Devotionals

January 25, 2020 by Susannah

Forgiveness

Non-Christians struggle with the idea of forgiveness, but for us it is mandatory. Still, we are only human so I have some advice about forgiveness.

Forgiveness is “letting go of resentment.” This does not mean you have to like the person who hurt you or continue to let that person persecute you. Actually, you don’t even have to be around people who hurt you if you don’t want to.

For years, I attended a church where another member absolutely hated me. I loved to talk about my involvement in 12-step programs and she was so narrow-minded that she spoke up against me. “I am tired of hearing about those steps,” she used to say. One day, she berated me at a committee meeting and I quietly left. I went home and wrote a letter to the pastor tending my resignation on the committee. I ended the letter with the lines, “You know, Christ asks us to love our neighbors and our enemies alike, but some people you just have to love from a distance.”

Forgiveness is not a constant state. It ebbs and flows like the tide. Sometimes you feel at peace with regard to those who hurt you, and other times you feel the anger all over again. But this doesn’t mean you have not progressed. I’ve found that, as long as I ask God for the strength to release my resentment, or announce that I am going to “turn it over to God,” the anger comes less and less often.

Differentiate between anger and resentment. We all get angry from time to time. But when we purposely revisit our anger and let it linger we are talking about resentment. It is the resentment that is the worse offender.

Please note, despite my own personal feelings about the value of forgiveness as a therapeutic and healing device, and the right moral choice for me, I feel strongly that it is a very personal choice and that no one should be told to forgive when they’re not ready. They shouldn’t be shamed by others, and they should not shame themselves. They should just push themselves gently in the right direction toward forgiveness.

How Has Forgiveness Changed My Life?

Years ago, I wrote my mother a letter offering her my forgiveness. When she received the letter she cried (since I had asked her not to call me, my sister phoned to tell me). It was almost six months later that my mother went into the hospital for emergency surgery. As I sat by her bed in the recovery room she reached out and took my hand. Tears started streaming down her face and she said, “Susie, you will never know how much your letter meant to me. I love you so much.” I started crying too and we just sat there in silence the wounds healing and the peace settling into our hearts.

This was the beginning of my life-long attempt to let go of the past and forgive all the people who had harmed me. After mom, everyone else was a piece of cake. Interestingly enough, after forgiving my mom for her shortcomings, I also found it easier to forgive myself for the mistakes I had made with my own children . . .

This is another article about the process of forgiveness http://brightertomorrow.net/ForgivenessProcess.pdf

January 18, 2020 by Susannah

Politically Correct: A Slippery Slope

When I started working at the University of California as a secretary, the Christmas holiday motif was pretty much intact. Toward the end of December there were Christmas trees in the hall and an annual “Christmas Party.” The party included a professor dressed up as Santa Claus and Christian hymns, a.k.a Christmas carols. We also exchanged gifts. It was great!

Then one year, Christmas started to change. A memo went around just before the holiday season banning Christmas trees in the hall. A year later, the Christmas party became a holiday luncheon. Santa was not there and neither was the music I loved so much.

The year after that the holiday part of the party disappeared altogether and I was invited to join the staff at an End-of-the-Semester gathering at a Chinese restaurant. The pot stickers were great, but when I asked the coordinator if I could bring some bright red poinsettias as decorations she said, “That would remind people of Christmas and this is not a Christmas party.” That is when it hit me. Celebrating Christmas at work was not going to happen anymore. It was no longer politically correct.

My first reaction to all this was to get indignant. “Why shut out Christmas,” I said, “Can’t we just include the other religions as well. We’ll just make it a Chanukah/Christmas party.” This idea was rejected and after pouting for awhile I let the whole thing drop.

