[__ Prayer __] probation situation

[Christ_empowered]

I have see my PO on tuesday. I was told before that I'd be back in for face time in January. She said her supervisor wants me on face time every 2 months. It was every 3 before. This is misdemeanor probation. Never caused her any trouble. I'm nervous. I don"t drink, do drugs, any of that. no speeding tickets in 5ish years.

She (the PO) was nice on the phone. asked me for my shrink's name.

Please pray

 

[Eugene]

Don't be nervous as many of these things are merely procedural. Most importantly our LORD is on your side, has brought you through the trials so far, and is not going to fail you now.

Consequence put you in the place you are, and grace is delivering you through it. Your attention to details concerning your probation goes a long way in their future recommendations.
Proverbs 21:1 The king's heart is in the hand of the LORD, as the rivers of water: he turneth it whithersoever he will.

 

[AirDancer]

I'm with Brother Eugene on this one, Christ_empowered. Don't be concerned about the change of schedule for the meeting with your PO. Sometimes these changes occur when consideration is possible for an alteration in the probationary period (usually shortened). Sometimes these changes occur simply to monitor a little more closely for a while.

Since you've made great progress in your personal life, there's nothing to be concerned about. All will be well. After all, you're walking with our Lord, and He loves you dearly!

 

[Brother Mike]

I have see my PO on tuesday. I was told before that I'd be back in for face time in January. She said her supervisor wants me on face time every 2 months. It was every 3 before. This is misdemeanor probation. Never caused her any trouble. I'm nervous. I don"t drink, do drugs, any of that. no speeding tickets in 5ish years.

She (the PO) was nice on the phone. asked me for my shrink's name.

Please pray

If you were in trouble, you don't go to Face time in Janurary. They come and put cuffs on you. Don't give it a thought.
I am still confused looking over the laws how the heck you got 5 years. The only way I can work the math out, even with consecutive sentencing on multiple charges is a class F felony.

Still, if you had done something wrong, you would not be posting here. Don't worry about these things.

 

[Angel]

Youre under a lot of stress and its understandable that you would be nervous.
Everything is going to be ok. <3

 

[Christ_empowered]

OK. Where I live, there's 2 Dunkin' Donuts...one further away than the other. The closer one, though, is in a college town. I lived there once, years ago, and I was a pariah, so I go to the other one. The one I go to is also very close to the apartment my parents bought for me and that the neighbors drove me out of (I heard some dude across the street saying "somebody's gonna shoot that faggot," and I was back home in a hurry). My parents are renting out both the apartment I lived in and the adjacent house they also bought. OK, so...

I did the drive thru yet again this AM. Big, flavored iced coffee; toasted bagel with cream cheese. The lady doing the money exchange seemed kinda tense. I was about to drive off, when some woman working there (couldn't see her, just heard her) said "He's got CHARGES ON HIM!" I didn't recognize her voice. I'm at Dunkin Donuts a lot, so I thought I'd know her voice. She was talking loud, probably deliberately, so I could hear her.

I don't understand all this. I get that I made my ex-shrinks mad and I'm perceived as "uppity," probably because I was poor and wretched and now God's done a real work in my life, plus my newly affluent people protect me, got me a good attorney, etc. etc. etc. Its the South, so...everybody, especially those who are low on the totem pole, is "supposed to know his place in society." No joke, that's a direct quote from the neighbors.

I dunno. I brushed it off and went out for a lil drive. I'm blessed that The Lord has worked in my life so I can just brush stuff off and not freak out all day long. If you've been following my posts for any length of time, you know this isn't the 1st time people have talked about charges, warrants, prison, etc. About 6, 7 years ago, I spent a lot of time in 23 hour lockdown in the local jail. I mean, I can't complain, but...wow. Awful. I've somehow mostly blocked it out, praise God (!!!!). Still, sometimes, when I hear these random people (and my neighbors, of course) saying these things, I get little flashes of what 23 hour lockdown was like (the arrest record from that was erased/expunged, praise God).

