Toxic guilt is the unreasonable guilt we feel for things that are beyond our control. Where does it come from? It is usually the legacy of a traumatic childhood. Because of what psychologists call self-referencing, children blame themselves when something goes wrong in their home. There is no logic to this, it is just a fact. Children with undeveloped egos see themselves as the center of the universe and take responsibility for everything. They think, “If mother is angry, then it is my fault. I am a bad person.” This leads to feelings of shame and toxic guilt.
This phase of childhood development has a lasting impact on our adult lives. The feelings of guilt lives on in our unconscious mind and floats to the surface now and then when we least expect them. This gets in the way of being a better Christian because it weighs us down. Like depression and shame, toxic guilt saps our energy and keeps us in survival mode. We have to spend all of our time fighting off the feelings of shame and guilt, and as a result there is no time or desire to serve God.
When I feel guilty for no reason, it is toxic guilt. It is a stumbling block to living a holy life.. Once, I wanted to join a charity to help the poor but I felt I was not good enough.
Toxic guilt might even be Satan trying to discourage us. Who knows. I just know it usually stems from hyper-critical parents or religious leaders. Catholics use guilt to control people and frighten them into being good. We are good because we love Christ not because we fear him. At least this is my opinion.
I still have toxic guilt. I feel as if I was an inadequate mother which I wasn’t. A lot of my toxic guilt comes from my perfectionism and all-or-nothing thinking. The thinking process goes like this. I am either good or bad. I’m not good because I’m not for perfect, so I must be bad. Therefore, I carry around toxic guilt and Satan feeds on it. That’s why I love the expression “I’m a work in progress.” No one is perfect except for God. And I’m not him.
To counteract toxic guilt, we must use positive reinforcement. We must counter the free-floating feelings of guilt with an awareness of the truth that we are not to blame and then keep reminding ourselves of this truth with constant self-talk until the guilt recedes. Most of all, we must not act on this toxic guilt. For instance, codependents live lives of quiet desperation trying to get rid of this toxic guilt by taking care of people in unhealthy ways. They must stop doing this and erase the toxic guilt to the best of their ability in other positive ways.
From the Christian Forum . . . “I was raised Catholic. I used to go to confession and I would feel better for a bit and then the guilt would be back. I kind of have this underlying feeling of never doing or being good enough.”
This is an example of toxic guilt. Self-acceptance is the answer to my toxic guilt. I take my cue from God. I am lovable despite all my shortcomings. Pray for this truth to seep into your unconscious. This is where the toxic guilt hides.
One more thing . . . I just want to make sure that everybody understands that toxic guilt from Satan and needs to be released to God so he can remind us that we are his children and that we are loved. But God created normal guilt for a reason. It prompts us to make amends to the people we have hurt. It keeps us on the straight and narrow. So I embrace my guilt about my sins and how I treat other people sometimes. But then I give it to God. I do not let it fester and turn into toxic guilt.