Soon after the Christmas party was banished, I began becoming self-conscious about being a Christian. I took all the Christian symbols off of my bulletin board. Down came the fish engraved with the words, “I love Jesus,” and the card that read, “Jesus loves me, this I know.” Then I discreetly hid my Bible away in a file drawer—out of site. Next, I stopped mentioning my faith when talking to people. When someone asked me what I had done the weekend before, I did not mention that I had spent part of my time at church or that I had participated in a church function.

Eventually, my vocabulary changed and the Sabbath became Saturday so no one would ask me what I meant by the “Sabbath.” This kind of avoidance got worse over the years and before I knew it I had become a closet Christian—all in the name of not wanting to offend anyone at work who was of another religion or had no faith at all.

If this was the end of the story you might say: “No harm done. After all, I was just being sensitive to the feelings of others.” But I must confess, it got worse. One day, I was having a conversation with one of the Jewish professors and somehow the subject turned to religion. Then, to my surprise, I heard myself referring to Christianity in the abstract as if it had nothing to do with me. “Christianity is an interesting religion,” I said, “but who knows if they are right about Christ being the messiah. Perhaps he was just a teacher.”

I was immediately aware of what I had just said. The blood drained from my face and I quickly excused myself. As I walked away, I began rattling off rationalizations for why I had denied my faith. “I was just trying to avoid offending him,” I told myself. “This is a place of business. My faith has no place here.” But praise the Lord, I didn’t believe a word I was saying to myself and as I walked back to my office I felt a great sadness fall over me.

Back at my desk, I opened my filing cabinet and found the Bible I had tucked away under a pile of papers. I quickly opened it to the story of Peter denying Christ. As I read the words I got even sadder. Finally the story ended: “And immediately the cock crowed. And Peter remembered the saying of Jesus, ‘Before the cock crows, you will deny me three times.’ And he went out and wept bitterly. (Matthew 26:75 RSV) I quietly closed the Bible and laid it on my desk as my own tears began to stream down my face.

As I thought about it later, I came to the realization that I had gone from being discreet about my faith at work to being self-conscious and then, finally, ashamed. I had also become too dependent on the validation of sponsored events like Christmas parties and a day off from work on Good Friday to give me permission to speak about my faith and announce who I was and what I believed. Finally, I realized I had a serious problem with “people pleasing” and wanting to fit it.

This was a turning point for me, and I knew I had to do something. I began by praying. I asked God what I should do to be true to my Christian faith at work. The answer came back in the form of a deep-seated desire to find the middle ground between tolling the bell and being invisible. And what does this mean in practical terms?

It means being willing to talk about my faith whether I am with other Christians or alone in the proverbial lion’s den. It means taking my faith out from under the bushel and putting that fish back on my bulletin board—and a Christian screen saver on my computer for added measure. It means sprinkling my vocabulary with Christian words like faith, Christ, Lord, Sabbath, charity, church, vespers—words that might invite someone to ask me about my beliefs. It means inviting people to my church when I sense they are hungry for the love of the Lord.

It means giving up the need to blend in if I have to give up being me to do so. It means having my own little Christmas party at my desk even if my supervisor won’t let me have a tree.

Matthew 26:75 (LEB)

And Peter remembered the statement Jesus had said, “Before the rooster crows, you will deny me three times,” and he went outside andHere “and” is supplied because the previous participle (“went”) has been translated as a finite verb wept bitterly.75And Peter remembered the statement Jesus had said, “Before the rooster crows, you will deny me three times,” and he went outside andHere “and” is supplied because the previous participle (“went”) has been translated as a finite verb wept bitterly.

January 18, 2020 by Susannah

After the Baptism

“Do not conform yourselves to the standards of this world, but let God transform you inwardly by a complete change of your mind. Then you will be able to know the will of God.” Romans 12:2 TEV

We are not born Christians, we become Christians. We make a conscious decision to follow Christ and then slowly we become Christ-like. We begin our journey with remorse, for it is only when we become fully aware of our unworthiness and history of sin that are we ready to emulate Christ. To ease our remorse, we confess our sins and then wash them away at our Baptism.

