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Online dating

FallenSoldier

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I'd like some thoughts about online dating, more precisely Christian online dating sites. I particularly don't care for it; I think its a bit unnatural (I'm old school), as well as the hosting site is only in it for the big $$$. However, I hear about some great marriages coming from online dating. Also, with my condition, God could drop a perfect woman for me out of the sky right beside me and I still wouldn't even introduce myself. I severely lack social aggression, mostly only speaking when spoken to. So since God unfortunately isn't going to drop anyone out of the sky for me and have her speak to me, I've been curious about this online dating world. So, what are some thoughts? Is it right? Anyone have experience with them? Does anyone know of any actual true Christian dating sites that aren't big money scams?
 

Edward

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I've never signed up to a dating site before. I guess I'm old school cuz that just seems wrong somehow to get a date online. It's prolly not wrong, I've heard of some successful match ups online, but still...

If you're a little bit shy, you could try to meet a girl without talking to her. When you get done laughing, I'll explain...lol. One time, I picked up a beautiful girl without a word being spoken. We met eyes from across the room, and I didn't break the gaze. I smiled just the teeniest bit and motioned to her, me & her go, and pointed to the door...She stood up and came immediately. One other time, I picked up a deaf mute girl at a carnival and we dated for awhile. She couldn't talk to me. We wrote lots of notes, lol.

Talking is actually an inefficient means of communication. only about 6 to 7% of the communication is given through spoken words. The rest is body language. Most people read it and use it without even realizing what they're doing. There are certain undeniable signals that are given out if a girl likes you or not when you look at each other. I read books on it long ago but now they have a bunch of videos about it on youboob so it'd be easy for you to read up on it some. Most are very simple to spot.
 

FallenSoldier

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It's not necessarily that I'm shy, I'm just not socially aggressive. Like if a girl sits right next to me on a park bench, there's no way I'm talking to her. But if she talks to me, I can easily talk back. Also adding to my problem, I don't get out much, so I don't have many if any opportunities to met anyone. Actually within the last 4 years I can count on half of a hand how many opportunities I've had. Quite sad.
 
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JohnDB

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Online dating is great for women... exhorbitantly expensive for men.

But...
If a guy meets a woman online and they form a friendship they can date and get hitched...but formally dating with seeking dates...not going to be advantageous for guys.
 

FallenSoldier

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That's another thing that worries me. Online dating is like a smorgasbord for dating, everyone can pick and choose so easily. So whats to say I don't meet someone and a week later they find someone they like better? Not saying that can't happen without online dating, but it's 1000 times easier with online dating. Personally I don't care, I've been through all that plenty before. I'd rather learn their true nature early than later. At this point I'd just like someone to talk to. But I'm still skeptical of the whole thing. Just praying and waiting for the Lords answer.
 

th1b.taylor

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Online dating is great for women... exhorbitantly expensive for men.

But...
If a guy meets a woman online and they form a friendship they can date and get hitched...but formally dating with seeking dates...not going to be advantageous for guys.
A friend tried and male orfemale, you are expected to have sex. I would never go there!
 

JohnDB

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That's another thing that worries me. Online dating is like a smorgasbord for dating, everyone can pick and choose so easily. So whats to say I don't meet someone and a week later they find someone they like better? Not saying that can't happen without online dating, but it's 1000 times easier with online dating. Personally I don't care, I've been through all that plenty before. I'd rather learn their true nature early than later. At this point I'd just like someone to talk to. But I'm still skeptical of the whole thing. Just praying and waiting for the Lords answer.
Just go to church...be a regular.

A single Christian man is a unicorn in numbers. Really. There aren't many. But the many single Christian women all want one. If you are a regular at church it means that you are serious about your relationship with God...and the women won't leave you alone. If your church has no single women...change churches.

The women will find you. All you have to do is be friendly and kind.

Those pay dating sites are notorious for being extremely expensive and time wasting for men... despite their claims.

And one other thing....live in and around Washington DC. The woman to men ratio is something like 10:1
I didn't believe it till I saw it.
 

FallenSoldier

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Not to be a negative nancy or anything but in my area, Christian women are like...what would be more rare and beautiful than a unicorn? They would be whatever that is; virtually non-existent. Churches around here are mostly people ages 40+. There is one girl at my church, but shes much too young. All the rest, either married or older. The last church I attended, there was also a girl, but also a bit young and a bit of a hardcore democrat...we'd have complications. That's about it. I live in a rather dead and depressing area. :)
 

JohnDB

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Ok then... drive to another area... even if it's 90 minutes away.
I know of several singles who did it regularly just to be around other singles...and it worked for them...till they graduated out of the singles class due to marriage.

You gotta go out to where the singles are at. The lil delivery girl who brings the pizzas really ain't all that anyway.

And it's much cheaper than an internet site.
 

FallenSoldier

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Yea...I gotta get out of this area. I've been in denial for too long and now I think its catching up to me all at once.
 

