After divorce?

[Charlotte L]

Last year, I became divorced from a marriage of 21 years. I was the one who asked for the divorce because he told me he did not want to be a full time husband or father to our two teenagers. He wanted his freedom on his job through the week and see us on weekends. Anyways, that was not our vows. I couldn't just be a part-time wife anymore. Now, back into dating again and trying to be happy. What are your feelings about a divorce as a Christian?

 

[Nathanael Chong]

Last year, I became divorced from a marriage of 21 years. I was the one who asked for the divorce because he told me he did not want to be a full time husband or father to our two teenagers. He wanted his freedom on his job through the week and see us on weekends. Anyways, that was not our vows. I couldn't just be a part-time wife anymore. Now, back into dating again and trying to be happy. What are your feelings about a divorce as a Christian?

What I feel about divorce? I believe that it is not what God intended for anyone at all.
"What God has put together, let no man put asunder."
I don't know if that is off topic.
God bless

 

[Obadiah]

Unfortunately according to scripture divorce is only allowed if your spouse commits adultery or fornication. And they were referring to adultery and fornication as they knew it when the scripture was written.

 

[reba]

I agree with the guys ... but will add We do not grasp His Grace or Mercy.... He said i will never leave you... He did not add "if your perfect"

 

[Andrew Mason]

I believe God's heart and desire is for reconciliation. That does, however, require two willing parties.

Saying that, let's review what Jesus said:

31 “Furthermore it has been said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ 32 But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery. - Matt. 5:31-32

18 “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced from her husband commits adultery. - Luke 16:18

One of the things that was happening in Jesus' day is that married men and women were divorcing their spouse in order to quickly re-marry with someone they were already pursuing while married. They were using the letter of the law (certificate of divorce) to get around the spirit of the law (living in covenant with one person).

This is why Jesus made the statement above. He is saying, if you divorce someone to hook-up with someone else, you're still violating your marriage vows.

As a pastor, I always first encourage people to pursue reconciliation. If they still can't do that, I encourage them to wait 18 months to two years after the divorce is final (a divorce isn't finalized for 6 months after the paperwork is completed) before they begin dating again. This waiting period accomplishes two things:

1. It allows for plenty of time to process the hurt and pain from the previous relationship. Counseling is strongly recommended for this. This ensures that baggage from the past relationship won't be brought into a future relationship. We want the next marriage to be the last one.
   
2. This also serves as a Christian testimony of sorts. It is evidence that the relationship was simply not working or getting better and that the reason for the divorce was simply that. It is a way to flee the appearance of using divorce to switch bed mates.

I don't believe that divorce is the unpardonable sin. God has grace, mercy and forgiveness available for those who are divorced as well as He does for others. I have seen many beautiful testimonies of God reconciling marriages as well as God blessing those who have been divorced with a new spouse and family.

I recently helped a couple reconcile (they had children together). The husband was ready to get divorced. He was already visualizing a new life with a new spouse. I strongly reminded him that divorce and mixed families are very complicated. Visiting schedules and holidays never allow you to completely sever your interaction with your 1st spouse. I told him divorce may seem like a quick exit away from a person, but it really isn't. The best result was for him to reconcile unresolved issues with her. Praise God they did!

 

[reba]

 

[farouk]

I believe God's heart and desire is for reconciliation. That does, however, require two willing parties.

Saying that, let's review what Jesus said:

31 “Furthermore it has been said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ 32 But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery. - Matt. 5:31-32

18 “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced from her husband commits adultery. - Luke 16:18

One of the things that was happening in Jesus' day is that married men and women were divorcing their spouse in order to quickly re-marry with someone they were already pursuing while married. They were using the letter of the law (certificate of divorce) to get around the spirit of the law (living in covenant with one person).

This is why Jesus made the statement above. He is saying, if you divorce someone to hook-up with someone else, you're still violating your marriage vows.

As a pastor, I always first encourage people to pursue reconciliation. If they still can't do that, I encourage them to wait 18 months to two years after the divorce is final (a divorce isn't finalized for 6 months after the paperwork is completed) before they begin dating again. This waiting period accomplishes two things:

1. It allows for plenty of time to process the hurt and pain from the previous relationship. Counseling is strongly recommended for this. This ensures that baggage from the past relationship won't be brought into a future relationship. We want the next marriage to be the last one.
   
2. This also serves as a Christian testimony of sorts. It is evidence that the relationship was simply not working or getting better and that the reason for the divorce was simply that. It is a way to flee the appearance of using divorce to switch bed mates.

