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[__ Prayer __] stigmatized, by lies (?)

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ugh. In Christ, I have been blessed, well above and beyond what I can even pretend I "deserved" or anything. I'm not one for fire and brimstone, harsh punitive religion or anything, but...

-sigh- Scripture is -clear- that God is Love, God is Good...and He does bless His children, but it isn't out of obligation. So, OK. That's more for me than anybody else...moving on...

I have a clean background check, now. I didn't, for a while. Then I did, and now...I'm thankful. Its a long story (civil rights violations, police brutality...'this is what poor people go through,' etc.), but...yeah. I have a diagnosis/label of 'severe mental illness,' and I am in voluntary, outpatient treatment. I am thankful for effective treatment, and I'm thankful for my family...that's my support system. God is merciful.

I now live in a modest, but nice, place. Again: cannot claim to 'deserve' it, but...God has seen fit to be kind to me. I highly doubt I'm the only one with a psych history living in this area, but I do seem to have become an infamous (locally) "uppity mental patient" or...something. I dunno. "Treatment providers" made an example out of me, back in the day...long story, its basically the kind of psychiatric 'treatment' that stigmatized, low status people often receive. "this is what poor people go thru," yet again.

so, OK. People openly talk -at me- and -around me- about "felonies," "he has felonies," "he's on life time, court ordered injections," all this other stuff. factor in people openly discussing rumors, etc. about drug abuse in years past (fun fact: no fun pills, not even a joint, in over 10 years), on and on and on...

-sigh- I feel like an ungrateful wretch, complaining, because...it is demonstrably un-true. That's what I think messes with my mind, so much...its not true, and its one of those false statements that can be disproven, easily...

but I'm -most definitely- not a member of this community, so "what I say" doesn't matter, even (especially?) when its...the truth.

frustrating. my big concern is that people will think "he has felonies!," and continue on with harassment, maybe worse...

and i don't want conflict, of any sort. ugh. :-(

on a personal level, I Praise The Lord for setting me free and bringing deliverance. seriously. --gratitude-- is something I've been praying for, that and contentment. God has seen fit to bless me, big time, and...and...

ugh. I just get frustrated, that's all. thank you. :)
 
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thanks, Tessa . I just get...ugh...its frustrating, that's all. but...that's part of life, isn't it? if I wasn't frustrated by people spreading lies, I'd be frustrated with a job situation, or I'd be in some over-medicated stupor in a group home or a hospital or....rambling...

everyone's life brings trouble and frustration. --gratitude-- my life is far, far less vexing and such than it ever was, out in the world. its not just having a decent, modest lifestyle, either, its also...well, Jesus' work in my life, basically.

and you're correct to point me to The Lord. honestly, especially when it comes down to people seeing fit to spread more lies, rumors, all that....

just...practically speaking, nothing I can do about it. The Lord can do more with this situation, any situation, in a split second than I can in an entire lifetime (true of any believer, any situation, I would think). 'who by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?'

thanks again. :)
 
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thanks, Tessa . I just get...ugh...its frustrating, that's all. but...that's part of life, isn't it? if I wasn't frustrated by people spreading lies, I'd be frustrated with a job situation, or I'd be in some over-medicated stupor in a group home or a hospital or....rambling...

everyone's life brings trouble and frustration. --gratitude-- my life is far, far less vexing and such than it ever was, out in the world. its not just having a decent, modest lifestyle, either, its also...well, Jesus' work in my life, basically.

and you're correct to point me to The Lord. honestly, especially when it comes down to people seeing fit to spread more lies, rumors, all that....

just...practically speaking, nothing I can do about it. The Lord can do more with this situation, any situation, in a split second than I can in an entire lifetime (true of any believer, any situation, I would think). 'who by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?'

thanks again. :)
It's really scary how people who you'd think would be more mature and know better listen to one-sided gossip, rumors, slander and don't even have the decency to ask you for your side, but instead treat you according to what they heard.
 
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yeah...scary is a good word, actually. i see now that for many people with the big F--as in, Felony-- its sort of like being permanently placed in an under-class. this is probably why so many states (not mine, lol) allow some felony convictions to be sealed or expunged. i think maybe the dems here are working on changing that? rambling...