So what happens after the Baptism? The celebration is over. We are now clean. We are now committed. What happens next? Well, in the simplest of terms we must now CHANGE. We must do things differently. We must think differently, communicate differently, love differently. This is how we become Christians.

Changing ourselves is a slow process. As they like to say in 12-Step programs, it is “spiritual progress, rather than spiritual perfection.”

Our best friend on the journey of change is the Holy Spirit. When Christ left he sent the Holy Spirit just for this purpose. He is often referred to as the Counselor (John 16: 7 RSV) because he whispers in our ear at just the right moment . He tells us through feelings and intuition what to say, what to do, or how to feel—even if we don’t want to say, do or feel the way he wants us to. If our Love of Christ kicks in at this moment, we find the courage and strength to do as we are told and through this process we change.

The Bible gives us a list of things we must change about ourselves, with the help of the Holy Spirit. I could list all of these changes right now, but figuring them all out is part of your journey. As you study the Bible, attend church, and listen to the right people you will learn what has to be changed. I much prefer, at this time, to give you some advice about the process of changing—the steps you must take and the obstacles you must overcome.

Willingness: All change begins with willingness which is a gift from the Holy Spirit. The willingness to follow Christ is usually God’s gift to you when you surrender—a wedding present you might say. However, the willingness to become a Christian through a lifetime of obedience does not always materialize so quickly. If you have the willingness to begin your journey, but lack the willingness to stay on the path when the going gets rough, pray for it.

Stay focused on yourself: You are the one that needs to change, not other people. Don’t distract yourself by focusing on what needs to change around you. Look within and change any thoughts, behavior and values that are not in alignment with God’s will for you.

Stumbling blocks: Watch out for denial, defense mechanisms, perfectionism, rigidity, fear, stubbornness, depression, bonding to old habits, and your love of familiarity. All of these things inhibit change. Challenge each one of these stumbling blocks. Whittle away at them. Pray for God’s help and then act as if they were not even there. For instance, if fear is your stumbling block, then pray and act “as if” the fear was not there.

Be ready to suffer: Some changes are painful. Accept this and be stoic. How does the pain manifest itself? Usually through anxiety or depression. Anxiety can make you nauseous and light headed. Depression takes away your will to live. These things usually occur when you are backed in a corner and need to change before you are ready. I felt this way when I had to end an abusive marriage. My point is this: Physical pain can accompany our fear of change. When this happens think about Christ on the cross. If he could suffer for us, we can suffer for him.

Positive thinking: I truly believe that if you change your mind, you change your life. So always strive to turn negative thinking into positive thoughts. This is an effort for many of us, but not impossible. Embrace the clichés. There is a silver lining to every cloud. There is a “bright side” to everything. We just have to look for it. (For Biblical affirmations read the Bible. They abound between the pages of the Good News.)

Gratitude: Gratititude is not a feeling, it is a way of looking at things that leads to a feeling of appreciation. We cannot change unless we are grateful. Gratitude dissipates resentment, self-pity, and sadness. When something goes wrong in your life, make a gratitude list. Write down (and ruminate on) all the things you are grateful for—no matter how small.

Moral inventory: Make a list of the most important changes that you have to make. You can stick the list on the refrigerator or hide it in the drawer. God does not care. Just remember to look at it once in awhile and check off a change or two before you get too much older. The list will help you stay focused. It will keep you from forgetting, which is a natural occurrence when you are trying to avoid something painful.

Confession: Be honest with yourself and the Lord about your weaknesses. Then get honest with another person. Tell someone what needs to be changed about yourself. Confession is good for the soul, but it is also the beginning of change.

Bible Study: Everything you need to know about how to become a Christian is in the Bible. Read it. Study it. Share it. (If you are a new Christian you will have questions and be troubled about some Biblical passages. If you go to a group led by your pastor, all your concerns can be set aside and your path will be clear.)

