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Need some advise on how to go about this

Herkamer63

Member
Joined
Nov 17, 2019
Messages
4
Gender
Male
Okay, to get the full scope of this, let me put some context into this, and keep in mind, I’m a 33 year old single man who never had a serious relationship with a woman despite my best efforts:

A few years ago, I weighed in about 330 lbs. Since about 2012-13, I’ve been fighting to get my weight down, but it was just an up and down battle. Recently, in the past 6 1/2 months, I made a switch on my diet and workout, and now I can say I’m nearly down to 210 lbs. Much of my problem had been my weight and my confidence in these situations. Now that I’m much thinner and more active than ever before, there have been women checking me out and are trying to hook me up (not in THAT way) with some people. One person, however, has caught my attention.

This woman is a partial owner and operator of one of the nicest restaurants where I live. I’ve known her for about 2 years (this year being the 2nd), but nothing ever came about between us mainly because I didn’t try and lacked the confidence (still do you a degree). She’s a good looking woman, a year or 2 younger, and was a body builder at one point. Everyone that knows her (including my own mother because she’s friends with her family), and based on my interactions, she’s a good person and a very hard worker, and they all think highly of her. Recently, if I read the signals right, she had shown a level of interest in me and had wanted me to come into the her restaurant to check out the new renovations.

However, I heard she was seeing someone and just the other night, I saw the guy she was seeing. Based on what I’ve heard, this guy isn’t a boyfriend per se. Just someone that she’s kind of dating. She didn’t seem thrilled at all with him, and the guy seemed almost emotionless. She tried to interact with him, but nothing.

When I saw and greeted her, she lit up. Smile on her face, very talkative, and seemed happy altogether. I saw her and this guy over at the place she worked and she, by her self (no guy present during this time), reconstructed the interior by hand. I complemented her on it and had a little chat about some random stuff, while the guy just sat there, even though I was trying to talk to him as well. Afterwards, I sat back at my table, and, again, it didn’t even look remotely joyful. Even when they left there was nothing.

I caught up with one of the people who knows her well, and she has always had bad luck with the guys she would date. They charm her just enough to get her to go out with them, but that’s the furthest it would go. This person says she’s great but not the guys she dated. I told this person that I’m interested in her and half tempted to ask her out, but I’m holding off, for now, until I know what’s going on exactly because it looks like this relationship between and this guy will end soon.

I prayed about this because I’ve been burned in the past with women, and I prayed the day before this happened to see if there was going to be a sign. I just don’t know how to interpret this: if it was a sign, not a sign, but if it was a sign, did God want to tell me she’s taken and this is the guy she will be with or did He wanted to show me how unhappy her date nights with these type of guys are and how I can step in and show her a good time (maybe build a relationship)?

Now, I understand she’s not the only fish in the lake (believe me when I say that there are women I know that I wouldn’t mind asking either because they too have shown interest), but this one in particular is different and isn’t the loose type (if you know what I mean). I’d like for some advise if I should just move on or make something happen. I’ll continue to pray because I don’t want to dwell on it. I’m down a lot of weight, I feel healthy, active, and happier, and I’m ready to put myself out into the dating world again.
 
Joined
Oct 20, 2016
Messages
988
Okay, to get the full scope of this, let me put some context into this, and keep in mind, I’m a 33 year old single man who never had a serious relationship with a woman despite my best efforts:

A few years ago, I weighed in about 330 lbs. Since about 2012-13, I’ve been fighting to get my weight down, but it was just an up and down battle. Recently, in the past 6 1/2 months, I made a switch on my diet and workout, and now I can say I’m nearly down to 210 lbs. Much of my problem had been my weight and my confidence in these situations. Now that I’m much thinner and more active than ever before, there have been women checking me out and are trying to hook me up (not in THAT way) with some people. One person, however, has caught my attention.