-sigh- see, the thing is, there's an hoa here. it is not some fancy, deluxe place...but i wouldn't be -living here- if i had most felony convictions (any? not really sure about the rules, honestly). so, that's frustrating. the other thing that's frustrating is that The Lord has set me free from bondage in big, big, big ways...

and these vocal bullies seems extra-intent on defining me by junk from the past, rumors, straight up lies...

and since no one really talks -to or with- me, except an occasional chat with -1- friendly neighbor (I'm thankful, actually), I feel like I'm an "Other," you know?

ramble ramble ramble...its scary (again, good word choice) because I was attacked, years ago, not really sure why...so when people start with this jibber jabber about "beat him up" and "put him in jail" and blah blah blah...

-sigh- its un-fun. lol.

oh, and...this happened when I briefly lived in a rented apartment, too. and again: background checks...most all condos, apt. complexes, etc., do them, even on people who own a place. its...the 21st century, right? Right.

blah. I'll pray more, later. Can't always -feel- awesome, but...-gratitude- : focus on His work in my life, amen.

thanks. :)
 

Couppy

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yeah...scary is a good word, actually. i see now that for many people with the big F--as in, Felony-- its sort of like being permanently placed in an under-class. this is probably why so many states (not mine, lol) allow some felony convictions to be sealed or expunged. i think maybe the dems here are working on changing that? rambling...

-sigh- see, the thing is, there's an hoa here. it is not some fancy, deluxe place...but i wouldn't be -living here- if i had most felony convictions (any? not really sure about the rules, honestly). so, that's frustrating. the other thing that's frustrating is that The Lord has set me free from bondage in big, big, big ways...

and these vocal bullies seems extra-intent on defining me by junk from the past, rumors, straight up lies...

and since no one really talks -to or with- me, except an occasional chat with -1- friendly neighbor (I'm thankful, actually), I feel like I'm an "Other," you know?

ramble ramble ramble...its scary (again, good word choice) because I was attacked, years ago, not really sure why...so when people start with this jibber jabber about "beat him up" and "put him in jail" and blah blah blah...

-sigh- its un-fun. lol.

oh, and...this happened when I briefly lived in a rented apartment, too. and again: background checks...most all condos, apt. complexes, etc., do them, even on people who own a place. its...the 21st century, right? Right.

blah. I'll pray more, later. Can't always -feel- awesome, but...-gratitude- : focus on His work in my life, amen.

thanks. :)
Do you have Christian friends who pray together with you regularly, perhaps online? If you attend Church, what has your pastor said about this issue of bully you are encountering?
 
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no Christian friends to pray with, not in church. I have an older Christian friend, but its kinda like...now that I'm older (I'm 36, now; I was 24 when we met) and I'm doing so much better, have my parents in my life, etc...

-sigh- its kind of dawned on me that a lot of our 'friendship' was her taking pity on a broken wretch. besides, her adult son is back in her life, now...I"m thankful, of course, its just...

that leaves me with -0- people to have real conversations with about much of anything. blah.
 
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no Christian friends to pray with, not in church. I have an older Christian friend, but its kinda like...now that I'm older (I'm 36, now; I was 24 when we met) and I'm doing so much better, have my parents in my life, etc...

-sigh- its kind of dawned on me that a lot of our 'friendship' was her taking pity on a broken wretch. besides, her adult son is back in her life, now...I"m thankful, of course, its just...

that leaves me with -0- people to have real conversations with about much of anything. blah.
Don't know why this popped into my mind, but I saw a video where a person was challenged to greet the Lord each morning with "Good morning Jesus" and she accepted the challenge and she said it changed her out look on life and her relationship with God.
 

humble soul

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Felony-- its sort of like being permanently placed in an under-class.
I'm lucky to have escaped all that. It must be awful to be treated with such prejudice .
Problem is, that some people who have spent time in prison are dangerous and not to be trusted. Prison only made them more cunning and hardened.
Then you get tarred with the same brush. Which is unfortunate.
 
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yeah...I know I"m blessed to -not- have a criminal background. I give God the Praise, and I do thank Him for making it possible for me to have a life of freedom, without the unending stigma of a Felony.

thing is...its just frustrating, you know? the hoa has a background check for me...with nothing on it. Somehow, even an old traffic ticket I forgot to pay (did I mention electroshock?) back in the day got dropped off, which...doesn't happen often. I"m thankful, of course. And yet...

"He's a -convicted felon- !" and/or "he needs to go to the state hospital!" and/or "why ain't he in jail?," and, my personal favorite: "call the law!" good times (note the sarcasm).

