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So embarrassed...

Luminous_Rose

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So, at church this evening I took the kids to church while my husband needed to do a much needed errand. My parents weren't there like they usually were due to other things.

My kids were so good for like 5 minutes and then...disaster. My 4 year old decides to go get a drink in the water fountain after I try to offer her her own cup with water in it that I brought...yeah NOPE. She runs and comes back...not too bad. Then she decides to shut herself in the baby cry room with a loud SLAM. She sits again and then during prayer she gets up and runs around the front in front of everybody. By this point I am mortified. I am trying to tell her to come when she is running around like a mad woman while holding my 1 year old who thinks this is a blast. Other adults get up to help and some of them call her by name telling her to come to me.

After taking her out of there then cooling down and bringing her back in, I sit her next to me and my 1 year old...oh...money-see-monkey-do! She tries to run off like big sis for the rest of the service. My 4 year old asks for a book, I hand her one and then she chucks it at my forehead and says, "NO! I DIDN'T WANT THAT BOOK! I WANT THAT ONE OVER THERE!" UGH! Yeah, no more books tonight for you, kid.

I am the introvert...this stuff is HARD. After service my 4 year old immediately takes off and all these parents are coming to hug me. It doesn't make me feel better...I hate all the attention. My husband comes in later than intended and I head to the car and scream...and cry...in the car. I am the introvert...why did God give me the talkative strong-willed child?! My husband tells me, "So she won't depend on you your whole life." What a point...but the day by day has been this way at home. I am exhausted and feeding my sugar addiction terribly as my sorry attempt of a coping mechanism.

Just pray for me and my family...that things get better. Do kids always embarrass their parents this much? Do kids always hurt their parents this much? I feel so lost...
 

JohnDB

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In short...YES.

This is why we have children's church.
And turnabout is fair play...this is stuff you can use to embarrass them later...

But your church family is family. They love you like family...
 

Knotical

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I know this is not necessarily a popular view, even amongst many Christians, but it sounds like additional discipline is needed. Yes, I am suggesting spanking. When done in the right context it is very effective, and will make your parenting life much easier once your children understand what the boundaries are. Some may try less physical forms of discipline, but it is what works when used properly.

Of course I am not, necessarily, suggesting doing it in church, unless absolutely necessary. But when you establish the boundary at home it is easier to enforce it when in public.
 

Boaz

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I know this is not necessarily a popular view, even amongst many Christians, but it sounds like additional discipline is needed. Yes, I am suggesting spanking. When done in the right context it is very effective, and will make your parenting life much easier once your children understand what the boundaries are. Some may try less physical forms of discipline, but it is what works when used properly.

Of course I am not, necessarily, suggesting doing it in church, unless absolutely necessary. But when you establish the boundary at home it is easier to enforce it when in public.
Except that it will take them half a second to figure out won't spank them in church! LOL. Tough situation discipline in public in this day and age. There will always be Judgementals lurking somewhere. Ultimately it's the children who pay the price for this confusion in boundaries no doubt.
 

Knotical

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Except that it will take them half a second to figure out won't spank them in church! LOL. Tough situation discipline in public in this day and age. There will always be Judgementals lurking somewhere. Ultimately it's the children who pay the price for this confusion in boundaries no doubt.
That really depends on the church. I have attended both ends of the spectrum. Our current church, and the one we last attended in California are rather conservative and have no problem with parents taking their kids out of the service to handle the situation.
 

JohnDB

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Expecting a 4 year old to sit still and do nothing for thirty minutes is an unreasonable expectation. Time outs in excess of ten minutes is abusive. They don't have the memory or cognitive capacity to understand why they are there.

Especially if the child is strong willed and very active. Spankings, while effective, are to be reserved for acknowledged disobedience. It's the only way to make them effective. Otherwise you are teaching the child to be abusive in the future towards others and consider it righteous behavior. At four most kids have a very difficult time understanding right and wrong. Mimicry and learned fear of parents is not understanding and actually works against you when parenting them during their teenage/young adult years.
 

HeIsRisen2018

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So, at church this evening I took the kids to church while my husband needed to do a much needed errand. My parents weren't there like they usually were due to other things.

My kids were so good for like 5 minutes and then...disaster. My 4 year old decides to go get a drink in the water fountain after I try to offer her her own cup with water in it that I brought...yeah NOPE. She runs and comes back...not too bad. Then she decides to shut herself in the baby cry room with a loud SLAM. She sits again and then during prayer she gets up and runs around the front in front of everybody. By this point I am mortified. I am trying to tell her to come when she is running around like a mad woman while holding my 1 year old who thinks this is a blast. Other adults get up to help and some of them call her by name telling her to come to me.