Here's the way it works...in my case, the shrinks and counselors I encountered were punitive, sadistic, and cruel. I got crazier because of their "treatment." No lie. Now, I have an awesome counselor (born again Christian, M.Div, solid man) and...I dunno about the shrink, lol. Nice enough, except that he wants me to get out and be actively homogay. I mean, to be fair, that's just the way the world's going. Anyway....

I'm perceived as "uppity," largely because Christ has willed that I recover and also transform. Just living with my parents apparently means that I "don't know my place in society," which is ridiculous. People around here...more men than women, but plenty of women, too...have this weird need to control me, to tell me my place in society, to pass judgment on everything I do (or don't do). Maybe its like this for all low-status people? I dunno.

So...yeah. People have been saying things like "serve the warrant!" ever since I came back from the bond hearing (I only bonded out because my people hried an attorney) on the charges that I was later convicted of (well...sort of...the charges were a misdemeanor and a felony; I was convicted of a more serious misdemeanor, but no felony). So...that's like 2 1/2 years of this, no lie. The lawyer my dad hired kept that case out of court for 1 year, almost to the day. During that time, I was harassed *all* the time, no lie. Prison this, warrants that, blah blah blah.

I'm really confused. People I've never had even had a conversation with (including my neighbors) keep talking about warrants, charges, prison, go pick up your warrant, etc. Meanwhile, the lawyer (apparently, an "excellent attorney," according to the sentencing judge) hasn't said a word. Before the misdemeanor conviction, I had a clean record, except for an unpaid traffic ticket (10 miles or less over the speed limit, lol).

Ugh. I think I'm waking up to how despised I am in this community. Actually...I'm not a member of this community, I don't think. I just...live here, that's all, lol.

Sorry. This is largely venting, yet again. I don't understand why people would say these things about me, and yet...I haven't been arrested. And its been 2 1/2 years of this. I mean, seriously?!?! I've been on probation for 1 1/2 of those years, no problems.

And...that is my ramblin' vent for the day.

 

[Brother Mike]

How does a lady at a donuts shop know you have charges? Things are not making sense.

 

[Christ_empowered]

That's what I thought I heard. Then again....with this PO thing, maybe my mind is playing tricks on me.

 

[Brother Mike]

That's what I thought I heard. Then again....with this PO thing, maybe my mind is playing tricks on me.

Well, If I herd someone publicly say to others about me......... He has charges, or He is this or that. I confront them. You can't say those things about someone in a public setting. That is defamation of character, and that person would loose their Job. I would ask to see a manager.

I was at a hotel, and I asked the lady when more eggs would be set out. I was not rude, just asked. She told me I had to wait and to be patient. She was way out of line. I told her I did not have time to wait as I had to be somewhere.

I sat back down, to finish the rest of my meal, and I overheard some Army guy say something to someone else about me being rude. I stood up and walked over and told him if He had something to say, be man enough to say it to my face. I embarrassed him, but he said I was rude.

I said, how do you know that, you just walked in, you did not hear the whole conversation. You normally make things up about people, you that ignorant?

Now I might have been "Fleshy" I am sort of rough like that, but You need to confront these people, ask them where they are getting their information. Most likely they are not talking about you at all, but you just overhear some things and connect the dots.

You don't know, unless you ask.

 

[Eugene]

With your past problems of hearing voices, and being diagnosed as schizophrenic, I wouldn't do or say anything to anyone. You are on probation, a confrontation might ensue, and major problems would be the result. Stay away anyone, from anything, and anywhere that trigger those thoughts.
I would say that you no longer suffer narcissism but persecution by near everyone that don't even know you. It's as if you walk around with a giant wart growing on your nose you just can't hide, and opt to wear a mask of shame to your own justification as an excuse.

Have you fought bad thoughts, thought stupidly, and wondered if you're saved; how can these things be even in prayer if you're really in Christ? John Bunyan had similar thinking. The following is an excerpt from his book "Pilgrim's Progress." Wicked ones whispered to Christian on his trip from the city of destruction to the celestial city.