This woman is a partial owner and operator of one of the nicest restaurants where I live. I’ve known her for about 2 years (this year being the 2nd), but nothing ever came about between us mainly because I didn’t try and lacked the confidence (still do you a degree). She’s a good looking woman, a year or 2 younger, and was a body builder at one point. Everyone that knows her (including my own mother because she’s friends with her family), and based on my interactions, she’s a good person and a very hard worker, and they all think highly of her. Recently, if I read the signals right, she had shown a level of interest in me and had wanted me to come into the her restaurant to check out the new renovations.

However, I heard she was seeing someone and just the other night, I saw the guy she was seeing. Based on what I’ve heard, this guy isn’t a boyfriend per se. Just someone that she’s kind of dating. She didn’t seem thrilled at all with him, and the guy seemed almost emotionless. She tried to interact with him, but nothing.

When I saw and greeted her, she lit up. Smile on her face, very talkative, and seemed happy altogether. I saw her and this guy over at the place she worked and she, by her self (no guy present during this time), reconstructed the interior by hand. I complemented her on it and had a little chat about some random stuff, while the guy just sat there, even though I was trying to talk to him as well. Afterwards, I sat back at my table, and, again, it didn’t even look remotely joyful. Even when they left there was nothing.

I caught up with one of the people who knows her well, and she has always had bad luck with the guys she would date. They charm her just enough to get her to go out with them, but that’s the furthest it would go. This person says she’s great but not the guys she dated. I told this person that I’m interested in her and half tempted to ask her out, but I’m holding off, for now, until I know what’s going on exactly because it looks like this relationship between and this guy will end soon.

I prayed about this because I’ve been burned in the past with women, and I prayed the day before this happened to see if there was going to be a sign. I just don’t know how to interpret this: if it was a sign, not a sign, but if it was a sign, did God want to tell me she’s taken and this is the guy she will be with or did He wanted to show me how unhappy her date nights with these type of guys are and how I can step in and show her a good time (maybe build a relationship)?

Now, I understand she’s not the only fish in the lake (believe me when I say that there are women I know that I wouldn’t mind asking either because they too have shown interest), but this one in particular is different and isn’t the loose type (if you know what I mean). I’d like for some advise if I should just move on or make something happen. I’ll continue to pray because I don’t want to dwell on it. I’m down a lot of weight, I feel healthy, active, and happier, and I’m ready to put myself out into the dating world again.
Take the pressure off of yourself. If the Lord means for this to happen, then it will happen naturally. Make a good comment about the restaurant and ask something along the lines......"I bet you and your boyfriend must really be happy how this turned out". If she comments he is not her boyfriend then feel free to ask her out. If she talks as if their a couple and says they are happy then you know to move on.
If the Lord means for you to be with her then no one and nothing will be able to stop it. If it is not meant to be, then there is nothing you can do that will ever be enough to make it happen. The sooner you answer that question the better. Life's too short. Just be subtle.
 

Truthfrees

Staff member
Moderator
Joined
May 24, 2017
Messages
2,657
Gender
Male
Okay, to get the full scope of this, let me put some context into this, and keep in mind, I’m a 33 year old single man who never had a serious relationship with a woman despite my best efforts:

A few years ago, I weighed in about 330 lbs. Since about 2012-13, I’ve been fighting to get my weight down, but it was just an up and down battle. Recently, in the past 6 1/2 months, I made a switch on my diet and workout, and now I can say I’m nearly down to 210 lbs. Much of my problem had been my weight and my confidence in these situations. Now that I’m much thinner and more active than ever before, there have been women checking me out and are trying to hook me up (not in THAT way) with some people. One person, however, has caught my attention.

This woman is a partial owner and operator of one of the nicest restaurants where I live. I’ve known her for about 2 years (this year being the 2nd), but nothing ever came about between us mainly because I didn’t try and lacked the confidence (still do you a degree). She’s a good looking woman, a year or 2 younger, and was a body builder at one point. Everyone that knows her (including my own mother because she’s friends with her family), and based on my interactions, she’s a good person and a very hard worker, and they all think highly of her. Recently, if I read the signals right, she had shown a level of interest in me and had wanted me to come into the her restaurant to check out the new renovations.

