Susannah's Corner

“Then Jesus went into the Temple of God and drove out all those who bought and sold in the temple. [He] overturned the tables of the money changers and the seats of those who sold doves.” Matthew 21:12 NKJV

I have had many pastors tell me that Jesus was not angry when he overturned the tables at the Temple. I don’t know why they have a problem with this. After all, Jesus was human at the time and anger is a human emotion. Is it so hard to believe that at least once in his entire ministry Jesus would feel this emotion? Furthermore, is anger necessarily a bad thing? It can lead to bad things, of course, like rage, resentment and violence, but it can also prompt us to stand up for ourselves and make badly needed changes like Jesus was doing.

Regardless of whether it is good or bad, anger is with us to stay and I think it is time we put it into perspective.

There are three types of people when it comes to anger. The internalizer , who suppresses anger out of shame; the loose canon, who loses control of it; and the centered person who handles it in a sensible way.

The internalizers are Christians who are convinced, despite the gospel of grace, that we have to earn God’s love by being perfect. For them this means they must never be angry. They try desperately to hide it. They internalize it. They get angry with themselves rather than be angry with others. They flagellate themselves emotionally. They let the stress of trying to hide and/or suppress their anger affect their health. They hold themselves up to such a high standard that they make it impossible for the love of Christ to warm their souls.

These internalizers are usually predisposed, by temperament, to suppress anger, but they are also taught to do this by their parents and those who influence their upbringing. This is especially true of children growing up in a dysfunctional home. Young child in such a situation learn quickly how to stay safe. If hiding their anger keeps the family from erupting, many children readily comply. Soon, they become ashamed of their anger and learn to “stuff” it. When these children grow up, and have more control over their environment, they must make peace with their anger. They must understand that the emotion, isolated from any kind of acting out, is nothing to be ashamed of. They must allow themselves to feel their anger before surrendering it to the Holy Spirit.

Loose Canons may, or may not, be ashamed of their anger, but they have no ability to control it. Cain was a loose canon. (Genesis 4:5) He took what he perceived as God’s rejection and turned it into violence. We all have a loose canon in our lives. I am one because of my BPD. If not, we certainly see them in the news and everywhere around us. Loose canons blow up when things do not go their way.

They tend to be controllers and this is how they intimidate others. Or they have a lot of emotional baggage that keeps them on edge all the time. Stress quickly leads to anger, then rage, and, sometimes, violence. Daniel Golemen, in his book Emotional Intelligence, explains what happens physiologically to the person who loses his temper. An event, that would normally be processed by the neocortex (the thinking part of our brain) triggers a reaction in the amygdala (the brain’s storehouse of emotional memory). This bypassing of the neocortex makes loose canons unable to think through their reaction to events around them before they act. They act first and think later. Loose canons need to learn how to process their anger before acting on it. This is hard, but I am making process.

Centered Christians (the ideal Christians) are not ashamed of anger. When they feel it they process it rather than act on it. They put it into perspective. Some do this more quickly than others, but they all do it. How do you process anger? Well, if you are angry at a situation that needs changing, and it can be changed, then channel your anger in a positive way. This usually means doing something positive in a well-thought-out manner. If you are angry about a situation over which you have no control, then try the following:

# Pray for God to lift the anger.

# Visualize yourself surrendering the anger to God.

# Visualize God’s pure love filling you up and pushing aside the anger.

# Write about your anger on a piece of paper and then put it in your anger box.

# Talk to a trusted friend, counselor or pastor.

# While you are waiting for the anger to be lifted, pray that God gives you the strength not to act on it.

# If you are angry at a person, pray for him or her every day for three weeks.

# If you have the courage, do something nice for this person.

# The Bible tells us what to do with anger, so refresh your memory by reading Matthew 5: 23 (being “ reconciled to your brother” before going to the alter), and Matthew 5:44 (loving your enemy). Then read about the crucifixion of Christ and ask yourself what you have to be angry about.

# No matter how long the anger lingers, do not stop praying; do not act on it; do not shame yourself.

These thoughts about anger could easily be applied to some of the other seven deadly sins—the ones that refer to emotions—pride, envy, lust, anger. I cannot stress enough that, in my opinion, we must allow ourselves to feel these emotions without shame and yet, at the same time, nip them in the bud using prayer and the power of the Holy Spirit.