Rehab

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i dont think you should look to get married unless youre having trouble containing...

wasnt it paul who suggested its a blessing to just be single and celebate if you can contain (not masterbate or lust)

but if you cant its better to marry than burn


ive been single for about 9 years
only gets easier man

you get more time to spend with God
and mature


dating isnt really a good place to be...
youre almost flirting with sexual immorality if you have a girlfriend and you guys end up alone together


maybe pray on it

its a huge responsability but who knows
maybe theres a girl praying for you right now

or maybe God wants you to be worried about him

(not tryin to act high and mighty)
 

FallenSoldier

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I briefly looked into some dating sites. Most seemed like garbage, match.com looks like a heathen paradise, and eharmony was $$$. I think I've decided to pass on the online dating stuff. It doesn't seem natural and I'm not very comfortable with throwing out all my information online for the world to see ( I don't even have facebook ). I'm just going to trust in the Lord to bring us together, or if he wants be to be single for whatever reason, then what can I do about it. Forcing a marriage that isn't in Gods plan is asking for disaster.

However, I do struggle with lust, quite horribly sometimes. I don't think one should get married for the sole purpose of sexual reasons. A marriage should be about two people coming together, being united into one, for the glory of the Lord.

If two people are whole heartily Christian and living for God, I think they could manage not engaging in anything sinful when being alone. They would have the power of the Spirit to help refrain them and to keep each other accountable. If you love someone, you won't want to push them into something that would destroy them.

I honestly have no idea what God has in store for me. I've prayed about it, and he took me away from online dating. Now, hes been sort of quiet on the issue. I don't think I'm quite where he wants me yet, and he doesn't think I'm ready for a committed relationship. I'm 26 btw, had one great relationship that I entirely screwed up and hate myself for, and been single ever since, about 5 years ago.
 

Rehab

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I briefly looked into some dating sites. Most seemed like garbage, match.com looks like a heathen paradise, and eharmony was $$$. I think I've decided to pass on the online dating stuff. It doesn't seem natural and I'm not very comfortable with throwing out all my information online for the world to see ( I don't even have facebook ). I'm just going to trust in the Lord to bring us together, or if he wants be to be single for whatever reason, then what can I do about it. Forcing a marriage that isn't in Gods plan is asking for disaster.

However, I do struggle with lust, quite horribly sometimes. I don't think one should get married for the sole purpose of sexual reasons. A marriage should be about two people coming together, being united into one, for the glory of the Lord.

If two people are whole heartily Christian and living for God, I think they could manage not engaging in anything sinful when being alone. They would have the power of the Spirit to help refrain them and to keep each other accountable. If you love someone, you won't want to push them into something that would destroy them.

I honestly have no idea what God has in store for me. I've prayed about it, and he took me away from online dating. Now, hes been sort of quiet on the issue. I don't think I'm quite where he wants me yet, and he doesn't think I'm ready for a committed relationship. I'm 26 btw, had one great relationship that I entirely screwed up and hate myself for, and been single ever since, about 5 years ago.

ahhhh i see
very similar boat man also 26
also had a good relationship (not Godly but there were deep feelings and a lot of history... we almost got married at 17 years old)
i struggled with lust but its a lot like any addiction

lets say its porn and masterbation

maybe the first week is hard
you get tempted a couple times the 2nd and 3rd week

after a month maybe tempted for a single thought that is easilly held captive

then its not difficult in the least to turn from completely

i couldnt even guess if youre supposed to marry or not

but i TOTALLY agree with how you want your relationship to be

you sound like you will make a good husband for a Godly woman who follows Jesus

maybe you should go on your free time to different churches?

also to be honest man
ive been single so long
the prospect of having a wife and family to lead as i follow Jesus is scary to me

youre very brave to want something like this at your age given your understanding of relationships
 

FallenSoldier

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I think my addiction will be a lifelong struggle honestly. I'll go good for a few weeks then out of nowhere its constantly on my mind. As soon as I wake up to the time I fall asleep at night, its never ending. I love the Lord though so I don't fall for it (most of the time, God forgive me).

God made marriage, its something both for us to enjoy and to glorify Him with. Remember when God was creating the universe? As he created the heavens and the earth, the stars, the sky, the plants and animals, he saw that it all was good, and when he was done, it was very good. However, when he saw Adam as being alone, that was the only thing that God said was NOT good. Genesis 2:18 "Then the Lord God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.'" Yes, God does want some of us to be alone for some reason or another, but in other cases, its not good for us to be alone. I'm a bit of a socially anxious loner who loves alone time, but even I fear for my sanity if I have to live alone my whole life. Not being a drama queen or anything, but I've been in denial for five years, and its just now starting to catch up to me.

I know what a great marriage is like, and what true love should be ( 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 ), and I can even help others in their relationships. But when I imagine myself in a relationship, and especially with a family, its a train wreck. I can look at relationships from the outside, but when it comes to myself, I can't even remember how to be in one. Quite sad, but it is what it is :)
 

Rehab

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i hope you find a woman worthy of being married to
if everyone had decided to be alone
there would be no babies
id imagine Jesus would return shortly after :chin

i appreciate your honesty man
 

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