Healing the wounds of your past: Some people have been wounded by the past. They will not be able to change without the guidance of a counselor. Don’t be afraid of this. God created the science of psychology just as he created the great surgeons who heal our bodies.

Building self-esteem: If you lack self-esteem, change will be hard. Open yourself up to the love of Christ. You are like a withered plant if you lack self-confidence. Let Christ’s light shine upon you and grow toward that light. Let his living water bring you back to life. (For more about building self-esteem see my article “It Is Not a Sin to Love Yourself.”

Treating depression: Many people suffer a chemical imbalance that needs treatment. When the pain of clinical depression is eased, then change will come more easily. Do this in concert with qualified professionals (your pastor and your doctor), and always get a second opinion.

Forgiving others: Anger and resentment arrest change. You must forgive others and yourself if you are to change. Forgiveness is not optional, but it is all right to take your time. We are human and if we have been terribly wounded, then the wound must heal. Just never let the goal of forgiveness get out of sight. Always work toward that release. It pleases God if you keep trying no matter how long it takes.

Helping others: Helping others changes us. Altruism builds self-esteem. Charity brings us closer to the Lord. We all live by grace and what the Lord does for us we must do for others. In other words, to keep it we must give it away.

Progress: The Bible may ask us to be perfect, but I interpret that to mean that we “become” perfect as we grow in the Lord. This implies that it is a process, one which (in my opinion) takes a lifetime. For goal-oriented people this may be discouraging. They want to arrive, to be finished, to take a break. Unfortunately, in my opinion, this cannot happen on our journey toward perfection. No matter how much we move forward, there is always more work to do. Therefore, in this life we must settle for progress or what I call living in the shadow of perfection. Let this be enough. Make peace with this if you are a perfectionist. After all, as long as we are imperfect we need the Lord at our side, and he is wonderful company.

In closing, I would like to acknowledge that change is hard work. But we cannot serve the Lord unless be become better servants. I hope your journey is both successful and worth all the effort. I know mine has been. I am not the person I was. I am not the person I am going to be. I am growing and changing everyday and nothing makes me happier because I know this is what the Lord wants me to do.

John 16 (LEB)

Persecution of Disciples Predicted“I have said these things to you so that you will not fall away.Persecution of Disciples Predicted“I have said these things to you so that you will not fall away.

Romans 12:2 (LEB)

And do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, so that you may approve what is the good and well-pleasing and perfect will of God.2And do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, so that you may approve what is the good and well-pleasing and perfect will of God.

January 17, 2020 by Susannah

Dating with a Purpose

“With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” Ephesians 4:2-3:

Part of being a Christian is to grow in faith. This will not happen if you date just for the sake of having fun. Dating should lead to courtship and marriage. This is dating with a purpose.

These days single people have dating down to a science. They know where to meet people. They have an excellent online profile that says nothing about what they really want, but is guaranteed to get someone’s attention. They have the clothes they need to impress their date, and they are excellent conversationalists.

What they do not have is an understanding of how to get what they really want. They think impressing someone is enough. They want someone handsome or beautiful in their life to compensate for their own low self-esteem. They glide from one date to another hoping something magical will happen. In other words, they are not dating with the idea to find a partner who can help them grow in their faith.

The most important thing about dating is that one make a concerted effort to find out if there is enough compatibility to sustain a healthy relationship which includes romantic love, excitement, getting along, and a future together. In other words, dating with a purpose is like interviewing someone for the most important role in his or her life as your partner.

This is not always easy. It takes effort, patience, self-discipline and the wisdom of others who have gone through this process themselves and been successful.

Since selecting the right partner is one of the most important things we do in life, I have created a list of things one should look for in a relationship. You can use this as a guide.

