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[__ Prayer __] un-fun dinner

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ugh. me, yet again. over dinner, dad mentioned me helping him with a project he's doing. i mentioned that i hear people talking about me in the yard, and i mentioned the time someone out back yelled "LOSER!" at me, while we were working together. --That-- did not go well. He didn't say anything, but when I called a bit after dinner, it clicked off before voicemail. same thing when I called mama's number.

blah. my dad -still- seems to think I"m just...lazy. I hear voices! And that's on a full dose "atypical antipsychotic" ! I don't know what to do about it. I take the one thing I can tolerate, the Abilify (no, this is not a commercial--avoid antipsychotics if you don't need them and if you do need 1, ask a good doctor to help you pick one...it may very well -not- be Abilify...), and...yeah. yeah.

I"m hoping tomorrow will be a better day for all 3 of us. My parents take -excellent- care of me, even though I was...an unrepentant, weakling+wretch until Jesus saved (is saving, will save) me, starting 6 years ago. so, this is rough. dad's cousin had Schizophrenia, and she was sent to the state hospital back in the day for a while...blah. I think he sees that I'm smart, that I'm healthy, and he's all...well, WORK! and I'm all...where? doing...what? with what kind of assistance, please? and he sees that as pathetic or maybe he thinks its my fault or ....yeah, I dunno. I don't live in his brain, so I"m not going to pretend as if I -know- what he's thinking. and yet...

---rough-- rough, I'm telling you, rough. Please pray for all 3 of us. Thanks. :)
 
me, again. I appreciate the support and prayers and replies.


i think i wanna find a way to transition out of the clinic. horrible misadventures and antipsychiatry theory aside, its just...no. no. no. a quick look around the clinic shows that they're -not- building model citizens, far from it. and, honestly, it wasn't just psych drugs that helped pave the road to a personal hell for me, in years past...

it was the talking 'treatments,' too. condemn you or condemn the family or encourage a really, really unhealthy, sinful self-focus, and...yeah. or, now at this public/community mental health clinic, its more like..."meds. are you on your meds? did the doctor adjust your meds? do you need more meds? are the meds working?," blah blah blah.

i dont think it did anything helpful, until -after- I got genuinely saved...and then it only 'helped' because God saw fit to show some mercy and make good of it, for my family and for me. otherwise...i would still be another psychiatric casualty.

i do hear that stuff. one could ask...why not toughen up and deal? real, not real...just deal...

well, here's the thing: its rough. and nobody wants to be picked on, especially as an adult, especially in their own home of their family's home, etc. etc. etc. and when it happened--like when i was out doing work in the yard with my dad, in years past--it was incessant, non-stop, and once or twice, even my dad heard it...because they were so ridiculously brazen, they yelled out "LOSER!" and even my dad stopped for a minute and looked upset.

ugh. it seems that mean people are kind of...a dime a dozen, in and of the world. it is what it is, basically. these mean spirited individuals may be fueled by: social class issues, mental illness stigma, homophobia, anti-Christian stuff, or...they could just be bored, angry, and frustrated. i don't know.

its a lot easier to 1 ear, out the other at my -own- place, because they have to shut it eventually (HOA rules about noise, etc.) and because...well...I really like my place :) LOL.

ok. rambled quite a bit. i think i want out of mental health, inc. not going to dig deep into antipsychiatry again, just...never been good for me, and they're all pretty much the same, basically...some bad, some OK, lots of controlling, mediocre people...

and i dont much see the point, now that I have a 'heart of flesh, not of stone' and a 'spirit of a -sound mind-' from God Himself, in and thru and because of Christ.

thanks, y'all. :)
 
Try .or to think of them. (I know easily said hard to do.) It's not worth you dweling on it.
You're on a special journey with a special saviour and you are making a good job of it
Praying things will get better for you CE
 
yeah, turns out...dad was miffed at my mom, not so much at me...plus, he's still working, and that's sometimes stressful. :)

thanks, tessa. im blessed beond measure. they're wonderful parents, good people...i just wish i could go back in time, and -not- get caught up in drugs, sodomy, psychiatric jibber jabber...but oh well. God has been quite kind to all 3 of us, and I'm increasingly thankful.

ok. thanks. :)
 
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