back to God. Then eventually I stopped the partying and then I stopped fornicating. I started watching YouTube videos to get the word, but I knew I needed more. This April I found a church 5 minutes from my house. I felt so blessed. I felt like I was home again. But while everyone seemed so friendly at first, they eventually seemed to have turned very cold towards me. Not in a mean way, but more like they were just too busy to get to know me.

I have so many struggles and no one to really talk to. No serious Christian friends, which I was hoping to make at this church. I struggle with issues of anger, rage, lust, loneliness, fear that I don’t belong to God and that my faith is just hope. There isn’t a day when I get in my car to drive to work that I’m not cussing at the top of my lungs at how much I hate people and how I can’t stand sharing the road with drivers that are dumb, inconsiderate and outright viscous.

I suffer with chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia. I hardly feel rested throughout the day and mostly have to force myself to work. I’m in the fitness industry and getting my own workouts in have been a big struggle lately. I have so much more going on, but I don’t want to keep going on and on. I just feel so alone and I usually don’t even have the energy to pray or read my bible like I should.

I have a bad habit of engaging in things that get me angry and then getting into arguments with people when it comes to injustices feel strongly about. For some reason I have the energy to do these things, but not the things I should be doing and it worries me because I should have the fruits of the spirit. I still have the same bad things happen to me. Just when I think God is making things better and leveling me up in life, someone hits my brand new car that I thought God provided for me. Then I start thinking that the car wasn’t really God’s provision and I wasn’t really being blessed. People literally tell me they can’t believe the bad luck I have. Makes me feel like a real loser.

Also, I’ve prayed for healing from this dreaded fatigue and I just want my life back to not feel miserable every day. I just don’t know what to do anymore. It seems that nothing changes much. Just an uphill battle always when I watch everyone else thrive and give all these great testimonies.
 
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becoming saved, having Jesus as your savior...

does not equal perfection. :-(

going into a church = Christian is the equivalent of being in a garage= turning into a car.

i have Schizophrenia. i dont go to church. i was in church until 13/14, when I think church politics heated up, and we were outta there. blah.

i got saved about 7 years ago, 2012. its been...eventful, productive, at times Painful...

rambling. I'm blessed with an older, wiser Christian friend. she talks to me over the phone every.single.day most weeks, and...wow. just...wow. we dont see eye to eye on theology or politics, but she's poured tons of old school Church of God wisdom into me. and so...

She says The Lord led her to me. I had electroshocked, etc. totally oblivious to what a massive blessing had come my way. and...

pray. please, please, please always pray. I don't mean -exclude- Christians from your life, I just mean...prayer is how we communicate with God. We pray, He changes us, He changes things...PUSH: Pray Until Something Happens.

I'll pray for you, too. Ask for prayer, anywhere you can get it. True (and embarrassing story) : I used to be a frequent CBN prayer line caller. begging for prayer, me me me...I needed pity, mercy, etc...

and now I pray for others, even when I want to yell at them. not me...'it is no longer I who lives, it is Christ who lives in me...'

'be a river, not a pond' im just now getting this...praying for others, even Trump and my enemies (per Scripture) = blessings from God. Praying for fruit and to be less me, more Jesus= change, too.

and...your life sounds so stressful. church isn't for everyone, I'm afraid. maybe it was, at some point...

the world is now filled with spite and busy, busy people. 'the harvest is great, but the laborers are few.'

im blessed to have a laborer in my life, and now...thanks to you...i pray to become a laborer, at some point. :)

please hang around CFnet. maybe you can find some fellowship and help in your walk here?

:)
 

Michelina

Member
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Aug 4, 2019
Messages
94
Gender
Female
becoming saved, having Jesus as your savior...

does not equal perfection. :-(

going into a church = Christian is the equivalent of being in a garage= turning into a car.

i have Schizophrenia. i dont go to church. i was in church until 13/14, when I think church politics heated up, and we were outta there. blah.

i got saved about 7 years ago, 2012. its been...eventful, productive, at times Painful...

rambling. I'm blessed with an older, wiser Christian friend. she talks to me over the phone every.single.day most weeks, and...wow. just...wow. we dont see eye to eye on theology or politics, but she's poured tons of old school Church of God wisdom into me. and so...