"One thing I would not let slip; I took notice that now poor CHRISTIAN was so confounded, that he did not know his own voice. And thus I perceived it: just when he was come over against the mouth of the burning pit, one of the wicked ones got behind him, and stept up softly to him; and whisperingly suggested many grievous blasphemies to him--which he verily thought had proceeded from his own mind. This put CHRISTIAN more to it than anything that he met with before, even to think that he should now blaspheme him that he loved so much before! Yet could he have helped it, he would not have done it; but he had not the discretion neither to stop his ears, nor to know from whence those blasphemies came."

Dear Brother CE, you are freed from these things in Christ, and we have the armor of Ephesians that will not replace a missing arm for instance, but you don't have to live in fear.
http://www.christianforums.net/Fellowship/index.php?threads/the-armor-of-god.51558/

Ephesians 6:12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

Genesis 3:1 Now the serpent was more subtil than any beast of the field which the LORD God had made. And he said unto the woman, Yea, hath God said? . .
Just don't give your accusser place in your life.

 

[Christ_empowered]

thanks, Eugene. I got the paranoia, that's for sure. The meds...help...probably much more than I give them credit for. But really, Christ is behind all good things in my life (or any believer's life).

I think that I see what you're saying. Even if I've got a lil auditory hallucination going on (trust me, nothing compared to what I used to deal with), the content is probably rooted in giving the adversary a lil more room in my life than I should/would.

Weird thing...schizo-bipolar-whatever is easier to deal w/ than narcissism was. Or, at least, I'm not miserable for no reason. Actually...I don't feel miserable at all, lol. Plus, I think when you can empathize with other people at a normal level, life is just...much better. Live-able, even.

Thanks, as always, for your sage advice. In all likelihood, she was saying something else and my mind altered it. Its happened before, more when I was off meds than when on meds, but..yeah. Even if she was saying something like that, so what, right? I mean, as long as she didn't spit in the coffee and/or bagel, we're cool.

 

[Eugene]

thanks, Eugene. I got the paranoia, that's for sure. The meds...help...probably much more than I give them credit for. But really, Christ is behind all good things in my life (or any believer's life).

I think that I see what you're saying. Even if I've got a lil auditory hallucination going on (trust me, nothing compared to what I used to deal with), the content is probably rooted in giving the adversary a lil more room in my life than I should/would.

Weird thing...schizo-bipolar-whatever is easier to deal w/ than narcissism was. Or, at least, I'm not miserable for no reason. Actually...I don't feel miserable at all, lol. Plus, I think when you can empathize with other people at a normal level, life is just...much better. Live-able, even.

Thanks, as always, for your sage advice. In all likelihood, she was saying something else and my mind altered it. Its happened before, more when I was off meds than when on meds, but..yeah. Even if she was saying something like that, so what, right? I mean, as long as she didn't spit in the coffee and/or bagel, we're cool.

Dear brother, regardless what they do or say, since you're on probation flee all forms of persecution real or imagined to remain free and satisfy its limitations on your life. Giving into those imaginations can escalate into much more severe actions such as the man I talked to in an institution that attempted to pluck his own eye out, and sever his hand. Was he religious? Very much so, but his accuser through his weakness found the way to attempt destroying him.
The best I can make out from your testimony is that you continue to not forgive you of all your past; you must do that to ever have the peace of God you seek. God has forgiven you, put your sins in a sea of forgetfulness as it were by removing them from you as far as the east is from the west, never to be remembered. If you can possibly do it, don't even vent as you call it any longer. Move your life forward at all times, seek newness of life, and dwell therein. When you find any thought of remorse permeating your mind, immediately move to something away from those thoughts, don't write of them, and enjoy what God is doing in you now.
Blessings in Christ Jesus.

 

[Christ_empowered]

thanks, yet again.

btw--in more important news--I made an A on my last paper of the subterm for one of my classes! I mean, low A...92, 93...but still...good times. I'm beginning to realize that there's a whole word outside my mind (and the remaining, lingering mess sometimes in my mind).

 

[JoJoe]

thanks, yet again.

btw--in more important news--I made an A on my last paper of the subterm for one of my classes! I mean, low A...92, 93...but still...good times. I'm beginning to realize that there's a whole word outside my mind (and the remaining, lingering mess sometimes in my mind).

