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Scariest Last Memory

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Uncovering buried memories has been a most unpleasant and traumatic experience. It's strange how the mind encapsulates, compartmentalizes and quarantines a traumatic event. Then layers other life experiences to vainly try and make the horror go away until a state of total denial sets in and a false reality is erected to protect the mind.
The last memory I had that could not remain suppressed is one where my "dad" took us three boys "hunting". At some point during this time together, at the cabin, my "dad" and older half-brother set up a table and chair. At the far end of the table from the chair was a tree (about 10ft. from the table). On the tree a makeshift target. The target was barely above the level of the table. Sitting at the table with a rifle placed one ate the same height from the ground as the target. Anyone familiar with firearms knows you don't sight-in rifles at 15ft. The normal range for sighting in a rifle is 200 yards, though some prefer 300 or even more with a minimum of 100 yards. I was told to sit at the table and shoot the target, but every time I started to pull the trigger a little head passed by (little half- brother). This happened about 3 times as I sat there. I never heard "dad" or my brother tell my younger half sibling to stay back nor did they restrain him. Instead "dad" kept trying to get me to pull the trigger just as the little guy would pass. I complained "Scotty" was in my way, but I remember "dad" saying "Never mind him, just concentrate on that target". I remember keeping both eyes open so I could see better peripherally, making my shot and making sure all was clear.
 

Edward

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A good thing you were paying attention!

I think they might have been trying to sight in at what they call maximum point blank range? The bullet crosses zero twice, once sort of close at it is rising and again at zero so depending on what distance they wanted to zero at, it can be quite close. But then they would have to have had all of the figures also, velocities and bullet weight and all that too. To even attempt that.
 
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A good thing you were paying attention!

I think they might have been trying to sight in at what they call maximum point blank range? The bullet crosses zero twice, once sort of close at it is rising and again at zero so depending on what distance they wanted to zero at, it can be quite close. But then they would have to have had all of the figures also, velocities and bullet weight and all that too. To even attempt that.
Nope. There was no real sighting in being done. They mostly just had me doing the shooting and "dad" was trying to get me to pull the trigger each time my younger half-brother crossed in front of me. When I was much younger, I had just learned to count to a hundred by myself. I went in to brag to my mother. She only replied back "Do you know how much a hundred thousand is?" Of course I didn't know, but she just kept trying to get me to understand the concept. I remember I just kept asking "Is it like a million?" She finally gave up and said "Yeah, it's like a million." Then she said "Did you know we have $100k life insurance on you?" I asked why. She said it was because I was "special". I asked if the other siblings have life insurance on them. She said "No" I thought I really was special, even after my "dad" placed my naked body under a window a/c unit until I contracted double pneumonia. They tried to cash in on me. I believe they put life insurance on my little half-brother and tried to get me to do their dirty deed. Hence Scary memory.
 

HeIsRisen2018

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That's really sad. Sometimes people don't deserve to be parents. :crying
 
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That's really sad. Sometimes people don't deserve to be parents. :crying
Yeah, after I survived the pneumonia, "dad" tried giving me away to his sister.....to finish the job? ( I dunno). When that didn't work, he basically quit coming home until finally just moved out then came divorce. I wasn't his kid. I believe he thought my little half-sibling wasn't his either.
 

HeIsRisen2018

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Yeah, after I survived the pneumonia, "dad" tried giving me away to his sister.....to finish the job? ( I dunno). When that didn't work, he basically quit coming home until finally just moved out then came divorce. I wasn't his kid. I believe he thought my little half-sibling wasn't his either.


Really? That's awful. :sad
 

for_his_glory

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daninthelionsden thank you for sharing this as it could not have been easy as those are some horrendous memories and you are an overcomer as to where you are in the Lord now. The memories will always be there tucked away in the back of your mind, but now you can use that of the past to help others that are going through similar situations you went through so there can always be good that comes out of the bad.

My scariest last memory was in 1988 when my ex husband tried to choke me out after grabbing me and pushing me down to the floor. There was a lot of mental and physical abuse just about everyday in our two year marriage and never knowing if I would live to see the next day, but almost dying by his own hands wrapped around my throat was the scariest.

It was God that heard my prayers and released me from being held captive in my own home as my ex made me sale my car after we got married, took me to work and picked me up, wasn't allowed to have any friends as he controlled my every move. It was hard to forgive him for all he put me through, but now I use it as a witness and testimony of how God came to rescue me from my tormentor. Now I can truly say to others when I speak to them, "I know what you are going through as I went through it too". Testimonies gives others hope in Christ as they also become overcomers through faith in Christ.

The memories will never completely go away, but have now made me who I am in Christ today.
 

