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[__ Prayer __] ...the strength to bear up under it...

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blah. the taunting may never stop. maybe it will, maybe it won't. the world is...fallen, evil...i was just another rebellious, foolish sinner in and of the world and...

i was ripped to shreds, big time. and yet...

God -is- Love. God -is- Good. now?

not so rebellious, not so foolish, daily prayer and uneven growth in Him...

Jesus saves. Know Jesus, Know change.

the taunts get rough. they may never stop. then, i thought about mama...white collar, hi-pressure job ... went thru hell even though (because?) she was good and professional, etc. the rough stuff never stops, does it? everyone deals with a measure of the nastiness of the world, other people, this side of eternity...

even in churches. blah. :-(

so, I pray for His -perfect will- for me...

and I also ask for the strength to bear up under temptation, spiritual warfare, my own sins+sin patterns, etc.

thanks, y'all. :)
 
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Thoughts can be like rushing water through a riverbed. if we keep thinking about sinful things, it begins to form a trough or gully through the soil of our minds. Our thoughts tend to travel along the path of least resistance. It can take time to divert our thoughts to where they no longer travel along a path we had previously allowed. A new trough will develop that is more in line with what our Lord desires for us. We must sincerely want change in our thoughts and behavior. We must ask the Lord to help us in this struggle. We must have a heart for obedience so the mustard seed grows to be the biggest tree in the garden of our minds.
 
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i'm getting better at things. part of it is...a much needed -growing up- process. bullies? yeah, kiddo...they're everywhere. all the time. At 35, I'm finally fairly adult(ish), and...wow. wow. for a lot of reasons (I was awkward, socially isolated, sickly, my parents' social class, etc.), I was delayed, big time, when other kids were growing up...

and yet, I graduated HS early. LOL. probably not the best idea, but the other kids were making me crazy, or so I thought. Anyway...

now, by God's grace, I've been made surprisingly...normal. average height, healthy, smart, bright eyed, adequate (and still developing...) social skills, etc. so, ok... 7 years into my walk with The Lord, I have been transformed into a fairly normal individual.

thing is... I have bullies who just love to...taunt me. It'd be worse if I was still in real poverty, I know that, now. It'd be worse if my parents were still (to quote the townies) "rinky dink middle class, over-educated hippies" and/or if the various attempts at ruining their careers had succeeded. and...

now, I'm in this kind of strange situation.... I'm healthy, etc...I live in modest comfort, no drugs or drink, etc...I'm law abiding and normal...my parents are -not- rich, but they're up enough in status that I'm not in a hospital or jail, not on the sharp end of a needle full of who knows what long acting psychotropic, etc., and...

blah. God -is- Good. God -is- Love. This can be rough, but its far, far better than things from before, and far, far, far better than what could easily be happening, right now. its just...

His work in my life has made my life, my situation, something of an exception that proves the rule, or at least...

goes against 'the way the world works,' etc. so...friction. conflict.

I appreciate the prayers, replies, support, etc. :)
 
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me, again. taunting. again. im getting less afraid. 2 dudes walked by my back patio...taunting...but i could see at least one of them...and that's easier to deal with, than being taunted by people who insist on staying hidden (easy to do here...3 story buildings, etc.).

eyes on Christ...

I pray forgiveness for slacking off, in that regard. I dunno.

it isn't just...that I've been spared and blessed. I mean, that's huge, both of those...

its that I've been forgiven and redeemed. forgiven is the big 1, redeemed in the here and now....I'm thinking runs 2nd, but its still a big big deal. :)

did i mention that i don't think i want to be at the clinic? i dunno.....everything's a disease or disorder, now...

drinking, drugs, fear, anger, avoidance, pain from bad events, rebellion, on and on and on...

when bad things happen at K-12 schools and the local colleges, a team of counselors magically appear. true story. and im thinking...to do what, exactly? not that they are 'bad people' or anything, just...

what's the point? anyone can talk. anyone can listen. and mental health people...

talk jibber jabber, often refuse to listen, and label everything and everyone in their wake. i think...

blah. :-( let your Yes-s mean Yes and your No-s mean No. for someone who was labeled as ridiculously manipulative and blah blah blah...

((not bragging, here...I'm surprised, honestly...)) Jesus has seen fit to make me remarkably...socially skilled, articulate, but straightforward and direct, sometimes...sometimes, I think I need to filter, better+more completely. anyway...

look to Him....not to self. Self. that all consuming creature....

die to self daily. less me, more Jesus, please God.

and the psychobabble, crazy talk jibber jabber? I dunno. I think I might be stuck in the clinic, for now, but...

I guess I can shine a light, even in the murk of pseudoscientific social control that pretends to be 'medicine.' :)
 
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God wills good things to happen for us, sometimes. :)

so, I was getting an oil change today...I called to make the appointment yesterday, so I could be in and out. This nice lady was behind the counter, and I noticed her Christian t-shirt. I just said "I like your shirt," and smiled...she said "do you want to see the back?" and she showed me...

it was a good shirt, design-wise, Scripture...so I go "oh, wow...its like 'Roman's Road,' on a t-shirt, nice!" and she writes down the address for her church's outreach, on Saturday.

no one is good outside of Jesus. In Christ, I've got a lot of Good in me, and I think Christians (hopefully, maybe non-Christians, too...) are starting to see it.