I don't believe that divorce is the unpardonable sin. God has grace, mercy and forgiveness available for those who are divorced as well as He does for others. I have seen many beautiful testimonies of God reconciling marriages as well as God blessing those who have been divorced with a new spouse and family.

I recently helped a couple reconcile (they had children together). The husband was ready to get divorced. He was already visualizing a new life with a new spouse. I strongly reminded him that divorce and mixed families are very complicated. Visiting schedules and holidays never allow you to completely sever your interaction with your 1st spouse. I told him divorce may seem like a quick exit away from a person, but it really isn't. The best result was for him to reconcile unresolved issues with her. Praise God they did!

It's interesting that the King James has 'fornication' in Matthew 5.32, which, when used in contradistinction with
'adultery', seems to refer to premarital activity.

Trying to get Christians to agree about divorce is like attempting to row a round boat straight with many oars. I do think that the 'fornication'/'adultery' distinction is significatn exegetically, though. It reminds me of when Joseph, betrothed to Mary, was minded to put her away privately, before they came together.

 

[Obadiah]

It's interesting that the King James has 'fornication' in Matthew 5.32, which, when used in contradistinction with
'adultery', seems to refer to premarital activity.

Trying to get Christians to agree about divorce is like attempting to row a round boat straight with many oars. I do think that the 'fornication'/'adultery' distinction is significant exegetically, though. It reminds me of when Joseph, betrothed to Mary, was minded to put her away privately, before they came together.

You've hit on a problem that has been around for a long time regarding the distinction between fornication and adultery. A big part of the problem comes from a lack of understanding of the word "fornication", which wasn't even a real word until it was made up by early Bible translators because there was no English equivalent of the Greek word "porneia" that accurately expressed what porneia was. It's not just simply pre-marital sex. If it is just pre-marital sex, than how can it be used as a reason for divorce? Divorce requires a pre-condition of marriage and you can't have pre-marital sex when you're already married. The problem in trying to get the real meaning of porneia is that many Christians are so passionate about this subject that they are unable to even have a civil conversation about what fornication actually is with anyone who doesn't see it exactly the same way they see it. They have their pre-concieved notions of what it means and are just all too ready to crucify anyone who challenges those notions. Since fornication is one of the Biblical grounds for divorce, this contributes a lot to why Christians can't agree on divorce too. So good luck with this one!

 

[farouk]

You've hit on a problem that has been around for a long time regarding the distinction between fornication and adultery. A big part of the problem comes from a lack of understanding of the word "fornication", which wasn't even a real word until it was made up by early Bible translators because there was no English equivalent of the Greek word "porneia" that accurately expressed what porneia was. It's not just simply pre-marital sex. If it is just pre-marital sex, than how can it be used as a reason for divorce? Divorce requires a pre-condition of marriage and you can't have pre-marital sex when you're already married. The problem in trying to get the real meaning of porneia is that many Christians are so passionate about this subject that they are unable to even have a civil conversation about what fornication actually is with anyone who doesn't see it exactly the same way they see it. They have their pre-concieved notions of what it means and are just all too ready to crucify anyone who challenges those notions. Since fornication is one of the Biblical grounds for divorce, this contributes a lot to why Christians can't agree on divorce too. So good luck with this one!

In Jewish marriage practice, a bethrothed couple was considered married before they came together in marriage, and it needed a bill of divorcement for the parties to be considered free of the obligation. This would seem to be the significance of the word porneia in Matthew 5.32.

(How many pastors would soon lose their stipends, however, if they pointed this out.)

 

[Obadiah]

In Jewish marriage practice, a bethrothed couple was considered married before they came together in marriage, and it needed a bill of divorcement for the parties to be considered free of the obligation. This would seem to be the significance of the word porneia in Matthew 5.32.

(How many pastors would soon lose their stipends, however, if they pointed this out.)

You're right, a lot of pastors would loose their jobs if they were truthful about it because people don't want to hear it. There's much more to it than that, and it goes against their pre-concieved and long held notion that fornication is simply pre-marital sex. It's worse than that!

 

[farouk]

You're right, a lot of pastors would loose their jobs if they were truthful about it because people don't want to hear it. There's much more to it than that, and it goes against their pre-concieved and long held notion that fornication is simply pre-marital sex. It's worse than that!

Matthew 1.19 seems to fit with the idea that fornication refers to premarital activity, especially since adultery and fornication are used distinctly in Matthew 5.32. Also, if the last clause in Matthew 5.32 supposedly refers to the remarriage of guilty parties only, then why is it said that the person concerned would be committing adultery? since by the same token the person would already have done this?