After taking her out of there then cooling down and bringing her back in, I sit her next to me and my 1 year old...oh...money-see-monkey-do! She tries to run off like big sis for the rest of the service. My 4 year old asks for a book, I hand her one and then she chucks it at my forehead and says, "NO! I DIDN'T WANT THAT BOOK! I WANT THAT ONE OVER THERE!" UGH! Yeah, no more books tonight for you, kid.

I am the introvert...this stuff is HARD. After service my 4 year old immediately takes off and all these parents are coming to hug me. It doesn't make me feel better...I hate all the attention. My husband comes in later than intended and I head to the car and scream...and cry...in the car. I am the introvert...why did God give me the talkative strong-willed child?! My husband tells me, "So she won't depend on you your whole life." What a point...but the day by day has been this way at home. I am exhausted and feeding my sugar addiction terribly as my sorry attempt of a coping mechanism.

Just pray for me and my family...that things get better. Do kids always embarrass their parents this much? Do kids always hurt their parents this much? I feel so lost...






Yes,.. but don't worry you'll get even with them someday when they get older. For you'll be the one embarrassing them lol! :lol
 

HeIsRisen2018

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Expecting a 4 year old to sit still and do nothing for thirty minutes is an unreasonable expectation. Time outs in excess of ten minutes is abusive. They don't have the memory or cognitive capacity to understand why they are there.

Especially if the child is strong willed and very active. Spankings, while effective, are to be reserved for acknowledged disobedience. It's the only way to make them effective. Otherwise you are teaching the child to be abusive in the future towards others and consider it righteous behavior. At four most kids have a very difficult time understanding right and wrong. Mimicry and learned fear of parents is not understanding and actually works against you when parenting them during their teenage/young adult years.




According to Supernanny's techniques an effective time-out is one year per the child's age. Step one is you give them a warning, step two you explain to them why they were placed into time-out, step three is the one minute per their age thing, then the child is supposed to apologize for what they did wrong and then it's time for hugs, kisses, and cuddles. The only thing that I don't agree with unless they hit somebody or called somebody a name is making the child apologize. Otherwise I think it's pretty effective.




That is only for the little kids. Once they get bigger you can start taking away their privileges or grounding them or something. I do agree with corporal punishment unlike Jo though. For instance if a child runs out into a busy intersection, a spanking just might go ahead and save their life.
 

Luminous_Rose

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Expecting a 4 year old to sit still and do nothing for thirty minutes is an unreasonable expectation. Time outs in excess of ten minutes is abusive. They don't have the memory or cognitive capacity to understand why they are there.

Especially if the child is strong willed and very active. Spankings, while effective, are to be reserved for acknowledged disobedience. It's the only way to make them effective. Otherwise you are teaching the child to be abusive in the future towards others and consider it righteous behavior. At four most kids have a very difficult time understanding right and wrong. Mimicry and learned fear of parents is not understanding and actually works against you when parenting them during their teenage/young adult years.
That's the thing, though...she has the whole row to get up and move around. I never expect small kids to sit and be still. It never realistically happens. Although, I do expect they can go back and forth within our pew and read a book, draw, color, etc. for almost 1 hour. I don't do time outs near that long at this age, either, because that just frustrates both sides and is realistic.

I carried out the discipline I felt necessary outside, away from everyone else. I feel I have tried everything to get her to listen and do what I am saying. I have never seen discipline not be so effective.

I feel like people at church don't think I can control my child. She knows when it is only me I am out numbered so she acts out. It doesn't help that a family member told her a bunch of junk that was untrue like that I am not her mom and apparently they told her to kill her mom and dad and this not listening thing has been a struggle ever since that time. She just seems to believe that jerk of a family member even though deep down she knows I am mom. -sigh-
 

Luminous_Rose

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According to Supernanny's techniques an effective time-out is one year per the child's age. Step one is you give them a warning, step two you explain to them why they were placed into time-out, step three is the one minute per their age thing, then the child is supposed to apologize for what they did wrong and then it's time for hugs, kisses, and cuddles. The only thing that I don't agree with unless they hit somebody or called somebody a name is making the child apologize. Otherwise I think it's pretty effective.




That is only for the little kids. Once they get bigger you can start taking away their privileges or grounding them or something. I do agree with corporal punishment unlike Jo though. For instance if a child runs out into a busy intersection, a spanking just might go ahead and save their life.
Tried it. Does not work. Keep doing it in hopes it will...no breakthrough yet. It is hard to keep putting her in time out when I am constantly lifting 60 pounds. I end up feeling like my arms are going to fall off by the time she even sits for the whole timeout and that is one of many she will probably have in the day.
 