God is Good! :)
 
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im thinking about it...

sadly, i may have lost the address when i cleaned out my car. :-( lame. but, hey...its good to know that people care, you know? :)
 
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ok. having a good time volunteering, parents are doing quite well, and...

-eek- the taunting was intense, as early as 5ish this morning. ugh. i think...

its not me, its them. lol. i do suspect an element of spiritual warfare. God is Good, and He's seen fit to be extra-merciful towards my parents+me, so...

there you go. blah.
 

Tessa

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Great that you're enjoying the volunteer job..
Wish the taunting would stop. You deal with it well.
 
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me, yet again.

taunts, blah blah blah. got a note on my windshield. i -always- stay within the white lines for the parking spot, right? yeah, well...no name, no contact info, no unit #, just a politely nasty note about me 'parking crooked,' and they'll go to the home owner's association if i don't park straight. true story.

i think its...more about bullying and control. "mental patients" 'round these parts...maybe most of of the US....maybe most modern societies?....don't generally live in modest, but nice, safe places, etc. so...---i think--- its about stigma and control. my older, wiser Pentecostal friend said its jealous, which '...is from the pits of hell.' i think she's part right, i just...think its also a touch of 'how the world works,' etc. blah.

just go thru a more meaningful (read: out with those vain, feel good, did my prayers, go thru the motions stuff) prayer, and...

less me, more Jesus. Eyes fixed on Christ...

I'll get thru this. :)
 

Shekinahglory

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Hi, sorry to hear of your battlefield that sounds rough. It is scary sad when we consider the Lord says what is done to us is done to Him. When my times come I try to recall Joseph speaking to his brothers that they meant it for evil but God means it for good. I also read the Book of Job especially the latter portion where The Lord answer the question why bad things happen with a revelation of Himself unmatched in Scripture. I try to be still and know He is God.

i would like to offer a Short prayer for you and all who suffer spiritual attacks. Thank you.

Lord once again I come before the Holy One of everything seen and unseen. Your goodness is beyond our ability to describe you. I know you humble yourself even to hear our prayers but you are faithful and possessor of an incomparable Love. You are Lord of lord’s and King of kings who we are told can even make our enemies be at peace with your sheep. If it is your will for me bring peace to the situation. If your Will is for this to be an endurance Lord I am weak. I need your strength, your wisdom, your peace and most of all I need you. Amen
 

wondering

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excellent prayer. :)
Hi CE,
Yes, Shekinahglory 's prayer was very well worded at such a time for you,,,and really, for all of us.

We all experience the cares of this world:
health, emotional, normal everyday problems.

I also like what daninthelionsden posted in no. 2.

I always find your posts so encouraging,,,and also the replies you get.
May God bless us all with His strength...
Psalm 46:1-3
Psalm 121:1-2
 
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me, yet again. :)

im starting to wonder if...

-sigh- I've been shifting my gaze to other things, people, etc...not enough to Christ.

its also worth noting...my life was worse than wasted, worse than over, when I did get saved, 7 years ago. Not to sound too, too hard on myself...I had 'stuff' going on, everyone does, its just...

?? 'for all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.'


I needed miracles. Above anything and anyone else, I needed Jesus.

blah. i do have a point, I think. I'm caffeinated, its very cold outside, and I'm somehow up at 5.35. deal is...

i -was- , sadly enough, a wretch. :-(

that's the big thing...unrepentant, sinner and wretch. thankfully...God had massive mercy, I somehow got truly saved 7 years ago, and now...


ongoing repentance, work in progress....

and truth is...

Jesus is merciful, loving, and kind. the world...

not so much. especially if you're low status. and I am, sadly...low status, in the world. "Schizophrenic, his people take care of him" is about the best I can get, and that's on a good day.

on the plus side...I tested + for HIV+ nearly 15 years ago...no Rx treatment, at all. none offered, I didn't pursue it (couldn't, really, but...whatever...). balding, largely from scarred follicles (read: normal hair loss is difficult to treat, scarred follicles are usually a permanent thing...no regrowth...). 5'7, which...men come in all sizes, whatever...but I was short and had a high pitched voice and the balding and the premature aging and the lowered IQ from shock 'treatments' and the HIV+...

all this, before 21 years old. blah. now, I'm 35...healthy, 5'10, widows peak but no real balding (hair is quite thick, actually), normal voice, not sickly and effeminate and...

blah. it does appear that Jesus has seen fit to ... heal? restore? anyway, redeem and recreate me, in Christ...

honestly, what can I expect from the world, especially my hometown community? I guess if a rich and/or famous person was made normal and healthy, the media would have a (probably short lived) field day over it, before moving on to...whatever came next, per usual.

but a small town 'loser' turned 'weakling' who 'got religion' and then 7 years later ends up...normal and healthy and smart and bright eyed and...and...

yeah, I just might need to focus more on Him, less on people.

'fear of man shall prove to be a snare'

thanks, y'all. :)
 

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