HeIsRisen2018

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daninthelionsden thank you for sharing this as it could not have been easy as those are some horrendous memories and you are an overcomer as to where you are in the Lord now. The memories will always be there tucked away in the back of your mind, but now you can use that of the past to help others that are going through similar situations you went through so there can always be good that comes out of the bad.

My scariest last memory was in 1988 when my ex husband tried to choke me out after grabbing me and pushing me down to the floor. There was a lot of mental and physical abuse just about everyday in our two year marriage and never knowing if I would live to see the next day, but almost dying by his own hands wrapped around my throat was the scariest.

It was God that heard my prayers and released me from being held captive in my own home as my ex made me sale my car after we got married, took me to work and picked me up, wasn't allowed to have any friends as he controlled my every move. It was hard to forgive him for all he put me through, but now I use it as a witness and testimony of how God came to rescue me from my tormentor. Now I can truly say to others when I speak to them, "I know what you are going through as I went through it too". Testimonies gives others hope in Christ as they also become overcomers through faith in Christ.

The memories will never completely go away, but have now made me who I am in Christ today.



Although I'm really glad that God was there to help you get through it, I still can't believe you went through something like that. It must have been so scary for you. :sad
 

for_his_glory

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Although I'm really glad that God was there to help you get through it, I still can't believe you went through something like that. It must have been so scary for you. :sad
It was scary, but when you finally put your trust in the Lord He can do amazing things in your life that you could never dream of.
 

HeIsRisen2018

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It was scary, but when you finally put your trust in the Lord He can do amazing things in your life that you could never dream of.




Very true. Like how He has given me the strength to get through the past few years of being separated from Joey. Not that much longer to go now. :)
 

Luminous_Rose

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Uncovering buried memories has been a most unpleasant and traumatic experience. It's strange how the mind encapsulates, compartmentalizes and quarantines a traumatic event. Then layers other life experiences to vainly try and make the horror go away until a state of total denial sets in and a false reality is erected to protect the mind.
The last memory I had that could not remain suppressed is one where my "dad" took us three boys "hunting". At some point during this time together, at the cabin, my "dad" and older half-brother set up a table and chair. At the far end of the table from the chair was a tree (about 10ft. from the table). On the tree a makeshift target. The target was barely above the level of the table. Sitting at the table with a rifle placed one ate the same height from the ground as the target. Anyone familiar with firearms knows you don't sight-in rifles at 15ft. The normal range for sighting in a rifle is 200 yards, though some prefer 300 or even more with a minimum of 100 yards. I was told to sit at the table and shoot the target, but every time I started to pull the trigger a little head passed by (little half- brother). This happened about 3 times as I sat there. I never heard "dad" or my brother tell my younger half sibling to stay back nor did they restrain him. Instead "dad" kept trying to get me to pull the trigger just as the little guy would pass. I complained "Scotty" was in my way, but I remember "dad" saying "Never mind him, just concentrate on that target". I remember keeping both eyes open so I could see better peripherally, making my shot and making sure all was clear.
It is interesting and complex how the mind deals with trauma. Uncovering suppressed memories is difficult for anyone who experiences it. It makes you normal, though. Take all the time you need to get through it okay. I know trauma doesn't just go away...that is something I have a hard time grasping because I didn't have trauma like some people in my life I know.

That is so sad to hear. Your father angers me. How dare someone treat children that way. I have not heard of people taking life insurance out on their kids. In rare cases I have heard of it in case a child passes away and the family needs funeral expense money. Although, many abuse the life insurance. I thank God you knew better and understood the power and responsibility of a gun and that you are alive and safe today. God shielded you - you are alive! Also, shame on your parents.
 
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Luminous_Rose

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I guess thinking about it, my last scariest memory was when my first daughter was born. I don't usually talk about it because people are kind of like, "It should be a happy, joyful memory!" Long story short, I sought help from the wrong midwife, she was negligent, we ended up at the hospital, and I was in bad shape along with my daughter. We both pulled through, but I had lost so much blood. I felt too weak to hold my baby. All I wanted was sleep. After she was born and the nurses has left the room for a bit, I started to freak out because I was seeing spots and everything was going black. I had an atrocious ringing in my ears that made me feel like I was going deaf. I could barely tell my husband to go get a nurse. He ran out into the hallway calling for a nurse or doctor. They rushed in and got oxygen going for me. I heard their voices, but my eyes wouldn't open. I don't remember what happened after I stopped hearing everyone's voices. My husband has told me time and time again, but it never sticks in my mind....maybe I coded or something. Nightmares for months about being back in that hospital room. I was a nervous wreck pregnant with my second. The memories rushed back often.
 