“But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” (Matthew 5:44)

I was sitting in my car one night, warming up the motor, when a man forcefully swung open the door. Then he reached across me with lightening speed and grabbed my purse. We struggled. Then I screamed and he ran down the street. I was overwhelmed. The next thing I knew, I was running after him. I didn’t get very far. Within seconds he disappeared around the corner and I stopped running. Then I walked back to my car, tears streaming down my face. The motor was still running, the door was wide open, and my shoes were lying out in the middle of the street. For the first time, I realized I had been chasing this man in my stocking feet.

The police came and took a report. After they left, I grieved—for myself and for a world in which these things happen every day. I also thought about the reasons people hurt each other—poverty, drugs, greed, anger. Then I went to sleep.

The next day I lay in the bed thinking about what had happened. Then I thought about the man who had robbed me. Who was he? Why did he do this to me? How could I stop being so angry? How could I find some peace of mind?

Suddenly I realized the answer to my dilemma. I must pray for this man as Christ asked us to do. So I closed my eyes and asked God to heal this man who had robbed me and to help me get over my anger.

About an hour later I felt the anger dissipating. Then suddenly the phone rang. In a soft, almost inaudible voice, a young man said to me “I guess you know who this is. I’m the guy who robbed you.” Like a surprised child I found myself saying without hesitation, “Oh yes, I’m so happy you called.” After a moment, the young robber said, “I just wanted you to know that I am sorry and that I am going to bring your purse back to you.” I thanked him. Then he said, “I wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t need the money.” “I understand,” I replied.

For the next few minutes I listened to this young man and got in touch with his pain. Then I talked to him about the pain he had caused me. Finally, I counseled him a little. He listened quietly. When I was finished he said, “You know, I try not to personalize what I do, but I feel bad about robbing such a nice lady.” “Good,” I said. “Perhaps your remorse will help you change.”

After this I said, “If you want to bring my purse back just leave it on the porch after it gets dark. Then it will be there in the morning when I wake up. He responded by saying, “Someone might take it if it’s out there all night. I will tap on your door when I drop it off and then you will know it is there.” “Okay,” I said. (The irony of my robber being concerned about me being robbed again did not escape me, but I didn’t say anything.)

After this, there was silence. I think we were both hesitant about breaking the connection and yet it seemed the practical thing to do at that point. So I said goodbye and he hung up. An hour later there was a tap on my door. (I resisted the urge to look out the window.) A few minutes later I opened the door and my purse was lying on the porch.

To this day, I continue to pray for this young man. I pray that his remorse has become atonement. I pray that he was released from the burden of his sins. I pray that he was saved even though I will never know if he was. I do know, however, that God used me to try and bring this young man into the light—if only for a moment. And in the process of loving my enemy, who had suddenly become my friend, I got the peace of mind I had prayed for.

Epilogue . . .

I want to add that I chose to share this story with my readers, not just because it is about forgiveness, but because it is about grace. It is about the mystical power of the Lord to intervene—to talk to us through out hearts—to move us to do things we would not ordinarily do. Christ lives my friends! Not just through the Word, but through action. We are not alone and we never need to feel forsaken, because he takes bad things and transforms them into good things. Our enemies become our friends if we are open to that possibility—if we pray for those who sin against us. We may not live in Eden anymore, but we have the Lord at our side. This is what my experience with the young robber taught me, and I think about what happened every time I get discouraged about the world I live in.

This article was written years ago and its premise is very controversial. It is part of my liberal ideology. I am not trying to convert anyone to this radical love idea. Susannah

Which is the first commandment of all? Jesus answered him, “The first of all the commandments is: Hear, O Israel the Lord our God, the Lord is one. And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength. This is the first commandment. And the second, like it, is this: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. There is no other commandment greater than these.” Mark 12:28

For some reason I have always wanted to distill what was complex into something that was simple—to strip away everything that might distract me from the one thing that was more important than anything else. So naturally I was thrilled to discover Mark 12:28. My heart started pounding and my mind raced as I came upon it for the first time. After the question was posed, I quickly read on, anxious to discover the answer. You would think I had just found a winning lottery ticket.