However, I heard she was seeing someone and just the other night, I saw the guy she was seeing. Based on what I’ve heard, this guy isn’t a boyfriend per se. Just someone that she’s kind of dating. She didn’t seem thrilled at all with him, and the guy seemed almost emotionless. She tried to interact with him, but nothing.

When I saw and greeted her, she lit up. Smile on her face, very talkative, and seemed happy altogether. I saw her and this guy over at the place she worked and she, by her self (no guy present during this time), reconstructed the interior by hand. I complemented her on it and had a little chat about some random stuff, while the guy just sat there, even though I was trying to talk to him as well. Afterwards, I sat back at my table, and, again, it didn’t even look remotely joyful. Even when they left there was nothing.

I caught up with one of the people who knows her well, and she has always had bad luck with the guys she would date. They charm her just enough to get her to go out with them, but that’s the furthest it would go. This person says she’s great but not the guys she dated. I told this person that I’m interested in her and half tempted to ask her out, but I’m holding off, for now, until I know what’s going on exactly because it looks like this relationship between and this guy will end soon.

I prayed about this because I’ve been burned in the past with women, and I prayed the day before this happened to see if there was going to be a sign. I just don’t know how to interpret this: if it was a sign, not a sign, but if it was a sign, did God want to tell me she’s taken and this is the guy she will be with or did He wanted to show me how unhappy her date nights with these type of guys are and how I can step in and show her a good time (maybe build a relationship)?

Now, I understand she’s not the only fish in the lake (believe me when I say that there are women I know that I wouldn’t mind asking either because they too have shown interest), but this one in particular is different and isn’t the loose type (if you know what I mean). I’d like for some advise if I should just move on or make something happen. I’ll continue to pray because I don’t want to dwell on it. I’m down a lot of weight, I feel healthy, active, and happier, and I’m ready to put myself out into the dating world again.
if i were in your situation as you described i would pray and when i felt the time was right i would ask her to some kind of activity that would be fun and relaxing so that you both have something fun to do and make it easy to talk without pressure

i would take it slow because she has a history with the wrong kind of guys - which means she has some kind of strange issue that could hurt you if you move too fast

then i would let her make the 2nd move - and then i the 3rd - going slow

if something goes strange then back off so that she can think and make new decisions for herself - absence makes the heart grow fond

she will soon see that you are not like the other guys - but she will need time to make new decisions about what is good and what is not

you also may need to make new decisions like that too if you have had bad relationships in the past

this could be really awesome if you go slow and pray your way through everything

even 2 good suitable people have to work through their own issues which seem to really pop up when you are in a heart to heart relationship with a potential mate

also praying for her and also praying for you to be healed of anything that can ruin a relationship would be a good daily prayer
 

Herkamer63

Member
Joined
Nov 17, 2019
Messages
4
Gender
Male
According to my mom (who's friends with her mom and the rest of that family since elementary school), one of the things I can think of, which I think is a big reason, is she grew up without a dad most of her life. Her dad committed suicide when she was very young, and I've seen how important it is to have a father figure in a girl's life. But she had a good mom growing up, and her uncles and grandpa have been there for them.

Another issue on what I heard is her mom didn't have that much money growing up before she (the woman I'm interested in) started making good money later on in life. The rest of her family makes quite a bit, so she and her mom have had some help. I think the issue that goes along with this is she thinks that these guys that also (allegedly) make good money would (maybe) give her a good life. Her friend told me that there are a lot of guys that do that to her.

I make an average amount. I work for my dad, my brother, and pretty soon will be starting up a small travel business with my best friend, and recently I just got a raise from my dad, and next year, a raise from my brother. Counting my weight loss, things are looking up now on my end and I'd like to take things to the next level. I like this woman and I understand she has issues (who doesn't). So I will continue to pray about this and, hopefully, God will give me a sign soon. Thanks again for the advice!
 

Herkamer63

Member
Joined
Nov 17, 2019
Messages
4
Gender
Male
I also wanted to add that these guys that she dates might be after her's and her family's money. Also, as I said earlier in this thread, I don't know if the event that took place was God trying to show me something, whether if she was happy with that guy already and the relationship is odd, or if she was actually unhappy with this guy. I'm not trying to make this out to be wishful thinking, but it seems like the second scenario is more likely. I had dinner with one of my friends that night and he said the same thing. Either way, I think ultimately God is telling me to wait, whether it be with this woman or another. He'll provide the comfort I need, but I was curious was all because of the situation itself.
 