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I guess thinking about it, my last scariest memory was when my first daughter was born. I don't usually talk about it because people are kind of like, "It should be a happy, joyful memory!" Long story short, I sought help from the wrong midwife, she was negligent, we ended up at the hospital, and I was in bad shape along with my daughter. We both pulled through, but I had lost so much blood. I felt too weak to hold my baby. All I wanted was sleep. After she was born and the nurses has left the room for a bit, I started to freak out because I was seeing spots and everything was going black. I had an atrocious ringing in my ears that made me feel like I was going deaf. I could barely tell my husband to go get a nurse. He ran out into the hallway calling for a nurse or doctor. They rushed in and got oxygen going for me. I heard their voices, but my eyes wouldn't open. I don't remember what happened after I stopped hearing everyone's voices. My husband has told me time and time again, but it never sticks in my mind....maybe I coded or something. Nightmares for months about being back in that hospital room. I was a nervous wreck pregnant with my second. The memories rushed back often.
I thank God You called out for help one last time with your last conscious breath for you are a gift.
 
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It is interesting and complex how the mind deals with trauma. Uncovering suppressed memories is difficult for anyone who experiences it. It makes you normal, though. Take all the time you need to get through it okay. I know trauma doesn't just go away...that is something I have a hard time grasping because I didn't have trauma like some people in my life I know.

That is so sad to hear. Your father angers me. How dare someone treat children that way. I have not heard of people taking life insurance out on their kids. In rare cases I have heard of it in case a child passes away and the family needs funeral expense money. Although, many abuse the life insurance. I thank God you knew better and understood the power and responsibility of a gun and that you are alive and safe today. God shielded you - you are alive! Also, shame on your parents.
When I was brought back from the hospital, after the double pneumonia, I woke up one morning and "dad" was furiously chipping away at the ice built up on the a/c placed over my bed. He was already trying to finish me off. He called out to my mother to come continue chipping at the ice. He said he had to get to work. I was pretending to be asleep because I feared him. My mother took over chipping away at the ice. I asked her why she was doing that. She said because your father wants me to( I realized much much later he wasn't my father). My mother got tired of chipping at the ice. I asked if I could do it, not even knowing it was all to kill me. She said no. She then said she had to go tend to breakfast. When she left, I picked up the icepick and began chipping away at the ice. I didn't even know I was helping them kill me. But I slipped and accidently stabbed a coil. Years and years later, I realized I saved my own life.
 

HeIsRisen2018

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When I was brought back from the hospital, after the double pneumonia, I woke up one morning and "dad" was furiously chipping away at the ice built up on the a/c placed over my bed. He was already trying to finish me off. He called out to my mother to come continue chipping at the ice. He said he had to get to work. I was pretending to be asleep because I feared him. My mother took over chipping away at the ice. I asked her why she was doing that. She said because your father wants me to( I realized much much later he wasn't my father). My mother got tired of chipping at the ice. I asked if I could do it, not even knowing it was all to kill me. She said no. She then said she had to go tend to breakfast. When she left, I picked up the icepick and began chipping away at the ice. I didn't even know I was helping them kill me. But I slipped and accidently stabbed a coil. Years and years later, I realized I saved my own life.



Thank God you made it through, but I really don't know why you had such horrible parents and I will never even begin to understand it. :sad
 
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Thank God you made it through, but I really don't know why you had such horrible parents and I will never even begin to understand it. :sad
My mother was brainwashed and molested into sexually servicing Episcopal clergy in her mid-teens. She continued this into her marriage. My birth was the product of one of these affairs. "Dad" was not my father and he wanted rid of me. I wasn't even immunized. I test positive for TB exposure, but no symptoms.
 

Luminous_Rose

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When I was brought back from the hospital, after the double pneumonia, I woke up one morning and "dad" was furiously chipping away at the ice built up on the a/c placed over my bed. He was already trying to finish me off. He called out to my mother to come continue chipping at the ice. He said he had to get to work. I was pretending to be asleep because I feared him. My mother took over chipping away at the ice. I asked her why she was doing that. She said because your father wants me to( I realized much much later he wasn't my father). My mother got tired of chipping at the ice. I asked if I could do it, not even knowing it was all to kill me. She said no. She then said she had to go tend to breakfast. When she left, I picked up the icepick and began chipping away at the ice. I didn't even know I was helping them kill me. But I slipped and accidently stabbed a coil. Years and years later, I realized I saved my own life.
That is definitely scary =( God protects.
 
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They sound like the parents from Hell actually. :crying
When I was about 5, I had a dream that my mother was talking to me with her face close to mine. I reached to her face and pulled on it and her face became a mask and came off. Underneath was a witch's face. I woke right up and went and told my mom. Instead of reassuring and comforting me, I was punished.
 

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