Fortunately, it did not take long to get to the answer to what Jesus wanted us to do more than anything else. What was important to Jesus, and to the God he both represented and manifested, was LOVE. And not just any kind of love—love poured out from our soul, heart, mind, and strength. In other words, from our soul we must feel love, think about love, and act in loving ways.

As if things were not difficult enough, Christ gives us another task. He makes it clear that we are to love our neighbor as we love our self, even if that neighbor is from an undesirable country—the Good Samaritan (Luke 10:25). And, worse still, we are to love our enemy (Matthew 5:44). In other words, and this is my long-delayed point, we are called upon by Christ to love people who live other lifestyles and people who practice other religions .

Now, you might ask, just how far do you expect me to go with this radical love stuff. Am I to accept homosexuality? Am I to allow gays and lesbians to marry? Am I to love terrorists? Well, as a matter of fact, yes! Love includes acceptance of alternative lifestyles. Love in action means “live and let live.” And it includes forgiving the unforgivable. In other words, you do not have to convert someone to love them. They do not have to think, believe and act like you do in order for you to love them. And, when your enemies strike, you must forgive them. But only from a distance.

Why do I say all of this? Partly because a friend of mine was recently shunned by church members because she is a lesbian, and partly, because I am worried about the society I live in—a society that professes to be Christian but blatantly refuses to practice its more difficult doctrines—to love radically.

For those who doubt the importance of Christ’s message to love radically, let me remind you of what Pope John Paul II told us. “Defeating evil is not the answer. Preserving love is the answer. Evil will reappear again and again in different forms. Love must be there to conquer it again and again.”

Only radical love can do this.

Non-Christians struggle with the idea of forgiveness, but for us it is mandatory. Still, we are only human so I have some advice about forgiveness.

Forgiveness is “letting go of resentment.” This does not mean you have to like the person who hurt you or continue to let that person persecute you. Actually, you don’t even have to be around people who hurt you if you don’t want to.

For years, I attended a church where another member absolutely hated me. I loved to talk about my involvement in 12-step programs and she was so narrow-minded that she spoke up against me. “I am tired of hearing about those steps,” she used to say. One day, she berated me at a committee meeting and I quietly left. I went home and wrote a letter to the pastor tending my resignation on the committee. I ended the letter with the lines, “You know, Christ asks us to love our neighbors and our enemies alike, but some people you just have to love from a distance.”

Forgiveness is not a constant state. It ebbs and flows like the tide. Sometimes you feel at peace with regard to those who hurt you, and other times you feel the anger all over again. But this doesn’t mean you have not progressed. I’ve found that, as long as I ask God for the strength to release my resentment, or announce that I am going to “turn it over to God,” the anger comes less and less often.

Differentiate between anger and resentment. We all get angry from time to time. But when we purposely revisit our anger and let it linger we are talking about resentment. It is the resentment that is the worse offender.

Please note, despite my own personal feelings about the value of forgiveness as a therapeutic and healing device, and the right moral choice for me, I feel strongly that it is a very personal choice and that no one should be told to forgive when they’re not ready. They shouldn’t be shamed by others, and they should not shame themselves. They should just push themselves gently in the right direction toward forgiveness.

How Has Forgiveness Changed My Life?

Years ago, I wrote my mother a letter offering her my forgiveness. When she received the letter she cried (since I had asked her not to call me, my sister phoned to tell me). It was almost six months later that my mother went into the hospital for emergency surgery. As I sat by her bed in the recovery room she reached out and took my hand. Tears started streaming down her face and she said, “Susie, you will never know how much your letter meant to me. I love you so much.” I started crying too and we just sat there in silence the wounds healing and the peace settling into our hearts.

This was the beginning of my life-long attempt to let go of the past and forgive all the people who had harmed me. After mom, everyone else was a piece of cake. Interestingly enough, after forgiving my mom for her shortcomings, I also found it easier to forgive myself for the mistakes I had made with my own children . . .

This is another article about the process of forgiveness http://brightertomorrow.net/ForgivenessProcess.pdf