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Signs that pornography has entered your marriage

Joined
Aug 9, 2012
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4,786
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There are a lot of threads lately, posted by both men and women, regarding complaints they have about the level of sexual activity in their marriages. I've addressed the husband's issues individually, but I want to bring to the wives' attention a problem that may be affecting their marriage they do not know about, or if they do, they don't want to consider it.

There are eight signs to look for in considering whether this problem is present in your marriage, wives. These are courtesy of Men's Health website.
http://forums.menshealth.com/eve/forums/a/tpc/f/6621054424/m/1981060194

1. Your partner is not as social as he used to be.

He is excusing himself from activities, has unexplained absences, and is not able to account for his time. He has little interest in socializing with you or making time for others, including his family.

2. Your partner lacks interest in sex or is sexually unresponsive.

You're noticing a decrease in physical affection and non-sexual touch. If you have sex, it's because you are the one initiating it. Your partner is having trouble becoming sexually aroused (for example, achieving erection or having an orgasm).

Furthermore, your partner needs more and more stimulation to get turned on and release. He has developed a strong interest in sexual practices that seem a little out of left field. No matter what, both of you are feeling largely dissatisfied post-sex.

3. Your partner is being uncharacteristically demanding or rough during sex.

You're feeling pressured to engage in sexual activities that are either physically or emotionally uncomfortable to you. Your partner is using atypical sexual language. He seems to be objectifying you and he has no qualms about it.

4. Your partner does not seem “present."

Your lover has become emotionally distant during sex. You're starting to feel sexually rejected or neglected. In or out of the bedroom, you and your partner can no longer describe yourselves as emotionally intimate.

5. Your partner has started to nit-pick your appearance.

Your partner seems more and more concerned about what you look like, and if you're sexually attractive enough. He might make cutting remarks about your weight or shape. He's also making insensitive sexual comments, which make you feel like a sex object.

6. You feel like you're no longer getting straight answers from your lover.

You suspect that much of what is being said these days are white lies. Answers to your questions seem vague and nonsensical. He's defensive when asked about porn use.

Yet you are finding evidence of hiding, lying, and secretive behavior, including porn materials you didn't know about. Maybe your partner maintains a private e-mail address, has his own credit card, and/or has an unknown cell phone account.

7. Your partner is practically wed to the Internet.

He spends an excessive amount of time on the computer, often demanding privacy and/or changing his bedtime ritual. As a result, he has eye problems from spending long hours on the computer. He may also complain of back, wrist, neck or shoulder pain.

8. You have noticed a change in your partner's demeanor.

Your partner just doesn't seem like himself. He has trouble calming down and sleeping. His moods and interests are different. It may even be to the point you are wondering if his mental health is okay. Feeling like a “sex pervert" can lead him to negative emotional outbursts such as picking fights and holding grudges in order to justify his secret porn use.

The last two signs gave it away. He is suffering from a pornography addiction. Porn is subtle, insinuating itself into what most men consider to be a "normal" activity that quickly becomes an obsession. In the process, the addiction causes them to shut out their wives, their children, their friends, family and co-workers. It is insidious, and can become such an obsession that losses of jobs, church positions, marriages and social circles are experienced relatively quickly, more quickly than in other more recognizable addictions such as alcohol, drugs or gambling.

Like most addictive problems, there is always going to be a discussion among professionals and among practitioners of porn as to what constitutes an addiction and what is just "an active participation." Regardless, porn has no place in a Christian marriage. it is the equivalent of adultery.

I post this to be of help. Mods, if this leads to too frank a discussion, please feel free to move it, and I would suggest moving it to the women's forum. Please repost the OP generically, if that is the decision.
 

dinoguy

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Joined
Jan 13, 2013
Messages
52
Christian
Yes
It is very sad when men allow themselves to degenerate to this level. One of my wife's close Christian friends left her husband a while ago because he is hopelessly into porn and basically ignores her. She just couldn't stand being in the same house with him anymore.
One could argue that when a man would rather look at a computer screen than make real love to his real wife it has reached the level of mental illness.
 

Abbiedobis

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Joined
Apr 20, 2013
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Female
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My husband deals with it constantly. The biggest helpers is a trusting, understanding accountability partner and a computer blocker. And constant prayer.
Abbie
 

23Psalm

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Joined
May 11, 2012
Messages
86
Gender
Male
Christian
Yes
I was a husband that struggled with porn. I don't make excuses for my past, but I was exposed to porn at the age of 11. It make more and more of a problem during my teenage years and in my 20s. When I got married, i thought it would go away since I had a wife that could satisfy my needs. It didn't. After years and years of this abuse, my wife felt insecure, unwanted and very distrusting. It got ugly. Finally, I had enough and gave it to Christ. I have been delivered from that and no longer desire to watch that nonsense. I will say that porn comes in different forms. Be careful what you watch on mainstream television...it is getting more and more explicit and there are certain shows that I can't watch now. Or, I find myself DVR-ing shows and skipping the lust scenes. I have grown to know what triggers certain emotions and feelings. Men, if you have that problem, stop it. Porn can destroy your marriage, like it did mine. God bless
 

YosefHayim

Member
Joined
Dec 22, 2012
Messages
1,593
Gender
Male
Christian
Yes
Be careful what you watch on mainstream television...it is getting more and more explicit and there are certain shows that I can't watch now.

And PROTECT YOUR CHILDREN:
Programs rated TV-Y7 are designed for children age 7 and older. The FCC implies that it "may be more appropriate for children who have acquired the developmental skills needed to distinguish between make-believe and reality."

Ed, Edd n Eddy has a multitude of innuendos ranging from "snow job" to ed and eddy laughing at the word "sextant"

You also got shows such as Animaniacs, Spongebob Squarepants, Rugrats, and of course tons of Disney cartoons. It's sad.
 

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