She says The Lord led her to me. I had electroshocked, etc. totally oblivious to what a massive blessing had come my way. and...

pray. please, please, please always pray. I don't mean -exclude- Christians from your life, I just mean...prayer is how we communicate with God. We pray, He changes us, He changes things...PUSH: Pray Until Something Happens.

I'll pray for you, too. Ask for prayer, anywhere you can get it. True (and embarrassing story) : I used to be a frequent CBN prayer line caller. begging for prayer, me me me...I needed pity, mercy, etc...

and now I pray for others, even when I want to yell at them. not me...'it is no longer I who lives, it is Christ who lives in me...'

'be a river, not a pond' im just now getting this...praying for others, even Trump and my enemies (per Scripture) = blessings from God. Praying for fruit and to be less me, more Jesus= change, too.

and...your life sounds so stressful. church isn't for everyone, I'm afraid. maybe it was, at some point...

the world is now filled with spite and busy, busy people. 'the harvest is great, but the laborers are few.'

im blessed to have a laborer in my life, and now...thanks to you...i pray to become a laborer, at some point.

please hang around CFnet. maybe you can find some fellowship and help in your walk here?
Thank you for responding. As I realize it doesn’t mean perfection, I guess I would expect to not be in such a mess for so, so long. Most of the time when I try to pray, it just seems like I can’t find the right words. I feel I sound redundant, even when I pray for others.

I hear ya on the church politics. The first church I was in had a situation and I left. I guess what I’m looking for is Christian friends to talk to so I can grow in my faith again. I also want to lead the people in my life to Christ. I just want to be a good example though.

Thank you for sharing your story as well and offering to pray for me. I’m really happy that you have a friend that was led to help you grow in the Lord. I guess I give up too soon when I don’t see results or when something gets even worse. I guess I just have to keep believing even when it doesn’t look hopeful.
 

HeIsRisen2018

Summer Rose (Methodist and New J.C Hammer lol)
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Hey Michelina, welcome to CF! :wave2Mind if I show you the ropes? :biggrin Christ_empowered is right, being a Christian doesn't mean living life perfectly. Although it seems like I keep telling myself that daily as well and I still can't seem to get it through my own thick skull. :rolleyes Anyways the first step in being a Christian is realizing and accepting the fact that you have faults and you want to try and change them, so well done on that part! :thumbsup




The great news is that Jesus knows our hearts and He knows you better than you know yourself. He loves you eternally and unconditionally and He died for you as much as He died for me and everybody else here. Just keep praying and trusting in Him and then there won't be anything on earth that you can't do with His help. :cross





You know, God's already forgiven you the moment you repented and asked to let Christ come into your heart, you have already received the gift of eternal salvation,.. but sometimes the hardest part in life is not forgiving others, it's forgiving yourself. Take it from somebody who knows.
 

Knotical

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Welcome to the forum.

Something that stood out to me when reading your OP is, as I do, you may have some struggles with pride. Which is really where your anger is coming from. I do share in this affliction where I expect certain things from people and situations, and when that doesn't happen I get frustrated/angry etc...

My recommendation on this front is to pray for God to help you with your patience and pride, to realize that it is not always about you and your expectations. Generally, when you take yourself out of the equation and relenquish control to God you will feel that burden start to lift off your shoulders like a 100 pound weight.
 

Michelina

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Female
Welcome to the forum.

Something that stood out to me when reading your OP is, as I do, you may have some struggles with pride. Which is really where your anger is coming from. I do share in this affliction where I expect certain things from people and situations, and when that doesn't happen I get frustrated/angry etc...

My recommendation on this front is to pray for God to help you with your patience and pride, to realize that it is not always about you and your expectations. Generally, when you take yourself out of the equation and relenquish control to God you will feel that burden start to lift off your shoulders like a 100 pound weight.
I do have struggles with pride, but it’s due to being walked all over all my life and always having my hopes dashed to the ground and having to stand up for myself. I know it’s not ALL about me, but total exclusion is depressing.
 

Michelina

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Hey Michelina, welcome to CF! Mind if I show you the ropes? Christ_empowered is right, being a Christian doesn't mean living life perfectly. Although it seems like I keep telling myself that daily as well and I still can't seem to get it through my own thick skull. Anyways the first step in being a Christian is realizing and accepting the fact that you have faults and you want to try and change them, so well done on that part!