HeIsRisen2018

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Tried it. Does not work. Keep doing it in hopes it will...no breakthrough yet. It is hard to keep putting her in time out when I am constantly lifting 60 pounds. I end up feeling like my arms are going to fall off by the time she even sits for the whole timeout and that is one of many she will probably have in the day.


Don't give up! Just persevere and I'm sure it'll work eventually. You could always ask your husband to help you. :)
 

Luminous_Rose

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I know this is not necessarily a popular view, even amongst many Christians, but it sounds like additional discipline is needed. Yes, I am suggesting spanking. When done in the right context it is very effective, and will make your parenting life much easier once your children understand what the boundaries are. Some may try less physical forms of discipline, but it is what works when used properly.

Of course I am not, necessarily, suggesting doing it in church, unless absolutely necessary. But when you establish the boundary at home it is easier to enforce it when in public.
At church I know people would not care just from being there. Although, in public I would not do it. I don't want to risk being seen as a walking DCS case. Many have the idea that all spanking is abuse no matter what. Although, my kids are usually well behaved in public (most say how polite they are) and not at home, which is normal for them to vent at home in a safe place. I am surprised she ran off in service like that as she has never done it before. She says it was because she wanted daddy. Apparently she thinks I some some super power to bring him home.
 

Luminous_Rose

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Don't give up! Just persevere and I'm sure it'll work eventually. You could always ask your husband to help you. :)
Yes, but he works 8 1/2 hours a day. Even though he helps when he is home, some days he is just too tired. Weekends are good for our child because she gets dad all day, but it is not realistic in the week. She knows she can act up when I have to take care of the little one.
 

StoveBolts

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? Do kids always hurt their parents this much? I feel so lost...
Yes, but as Parents, it's our job to embarrass then when they are teenagers lol! You know, like when they bring their first steady home and you break out that photo when they were two..
Our youngest is almost 21 and I rarely loose an opportunity lol!
 

HeIsRisen2018

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Yes, but he works 8 1/2 hours a day. Even though he helps when he is home, some days he is just too tired. Weekends are good for our child because she gets dad all day, but it is not realistic in the week. She knows she can act up when I have to take care of the little one.



I'm sorry, I really wish that I could help you out more but considering the fact that I don't have any kids of my own yet, I'm pretty much unexperienced in how to deal with them.


Yes, but as Parents, it's our job to embarrass then when they are teenagers lol! You know, like when they bring their first steady home and you break out that photo when they were two..
Our youngest is almost 21 and I rarely loose an opportunity lol!


Lol! That's what I said in post seven. :lol
 

Luminous_Rose

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Yes, but as Parents, it's our job to embarrass then when they are teenagers lol! You know, like when they bring their first steady home and you break out that photo when they were two..
Our youngest is almost 21 and I rarely loose an opportunity lol!
Haha...teenager years...so...far...away...

I keep praying her terrible 2's go away one day...it feels like it will never happen. I grieve when she was smaller, snuggly, wanted to help with chores, and said she loved me instead of hated me. I feel a lot of joy has been lost.
 

Luminous_Rose

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I'm sorry, I really wish that I could help you out more but considering the fact that I don't have any kids of my own yet, I'm pretty much unexperienced in how to deal with them.






Lol! That's what I said in post seven. :lol
It's hard when they understand you are outnumbered...
 

StoveBolts

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Haha...teenager years...so...far...away...

I keep praying her terrible 2's go away one day...it feels like it will never happen. I grieve when she was smaller, snuggly, wanted to help with chores, and said she loved me instead of hated me. I feel a lot of joy has been lost.
I understand. It gets harder when they become teenagers and they scream that they hate you. You cannot take it personal. Just remember what Jesus said on the Cross. Father forgive them, for they know not what they do. Easy to say but at times oh so hard to do.

At our church, the kids only need to make it through the Lords supper and then they get to go to class. Is your congregation the same?

BTW, earlier you said something about another lying to your child and putting hateful things into their head, like you were not the real mom. I hope I don't come off wrong, but if that were me, I'd put a stop to that. Can you talk to your husband and let him know how detrimental that is so you can both confront that on a united front?

For me, I made some mistakes by not teaching our son well enough at a young age to respect his Mother. It's something I had to circle back to in his late teens. I basically created the issue when he was young. It wasn't easy to correct once I realized my mistake.

I guess I'm saying that your children need to both know that you love them and they need to obey you because they desire to please you. This is hard enough to foster and you don't need anyone undermining that.

I pray I'm not coming off as judgmental or over-opinionated. Your in a hard place.
 

HeIsRisen2018

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This is why when you have three or more kids you go from a man to man, to a zone defense. And you always back your spouses play, even if it may seem crazy at the time.



Wait a minute I'm confused. Are we talking about parenting or sports? :lol
 

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