So God is Good. truly. My parents are good people and good to me. I'm becoming a more and more decent human being, as I gradually become less me, more Jesus (true of all Christians....). And then...

-sigh- there's people in the community who just...don't hold back, they get vocal. just now, maybe an hour or 2 ago, I ran down to a chain drugstore, one of the 24 hour deals. Over priced and all on food, etc., -unless- one has a customer card and shops the sales....which is what I do, of course. Got about $30 worth of coffee and snacks for $16 dollars, thank you, corporate America. :) but...

so, on my way back to my vehicle, in the parking lot, some lady yelled out..."he's got a felony, his people take care of him cus he has Schizophrenia!," and...and...-ugh- no felony, but yes, I do have a 'severe mental illness,' so I guess being 1/2 right is better than 0 for 2, right?
 
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yeah...I know I"m blessed to -not- have a criminal background. I give God the Praise, and I do thank Him for making it possible for me to have a life of freedom, without the unending stigma of a Felony.

thing is...its just frustrating, you know? the hoa has a background check for me...with nothing on it. Somehow, even an old traffic ticket I forgot to pay (did I mention electroshock?) back in the day got dropped off, which...doesn't happen often. I"m thankful, of course. And yet...

"He's a -convicted felon- !" and/or "he needs to go to the state hospital!" and/or "why ain't he in jail?," and, my personal favorite: "call the law!" good times (note the sarcasm).

So God is Good. truly. My parents are good people and good to me. I'm becoming a more and more decent human being, as I gradually become less me, more Jesus (true of all Christians....). And then...

-sigh- there's people in the community who just...don't hold back, they get vocal. just now, maybe an hour or 2 ago, I ran down to a chain drugstore, one of the 24 hour deals. Over priced and all on food, etc., -unless- one has a customer card and shops the sales....which is what I do, of course. Got about $30 worth of coffee and snacks for $16 dollars, thank you, corporate America. :) but...

so, on my way back to my vehicle, in the parking lot, some lady yelled out..."he's got a felony, his people take care of him cus he has Schizophrenia!," and...and...-ugh- no felony, but yes, I do have a 'severe mental illness,' so I guess being 1/2 right is better than 0 for 2, right?
A dashcam will put a stop to that. Our dashcam halted a lot of stuff. RING doorbell/peepsight stopped even more. Hidden personal camera/mic stopped even more. Still they find a way. Since we moved here, I have received hundreds of scam/spam/stalking switch calls from Texas.
 
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some people who taunt me have yelled out, literally "we will find you wherever you go!," which...OK, wow. --horror movie--

its bullying, its intimidation, its....the real world, isn't it? and they may not even be exaggerating or lying, I see that, now. i dunno. i've been trying to piece together what factors came together to make me a pariah, from a young age, and...


parents: well educated, started working class. moved into a small, southern town with me in tow over 30 years ago (I'm 36). age 8 or so, they had enough re$ources to go from the little old house to a bigger old house (LOL) all of 1 1/2 blocks away. true story. so...

-upward mobility- and I don't think its just the people in that little town, either. I think its people where they both worked (dad's technically there, part time...easing into retirement, thank goodness), I think its church people, I think its...

well, apparently, I was labeled as having "oppositional defiant disorder" at a young age, and I think it was mostly because I started working class, was bright, and gay. doesn't take much to slap pseudoscientific labels on people, now does it? i didn't get along well with my dad, but i wasn't raging at him or openly -defiant- or anything...

so I think anything on the family, parents, psychological end was their overwork from being upwardly mobile, plus my growing anger from being picked on incessantly with no friends, growing up.

blah blah blah...apparently, i was driven out of the dorms at college, age 17, because I was "supposed to be expelled from (high school)." ugh. so, there seems to be a somewhat unusual variation on the "school to prison pipeline" theme, here. and as happens to a lot of upwardly mobile people, my parents had enemies, too...who tried to derail their careers. they both got promotions, raises 12ish years ago, big time...dad's career ended with him pulling in enough for them to be "upper class" (not rich) for this area, so...

yet again: God is Good! people? ugh...people generally leave much to be desired. :-(

raw deal, I guess. lots of people get worse. I'm beginning to think my "mental problems" in years past were really from being bullied, socially isolated, and not knowing how to do much of anything, but then being expected to "play by the rules," even when the rules were never explained to me. how's that for crazy-making?
 
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