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You might be an__________ if...


Nov 30, 2004
Back in March, I wrote this up and I thought I'd bring it back as it didn't seem to take off then.

I thought it would be fun to 'poke fun' at the idiosyncracies of your own faith in the vein of 'you might be a redneck if...' If you can't laugh at your church, who can you laugh at?

You can make comments based on be 'little quirks' your denomination is known for, 'misconceptions' that people have about your faith, something merely limited to the 'fringe' members of your faith, or something that might be old school that applied to your grandparents but not to you today.

Have fun and raise a laugh or two!

So here is mine. I borrowed only two. The rest are my own creation. Enjoy!

]You might be a Seventh Day Adventist if...

- There is no decision that was ever made in your church that wasn’t decided by a committee first.

- You’ve ever worn hip waders into the lake on Sabbath so you know how far to go before it becomes swimming.

- You won’t eat meat due to the health message but you scarf down every dessert you see at potluck.

- You haven’t been so happy since Oreos changed from lard to vegetable shortening.

- You’ve ever bought a $60,000 Lexus but wouldn’t even think of wearing a pair of $20 earrings.

- You’ve ever watched an R-rated film at home but wouldn’t be caught dead in a movie theatre watching a G-rated film.

- You heard “Uncle Arthur†so many times growing up, you began to think he was one of those absentee relatives you never saw.

- There is no money for groceries because it all went to the dozens of fund raising events for the local church school.

- You have ever been tempted to stop the nearest lady wearing pearls on the street and lecture her on the temperance message.

- The phrase “Travel, and see the world†means, “When’s the next mission trip?â€Â

- The term ‘dysfunctional family’ does not apply to your immediate relatives but to the last annual constitutency meeting.

- The amount of committees in your church out number the congegration.

- You find a root canal less painful then the monthly board meetings.

- Your experience at a small church was similar to “An Evening at the Improvâ€Â.

- You can’t get through the “Pledge of Allegiance†without it turning into the “Pathfinder Pledge†by the end.

- You believe 7:00 really means 7:30.

- You never thought your faith had so much in common with another group until you looked at the Amish.

- You’ve ever been put on ‘social holiday’ in your 4th year at an Adventist college for kissing your significant other.

- You waited for a sign of displeasure from God when a Bible version other than the King James was read in church.

- You’ve ever looked for the angels standing outside the movie theatre when you leave.

- The concept of “segregation†has never been associated in your mind with racial issues but separating between guys and the girls at Adventist college social functions.

- You’ve ever spiritually “felt†your name being erased out of the book of life, then written in, then erased out, then written in, then...

- Your church friends across the country found out about you getting accepted at your new job before you did.

- Almost every little dcision you’ve ever made has been based on ‘What does Ellen White say about it?â€Â

- Married couples only make whoopee laying down because if they did it standing up, well, that could lead to dancing and that would be a sin...