me, again. I'll honest: sometimes, it feels...hopeless. better put...sometimes, I feel hopeless. lately, I've been praying for faith, hope, and love.
I was labeled a 'psychopath' when I was so incredibly -physically- sick (in part because of 'treatment,' mind you...shock is hard on the -whole body- ...) that, had Jesus not made intercession on my behalf...
it would have been over. done. buh bye.
its just...seemingly never ending. and yet...God -is- Good, isn't He? At this point, 7 years into my walk with Him...
I'm healthy, I"m smart, I'm normal...I'm not even homely, nor am I a "flamer." if these things were -not the case- ...
-sigh- I'd probably, at best, be in a group home. true story.
it just feels...well, yeah, hopeless, at times. like I"m trapped, mostly by mockers and people who labeled me, drugged me, shocked me, etc...
and also by the people who spread info, tried to get my parents fired from their jobs, etc. etc. etc.
blah. and the attempts at control...its...as if these people just -expect- me to do what they say, -expect me- to "play by the rules," etc...
and I'm just trying to live out a decent, increasingly Christian lifestyle.
blah. oh, and...in other news: I get bullied at the clinic, too. counselors, now and then the receptionist ladies get in on it. "part of treatment," somehow, I assume. anything can be therapeutic...
what to do? i don't see....much. at least I can go home to a nice, modest, comfortable and -safe- place...
no drugs, no drink. my parents are kind to me, and the warmth in our relationship is...growing, Praise God!
but they won't be around indefinitely. no one is around, indefinitely. and...it won't be too, too long before they're -both- retired. based on what dad's told me, they're doing well, financially...they'll be OK, etc., that's not the issue, its...
well, once they're both out of their jobby jobs, I'll have less "pull" to stay out of the misery and torment Mental Health, Inc. (and, it seems, many in my community...) put me thru in years past...
and that they'd repeat, 2x, 3x, given the opportunity.
blah. I pray for God's -perfect will for me- , especially with this situation. Thanks, y'all.