1. Honesty that engenders trust;

2. Shared faith;

3. The ability to negotiate or compromise;

4. Self-awareness;

5. Self-esteem;

6. Communication skills;

7. Sexual compatibility;

8. There should be a recognition of the fact that each person had a different childhood experience;

9. Similar (but not necessarily identical) values: This includes such issues as money, monogamy, and parenting;

10. Patience and tolerance;

11. It is important to accept the fact that there will be days when the relationship seems very ordinary or even boring;

12. The willingness to substitute influencing for controlling: Saying something once and then letting it go. Being a role-model instead of nagging someone to change.;

13. Healthy boundaries;

14. Devotion;

15. Quality time together;

16. Knowing when to stay and when to leave;

17. It is also important to have compatibility and “ease” in a relationship: At the same time, it must be understood that no relationship is perfect;

18. The willingness to face your problems (without over-reacting);

19. Reciprocity (give and take);

21. Realistic expectations. After the honeymoon, relationships are not a romantic fantasy;

22. Readiness for a relationship (both partners).

I believe we cannot just start dating and hope that everything will fall in to place. I think we need to be honest from the beginning about what we are looking for and move on if we are not happy.

Ephesians 4:2-3 (LEB)

with all humility and gentleness, with patience, putting up with one another in love,2with all humility and gentleness, with patience, putting up with one another in love,3being eager to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace;3being eager to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace;

January 14, 2020 by Susannah

Amazing Shame

“For the Scripture says, “Everyone who believes in him will not be put to shame. Romans 10:11

I had a dream about shame a few weeks ago. In this dream I was desperately looking for a place to take a shower. I looked everywhere, but I couldn’t find anything suitable. Finally, I woke up disappointed and feeling a little dirty, so I took a nice warm bath.

That same day, at church, the minister stood up in front of the congregation and practically bellowed, “Have you ever been really dirty and desperate for a shower? . . . And when you find one, doesn’t it feel great to be clean again after being so dirty.” “Well, yes,” I said to myself, “as a matter of fact, just last night. . . .”

The minister went on to talk about the experience of Christ washing away our sins—one of the basic tenets of Christianity. I, of course, had heard this before and began ruminating on the idea of sin and redemption. This led quickly to thoughts about shame, which is bound to sin by virtue of cause and effect.

Within the Christian context, the relationship between sin and shame can be very confusing. On one hand, we are told that Christ died for our sins; therefore, we can relinquish our shame once we repent. But then, some denominations try to shame us into becoming virtuous people. They quote the passage about being perfect. “Therefore you are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect”. Matthew 5:48. I was also told once by a pastor that even though I was forgiven I should still be ashamed of myself. So which is it? Are we to be ashamed or not?

Before I could sort this out, the congregation started singing “Amazing Grace.” As I listened to the second stanza, “Twas grace that taught my heart to fear and grace my fear relieved,” suddenly it all made sense. Substitute the word “shame” for the word “fear” and you have: “Twas grace that taught my heart to shame and grace my shame relieved.” Shame, it seems is not all bad. Without shame, I cannot see my sin, and with Christ I am relieved of shame’s burden.

This makes even more sense if you understand the difference between “healthy” shame and “toxic” shame. John Bradshaw, who once studied to be a Jesuit priest, points this out in his book “Healing the Shame that Binds You.” He elaborates on the difference between the kind of shame that is corrosive and destructive (shame that leads to depression, anxiety, and apathy) and the kind of shame that engenders modesty, humility, morality, and self-control.

Christ himself made good use of this pairing of healthy and toxic shame. He shamed the stone throwers by telling them, “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her” (John 8:7 RSV). Then he relieved the adulteress of her shame by saying, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you? She said, ’No one, Lord.’ And Jesus said, Neither do I condemn [shame] you” (vs. 10). But then Christ offered the woman healthy shame as an incentive to live a virtuous life when he added at the end of his eloquent speech, “Go and do not sin again” (vs. 11).