The great news is that Jesus knows our hearts and He knows you better than you know yourself. He loves you eternally and unconditionally and He died for you as much as He died for me and everybody else here. Just keep praying and trusting in Him and then there won't be anything on earth that you can't do with His help.





You know, God's already forgiven you the moment you repented and asked to let Christ come into your heart, you have already received the gift of eternal salvation,.. but sometimes the hardest part in life is not forgiving others, it's forgiving yourself. Take it from somebody who knows.
There are lots of things that I tend to think about that I wish I could do over again.
 

for_his_glory

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Hi Michelina and welcome to CF :wave2

No one ever said a Christian life is an easy life as it can be full of pitfalls of things we know we should not be doing, but we do them anyway when we get into the flesh. We will face trials and tribulations like you said about your car, but these things need to make us stronger in faith as God will see us through everything we face here on earth.

The Apostle Paul, as well as many of us, had gone through the same thing of doing things he knew was wrong to do, but did them anyway. His solution, as well as ours, was to serve the Lord as he walked in the Spirit trying to shed the things of the flesh, Romans 7:14-25; 8:1-39.

Flesh is a hostile enemy against the Spirit as it's a daily battle between the two, but when you put on the full armour of God then you can stand against the wiles of Satan, Ephesians 6:11-18.

You had mentioned you found a church you really liked, but the people seemed to busy to associate with you. Never look towards others for your salvation as your faith and fellowship is in Christ alone and not by the acceptance of others. Church is not a social media, but a place of Biblical learning through those who God has anointed to teach us. I would continue to go to that church as you need fed the word. The longer you go and get involved the more friends you will eventually make along the way that will help lift you up and edify you.

We here at CF are like a family as we are here for each other listening, sharing and learning. We might not be face to face, but I think you will find none of us are perfect, but allowing God to perfect us daily as we fellowship with Him.

Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God:

This is only part of that verse, but this is what you need to do. Find a quiet place where you will not be disturb and just start pouring your heart out to the Lord as you talk to Him as that is what prayer is, is just talking and have fellowship with the Lord. But, also be still long enough for Him to speak to your heart.

We are here for you and if you ever need to talk I am only a PM away. :hug
 

HeIsRisen2018

Summer Rose (Methodist and New J.C Hammer lol)
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There are lots of things that I tend to think about that I wish I could do over again.



Let me just tell you one thing,.. you aren't alone. Trust me on this part. I bet if you polled the forum right now for anybody else who feels like they have done things in their life that they wish they would never have done, every single hand would be raised. Although Jesus wants to live the perfect Christian life and always lead by example and show His love to others, He also realizes that that isn't always possible.




I know mine would be for sure. In fact, I would question anybody but Jesus if they said that they have lived their life perfectly, but here's the great news,.. the battle has already been won!!! :woot Death has already been defeated and we have already been reconciled with God through the love of Christ and His ultimate sacrifice that He made for us on the cross. Actually I'm mistaken,.. it isn't great news,.. it's the best news ever!! :biggrin




 

Papa Zoom

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I went to college to learn to be a teacher. But it wasn't until I had to apply what I learned that I really started growing as an educator. Some days I was on target, others I fell short. But in the long run I've grown tremendously and am good at what I do (did - now retired).

In our walk with Christ, we learn in small increments. I had an anger problem when I was younger and it took me years of learning to get it under control. God had many areas in my life in which He had to shape and mold me. Good thing He's patient.

He who began a good work in you is able to complete it. Philippians 1:6

You can do nothing (John 15:5) but God can do all (and He does!)

Lean in every day. Practice trusting. When you fall, get up and dust yourself off and try again. Don't give up. Lean in. It's all about Jesus.

You will have trials and temptations but greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world. 1 John 4:4

Stay connected here. Maybe find another church. Don't forget to pray even when you don't feel like it. Read John over and over. Ask lots of questions then then examine the answers in light of Scripture.

Read books. Depending on your struggle, I can recommend some. Also lots of good Youtube stuff but lots of junk too.

God bless.
 