Ya know CE the mind is a fragile thing. Sometimes I would overhear things around me and whatever was heavy on my mind or heart would seem to be what the devil was attacking me with. Before it was being homeless and at the time I was a filthy one because I canned for money.

I got offended because I heard keywords like dirty, loser, bum, and pretty much everything I was insecure about at the time. They were not talking about me, even though they were around me in Starbucks. I just assumed and let it fuel my anger and further me away from what God planned.

Like Eugene stated the serpent was the most subtle. To me it seems we all have that serpent in the flesh.

 

[Christ_empowered]

I def have a problem with un-forgiveness...both of myself and others. The end result of both is more than my fair share of "crazy." I've been praying for my enemies, praying for what it takes to love my enemies, and...its happening...slowly.

The evil one is a sly creature, lol. I've noticed that he finds vulnerable spots and goes in for the kill. It doesn't help that I'm low status and despised around here, so he has plenty of people to work through to get to me. Oh well.

One good thing...well, ok, a couple good things. I made an A on that paper, and the prof praised the content and my writing style. My writing style has been improving...basically since I started coming here, and definitely since I got saved (no, for real this time) 2 1/2 years ago. Since I'm working on (finally) finishing an undergraduate degree, it helps tremendously to have a good writing style...flow and word choice are important, especially now that I'm in History and in more upper level courses. Anyway, the instructor even asked if she could let her husband read it, because he's done more in-depth research on something similar.

Other thing to praise God for...my dad went on a 1 week trip up North, but my mom chose to stay. I know, I'm about to be 31, but...wow. People 'round here definitely don't care for me, and they get extra loud and obnoxious about things when my parents are out of town. That and one of the dogs is getting senile agitation or something...he gets vicious. He's small, but has sharp, sharp teeth. He bit my dad a couple times and caused some damage. The vet recommends doggy Prozac (I know, right?) . He already has as-needed Valium for seizures, lol.

 

[Eugene]

That and one of the dogs is getting senile agitation or something...he gets vicious. He's small, but has sharp, sharp teeth. He bit my dad a couple times and caused some damage. The vet recommends doggy Prozac (I know, right?) . He already has as-needed Valium for seizures, lol.

There's a much better cure than Prozac, and its the euthanasia drug Pentobarbital. It cures all forms of urinating in the house, licking of your face, biting even once, and an incurable need of attention and tidbits.

 

[Christ_empowered]

noooooooo...I don't think we're ready to send him off to the sweet hereafter just yet, lol. He has this collar that zaps when he gets too loud (before he turns aggressive, he gets crazy loud), but my parents don't like to put it on him...something about traumatizing him, blah blah blah. Hippies.

 

[HBEtechnician]

I have see my PO on tuesday. I was told before that I'd be back in for face time in January. She said her supervisor wants me on face time every 2 months. It was every 3 before. This is misdemeanor probation. Never caused her any trouble. I'm nervous. I don"t drink, do drugs, any of that. no speeding tickets in 5ish years.

She (the PO) was nice on the phone. asked me for my shrink's name.

Please pray

Ok what do you desire.

 

[Christ_empowered]

OK. Update: turns out, I was being paranoid. My PO was nice enough, just needed me to sign a form so she could get records from the mental health people. I have to see her again in September, and she's going to do a home visit (ugh) sometime soon.

I brought in my meds, just to show that I was actually taking them...kind of embarassing, waiting for my PO with a big zip loc w/ Rx bottles in it. Hmmmm...

So, yeah. Thanks for the prayers, as always.

 

[AirDancer]

OK. Update: turns out, I was being paranoid. My PO was nice enough, just needed me to sign a form so she could get records from the mental health people. I have to see her again in September, and she's going to do a home visit (ugh) sometime soon.

I brought in my meds, just to show that I was actually taking them...kind of embarassing, waiting for my PO with a big zip loc w/ Rx bottles in it. Hmmmm...

So, yeah. Thanks for the prayers, as always.

Great news ... and marvelous answer to prayers!