HeIsRisen2018

Straight out of The North Pole!
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Ouch! I'm really sorry that he committed suicide. :sad But yes all I can do is echo what others have said and I'll be praying as well. :pray
 

Who Me

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She likes you and you like her, so talk to her and ask if she would go for a coffee, or a walk.

If she says yes meet her and talk some more, before parting ask if she would go for a meal, to the cinema.

Yes it is scary, but if you don't ask her to go for a coffee nothing is going to happen.
 

Herkamer63

Member
Joined
Nov 17, 2019
Messages
4
Gender
Male
She likes you and you like her, so talk to her and ask if she would go for a coffee, or a walk.

If she says yes meet her and talk some more, before parting ask if she would go for a meal, to the cinema.

Yes it is scary, but if you don't ask her to go for a coffee nothing is going to happen.
Even if she's seeing someone right now? Again, the relationship she's in doesn't seem authentic that night (and more than likely it isn't), but at the same time it could be and I'm reading it wrong.
 

Who Me

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Messages
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Even if she's seeing someone right now? Again, the relationship she's in doesn't seem authentic that night (and more than likely it isn't), but at the same time it could be and I'm reading it wrong.
If she is serious about seeing someone else she can tell you 'no thank you'. It is her call, you don't have to work out is she in a relationship.

Don't think about it, just do it.
 

Truthfrees

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According to my mom (who's friends with her mom and the rest of that family since elementary school), one of the things I can think of, which I think is a big reason, is she grew up without a dad most of her life. Her dad committed suicide when she was very young, and I've seen how important it is to have a father figure in a girl's life. But she had a good mom growing up, and her uncles and grandpa have been there for them.

Another issue on what I heard is her mom didn't have that much money growing up before she (the woman I'm interested in) started making good money later on in life. The rest of her family makes quite a bit, so she and her mom have had some help. I think the issue that goes along with this is she thinks that these guys that also (allegedly) make good money would (maybe) give her a good life. Her friend told me that there are a lot of guys that do that to her.

I make an average amount. I work for my dad, my brother, and pretty soon will be starting up a small travel business with my best friend, and recently I just got a raise from my dad, and next year, a raise from my brother. Counting my weight loss, things are looking up now on my end and I'd like to take things to the next level. I like this woman and I understand she has issues (who doesn't). So I will continue to pray about this and, hopefully, God will give me a sign soon. Thanks again for the advice!
amen

praying for you to have God's wisdom and leading in what to do and when to do it
 

HeIsRisen2018

Straight out of The North Pole!
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Messages
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What you have to realise and this. Females do go crazy. It's all good to start when you date females seem to have a chill mode like they are easy going, then suddenly they change and only have two emotions and the true self comes out. They are either really happy or completely crazy. It's one or the other , and you don't know what you are going to get on any day at any time.

Every time I meet a woman they always remind me why I was single.

They go crazy then will suddenly change back like nothing has happened and everything is ok, or everything is ok and then they suddenly go crazy.

They get frustrated because they always want you to ask them if they need a hand with something, but at the same time they think they can do everything themselves.



I can tell you for certain as a female myself that a lot of the time this is true. However, the only difference with me is that I don't go crazy, I am crazy! I haven't had any marbles since I was about nine and I don't plan on replacing them anytime soon either! :lol (Can't miss or lose what you never had in the first place. :biggrin2)
 

SkyWriting

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Yes
I’d like for some advise if I should just move on or make something happen. I’ll continue to pray because I don’t want to dwell on it. I’m down a lot of weight, I feel healthy, active, and happier, and I’m ready to put myself out into the dating world again.
What can "happen" is you can make room for joy in your life and appreciation for her, the guy standing next to her, her parents......and everything else that is important for her. The more you appreciate, the less you will have to worry about your weight.
 

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