Parenting problems in two directions

[Sheilagh]

Im new here but I really need to vent. Im a new mother, my son is 9 weeks. I know its normal to wonder is you are really going to be good at this, If you will really be able to rase him right but I dont know - I think Im worring about it more than is normal. My parents really really didnt want me to get married to my husband (how dare I want to marry my life long best friend who I love more than anything who is a poor pastoral ministry student rather than marry some rich doctor or lawyer) and have refused to have anything to do with us since, they even hang up when I try to call. I thought that was the end of it they just basicly disowned me but a few weeks ago they sent papers sueing for custody of Alexander saying we were to young and to poor to be able to be good parents and that he would have a better life with them. The judge took one look at it and threw it out, they had no leagal case, but it made me even more nervous about raising this child. I mean Aaron and I are 20 and 19, we are both college students, we were barely scraping by even before Alex came, and even when we finnish school, Aaron will be a pastor, which of course dosent pay much and my dream has always been to be a stay at home mom besides the fact that my music major isnt exactly terribly marketable. I dont know what Im asking here - maybe Im not asking anything other than to vent. *sigh* Anyway thanks for "listening" ~Sheilagh

 

[Nikki]

Oh, I know all about the "too young to get married" thing. I was 18 when I got married. While all my friends were off to the beach for Spring Break, I was planning my wedding. I have NO REGRETS at all . My sister was 17 when she got married. Her husband is almost 4 years older than her and the NICEST person you could meet. He used to have to take her to and from high school! They have been married almost 20 years.

I had my first baby at age 21.

EVERYTHING you're feeling is normal. Post partum depression may be part of it also. I didn't experience it with my first, but with my 2nd, it was full blown post partum. I was scared, I cried all the time, I was miserable. Try talking to your OBGYN. There are all kinds of medications out there for post partum depression and most are safe if you're breast feeding.

And come here to vent anytime you need to! This place is therapy for me : I'm known for coming here to vent and put all my personal problems on the table. :

 

[Heidi Mighty Mo]

That is very sad about your parents but don't take their trying to get custody as a sign you are not a capable parent. They obviously had your life planned out according to their own standards and are angry you followed your own heart and will. That is hard for many parents to accept but to treat you they way they have is simply immature.

Every parent feels insecurities in their abilities to be a parent. I don't care how old they are when they have their first. I am sure you are and will be a wonderful mom. Yes, you will make mistakes along the way but all parents do. The key is to learn from your mistakes. As your child gets older and you have wronged him/her by discilpining them for something they didn't deserve because you didn't quite understand the situation (I know I have done this at least), or lost your temper and said something you shouldn't have (I know I am not the only parent who has done this but still makes me feel like crud when it happens) the most important thing you can do is apologize to your child. Say you were wrong and that you love them. If nothing else, your child will learn that adults are not expected to be perfect and they will learn the importance of saying "I am sorry". It will also come easier to them to say when it is their turn to apologize since mom set the example.

I will pray for you and your parents. Trust in God and ask Him for strength and guidance. Only He knows all and what is best. He will not allow you to go without. As I mentioned in another thread, I have been through tight times as a child and since I have been married and in all these times, God never let us go without food, clothing or shelter. We may have had to let go of some things that aren't important - but our needs were always taken care of even when it seemed impossible.

And, as Nikki said, you can always feel free to vent here. There are many of us who understand and would love to offer any help we can.