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hi. me again. God knows you better than you know yourself, better than anyone can ever know you...

and part of His work for us is to work in our lives and make us more Christ-like, which...ties into the whole 'die to self daily' aspect of the Christian life.

you can't do it in the flesh. but...hey, its not just -you-; its me, its every Born Again Christian ever, anywhere. I used to laugh at the whole 'let go and let God' thing...I thought it was an empty cliche, but then...


i finally got so frustrated trying to straighten up and fly right, get with the program, etc. in the flesh that I...had to 'let go and let God,' or I'd go bonkers.

and now I'm perfect. LOL. obviously, just a joke. :)

in all seriousness, though, my old, long standing diagnosis of 'narcissistic personality disorder' 1st dropped to 'narcissistic traits' and then dropped off, completely...its all about the Schizophrenia! LOL. :) hey, at least Schizophrenia is treatable.

now that I think about it, Romans 8:28 comes into play for --all-- believers...

so, things going on now, things in your past, etc. can be used for His glory+your overall betterment...

:)
 

HeIsRisen2018

Summer Rose (Methodist and New J.C Hammer lol)
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hi. me again. God knows you better than you know yourself, better than anyone can ever know you...

and part of His work for us is to work in our lives and make us more Christ-like, which...ties into the whole 'die to self daily' aspect of the Christian life.

you can't do it in the flesh. but...hey, its not just -you-; its me, its every Born Again Christian ever, anywhere. I used to laugh at the whole 'let go and let God' thing...I thought it was an empty cliche, but then...


i finally got so frustrated trying to straighten up and fly right, get with the program, etc. in the flesh that I...had to 'let go and let God,' or I'd go bonkers.

and now I'm perfect. LOL. obviously, just a joke. :)

in all seriousness, though, my old, long standing diagnosis of 'narcissistic personality disorder' 1st dropped to 'narcissistic traits' and then dropped off, completely...its all about the Schizophrenia! LOL. :) hey, at least Schizophrenia is treatable.

now that I think about it, Romans 8:28 comes into play for --all-- believers...

so, things going on now, things in your past, etc. can be used for His glory+your overall betterment...

:)


Although I don't understand everything you just said here, I liked and agreed with what I did understand, and you are a HUGE inspiration to me and a lot of other people here on CF. You have really come a long way. :)
 

KevinK

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Welcome Michelina! I think we share some common experiences. Maybe we can be of some help to each other.

I too have suffered from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Fibromyalgia for most of my life (migraines too, if you get those). Passenger in a bad car wreck at 18. I, too at one point turned to psychics after conventional medicine failed. I pulled back when I found out the Bible strongly proscribes "occult" practices. And it didn't help.

Also big problems with anger, which later turned out to be a symptom of the Traumatic Brain Injury.

Like you, I think the health problems were a catalyst for spiritual growth. It kept me from doing lots of things I was interested in, but which ultimately would have been unChristian (been a Christian all my life).

A spiritual event in my mid-30s (60 now) sparked my being Born Again, and the point where my true life's work began. Currently, I have only mild occassional fatigue, the FM is under control without prescription opioids, and I haven't had a migraine for 3 years.

Let me know how I can be of help to you.
 
Last edited:

wondering

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Hey Michelina

Welcome to the forum !
It's nice to hear from you and you can be sure we'll all be praying for you.

I'd like to make a comment about the fatigue problem you have.
I used to have it too when I was younger, and then it just...poof!...disappeared all on its own.

keep looking up!
 

Reformed05

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Hello everyone,
I just joined here today because I honestly don’t know where to turn. I’ve been a believer since 2000. I was following God, but always had struggles. In 2004 I started falling away and going back to some of my old ways. Eventually I stopped church altogether. I got involved with occult stuff, started going to psychics, partying, having sex and my temper became worse than ever.

A little over a year ago I stopped with the psychics and turned back to God. Then eventually I stopped the partying and then I stopped fornicating. I started watching YouTube videos to get the word, but I knew I needed more. This April I found a church 5 minutes from my house. I felt so blessed. I felt like I was home again. But while everyone seemed so friendly at first, they eventually seemed to have turned very cold towards me. Not in a mean way, but more like they were just too busy to get to know me.

I have so many struggles and no one to really talk to. No serious Christian friends, which I was hoping to make at this church. I struggle with issues of anger, rage, lust, loneliness, fear that I don’t belong to God and that my faith is just hope. There isn’t a day when I get in my car to drive to work that I’m not cussing at the top of my lungs at how much I hate people and how I can’t stand sharing the road with drivers that are dumb, inconsiderate and outright viscous.