Of course, my favorite story is about the Samaritan woman at the well. Here Christ used healthy shame to awaken a woman to her sin while at the same time offering her the living water that will wash it away. First he told her the good news: “Every one who drinks of this water will thirst again, but whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him will never thirst; the water that I shall give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life” (John 4:13-14 RSV). Then he told her why this is good news: “You are right in saying, ’I have no husband’; for you have had five husbands, and he whom you now have is not your husband” (vss. 17-19). Of course, the woman leaped at the chance to get rid of her shame and pleaded with him, “Sir, give me this water, that I may not thirst.” (vs. 15).

The challenge for us, armed with this new understanding of healthy shame and toxic shame, is to separate the wheat from the chaff. When does shame help us and when is it a hindrance? Here are some of my own ideas.

The past: Agonizing over the past leads to toxic shame. Christ died on the cross for our sins. To cling unnecessarily to our past transgressions requires energy better spent trying to help others. However, an acute awareness of our shortcomings is healthy shame. We must never forget how easy it is to sin.

Our bodies: Shame about how we look is toxic. We must always see ourselves through God’s eyes. He made us, after all. At the same time, a little shame about what we put into our bodies is healthy. Nutrition is good; addiction is bad. Too much sugar now and then is not the end of the world.

Our potential: Shame about what we can’t do is toxic. If I am not a genius, so be it. If I can’t climb Mount Everest that’s okay. If I am disabled in any way, there is no point in me beating up on myself. However, a little healthy shame about what we can do keeps us humble.

Money: Shame about being poor is toxic. Shame about being financially comfortable makes it easier to share with others.

Original sin: This can be toxic or healthy shame. It is toxic if it becomes an excuse to give up on ourselves. It can be healthy if it is understood as something we all share—the propensity to sin.

Family: The sins of our “fathers”—past and present—can be palpable. However, feeling guilty for what our mothers and fathers did is toxic shame. Learning from their mistakes is healthy shame.

Sex: Healthy shame about sex is important. Nothing can be more destructive than aberrant sexual behavior. However, sex is nothing to be ashamed of in the context of a healthy marriage.

Education: Feeling bad about a lack of formal education is toxic shame. Feeling a little healthy shame, however, may inspire us to search for knowledge and wisdom in a context within which we feel comfortable.

Jobs: Some of us have what the world likes to describe as “menial” jobs. Toxic shame makes us feel bad about this. Healthy shame encourages us to look for something more stimulating. The trick is to love what we do—and ourselves for doing it—while aspiring to find work that will help us realize our full potential. For example, I may be “just” a secretary, but I find time to write poetry, which is my soul work.

How we treat others: Being less than cordial at times is part of the human condition. Toxic shame never lets us forgive ourselves. Healthy shame reminds us to do it less often.

Perfectionism: Toxic shame makes us feel terrible because we are not perfect. Healthy shame reminds us that we can do better. Paul knew a lot about this. Always remember, only God is perfect and we all live in the shadow of that perfection. We are, you might say, perfectly imperfect.

So here we have it—the shame that can destroy our spirit and the shame that can keep us on the right path. May we all come to terms with them both through our faith in Jesus Christ.

Matthew 5:48 (LEB)

Therefore you be perfect as your heavenly Father is perfect.48Therefore you be perfect as your heavenly Father is perfect.

John 4:13-14 (LEB)

Jesus answered and said to her, “Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again.13Jesus answered and said to her, “Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again.14But whoever drinks of this water which I will give to him will never be thirsty for eternity, but the water which I will give to him will become in him a well of water springing up to eternal life.”14But whoever drinks of this water which I will give to him will never be thirsty for eternity, but the water which I will give to him will become in him a well of water springing up to eternal life.”

John 8:7 (LEB)

And when they persisted in asking him, straightening up he saidSome manuscripts have “he straightened up and said” to them, “The one of you without sin, let him throw the first stone at her!”7And when they persisted in asking him, straightening up he saidSome manuscripts have “he straightened up and said” to them, “The one of you without sin, let him throw the first stone at her!”

January 14, 2020 by Susannah