Christian Forums

This is a sample guest message. Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!

  • Focus on the Family

    Strengthening families through biblical principles.

    Focus on the Family addresses the use of biblical principles in parenting and marriage to strengthen the family.

  • Guest, Join Papa Zoom today for some uplifting biblical encouragement! --> Daily Verses
  • The Gospel of Jesus Christ

    Heard of "The Gospel"? Want to know more?

    There is salvation in no other, for there is not another name under heaven having been given among men, by which it behooves us to be saved."

What Children Really Want from their Parents

2024 Website Hosting Fees

Total amount
$905.00
Goal
$1,038.00

Susannah

Susannah
Member
Children want a lot of things, but what they want most is for their parents to be happy. It makes them feel safe and secure. Unhappy parents frighten children. Young children do not have a fully developed sense of self. So they tend to feel what their parents feel. If their parents are angry or sad, they feel the same way. Sometimes the children blame themselves for their parents' unhappiness and conclude that it is their fault. I call this: "Mom sad; me bad." This can occur through eye contact and role modeling. Low self-esteem and shame are also a problem. It is like a virus, and your children can catch this virus from you.

So work on whatever is bothering you. Turn to the Lord for help and guidance. Do whatever you have to do to change and become a Christ-centered and joyful parent. You do not have to do this forever, although it would be great if you do. At some point, the children will be able to separate their own sense of security and self-worth from that of their parents. But not when they are young.

My Son's Prayer
1982​

When I had been sober for awhile, I was talking to my thirteen-year old son about my new found love of God. He nodded his head as I was talking, and for some reason I felt compelled to ask him if he believed in God. He replied, “Sure.”

I was a little surprised because he had never mentioned this to me before. I was very curious and pursued the matter. I asked him when he had started believing in God. He replied nonchalantly, “About a year ago.”

“What brought on this newfound faith?” I inquired. At this point, he hesitated. He didn’t want to talk about it anymore. I pressured him a little, because I really wanted to know. “How did it happen?” I said softly.

He looked at me a minute, trying to read my face. Finally, he shrugged and said, “Well, I asked him for something and he gave it to me. I guess I’ve believed in him ever since.” I was really on the edge of my chair now. I asked him what he had requested of God. He balked at this question and whined, “It’s personal, mom.”

I told him that I didn’t want to invade his privacy, and I certainly wouldn’t force him to tell me about it, but I really wanted to know. After another hesitation, he finally said. “Well, mom, about a year ago you were drunk and screaming at sis and me and then you sat down on the floor and started crying. You were rocking back and forth, and it really scared me. I didn’t know what to do, so I went into my room and I asked God to please help you.

Right after that. you got into AA and went to church, and really started to change. I guess I have believed in God ever since. He gave me what I asked for.”

I couldn’t say anything, but I hugged my son as the tears ran down my face. Miracles really do happen and in his own way my son had experienced a spiritual awakening. I have had many special moments since turning my will and my life over to the care of God, but that conversation with my son was one of the best.
 
Last edited:
il_fullxfull.84708072.jpg
 
Children want their parents, both of them to be there for them.

When I was courting my wife, she was working as a live in nanny for a single mother with two small children.
They need there mother who preferred to pay for them to do things, riding lessons, swimming lessons etc etc where she sat on the side lines and watched.
They got there time with mum by...
The little pre school girl would go to bed, but would wake after two hours and go see Mum.
The school aged boy would wake extra early and go see Mum.
All they wanted was for mum to sit down with them and talk, listen to them, play games, go for walks etc etc.
How damaged those children were can be seen in that after two weeks the boy was asking the only male figure in his life for cuddles, that was me.
 
This makes me cry. This is the kind of parent I was when my children were young. I didn't feel up to the task of being a mother so I only took care of their physical needs. I was a single parent so I was the head of household, but that is no excuse. But whenever they needed a hug or emotional support I was distracted. I would be talking to someone and my son would come up and pat me on the knee desperately trying to get my attention and I would just ignore him. I would do anything now to get those years back. Just to stop everything I'm doing give my children more attention. Taking care of their physical needs and lecturing them has its place. But what they really want is attention. Even more than love which you can do from a distance. Believe it or not they actually want you to make eye contact with them. Because when you are interested in them they take an interest in themselves. When a child is young his self esteem is dependent on how you feel about him. And we need self-esteem to grow and change and be successful. I got my self-esteem from God. I hated myself for years. Then the Holy Spirit loved me and I was able to love myself. I was actually told by the Holy Spitit that I was lovable and needed to get out there and help spread the word about Christ and Recovery. So here I am . . .
 
One more thought. Did you give them the cuddles/attention that they needed? God loves us so much he sometimes replaces parents who aren't available with people who care. Teachers. Nanny's. Anybody who comes in contact with the child can give them attention. This is what I do. I stop in the grocery store and talk to the children of the parents who are on their cell phones. Children are starving for attention these days. This is how I make amends to my children. Making amends to others in the name of people is called living amends. Attention from others is not as good as attention from your primary caretakers or your parents. But it's better than nothing. I'll never forget my fifth grade school teacher. She took me under her wing and gave me a safe haven. Away from the bullies. There have been other mentors in my life over the years. And I know they were all sent to me by God even before I acknowledged God. This is how much he loves us. Despite the evil going on in the world God will always be there to take the sting out of hard times. Thank you for your post. ❤
 
When i was a child the most important thing i wanted was what i desire from God, supportive and loving parents. Its a shame that doesnt happen much these days.
 
Back
Top