I suffer with chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia. I hardly feel rested throughout the day and mostly have to force myself to work. I’m in the fitness industry and getting my own workouts in have been a big struggle lately. I have so much more going on, but I don’t want to keep going on and on. I just feel so alone and I usually don’t even have the energy to pray or read my bible like I should.

I have a bad habit of engaging in things that get me angry and then getting into arguments with people when it comes to injustices feel strongly about. For some reason I have the energy to do these things, but not the things I should be doing and it worries me because I should have the fruits of the spirit. I still have the same bad things happen to me. Just when I think God is making things better and leveling me up in life, someone hits my brand new car that I thought God provided for me. Then I start thinking that the car wasn’t really God’s provision and I wasn’t really being blessed. People literally tell me they can’t believe the bad luck I have. Makes me feel like a real loser.

Also, I’ve prayed for healing from this dreaded fatigue and I just want my life back to not feel miserable every day. I just don’t know what to do anymore. It seems that nothing changes much. Just an uphill battle always when I watch everyone else thrive and give all these great testimonies.
 
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770
There are lots of things that I tend to think about that I wish I could do over again.
We all wish we could go back and make it right. Don't feel bad. The Lord wants a relationship with YOU. Nobody else will be standing there with you after you pass from this life. We all must get right with Christ. He and He alone accepts us in our wretchedness and then bit by bit patiently and lovingly starts letting us know which weeds must be removed from our thoughts and lives. People are fickle.......even Christians.......so start with your own personal relationship our Maker then go from there. Don't put the cart before the horse. I pray the Lord reveals Himself to you in a powerful personal way.
 

jerry63935

 
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Sep 26, 2019
Messages
171
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Male
Hello everyone,
I just joined here today because I honestly don’t know where to turn. I’ve been a believer since 2000. I was following God, but always had struggles. In 2004 I started falling away and going back to some of my old ways. Eventually I stopped church altogether. I got involved with occult stuff, started going to psychics, partying, having sex and my temper became worse than ever.

A little over a year ago I stopped with the psychics and turned back to God. Then eventually I stopped the partying and then I stopped fornicating. I started watching YouTube videos to get the word, but I knew I needed more. This April I found a church 5 minutes from my house. I felt so blessed. I felt like I was home again. But while everyone seemed so friendly at first, they eventually seemed to have turned very cold towards me. Not in a mean way, but more like they were just too busy to get to know me.

I have so many struggles and no one to really talk to. No serious Christian friends, which I was hoping to make at this church. I struggle with issues of anger, rage, lust, loneliness, fear that I don’t belong to God and that my faith is just hope. There isn’t a day when I get in my car to drive to work that I’m not cussing at the top of my lungs at how much I hate people and how I can’t stand sharing the road with drivers that are dumb, inconsiderate and outright viscous.

I suffer with chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia. I hardly feel rested throughout the day and mostly have to force myself to work. I’m in the fitness industry and getting my own workouts in have been a big struggle lately. I have so much more going on, but I don’t want to keep going on and on. I just feel so alone and I usually don’t even have the energy to pray or read my bible like I should.

I have a bad habit of engaging in things that get me angry and then getting into arguments with people when it comes to injustices feel strongly about. For some reason I have the energy to do these things, but not the things I should be doing and it worries me because I should have the fruits of the spirit. I still have the same bad things happen to me. Just when I think God is making things better and leveling me up in life, someone hits my brand new car that I thought God provided for me. Then I start thinking that the car wasn’t really God’s provision and I wasn’t really being blessed. People literally tell me they can’t believe the bad luck I have. Makes me feel like a real loser.

Also, I’ve prayed for healing from this dreaded fatigue and I just want my life back to not feel miserable every day. I just don’t know what to do anymore. It seems that nothing changes much. Just an uphill battle always when I watch everyone else thrive and give all these great testimonies.
find you a church you feel comfortable in .the Bible says
Seek the LORD while you can find him. Call on him now while he is near.
you have to be determined. this is a good church family can help someone who will listen and pray . visit several churches .if you find one you like.. try it for a few weeks. this will tell you if its the right place. if the welcome you with open arms every time you go. the pastor shows compassion ask him to pray for you. you dont need give full history details. if he ask our your next visit how things are going . chances are you found a good place to go. if no one acts concerned dont go back
 

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